Saturday, December 31, 2005

Frat Boys & Sorority Girls....

Ah, it's that time of year again. The time when all the college kids come home and bring their friends with them. Yes, it's a great time of year for Frat Boys and Sorority Girls.

I like using the terms, boys and girls, for these kids. They seem to be right in the middle stage of life. At least, that's what I like to believe. It's when they get all excited over little things like a discounted round, a regular comes in and has his denim Misfits jacket on, or whenever a good looking female walks by.

For the past week and a half it's been a parade of college shirts, backward hats, torn up jeans and drunks. The girls are all dressed in their low cut jeans, small and tight shirts, and trying to look much older than they really are.

A week and a half of bad fake IDs, sleeping drunks, and pub crawls.

Even with all this going on, it's been a pretty uneventful week. It's actually been pretty uneventful since the last time I posted. There are really only so many ways you can describe the same events over and over.

The Christmas holiday was pretty uneventful as well. Both places I work were actually closed those nights so I didn't have to put up with the solitary and depressed people at all. It was nice having the few days off and being able to go out myself.

To everyone else that reads this though, I hope your holidays were very good and you had a great time with family and friends. For most, it's the one time of year that you set everything aside and put up with them.

New Year's Eve tonight. Let's see what kind of fun happens.....

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Rock Star Lines III...

"This has never been a problem before."

"You've never walked up with eight people before."

"Oh come on, you can do it for me."

"Listen, ever since you've became friends with a certain person here you've constantly brought more an more people. Stop it. You walk up with one or two people ok, more than that and your waiting in line like everyone else."

"Well, you know he's waiting for me in there."

"I'm sure he is, but he's not waiting for all these other people. Believe me he'll agree with me. I can do you and one but the rest of your group will wait."

At times certain people need to be reminded that they really aren't that special. The rock star line is for friends and family of employees and the bar. It's not to show off to your friends about how great you are or how special you are.

The little blonde leaned in to my ear, whispering, "Come on, don't make me look bad to my friends."

I don't bother to whisper, "Hun, if these are your friends they won't mind waiting like everyone else because they just wanna hang out with you and don't care about the status quo."

At this she rolled her eyes, spun around, and told her group, "Come on, let's go across the street until this line dies down."

Five minutes later, Marvin comes out to the door.

"Hey man, you wouldn't let Mary in?"

"Actually, I would let Mary in. I just wouldn't let her take the seven people that were with her in and she found that to be an insult."

"Whoa, she had seven people with her?"

"Yea man, I told her I'd let her and one in but the others would have to wait but she didn't think that was very nice."

"That's messed up. Oh well, she just called me saying you were being all rude to her and that you wouldn't let her in. She didn't say anything about having all those people with her. Oh well, screw her, she's not that great. Ha, ha.."

Sunday, December 11, 2005

That's him I swear...

"Listen, I understand you have my friends ID."

"Yes I do."

"Ok, I'm here to get that back. I swear that's him on that ID."

"Where's he at?"

Usually, when you get your ID taken from you at a bar from the door person you put up some kind of an argument. I mean, if you don't then you have to take time out of your day to go and get another one and pay for it. If it's really you then put up a logical argument and show other forms of ID to prove who you are. The worst thing to do is just drop your head and walk out.

"He asked me to come and get it back for him."

"Why isn't he here? Your not getting anything from me because this isn't yours at all. If he wants to come back with other forms of ID to prove who he is, then if it's solid he'll get it back."

"Listen, I'm a lawyer, I know you did this just because he's black. I know that.."

"Really, you think it's a racist thing? That's funny, I see about five or six black guys in here, oh wait, look.. there's some asians... uh, some middle easterners... I really don't think you want to go down that road. Besides, if your a lawyer you must know the repercussions for bringing an underage person into a bar."

"Ok, I just want to get my friends ID back for him. I want to talk to your manager."

"That's fine with me."

I get Phil's attention and the guy rattles off his speil to him. Phil tells him the same thing I did, "Tell your friend to come back with proof and we'll gladly give it back to him."

"Mike, why'd you take the ID?"

"To start off, the guy on the ID has had to have his nose broken a few times. That guy had a straight nose. Second, the ID says he's 6'2", that guy was about 5'6". Then when I told him it wasn't him on the ID he just turned and walked out. No argument."

"Good enough for me." Phil turned back to the older guy, "Tell your friend to come back with proof and we'll give it back. Otherwise, the state's gonna get it in a couple days."

The guy stormed off and I stepped outside to see where he was heading. Looked like the group tried to go into another bar down the street and the same guy got stopped by the door guys there.

There was a cop standing there too. Hopefully, the door guys there didn't let him in and he got caught inside. That'd be a nice big fine and closing.

Friday, December 09, 2005


"You know yer actin pretty childish. In fact, your actin a lot like an asshole."

Usually when drunks talk to me that I've already asked to leave I ignore them. I walk them out the door or carry them if needed and thats that. When Phil says someone needs to go then they go. I don't question, I just do. If your staggering around leaning on tables with your head down then it's a good sign you need to leave.

I'll be cordial with you and I'll give you time to tell your friends and grab your coat. I won't give you a lot of time but I'll give you a little. This way if you have a tab to close you can. If you need your friend to take you home then they'll know your waiting outside for them.

"You can't let me look for my wallet?"

"Your calling me childish and you don't know where your wallet is?"

A lot of times, I've noticed, no matter how nice to people I am I still end up the asshole. Why? Well, because I won't let you back into the bar to get your friend or look for coats or glasses or wallets or phones or just about anything. Honestly, I don't have to. Once your asked to leave a bar it doesn't mean you can come right back in. Come back the next day or if you have a complaint feel free to call.

"Man, talk to me like I'm your friend."

"Why? Your not."

"See, now yer just being childish agin. I jus wanna find my wallet."

"Listen, I'm letting you wait for your friend here instead of outside. Hopefully he finds it and you can leave."

"No, yer jus being an asshole."

Friend comes back - "I found it. Its cool."

"Man, whys this guy being an asshole?"

"I got your wallet, lets just go. He's just doing his job."

"Man, whas yer name? Imma journalist, man. I'll make sure you get a bad review. Ya know you are bein an asshole. You don't need to. Fuckin asshole."

"My name's Mike. Now get out of my bar."

Friend - "Man, you are starting to be an asshole. We are leaving."

"Ok, so why aren't you moving?"

It's not my problem if you forget something. You do become my problem if you keep trying to get back in. Once your out, your out. I'll let your friend look for your stuff but you don't come back in. I don't babysit people or follow you around at your leisure just so you can waste time inside.

It is amazing how quickly the white collar journalist type are so quick to write up a bad review. Well, I should say threaten to write up a bad review. The funny part is that these guys come to this type of bar to either hide out or because they've heard about the reputation it has. They're the guys that I've never seen in the bar before and are probably only there because they were in the neighborhood after some party or show. Nothing loss there. They're not returning customers anyway.

I think I might lose some sleep waiting for that review. Maybe it'll be so bad that we have to close our doors. Just think, I might get a vacation out of it.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

No more smoky treats.....

" - Chicago is now a smoke-free city. Starting in January you won't see anyone lighting up in most public places. The city council approved a smoking ban Wednesday. The ordinance is a compromise hammered out in negotiations that didn't end until early Wednesday morning."

So it finally happened. Chicago has fallen, we probably will soon too, and it's smoky drapery is going to become a little clearer. This just means that my jobs going to get a little harder. Oh well, if it happens here, it'll just be another reason for people to think of me more as an ass. I can see it now...

"Hey man, can I step out to have a smoke?"

"Sure, but you'll have to wait in line to get back in."

"What? That's bullshit!"

"Oh well, take it up with the mayor."

"Man, you wanna fight?"

So many good times ahead. It'll definitely be weird throwing people out for smoking. Good thing I'll be working so I can come and go as I please.

Hmm, maybe we'll open a patio...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Sorry for not posting as regular. Some things are changing around and this crazy weather doesn't help out much either.

Seems around here that as soon as the snow hits everything comes to a stand still. People drive like idiots, act like idiots and as soon as the sun goes down they go home. It makes for some pretty slow nights.

I do get to catch up on some reading here and there though. Once everyone starts getting used to the weather again I'm sure they'll all be back out in force.

We've also had a new bar open up in the neighborhood so some people think that's why we've slowed down. Makes sense, even though I've heard it's not the greatest. Suits and ties behind the bar and the average age inside being in the late 30's to early 40's. Nothing like it was before it re-opened.

The slow nights do make for boredom. Crossword puzzles and phone calls. It does leave me some time to get other stuff done that I'm working on, or want to be doing things with.

So hopefully, within the next few days there will be many more stories coming about all the drunk and disgruntled. After all, it is the holidays and every one gets a little evil during these times.