Monday, June 30, 2008


Things have been a little crazy lately. People are being shifted around and positions are slightly changing. I'll be bringing up a few things in the next few weeks and trying my best to bring back a little normalcy. I've decided to get rid of the actual weekly updating restriction that I put on myself.

I thought that I could actually write more frequently if I wrote on specific days. Of course something like that never really works for me. Most of the things I do in regular life are no where near regular. I don't think I do anything on a regular basis except the normal routines the body puts forth.

The one thing that I will keep at a normal schedule will be the D.I.C.K. postings on Fridays. Every Friday at 1pm there will be a new post until I run out of material. That really shouldn't happen for a long time.

So I guess by saying that I'm not updating on a scheduled basis, I just did update on time. We'll see how it goes through the week. Keep checking back and we'll see how it goes.

Friday's will be the one day that there will always be a post. You'll have to keep an eye on the site or Follow Me on Twitter if you're not subscribed to the RSS or Email service.

In the mean time, I found a web site where you can look up any Driver's License from the United States. Not just the license but any person's actual license. It will definitely help out when it comes to writing the D.I.C.K. entries.

Feel free to check it out. The site is called, Driver's License Search . US

I found mine on there and I'm in process of having it removed.

-Be safe.

Friday, June 27, 2008

D.I.C.K. I: Fake Spotting...

I know this topic has been gone over and over by a lot of different people. There have been posts on the subject in a lot of forums on a lot of different sites. I'll tell you now. Every experienced door person has their own way of checking i.d.'s.

Some people like to ask questions.
  • "When's your birthday?"
  • "What's your sign?"
  • "What street do you live on?"

I don't ask questions. I don't because all that information can be learned and remembered. I look hard at the i.d. and the person. I remember a little bit from biology class and apply that (which is limited) to what I look for. Eye placement, ear placement, chin, weight gain, weight loss, hair color, eye color, and so on. Yes, I will ask you to take out your contacts if your eye color is different and I don't think it's you.

I also rely on my 6th sense of just feeling a person out as they talk and their mannerisms. The way they hold themselves, if they're looking away from me, if they can't shut up, how nervous they're acting, and so on.

There is a basic procedure for checking i.d.'s. It's what every door person will learn on their first night. Beyond this procedure is what I've learned through my experiences.

This is the basic procedure:
  • Ask patron to see their i.d.
    • If they refuse, then refuse them entry.
  • I.D. must be taken out of the holder and placed in your hand.
    • If they refuse, then refuse them entry.
  • Check condition of the i.d.
    • If any of the holograms listed below are on the i.d. it is fake. Keep it.
  • Check expiration date
    • If the i.d. is expired, then it is not a valid form of i.d. No Entry.
  • Check birth date
  • Check photo and compare it to the presenter
    • Check eye color
      • If eye color is different and you are suspicious, ask if they wear contacts. If yes then ask them to remove one.
    • Check hair color
      • Hair color changes constantly. Nothing to do here really.
    • Check height
      • If the i.d. says they are 6'2" and they are noticeably shorter then there is reason to be cautious.
    • Check weight
      • Weight does change in time but if the person weighs noticeably more or less there is reason to be cautious.
    • Check sex
      • Laugh now but this has happened before. I caught a guy with his twin sisters i.d.
  • Compare the location of eyes, ears, chin to presenter and photo
  • If all of these are satisfactory allow them entry.
These are the basics to checking an i.d. If these all pass without doubt then your good. The following pertains to the actual i.d.'s and typical fakes that have been caught.

First off, let's go through the list of terms or symbols that you will never see on an i.d. that is supposed to be issued by a state within the United States. These terms and symbols are usually in a form of a hologram on the i.d. somewhere. Most commonly they are diagonally or straight across the entire face of the i.d.

These terms are:
  • Authentic
  • Genuine
  • Secure
  • Valid
  • Seal of Authenticity
Since it's easier to show you the symbols that are commonly used for fake i.d.'s I'll direct you to a site where you can see them.

Disclaimer: I will not say that this company is willingly or knowingly selling these products to counterfeiters. In fact, the company is designed to create i.d.'s for companies to use as part of their security efforts. It just turns out that a lot of kids that make fake i.d.'s use products that are similar to theirs. By directing you to this website I do not make any claims that this company is helping to make i.d.'s for underage people or that their specific products are being used in any of these processes.

You can view these holograms at this web address:

Some very common symbols are:
  • Skeleton Keys
  • Globe
  • An Eagle's Head
  • A badge or shield
So right off the top, if anyone presents a State i.d. or Driver's License with these holograms on them, it's mine. It does not go back to the person presenting it. It is 100% fake and this person is underage, hiding out from Johnny Law or an illegal immigrant. I don't care.

Another thing to look for is the thickness of the i.d. If the i.d. is really thick then there's good reason to look at it harder. Just take the i.d. in both hands and try to twist and bend it. A lot of times the i.d. will start to separate between the layers of pressed paper. It might reveal a real i.d. below or it might just reveal that it's pressed paper. Also, watch the expressions on the person's face as you do this. They might try to object to you bending and twisting their i.d. If the i.d. is real there's no need to worry because it won't split.

Check the edges. Sometimes fakes are nothing more than a scanned i.d. that has been rendered, printed as a sticker, placed over the i.d. and then the excess trimmed off the sides. Usually you can feel the edge and can start to peel it off with your fingernail. When the presenter sees you doing this they'll usually object to it. Personally, I keep doing it until I'm satisfied.

These are a lot of the ways to spot fakes. Each time is usually a different incident and there's always different outcomes. Sometimes the people just walk away, sometimes they argue and at times they even try to buy it back. Each i.d. is a different story and I hope to bring these stories more to life for you in the coming posts.

If I can, I'll try to show you the differences between real i.d.'s and the fake ones, side by side if possible.

Until then.

-Be Safe.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Industry Standards...

First off, there is no such thing as an overall industry standard when it comes to the operations of a bar or club. There is no such thing as the elusive "Industry Courtesy".

With that out of the way, let me explain something that shouldn't be needed to be said.

You work at a bar or club and you decide to go out. You walk up past the line of people waiting and ask the doorman if the club does "Industry Courtesy". If you have to ask, the answer is more than likely, No. Obviously you don't know the doorstaff and they don't know you.

You order drinks from a waitress or bartender. After hearing how much your drinks are you ask if there is an "Industry Courtesy" price because you work in the industry. No, there isn't and if you don't tip your a tight ass broke piece of crap. Maybe you should work in a different industry.

There are so many people that work in this industry that think they should get preferential treatment. They get the job just so they can say they work somewhere and feel important. It's actually pretty dismal when people brag about where they work and then don't tip or treat the people working like crap because they've never heard of you or the place you work at. Get over it. Your a nobody just like everyone else, even me.

On the rare occasion that I do go out, I don't ask for anything. I figure there's no reason to. If someone recognizes me and decides to hook me up then I'll take care of them. Taking care of them entails tipping them and treating them like a normal person.

So here comes the fun part. I work industry so I know people survive on tips. If they discount my drink then it doesn't mean I tip less.

Let's say I order a $7 drink. I should normally tip about $2 on a $7 drink. The bartender recognizes me and gives me the drink for $3. Well, I'm already expecting to pay $7 so they just made a $4 tip. Seem outlandish? The outlandish thing to me is how some people think they deserve that $4 price cut without having to tip anything. Hey asshole, remember that when the bartender comes to your bar and he doesn't tip you well either.

You give and it returns. When you tip accordingly, whether you get hooked up or not, it will come back to you. Some day that bartender might show up at your bar. You hook them up and they'll hook you up. Maybe you need that extra cash that night, maybe you don't. Just remember them.

Getting to know other establishments is always a good thing. Depending on what position you hold will depend on the amount of good things. When your the doorman you get recognized almost immediately when you go to places. Especially if the employees from that place come to yours. Get in good with the doorstaff and things happen much faster. Sometimes the doorstaff will ask the bartenders to comp out a few drinks and that opens the lines of communication for the bartender.

Basically, when you ask for an "Industry Courtesy" your admitting to being a douche. You probably just got your job or your oblivious to how annoying that question is. Just because you work in the industry doesn't mean your any more special then the guy who works in a bicycle shop. Use a little tact, act human and talk to people. In most cases it works out better for everyone.

R.I.P. George Carlin

George Carlin died last night due to heart failure.

He'll be missed by a lot of people he didn't know and he probably doesn't care.

A lot of people thought he was cynical, I thought he was being real.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Fake I.D. VI: Bringing it home...

Throughout my time I've collected a lot of fake i.d.'s. I've recently decided to actually put them out here for more people to see. I know there's a lot of people that like the stories that I put up but now comes a little more detail.

In the coming weeks I'm going to actually post some of these fakes that I've taken away from people. I had a friend of mine go through and distort the i.d.'s so faces won't be recognized and names and vital information is either changed or removed. No need in leaving that on there for it to come back on me.

I tried to come up with an interesting title to use for these posts. I bounced the idea around with a friend of mine and we came up with a decent idea although the title is rather long. So they'll be titled D.I.C.K.. Which is short for Devious Identification and Contraband Knowledge. Seems rather justified since most people think I'm a dick when I take away their fakes anyways.

I'll go through each i.d. and list off the reasons as to why it's fake. If I remember what actually happened that night I'll add that on to the entry as well.

For now I'm only going to post one fake i.d. per week. I'll even post it earlier in the day so any door personnel that are reading this can see it before they head off to work. Hopefully it'll stick in some minds for the busy nights ahead.

I'll put up my evidence so you can read through it and decide. As to how I do that is still to be seen. Let's just say it's my way of helping out the doorstaff that actually likes doing their jobs. I believe the posts will be popping up on future Friday afternoons.

As with anything else you might read in a blog remember this. My entries are based on my experiences. Take it as a grain of salt or take it as gospel, just don't quote me unless you come to me first.

Along with these entries I'm going to be putting a new section up in the Links area on the side. It will include links to sites that carry equipment that is useful for the job. If you do this type of work and have links feel free to send them to me through email or post it in a comment. Just don't spam the comments, that shit is annoying. If it becomes an issue I'll have to turn off the comment feature.

So that's a brief introduction on a few of the upcoming events. Let's hope it all works out the way I hope.

-Be Safe.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Damn Young'ens...

When I say young'en I mean someone at least 7 years or more younger than myself. An age bracket that I know not to mess with because it's a totally different age. It's the age of drinking and partying and just going out every night. I'm past that stage in my life. I'm out almost every night of the week as it is and I'm babysitting all these kids.

Of course sometimes I get wrapped up in certain ones. I'll admit it, I'm human and worse yet, I'm male. When a little woman comes up to me at work and talks I rarely listen. Unless that talking is being turned into a different direction.

The bad part is, I'm a sucker. When talk gets turned towards the bedroom I rarely even listen. The times I do is when it's early in the night or the person is sober. I tend to ignore when the woman is drunk in any way.

I'm also pretty straight forward about situations. If it's something that might go somewhere I just let things fall and see where they land. If it's something I don't see becoming anything other than a hook up then I make it clear. I've even told girls, "I don't want you to think this is going to became a relationship. I don't want that now." Which basically means with that person. Sex is sex, not much more. I don't want them to get false hopes of a boyfriend.

So the part that annoys me is the ones that are ok with just being "buddies" and then a few weeks later they want more. I guess it's just typical that after a short term of such intimate exposure someone would want more.

That brings on other things. Text messages in the middle of the night. Phone calls in the middle of the day. Occasional appearances at my work. It gets annoying.

For instance. I met this girl. She's all of 23 or 24 years old. She expressed interest in me, we talked and one thing led to another. We hooked up a couple of times and I expressed to her that I didn't want a girlfriend but if she just wanted to hook up that'd be fine with me. No relationship, no ties, just plain old sex upon contact. She's too young mentally for me to take seriously. She also drinks on a daily basis and is a big pot head.

One night at work she showed up. I was standing at the door and she walked in. "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, what you need?"

"Well, I wanted to talk about us."

"Us? What about us?"

"Well, I'd like there to be more... us."

"So you want to get together more?"

"Well.. I was thinking we could go to dinner and maybe go to a movie or something."

"Why would we do that?"

"Well... that's what couples do."

"Haha... ok, listen.. We're not a couple. Remember I told you I didn't want anything more than a hook up? I'm not interested in a girlfriend or anything like that."

"Yea... I know.. I was just thinking that things might have changed... I mean, I started to like you a lot and I thought we could do some things..."

"Well... no. We can't. I don't have any of those feelings. We all done now? I'm kinda at work and don't need to be distracted with this."

She ended up leaving after that. I don't blame her, I did the asshole thing and basically told her I didn't want anything to do with her. Just like I did when we first got together. Strange thing how some guys say things and mean what they actually say. Too many women go with it in hopes that they'll change our minds down the road.

A couple nights later the text messages start.

Working tonight?


I might stop by to see you.


Maybe we can talk?

I'm at work. Not a place to talk.

It's ok. I just want to hang out, not have sex.

I have nothing to talk about.

Of course she didn't show up. I turned off the channel of communication because I literally had nothing to talk about. I'm not going to say we can talk and give her hopes that we will. I'm also not going to give her the hopes and then try to just get laid. I'm not that type.

Plain and simple it's the easiest way to be. Ladies, if a guy tells you he just wants to hook up occasionally then believe, that all he wants, is to hook up occasionally. He's not secretly hoping that it could turn into a marriage or even a relationship. Remember this, even if it lasts for 6 months or more. He likes what's going on and how it's going on. If you have a change of heart tell him.

I've only known of a few rare instances where it actually worked out differently.

Friday, June 13, 2008


Every once in a long while a club will change it's appearance or the types of events it has. Usually this is done due to a change of ownership or in hopes of making more money doing something different. Rarely the club changes due to problems with the clientele. This change shouldn't happen if the right type of security is there to enforce the club's rules. Unless the security personnel's hands are tied.

There was a club in a nearby neighborhood that made a drastic change a while back. They used to have a lot of hip hop, reggae, and house music nights. They also had live music that ranged from country to heavy metal. They tried to bring in a mix of all the different styles to keep a mix of customers. They worked like this for many years.

The hip hop nights became very popular. They started drawing in a lot of people. This particular form of music sooner or later brings in a particular type of people. People who like to wear baggy clothing, hats turned to a side, and certain pant legs pulled up to their knees. All of these are characteristics of gang bangers or wanna be gang bangers. Once enough of these characters show up there's usually different members from different gangs showing up, which is never good.

At some point after the different gangs showing up it's only a matter of time before more drastic measures start to happen. Someone's looking at someone else's girlfriend, someone bumped into someone, or someone is just wearing the wrong colors. Then the fighting, knives and guns start to be shown and all the idiots involved ruin it for everyone else.

That's exactly what happened to this club. They did too many hip hop events and the idiots started showing up there. The idiots started bringing their guns and knives. The guns and knives started to get used. The club closed down for remodeling.

Now some people might say that it's the clubs fault for this to have gotten that bad. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've said it a few times myself. The club should have gotten metal detectors or i.d. scanners. That might have scared off some of the problems. Instead, the club closed down and remodeled the entire place. They even went so far as to stop all live music.

Now I don't know if the problems were the entire reason behind the remodeling. I don't have the inside track but to me they're just as good as anything else. In fact, other people had the same idea.

As I stood outside of my doorway a skinny black guy with his pants hanging below his ass walked up to me. He didn't look familiar at all. With the club I mentioned above closing we've started to get a lot of newer faces in the area. No doubt they're looking for another club in the area that is hip hop friendly. When he walked up I asked for his i.d. and he presented it.

"Yo man, you got beats in here?"

"Do we have what?"

"Beats man, you know, hip hop an shit."

"No," which was a partial lie, we do have some hip hop on the juke box.

"No? Shit... hey man, you hear bout Sound Club?"

"I heard they remodeled."

"Yea, that some bullshit man. Justa keep us out. Wha you think bout that?"

"I think it's great."

"Wha!? It some fuckin bullshit man..."

"No, the bullshit is the idiot gang bangers and their guns. You think I want that kind of shit in here?"

"Wha eva man.. they jus tryin gentrification us."

At this point I was confused. Why wouldn't the bar try to better themselves? "Seriously man?"

"Fuck yea.. just tryin to keep tha niggas down is all. Can I go in here or what?"

"Yea... just pull your pants up. We have a dress code."

With that the guy stared at me, waved his hand at me and walked off. I couldn't help but laugh a little bit. Here he was trying to seem like he was smart. Makes me wonder if he heard someone else use that word earlier and people agreed with that person. He used it so it must be the right word to use...

Gentrification is basically when you take something bad and turn it into something better. So here he was admitting to being something bad and not wanting to become better.

What a great state of mind.

Monday, June 09, 2008

The Incoherent Mind...

I don't understand a lot of people. I guess that's just how I work. I see things, a lot of things. It's what I do. I watch and talk to a lot of people. I see the things they do and I notice a lot about people. I paste the events together and I get to see a lot of the darker side of them. I see a lot of the bad and not a lot of the good. I also see a few people in the opposite way and even fewer in both.

A friend of mine just went through a rough time. She had to kick her boyfriend out of their apartment. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later and I'm glad it did. He was a slacker and very much still a 12 year old.

He would come into the establishment on some of her nights. He would complain if she didn't pay enough attention to him. He would follow her from table to table as she waitressed and hang on her. He even dry humped her as she was trying to take orders on occasion. I tried to talk to her about it but she was overcome by the attention and was actually happy about it.

As time went on he got worse. His drinking got heavier and he became even more childish with every drink. Next thing you know he's taking his shirt off and acting like a monkey.

One night I pulled him out and around the side of the establishment. I had flashbacks of my father as I had one hand on his shoulder and my right index finger about a half an inch away from his eyeball.

"Listen to me. Quit fucking up in here."

"What? I'm just having a good time, people are laughing."

"I don't give a fuck who's laughing and who's trying to have a good time. I'm telling you to straighten the fuck up."

"Mike... listen man, we're just having a good time.."

At this point I squeezed his shoulder and dug my thumb in to hit the pressure point right in the area of where his shoulder meets his neck.

"Good time? At who's expense??" He started to talk and I squeezed that pressure point more and his knees started to buckle. "Listen to me now. Shut your fuckin mouth and listen. You take your shirt off one more time, you follow her around all night, or even think about dry humping her in front of customers and your ass will be out here faster than you've ever imagined it could be. You've only been allowed to slide this far because of her. Your sliding days are over. I don't give a shit who you are anymore. Now your just another piece of shit."

"But she likes the attention... she said it makes her feel better when I'm here..."

"You really fuckin believe that by degrading her it's a good thing? Are you fuckin stupid? I don't care what she says. Do that shit at home, don't ever do it here again. I'll lay your ass down on this sidewalk."

A month or two later I found out that he wasn't paying his bills or his part of the rent. I didn't hear it from Maria, I heard it from other staff members. I guess after I treated her boyfriend like a 6 year old she didn't want to talk to me about him anymore. She was afraid I might have another talk with him on a more serious matter, so I waited.

A couple more months went by and I heard about it again. He still wasn't paying his bills or his half of the rent. He works in the industry as well and he works at a fairly busy place. I kept wondering why he couldn't pay his share. It started to bother me even more when I kept hearing Maria say she couldn't do certain things because she was juggling bills. I've known Maria for a few years now and she never once had a problem with bills and such. I could also tell when she was upset.

One night her boyfriend came walking up with a few co-workers. He was all smiles as they walked up. I said hello to most of the co-workers and then it was his turn to walk in. He put his hand out for me to shake. I took a good look at him and said, "You need to make sure you scrub your face after work." Either he didn't hear me or he didn't care, under his nose was a white powdery substance.

That's when a lot more things started to come to light. I always figured he was either hyper active or a coke head but now I knew for sure. The little bastard wasn't paying his bills because he was snorting it all away.

As time went on he'd be quiet and every once in a while I'd have to set him off to the side. Information on what was going on was becoming more scarce as Maria quit talking to certain people. As information became less available I had to start interpreting things.

Maria started to become more lax at work. She was never a drinker or a drug user the whole time I've known her. Now all of a sudden she was drinking more and she was even smoking weed. It started to draw even more attention to her. I tried to talk to her about it and her answer usually entailed trying to fit in with her boyfriend and his friends. This just blew my mind. I can fully understand doing new things to fit in with your significant other. I can't understand drinking or doing drugs to fit in. To me that's just a sign of a weakness.

Finally a night came when there was a foul smell in the air. With the smoking ban it's very easy to smell cigarettes or any other funky smelling fumes. Low and behold, in the back of the establishment at one of the tables, the boy had a one hitter and was smoking weed. He was automatically ejected from the establishment. When I asked why I was told that Maria asked Casper not to tell me why. I told Casper to tell me because I'd find out anyways.

The next night he came by and I pulled him to the side again. He tried to apologize and I interrupted.

"Shut up. I don't ever want to hear the words I'm sorry come out of your mouth again. You wouldn't be doing this shit if you were. Don't you understand that when you fuck up in here, you don't just make you look bad, you make Maria look bad too?"

"But.. what?"

"Your her fuckin boyfriend. Your the one she chooses to be with and you make her look like a fuckin idiot for being with you. Your actions make people think less of her."

"No.. listen man, I was really fucked up that night..."

"Is that your fuckin excuse for not paying your bills? Is it your excuse for walking up here with coke all over your face? For taking your clothes off? For being a fuckin dirtbag? You know you can't be smoking weed in here. You know you can't be fuckin around. This is the last time I'm talking to you about any of this."

"Ok, ok... can I go inside?"

He went inside and ten minutes later he and Maria are outside arguing for a few minutes and he left. Maria didn't talk to me for a few days after that. Paulie and I had several talks about him and about how the next time would be the last time we'd put up with his bullshit. Boyfriend or not some one has to draw a line and since this is a work place we were ready to do that.

A few weeks later another incident occurred. This time it involved a regular punching the boy. Seems he was trying to push the regulars buttons and pushed it well enough that the regular pushed back, with his fist. The boy was removed and told not to come back.

Maria seemed much happier at work after that. She even started smiling and laughing more than she had been in the past month or two. Next thing you know, she's telling me about how she's kicking the boy out of the apartment and that they're broken up. I told her that it was the right thing to do and if she needed any help dealing with him to let me know.

She told me about the money he owed her. I told her to keep certain things of his until he paid up or to just keep enough of his things to kind of settle the debt. Conveniently he doesn't own anything of value.

Hopefully he starts paying back some of this money he owes her. Then again, I wouldn't mind having another talk with him. Maybe drive a few more points home and instill them into his head.

Friday, June 06, 2008

You want my job?...

A lot of people have said that they'd love to have my job. They walk up and see all the people greeting me and being cordial. They see the numerous ladies that give me a hug or a kiss and a few of the men that come in that shake my hand or say hello. They see all the good things that happen and the occasional incident inside the establishment.

Once they get inside they don't see the people outside that get in my face because I won't let their underage girlfriend in. They don't see the drunk that runs up and tackles me (or tries to). They don't see the group of people that try to rush past me. Or the people that call me a racist because I won't let them in due to their oversized clothing that goes against the dress code.

They also don't realize that, in order to make things meet, I work this job 5 or more days a week.

I deal with so many stupid situations that if I wrote about everyone of them you'd think I was repeating them and just changing the names of the people involved. I'm not, it's just that repetitive. Which confirms the notion that there are a lot of stupid people in the world.

I work this job so many days a week for a couple reasons.
  • I'm not the type of person to have multiple jobs. I was brought up to believe that if you can't survive on one job, then it's time to find another job. Sure, the concept is a little flawed in this day and age but it's worked so far for me. By keeping with this idea I've become very good at this job. Experience and time are what helps you the most.

  • After I reached the Head Doorman spot there wasn't any other way to work. People under you can't work more days than you. You have to be there to know what's going on.
So now I wonder if these same people would still want my job. If they knew that I was at the establishment 6 or more hours a day, 5 or more days a week. All this on an hourly pay without benefits. That's right. No health insurance, no dental insurance, no 401k, and no vacation pay. Just straight hourly pay and time and a half if I actually get over 40 hours a week. Which rarely happens.

So why do I do this job? That's one of the best questions. Some would think that it's because of the perks. Discounts on many different things, auto work, food, drinks, and just about anything else. I'm nice to certain people and if they appreciate that they return the favor when they can. When you need over $1,000 worth of car work done and the guy only charges you $300 you remember that and help him. This might mean letting him skip the line or getting him a discount on his drinks for the night. But if I had a higher paying job would I need the discounts?

Maybe it's the notoriety? Sure, if you like the idea that there are a lot of pissed off people out there that you could run into. No matter how big of a city you live in, people remember your face when you throw them out of somewhere. Notoriety also has the opposite effect. A lot of people remember you and try to be super nice to you when your at their establishment. Hoping that you'll remember them when they come to yours. Which usually gives off that creepy, sticky, false sense of nice.

Maybe it's just as simple as this. I don't feel the need to work 2 jobs. I don't want to work 12 or 16 hour days. Maybe with age came lethargy.

That's the best I can tell you. If it made any sense. If I ever come up with a better answer I'll let you know. Until then, just know that I'm still here and there's more to come.

-Be Safe

Monday, June 02, 2008

Job Offers...

Every once in a while I get a few different job offers. Surprisingly they're usually from bands that I know or ones that are on the road. Usually they're just looking for someone to do all the heavy lifting but a lot of them want me to go with them as their personal security. I've entertained the idea and I've even talked to a couple of the bands about it. The deal breaker has always been the money.

When it comes down to traveling and going out on tour there's not much you really need to pay for besides fuel. Usually bands get food and drink at the venues that they play at. So you just need money for the days that they're not playing and any type of things you might want to do while in any certain locale. Then again, someone has to pay your normal bills such as rent, etc.

So when a band offers to take me on the road I put out the offer of how much money I need in order to do it. Money is always a very important factor and if the band isn't willing to sign a contract then the deal is off from the beginning. I have to watch my ass from the beginning because I'm going to be watching your ass the whole time we're on the road. Why? Because your paying me to be your babysitter.

They're also paying me to...
  • Keep them out of trouble.
  • Collect payments from shady club owners.
  • Lift heavy stuff as needed.
  • Drive if needed.
  • Sell merch if needed.
  • Handle money.
  • Make sure no bad ideas are made while intoxicated.
So yea, I'm gonna ask for more money than what I make now. Why not? I'm going to be cooped up in that same van or bus as you are. I'm going to be awake and securing the venue before you are. I'm basically going to be doing a lot more than just getting on stage and performing. Not too mention the number of illegal things that your going to want me to do for you as well.

So don't come to me and ask me to go on the road with you as your personal "bodyguard" unless your ready to shell out the money. The less money you put out the less your going to get out of me.

And if the contract says that I don't touch merch, don't drive or that I don't lift heavy things. I'll gladly tell you that when we're 3,000 miles from home and you have to pay for my flight back.

If I have a contract, I have the power to enforce it by a legal means. That doesn't necessarily mean that I have a lot of money but it means that things can get done.

I guess this is just a little reminder for the bands that think they're ready for the full staff experience. Full staff means more money out of your pocket. Don't think the label is going to pay for all the little things you want. The label will get it back in some way.