D.I.C.K. I: Fake Spotting...

I know this topic has been gone over and over by a lot of different people. There have been posts on the subject in a lot of forums on a lot of different sites. I'll tell you now. Every experienced door person has their own way of checking i.d.'s.

Some people like to ask questions.

• "When's your birthday?"
• "What's your sign?"
• "What street do you live on?"

I don't ask questions. I don't because all that information can be learned and remembered. I look hard at the i.d. and the person. I remember a little bit from biology class and apply that (which is limited) to what I look for. Eye placement, ear placement, chin, weight gain, weight loss, hair color, eye color, and so on. Yes, I will ask you to take out your contacts if your eye color is different and I don't think it's you.

I also rely on my 6th sense of just feeling a person out as they talk and their mannerisms. The way they hold themselves, if they're looking away from me, if they can't shut up, how nervous they're acting, and so on.

There is a basic procedure for checking i.d.'s. It's what every door person will learn on their first night. Beyond this procedure is what I've learned through my experiences.

This is the basic procedure:

• Ask patron to see their i.d.
• If they refuse, then refuse them entry.
  
• I.D. must be taken out of the holder and placed in your hand.
• If they refuse, then refuse them entry.
  
• Check condition of the i.d.
• If any of the holograms listed below are on the i.d. it is fake. Keep it.
  
• Check expiration date
• If the i.d. is expired, then it is not a valid form of i.d. No Entry.
  
• Check birth date
  
• Check photo and compare it to the presenter
• Check eye color
• If eye color is different and you are suspicious, ask if they wear contacts. If yes then ask them to remove one.
  
• Check hair color
• Hair color changes constantly. Nothing to do here really.
  
• Check height
• If the i.d. says they are 6'2" and they are noticeably shorter then there is reason to be cautious.
  
• Check weight
• Weight does change in time but if the person weighs noticeably more or less there is reason to be cautious.
  
• Check sex
• Laugh now but this has happened before. I caught a guy with his twin sisters i.d.
  
• Compare the location of eyes, ears, chin to presenter and photo
• If all of these are satisfactory allow them entry.
  

These are the basics to checking an i.d. If these all pass without doubt then your good. The following pertains to the actual i.d.'s and typical fakes that have been caught.


First off, let's go through the list of terms or symbols that you will never see on an i.d. that is supposed to be issued by a state within the United States. These terms and symbols are usually in a form of a hologram on the i.d. somewhere. Most commonly they are diagonally or straight across the entire face of the i.d.

These terms are:

• Authentic
• Genuine
• Secure
• Valid
• Seal of Authenticity
  

Since it's easier to show you the symbols that are commonly used for fake i.d.'s I'll direct you to a site where you can see them.

Disclaimer: I will not say that this company is willingly or knowingly selling these products to counterfeiters. In fact, the company is designed to create i.d.'s for companies to use as part of their security efforts. It just turns out that a lot of kids that make fake i.d.'s use products that are similar to theirs. By directing you to this website I do not make any claims that this company is helping to make i.d.'s for underage people or that their specific products are being used in any of these processes.

You can view these holograms at this web address: http://www.securityhologram.com/

Some very common symbols are:

• Skeleton Keys
• Globe
• An Eagle's Head
• A badge or shield

So right off the top, if anyone presents a State i.d. or Driver's License with these holograms on them, it's mine. It does not go back to the person presenting it. It is 100% fake and this person is underage, hiding out from Johnny Law or an illegal immigrant. I don't care.


Another thing to look for is the thickness of the i.d. If the i.d. is really thick then there's good reason to look at it harder. Just take the i.d. in both hands and try to twist and bend it. A lot of times the i.d. will start to separate between the layers of pressed paper. It might reveal a real i.d. below or it might just reveal that it's pressed paper. Also, watch the expressions on the person's face as you do this. They might try to object to you bending and twisting their i.d. If the i.d. is real there's no need to worry because it won't split.


Check the edges. Sometimes fakes are nothing more than a scanned i.d. that has been rendered, printed as a sticker, placed over the i.d. and then the excess trimmed off the sides. Usually you can feel the edge and can start to peel it off with your fingernail. When the presenter sees you doing this they'll usually object to it. Personally, I keep doing it until I'm satisfied.


These are a lot of the ways to spot fakes. Each time is usually a different incident and there's always different outcomes. Sometimes the people just walk away, sometimes they argue and at times they even try to buy it back. Each i.d. is a different story and I hope to bring these stories more to life for you in the coming posts.

If I can, I'll try to show you the differences between real i.d.'s and the fake ones, side by side if possible.

Until then.

-Be Safe.

Training keeps a rolling...

With the pending outcome of On The Outs I decided to bring on a new front doorman. He's a rather big looking guy with a bit of a punk look to him. He'll fit in well with a lot of the clientele.

Since there hasn't been any word I decided to take the action to fill my position if needed. If not needed then people can be moved around or let go. I know, it's a very dick headed move but in life you have to do this once in a while to make your point.

Training has gone pretty well so far. His only failing points are that he's a little too compassionate and he continuously uses the words "Please" and "Sorry". Not that those words are to be never used but they have a time and place. In this position there are very few times and places for them to be used. In fact, I think I can count on one hand the amount of times I've used the word "Sorry".

One night, during training, I let Marcus run the door as I stood off to the side and watched. As I stood there I noticed a man walk up that I had had a few problems with on a different night. This guy thinks his shit doesn't stink. As he walked closer I stepped closer to the door. It was a perfect opportunity to show the new blood how to get the respect we deserve.

As the man walked up Marcus asked for his i.d. The man pulled the door to the establishment open and propped it open with his foot and then handed his i.d. to Marcus. Marcus then asked him to close the door as he looked at the i.d. The man just stood there.

"Hey man, I need you to close the door please."

In one move the man reached for his i.d., stepped into the establishment and said, "Yea, ok."

Marcus pulled the i.d. back and said, "No man, seriously. I need you to step out and close the door."

"Fuck off, what's this about?"

I then stepped in and grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the doorway. The man was startled and turned towards me, "The fuck's your problem?"

"You."

"Well, that's too bad huh?" Then, either he realized who he was talking to or he realized that there were two of us. And before he could utter another word I told him to take off. I grabbed his i.d. from Marcus and gave it a toss onto the sidewalk. "The fuck man!?"

"When you remember how to be polite to people feel free to come back. I'm done dealing with you." He just stood there staring at both of us. "And remember him too. He'll treat you the same way you treat him."

I took a couple steps back to give him the comfort zone to pick up his i.d. This way I was far enough away so he couldn't grab my leg and he felt comfortable enough to know that I wouldn't kick him while he was bent over.

The girl that he came with tried to plead his case. How much of a good guy he is and that he had a bad night at work. He works in the industry and she swears he won't be a problem. Marcus tried to explain what had happened and I signaled to him to just be quiet. After she realized that it all was falling on deaf ears she walked off to meet back up with the guy.

After all was calm Marcus said to me, "Man, I didn't know what was going to happen. I was ready though."

"Listen, no one disrespects you. If someone wants to be vulgar with you over a little thing, then they're more than likely going to be a problem later inside. If you stop it here then you don't have to worry about it later."

"Well yea, I mean you just kind of stepped in and I didn't know..."

"I stepped in because it was taking too much time. You are the doorman. You own this doorway. No one goes inside without your approval. Quit being passive and be firm. Treat these people like they're children if you have to but always be respectful until they don't deserve it."

"Ok, I'm still getting used to how things are done here."

"It's understandable. Just try to learn quick."

Now the question I ask myself after working with him a few nights. Am I setting this guy up for a fall or did I choose him just to let the powers that be, know what they might be losing if I leave.

On a different note. The guy that was involved in this has been back a few times. Each time he walks up now he hands me his i.d. and respectfully calls me sir. I hate being called sir and have told him to just call me Mike. All's well.

Hustle...

I was jumping around on Youtube and found some interesting videos from a show that airs on BBC Three called The Real Hustle.

The clips that I found are pretty interesting and informative for people that keep an eye open for such things. Then again, half the people that go out think the place their at is just as safe as their home. There are stupid people setting their phones, wallets, and purses down everywhere and for some stupid reason they think they're safe.

Wake up people. There is always someone out there to get you. I'll expand on that in future posts or you can check out this one that I posted a while back. My purse... or rent?

So here's a couple of the clips that I found on Youtube. If they interest you there's a lot of them on there. Just go to Youtube and search for Real Hustle and you'll find them all.

BlueSnarfing


Proposition Bet


How to Get Free Drinks 2

Lost or Found...

It's inevitable. Some day you'll forget something at a bar. Hopefully you forget it and someone didn't just steal it. Your best action is to call the bar the next day and see if they have a lost and found.

Every night I walk the establishment and see if anything is left behind. I watch the floor for dropped money and I look around to see if anyone left behind bags, cell phones, clothing or anything that catches my eye. I do have to admit, any money I find I keep. It's usually only 5 or 10 bucks but if it's on the floor and not inside anything it's fair game.

Occasionally I'll find a briefcase or satchel and I look through it to see if there's any type of identification in it. That way if there's a way to contact the person the management will contact them. If there isn't a way to contact them the bag goes into the lost and found. If the person doesn't come back for it in a couple weeks then who ever finds it gets first dibs on it.

One night as I was walking the area I found a satchel that had a laptop, ipod, 6 or 8 manilla folders, and numerous other things. One of the things inside was a little leather book that had $700 in it. All together, I'd say there was $1,500 worth of items inside this bag. I took it down to the office and signed it in to the management. Then I went back to finishing the night.

About a half hour later there's a knock at the door. So I walk over to see who it is at the door and find a gentleman in his 40's standing there with a cab waiting for him. I unlock the door and slightly push it open. "Bar's closed. Can I help you?"

"Yea mate, I was here earlier and I think I left my bag here."

"Can you tell me what it looks like and the contents?"

"Yea, yea.. It was a black satchel with grey on it and I had my laptop, an ipod, and a bunch of paperwork in it. My passport should be in there too."

"Ok, give me a second and I'll take a look. Be right back." I locked the door and headed back to the office to get the bag I just put there. I walked back up to the door and held up the bag. The man smiled big and gave me a thumbs up. I unlocked the door and handed it to him.

"Oh man, thank you mate!! This thing has my whole life in it. I'm here from Australia and I'm giving a proposal to get my company work here. If not for you I'd be literally screwed! Thanks so much!!"

I stood there looking at him. Listened to everything he had just said. I saved him from a lot of problems. Might have helped make him a millionaire or some shit. Then he says this. "I wish I could give you a reward or something for saving me."

Then he got in the cab and left.

Ok... I'm not the type to be looking for rewards because I found your stuff in the bar. I find things in the bar almost daily. If I saved you and your business from what ever I saved you from and you have $700 sitting in there (that I could have taken) then how bout a monetary reward? I'm not saying $200 or $300 but $50 would have made my night.

People don't seem to understand. When people find things in bars 70% of the time the ones that lost it don't come back for it. They don't remember where they lost it or where they had been that night. So after a couple weeks most of these things go home with who ever found it.

The other part that people don't understand is this. When things are found at a bar, who's to say that what's in them is found in them. What's stopping that person from pocketing that $700 that was in there? Hey, we found it on the floor in a bar after 400 or 500 people were in here. Maybe someone else took it cause it wasn't there when I found the bag. Or who's to say we ever even found the bag.

So remember, if you lose something in a bar and you go back and all your things are still there, then someone honest kept that for you. They're not expecting you to give them a reward. They're not expecting you to go out of your way for them. They will second guess themselves the next time they hear someone go on about how they saved someone's life by holding onto something. Maybe next time they just won't find the bag or turn it in.

So if someone does something really good for you without asking then remember to pay it back in some way. What works well a lot of the time is just an offering. The next time you go there offer to get them a drink, or food, or even throw them $20 or more for holding the bag.

That whole pay it forward thing is bullshit. If you don't do it naturally then you won't pay it forward. Pay it back to the one that helped you.

Litter Bug...

Ultimately there's always someone that walks up to the bar with food. It's just a normal thing that people do. They drink, get hungry and grab some food from one of the street vendors as they go on to the next bar. Some do it because they're hungry and some think it will sober them up so they can stay out longer and drink more. For some reason they think, if they eat, it will soak up that belly full of booze and make room for more.

So, one night a couple of guys come walking up to the front of the bar. They were the typical type of douche bags. The type of guys that either are still in college or are trying to hold on to those glamourous years of high fiving and chasing women with their abilities of spending their parents money. I think I even have a visual for this one...

I thought I did...

So when these two guys come walking up they both have food. No big deal really, I explain to them that they have to finish their food before coming in and they both nod their heads in agreement. Then they start shoving the food into their mouths and the paper plates, napkins and other things they have all fall to the sidewalk. In typical douche bag fashion they let out a little yell, give each other a high five and start to dig their wallets out to give me their ID's.

Now, I'm not going to say that this town is a clean town, everyone knows that it isn't. There's garbage all over the place and there are people that get paid to clean up after all the inconsiderate slobs. From what I understand they make really good money too. Well, they either make good money or they're doing it as a community service because they did something stupid before.

As DB#1 goes to hand me his ID, I look down at the sidewalk.

Me: "You guys gonna leave that garbage there?"

DB#1: "Uh, yea bro. We're here to drink!"

Me: "Ok.. I need you to pick up that garbage first though."

DB#1: "It's cool dude. Someone gets paid to do that. They'll get it in the morning." He then laughs and looks at his friend.

Me: "Yea, it's not cool. If you guys want to come in then you need to pick up your garbage. It's not about people being paid to clean up after you. It's a respect type thing. You leave your garbage here and it's not showing much respect for me, the bar, or many other things."

DB#1: "Dude, why you gotta be an asshole?"

Me: "Really? I'm being an asshole because I'm asking you to respect something else instead of your hair gel and your parents credit card?"

As DB#1 and I are starting our conversation I could see that DB#2 was listening very closely. In fact, he even started picking up the garbage as his counterpart kept arguing with me.

DB#2: "Alright man, is there a garbage can near by?"

Me: "There's one right around the corner. Thanks."

DB#1: "You actually picked that shit up? HA HA HA!!"

DB#2: "Yea... he's kinda right and he won't let us in if we don't."

So after I the guy picks up the garbage and tosses it I check their ID's. I tell them thank you for picking it up and they start walking in. As they walk in I walk in behind them just to take a look and see how things are inside.

DB#1 (turning to DB#2): "Man, that guys a fuckin asshole huh?"

I tap the guy on the shoulder. "Excuse me?"

DB#1: "What man? You got a problem?"

Me: "I do now. Come on, it's time to go."

DB#2 (looking at his friend): "Dude, what the fuck? You can't keep your mouth shut for a second?"

They walk out without a problem and head down the street arguing with each other like a married couple. I could hear them arguing until they rounded the corner a block away.

I don't ask for much. I ask for respect. For me, the establishment, and the people around you. At one time this was a common idea among all people. As time goes by people tend to forget the lessons that were learned by our elders. Is it the elders fault for the younger generation ignoring them or is it the fault of the peers that just let things go because that's just how their friends are?

You can choose your friends, you can't choose your family.

Movies getting Snuffed Out...

I'm slowly realizing why I never really read or watched the news before. People and society are becoming complete and total idiots. The nation is becoming way too much of a police state.

I remember growing up to movies that had rude behaviour, slight nudity and funny situations. They were released into the theaters and had maybe a PG-13 rating. Now they want to give a R rating to any movie with a person smoking a cigarette in it. What has happened here?

Granted, I don't think smoking should be promoted to kids but this is taking it a little too far. There's already all of these bleeding heart nut jobs that want smoking banned from public places. Do we really need them in every form of our society? Smoking is a habit, just like drinking, gambling, playing bingo, jogging, walking, writing and many other things. Next will be banning weight machines and gyms because too many people have more muscles than other people. They might hurt you without thinking about it.

Maybe they should raise the stakes for movies based on comic book characters. I mean it is a fantasy land and some kid might jump off the top of a building because they think they can fly. It's just as possible as a kid starting smoking because they saw it on a film.

Then people wonder why we don't have great movies like Animal House or Porkies anymore. If these movies were released now they'd be rated NC-17 due to the nudity. Not to mention the poor quality of horror movies released in theaters.

I guess movies are going the way of music. If you want something good you have to go with the unknowns. Movies released straight to dvd are becoming the new indie trend. They don't even need to be rated.

If the world worried more about current events and less about "protecting" their children from "bad" things it might work out a little better.

Sooner or later your kid is gonna learn what smoking is. They're gonna learn what sex is. They're even gonna learn what alcohol is. And no matter what you do to try and protect them from the evils of the world... they'll probably learn all about it before they make it to 8th grade. And they'll learn it all from their friends and peers.

So which is worse? Smoking in movies or sex in movies?

The stats for underage pregnancies (age 15 to 19) have been declining on a yearly basis but it still costs the government 9 billion dollars a year to maintain. So should sex, holding hands, kissing and hugging be banned from movies too? Maybe.

Then after that we should definitely work on getting alcohol banned from movies. I mean the kids might see someone drink a beer and then drive off. We can't expect them to see this and know it's wrong. We should hide it from them. After all in 2005, 16,885 people in the U.S. died in alcohol-related motor vehicle crashes.

Maybe we should just lock our kids up in the basement and make them read the Bible from front to back until they can quote it word for word. Maybe that would help? Everyone knows that no one kills or murders people because of religion. There's never any problem due to religion.

Here's a great idea. The more a person can take in the faster they learn. Provide your kids with all the information both good and bad on every topic you think you should hide them from. Once they're 18 and no longer your financial burden or responsibility, let them decide what they want to do.

Stay out of my kitchen or I'll piss in your Cheerios.

Gonna get you.

You know, it's funny. My brother found out that I'm planning on moving out west. He was supportive once he found out that I already have a job and a place to stay lined up.

"Man, your gonna go out there and get yourself all fucked up. No matter how straight you are, someone's gonna get you."

My brother has always been proud of me for how straight I've been through life. He was even surprised when he found out that I started smoking cigarettes. Then again, he wasn't since every person in my family smokes except for my mom. Yet, what he's referring to above is the many different drugs that could possibly be thrown at me. Funny thing is, there's just as many drugs in small town USA as there are anywhere out west. (I assume.)

Why don't I use drugs? I've never seen the reason to. I like who I am. Granted, as with anyone, there are some things I'd like to change about myself but if I can't do that on my own then I guess that's just how I'm meant to be.

I wouldn't mind being a little more straight forward when approaching the opposite sex. Then again, any female that would want to be around me just for the drugs that I have in my pocket wouldn't be a woman that I would want on my arm. This tends to go for anything, not only drugs. It's also something that I tend to think alot about since it was a significant happening in my life already that revolved around money.

I also wouldn't mind dropping a few pounds. Again, if I can't do it on my own I'm not going to go on a binge to get rid of it. It's not only unhealthy it's just stupid to rely on a chemical compound with addictive design to keep your weight in check.

Now, what ever anyone does is none of my business. Honestly. I don't really care if you think you must have something in order to fit in with society. I fully understand how fear can control you and make you think that you must have this in order to survive. It happened to me before. I lost a lot of money in a bar when I thought my life had fallen completely apart. Yet, what had happened made me better in some ways and worse in others. It made me cynical and hard. It made me over think actions toward me and has possibly made certain opportunities disappear that before all that I wouldn't have thought so much about.

With most things I write about there's usually a reason behind it. Usually it's because I'm upset, aggravated or confused about something. This time it might just be all three.

When what someone else does interferes with me that's when I get upset. That's not really the case here.

When someone tells me one thing and then never acts on it or they don't do what they're saying that's when I get a little confused. That's not really the case here.

When someone tells me that they're trying to get someone to do things that they don't want to or the plan they have to get that person to start doing something that's when the three come together.

I'm upset because you really think I want to know this. I'm confused because you really think I care what your doing. I'm aggravated because it's someone I know and I'd much rather pull your head off of your neck then let it happen. The aggravation sets in when I realize that I'd go to prison for doing that rather than be commemorated for the action.

Listen.... I get it.... You deal drugs. The only way to keep up your lifestyle, keep your bills paid and stay out of mommy and daddy's hair is to get people hooked on these pointless endevours and keep the money coming in.

Is there some reason that you need to point it out? I brush it off because your "friends" with people I know. I use the term "friend" very loosely because I really don't know how much these people consider you a friend. Myself... I'm beginning to find you annoying. Your like that relative that you see once a year because any more than that you just want to strangle them.

The funny part of this all.... When my brother told me that someone would get me it sounded exactly like what this person said about someone else. Except this person said to me, "Just give me a few weeks, I'll have him asking me to stick around all the time."

As far as I'm concerned you can take your shit and shove it back up your ass. I'm tired of it and done.

Annoyances

Some people annoy me. In fact, most people annoy me in some form or another. At this point of the job it's the little things that get to me.

It could be the old guy that just walks in thinking he doesn't need to show an ID. It could be the sweet little innocent girl that doesn't understand why she can't give her ID to the other girl that's standing outside. It could be the regular that doesn't understand why I don't trust him that the other five people that are with him need to be carded.

Some people just don't understand that, in order to be in the bar you must have an ID on you. I really don't care that you come in four days of the week. If you forgot your wallet and you don't have your ID, you can't come in. I didn't make the rules, I just have to enforce them.

And no, you can't bring in the beer you bought down the street. No, you can't leave it with me. I mean, you could but you won't see it again. How can you gaurantee that you won't drink it once you get drunk? I'm not babysitting you or your beer.

Most states have vertical IDs for the underaged drivers these days. Is it really that bad if I ask for a second form of ID if you have a vertical ID? In my mind, your sister just got her new driver's license and gave you her old one. So if you don't have another thing in that 5 gallon purse with your name on it, don't feel bad that I refuse it or even take it away. I've done the same thing to a lot of others.

Do you really see the need in telling me how "fucked up" you are when you walk up to the bar? Other than giving me the best reason in the world to refuse you from entering, what does it accomplish?

When I won't let your drunk and stumbling girlfriend in, why argue? Do you really think I'll change my mind if you tell me that you'll watch her? Or if you tell me that she won't drink anything other than water. It doesn't matter to me. I can't babysit her or you once your inside. She's drunk, can barely stand and if you really cared about her, you'd take her home, hold her hair as she pukes and put her to bed.

When I take your fake or false ID away I'm not giving it back. I've had some interesting offers in the past but nothing has been good enough, as of yet, to give it back. Of course, everyone has a price and if you say the right amount just about anything could happen.

Unless I know you, I really don't care what you've been doing or where you've been all night. If a doorman is going into that much detail with you then he probably thinks your too drunk to come in.

Velvet Rope...

We've never had a velvet rope in front of the bar. We've joked about it several times but Phil used to live in an area where the velvet rope was always used at clubs and despises it. I just think it's a funny image to have it in front of the bar.

I don't really have any use of one, I know who comes and goes and who should get in before others. It seems to be a regular thing on here for me to bitch about.

If there's a long line outside most of the regulars don't mind waiting for a few minutes to get in. They know I'll get them in faster than if they were to wait in line. Some nights when we get really busy early I'll have two lines for the bar, one for the regulars and one for everyone else. Basically the same idea as a velet rope. It's rare that two lines happen but it does once in a while.

It's funny when this happens, people in line will notice how the second line is moving faster so they'll jump over to that line. They're thinking that they'll be getting in faster but it rarely works that way.

I jump from one line to the other letting people in. Obviously more from the regulars line until I can make that line disappear. Once in a while I'll run into some nobodies in the regulars line.

"Hey guys, your line's over there."

"Oh, we saw this line moving faster so we jumped over here."

"Thats nice, you need to go back to the end of that line."

"What? No way man, can't we just be next in that line? We've been waiting too."

"Nope. End of that line guys... or just go somewhere else."

"Man... bullshit...."

They usually either walk over to the other line or they decide to argue more and get refused entrance.

One of the biggest things that has made my job easier from the start was one simple rule.
Argue with me and you don't get into the bar.

The way I look at it, if your willing to argue with me than your willing to stiff the bar on drinks, grab the waitresses, or just be a big asshole inside the bar. All things we don't want but they do make for an interesting night sometimes.

Comfort Zone...

People tend to get a comfort zone after inhabiting certain locales. They don't understand that some things are a privilege. Cutting the line, discounted drinks here and there, and getting to hang out once in a while after closing to finish up.

Then when there's a problem I usually listen to their side of the story. If they're not the types to cause any problems their side gets more merit than the other.

Some of these people have been pushing their limits lately. One regular came up to the front door and in his hands was another guy. Jake had a hold of this guys arms and was walking him out. He shoved him through the door and told me that he can't come back in.

I stood there looking at him confused. "What's going on?"

"That guy can't come back in!"

"What the hell happened?"

"He kept buggin me an my old lady."

"And?"

"And.. I told him if he kept doin it he was gonna have to leave."

"Ok, number one... Who the hell are you to throw someone out?"

"Man, I've been coming here for years so if I...."

"Wait, ok? I don't care if you've been coming here since you were born. You don't throw anyone out. Your a customer. That's all you are. If someone's giving you problems then you need to ask someone to have him removed."

"All the bartenders were busy and.."

"Don't care. You think just because you come in here a lot means you can do this shit? Your nothing more than a customer like that guy. How bout if I just start throwing out everyone that annoys me."

"You should man, it's your job to keep the idiots out."

"Ok. Got your coat? Your leaving."

"What! What the fuck did I do?"

"You just threw out a paying customer and your trying to tell me how to do my job. Your annoying me. So by your standards you should leave."

"Man, fuck this. You got some double standards you know."

"Nope, I'm just gonna get rid of the people that annoy me. I'll let the waitress know to tell your "old lady" that you won't be coming back."

"Fuck you man."

Jake stormed out and shot his little glares at me through the door while he waited for his girl outside.

I don't mind regulars coming up and letting me know about certain people. It's nice having that extra set of eyes. The ones that do know that it's an employees call over all that will get someone tossed. They know that it's not their position to try and take someone out.

Then there are the ones that think they can do what ever they want. Over the past couple weeks I've slowly cut them down. I've made them wait in line, I haven't let them hang out to finish their drinks and I've tossed them for being more idiotic than usual. I've slowly taken away that King status that they thought they had and knocked them back down to paupers.

When your at a bar that you frequent that much then you should know who you are there. If you don't work there, or your not a good friend of someone that does, then your only as important as the next person.

I hate to quote a wrestler but....

"Know your role."

Ich Dien...

Sometimes when news travels you hear things you don't really care to hear.

It could be good and it could be bad. It could be something you want to hear. Usually, when the grapevine spits out something you never know what to believe. My father said it best.

"Believe nothing you hear and half of what you see."

Yet, when it comes down to someone you really respect and consider one of your best friends it's different. No matter how that person looks at you now or you percieve them, it's a respect thing. So when disturbing news is brought out it's something you should talk to them about.

Let them know what's going on and let them decide for themselves. If it's something for them to worry about then they will. If they don't heed the warning and decide your full of shit and just toss it to the side then that's their decision. Nothing you can do about it.

It can be a painful thing to do when you come out and talk to them. Yet, that's what life becomes, a series of painful events. Painful in many different ways from physical to mental but that only takes up a small part of the whole experience. There is a lot more to it.

So after you talk to that person, you can only hope that they take it in stride and maybe think about it in some way.

Everyone has something to lose when your life changes in any way. Sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it's not. When it comes to monetary issues it can always be replaced.

I've learned that even though everything becomes lost you always find a part of yourself that you never knew was there. Sometimes that's gaining more than you could ever lose.

I hope the news that I heard was wrong. That person knows now and hopefully that person is doing whatever they decide. Believe me or not but think it over from both views.

Some people will flash big things in order to hide small things. Some big habits are easily hidden between toes. Needles are everyones enemy whether your near them or not.

People come and go. It's life. It's obvious.

Interdependent Apprehensions...

Working the front door of a popular bar or club always gives you a bit of local popularity or notoriety. Hopefully more for the first over the second.

The way I look at it the less 'friends' I have the better. Most of the people I meet while working I'll never see other than at work. They'll only really talk and be cool to a doorman, away from his work, if they are regulars or they really want to know you. Out of all the people I've met the regulars are the best.

Then there are the friends of friends. These people are usually pretty cool as well. They're friends of the staff and come in almost as frequently as the regulars. Once they've been in a few times with staff on the staff's days off they get the same perks. Just not as quickly. After all, there is a type of hierarchy going on here.

Then there's Industry. If you work in the industry there are obvious perks when you go to other bars and such. Although, it does matter if the staff goes to your place of work. If I've never heard of it, don't know anyone that works there, or just don't go there then you should get to know somebody. Basically, if you don't scratch our back we don't scratch yours.

This also works the other way around too. If I ever show up at your place I expect the same thing back. If I didn't let you in once then I don't expect you to let me in if I'm in the same state. So all in all someone has to give that break first. If it sounds like a great place to catch a drink or dinner then I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and let you in, as long as you don't have a lot of people with you.

I'll probably ask you what days you work and show up on one your not working. If the foods good or the service is good then I'll show up some time you are working. That's when the game begins. I scratched your back. Now, will you scratch mine?

If your thinking, "This kinda sounds cold," then you've never worked in the serving industry. Servers make very little money hourly. Basically, you survive on your tips and the government gets a cut out of that too. So you get your breaks where ever you can. If you get a good deal from someone you give one back. Scratching backs the whole way through.

Then there's the ladies. There's a popular myth about doormen. I've heard it from many people asking me if it's true. The myth is just that, a myth. Everyone seems to think that because your a doorman you get the pick of the ladies. Definitely not true.

Many times at the door I've been propositioned by females just so they can get into the bar. Granted, as much fun as it sounds it's not really something I'm looking for. I'm not saying that I'll turn down any female that comes around. I'm just saying, why would you offer something like that up just to get into a bar? Offering yourself up like that is a turn off to me.

I can see where the myth comes from. Many times the lady regulars will come up and give me a hug and maybe a peck. Then I let them in the bar before the line. So obviously we must be doing a lot more than just saying hello.

The funny part in that situation is when the other women in line see it. They do one of three things.

Some will walk over, give me a hug and a peck, then reach for the door. Then the line gets a nice little laugh when I thank them for the hug and ask them to wait in line.

Then there are the jokers and talkers. The jokers will laugh about it and joke about it with me without expecting anything, which is fun and sometimes helps them out. The talkers will start heckling me for letting the "whores" in. Depending on the regular, this usually gets them a warning. I basically tell them if they open their mouth again they won't be coming in the bar.

Lastly, there are the women who don't say or do anything. They're just there for some reason and don't really seem to care if they get in or not.

I can say that I fell into the trap before. I tried playing the little game of letting a couple women in a few times just on hopes that something might happen. I played that game and I don't anymore.

Many of my friends and acquaintances have said it before. I'm pretty straight forward about everything. Everything is pretty much the key word there. I've never played the little games that most people play when it comes to "hooking up" or finding a girlfriend. To me, games are a waste of time in that department.

So I have found that it's better not to have a lot of friends. It makes my job easier and I have a lot less things to distract me. Not to say that I don't have opportunities, I just don't go out of my way to find them.

The Don'ts...

It's been a few days and nothing has really happened as of late. So I figured I'd start a little list. It's a list of possible things that you really shouldn't bother door staff with. It ranges from when your waiting in line until you make it in and leave.

Not to forget, all of these don't really pertain to all clubs. Then again, if you take all the things I write about that seriously you should quit reading.

When your waiting outside in line due to a capacity issue.
*Don't count the number of people that leave in a loud voice.
*Don't tell me how many people have skipped you in line. (There's usually a reason. They're VIP's or they have a great handshake.)
*Don't argue with the doorstaff. (We decide if your even going to walk in the door.)
*Don't pick fights with people walking by, standing in line, or fake fight.
*Don't make empty offerings.
*Don't try staring down the door staff.
*Don't stumble, lean on someone, trip, or act drunk in any way.
*If your told or asked to have a good night. Leave.

When inside the bar.
*Don't be extremely loud yelling countdowns or "chug, chug, chug". (Unless your in a sports bar. But I'm sure that annoys people there too.)
*Don't grab anyone, especially the waitstaff.
*Don't vomit on the floor, trash can, on people, walls, etc...... If you need to vomit, you need to go home.
*Only argue about your tab if your sober and you know you didn't order those eight Jaeger Bombs.
*Don't do anything to annoy the lady folk. I get enough complaints or the right one and you'll be asked to leave.
*Don't use your preferred drug inside.

Don't bother the doorstaff.
*Don't ask questions such as:
How do I get your job.
How'd you get this job.
Do you like to/wanna fight.
*Don't 'hang out' with me at the door if you don't know me personally.
*Don't assume I like you or that we are good friends.
*Don't try to 'pull one over'.

Basically this list will change. It could change daily or monthly but I'll try to keep adding on as I think of things.

More soon to come.

Lurkers and smirkers that say, "That door hurts!"

Lurkers

Throughout every bar there are always those guys that just sit back and wait. They're not always bad. Some like to sit back and see what's going on through the night, also known as 'People Watch'. Then there are those that sit back and wait for, what they think is, the perfect opportunity to talk to that one woman they've been watching all night.

The thing that's disturbing about this is they make it pretty obvious that they're watching. Sometimes they even switch parts of the bar when that particular lady does. These guys are usually pretty harmless. They're extremely insecure and scared as hell to talk to women. They usually sit around and hope the lady will notice them and come over to talk, which never works.

Of course there's always the other Lurker type, the Opportunity Lurker (OL). The guy that thinks he's got the world by the tail and everything a woman would want. Many of these guys have access to many different types of things. Anything from nice cars, houses, money or drugs. They find out little details of certain people and then try to use what those people like to influence them to go with them.

For instance, Leroy finds out that Nancy likes the nose candy. Leroy has some and lets Nancy know and then hangs out flaunting what he has in hopes that Nancy comes with. This comes down to whether or not she's willing to degrade herself for this little party favor. Then again, if Leroy is really persistent he won't leave until she leaves. Then he'll be outside the bar trying like hell to get what he wants. Unless he is asked to leave first.

I can think of a few times now that I've asked Lurkers to leave. I really don't care one way or the other. What people choose to do to themselves is their own problem. Unless it effects me personally. The Lurkers usually leave with no problems since they know that they want to come back the next night and try again. They can try all they want. Sooner or later someone's gonna bite and get reeled in.

Smirkers

Then you have your Smirkers. These can be guys or gals. They come out in many different circumstances. The most popular ones are the ones that smirk when you ask for their ID.

I ask for everyone's ID. You could be 6'4" and your whole head could be covered in white hair. I still want to see your ID. My brother had silver hair in high school and was 6'2" so how do I know how old you really are. These people pull out their ID and roll their eyes with a small little smirky smile on their face. These people, although they look like they're in their mid-thirties, are usually around 23 or 24 years old. I just laugh on the inside, they've got a few more years of IDing coming to them.

Then you have the Violent Smirkers (VS). These guys are usually upset about something or they think they're being funny in a really stupid way.

Once we call 'last call' in the bar that means no one comes in the bar and if you want another drink you better hurry and get it. I really don't care if you've been in the bar for five hours before last call your not coming back in. Your friends will be heading out the door in about ten minutes so you can meet them outside.

This really isn't a stated challenge to see if you can make it back in. So when you step into the first door four times in a row and you get the same answer each time it doesn't mean try to walk by me.

Little Billy walks up to me just inside the front door.

"Hey man, we're done. I need you to head back outside."

"Thaz cool man. I'm just gonna look for my buddy."

"Sorry man, you need to go back outside. Your friends will be out in a few minutes."

"Oh cool, he's in here? I'll grab him real quick." This is when Little Billy looks at me and puts up his little half smile smirk and decides he wants to go inside pretty bad. He puts his hand up on my shoulder and takes a step past me. To this I put my arm across his chest.

"Hey man, I said you need to go back outside. Your friend will be right out."

This is when he slides past my arm and tries to walk into the bar fast. It's also when I grab his arm and pull him back towards me.

"Hey!! You don't need to be pulling on me man!"

"Then how bout we head back outside."

"Yea, one sec, I'm gonna grab my friend."

To which he turned and once again tried to go into the bar. This time I grabbed his arm, pulled him towards me and got him onto the other side of me heading towards the first door.

"Man, fuck you!! You don't need to be pushing me around!" About that time he shoved me and tried heading into the bar again.

After all this I was pretty tired of trying to be cool. The guy had really just got under my skin really fast.

The distance between the first door and the second door is just about five feet. This time when Little Billy tried to come back in his feet never met the floor within that distance. In one quick motion I grabbed him, picked him up off the floor and tossed him. When he hit the door he was able to catch himself off the door handle and the door jam. I was already walking towards him when he started his little battle cry and came at me again.

This time I just grabbed him by the shirt and threw him down to the sidewalk in front of the bar and the thirty patrons that were already outside and walking out behind me. I do have to say, he was a persistent little guy. He bounced right up off the sidewalk and came at me. By this time Phil had made it to the door way and jumped right in front of the guy grabbing him and trying to cool him down. That's when I just walked back inside.

Phil came back in after a few minutes and asked if I was ok and let me know that the guy had left. Part of me kind of hoped the guy would have came back. It would have been good exercise.

After all this the bar cleared out pretty quick. All the people who were at the front of the bar saw most of it and left without any questions. At the end there were a few friends of the staff hanging out and all was calm.

Within every group of friends there are Lurkers and Smirkers. Just about everyone knows someone like these people. There are a few that are considered regulars at the bar. The Lurkers never really understand why I ask them to leave. They usually think I'm 'cock blocking' them. Then I explain to them why and they still don't understand. They really think the women like them and they were about to talk them into leaving.

I guess the illusion could be understood when your drunk. I can't say that I haven't been there, I think every guy has.

A little this and a little that. (Rambling)

Through all the different paths that people take you still never know where you'll end up. Many years ago I was nothing more than just your normal factory worker. Now I'm nothing more than your normal doorguy.

No matter what you do your just like anyone else that does what you do. Granted everyone is different. You might be better in one way or the other but your still in the same spot as the next guy. One of the biggest differences in everyone is who you know and what kind of person you are.

It doesn't seem like much but those two things get you much farther than you'd expect. Of course a combination of both gets you even farther in certain aspects. I mean you might know the right people but if your a prick to others that might not get you what you want.

In an example, you might come in and chat with me while I'm standing at the door and I might think you seem like a pretty decent guy. But then at the end of the night, when I'm ushering people out the door and your grabbing a woman by her arm saying, "Come on, we gotta get out of here. Where do you live?"

"I live over that way, but I don't know why you think your going there?"

It's times like these when I just walk over and tell you to leave. Usually he tries to say he's waiting for her but I just keep staring at him and telling him to leave. If I have to I'll start walking you to that door. I don't really care how cool you were when we were talking earlier, now your just scum. Get the fuck out.

I don't look for thank yous. I don't look for a 'hook up' just because I got some guy away from you. The thank yous come naturally from most women but occasionally you get the ones that think they're the shit.

"Hun, if you want a cab or something, I'll walk you out to one if that guy was bothering you."

"What you want my number or something? You think we're going to hook up just because you work here?"

"Not at all. Have a good nite."

Now I'm sure lots of women get that kind of respect from a lot of people. After all, its the midwest, there's only two things to do here, drink and fuck, right? I've lived in a few different settings. Country, suburbia, and city. They're all different in their own ways, especially the women. Which is a subject I'm not going to go in depth about here.

Basically I remember those people that give me attitude or just annoy me with their actions or words. Next time I won't be that guy that saves you from some regret in the morning.

Then again, you should never regret anything you do. Something comes out of everything you do whether it's positive or negative. I've had a few of those occasions, one really big one, but now I know better. The trick is making the best out of it or changing everything so you can.

But the bartender is my friend....

Working the door gives you the ability to do favors for friends and employees. The employees know, just as I do, that unless you bring something to the table there aren't any real favors.

If you work somewhere that alot of employees eat at or drink at then you get favors if the favors are returned or even given out to begin with. Just because your friends doesn't mean you always get this favor.

Heres a few common sense 'no brainers'.

If your a girlfriend or boyfriend of an employee then obviously your welcome.

If you hook people up with free or discounted drinks or food on a some what normal basis at another bar or resteraunt. (This doesn't apply to offers. Everyone makes offers, it has to be somewhere employees actually go.)

If you bring something to the table on a normal basis then your good.

This doesn't apply to everything though. Granted if it's a private party your probly not going to get in. This doesn't really apply to the boyfriend or girlfriend though. If your in that situation than your pretty much gold. Then again, if your just a mistress or some person that an employees been screwing around with your not gold.

When your the friend of a friend don't expect any favors. Especially when the cover is really small. And don't just say hi and walk in to make me walk in after you. Your not high and mighty. I could give a shit less if you get bent out of shape because I walked through the club and made you pay the three dollar or five dollar cover in front of your friends. I make people look like asses for a reason. To knock you off your imaginary pedastal. The sad part is when you ask your friends to pay the cover for you because you have no money. That just means your wasting space inside the club becasue your ass is going to be drinking water or trying to get free drinks all night and annoying the bartenders because your not tipping or asking for too many favors.

"Well, I used to get in free all the time."

Times change, just like your clothes. Just because you got in free once or twice doesn't mean you will forever. Maybe your not as important as you were or maybe that person that was getting you in is tired of you. Maybe you didn't return any favors. Who really knows or cares.

Heres a big piece of advice. When your asked to pay the cover don't roll your eyes, smile and walk in. Your asked for a reason not for a joke. Annoy the doormen and you'll be paying to get in even if a favor is asked to let you in.

Rock Star Lines II: Hey, you know me...

The night was going fairly slow as usual and as always picks up later on into the night. As usual, right before the bar reached capacity I started my line.

It was pretty quiet actually. No one complained that some people were getting in before them, which was pretty strange. Usually people are always complaining. Then someone had to break the silence.

This time was a little different. Last week a guy came in through the 'rock star line' with a friend of the club. He got in through association that night. I guess ole boy thought he got in because of who he was.

He and about three of his friends walked up as I was standing outside the door and smiled. Then he reached for the door. "I have a line over here guys. If you would just wait I'll get ya in as soon as I can." To this he just stood there looking at me. "Oh, I was here last week with _____. Is it ok if we just go in?"

"No, it's not. These people here have been waiting a while. Is ____ with you tonite?"

"Uh, no they're not. I thought we were all good?"

"Not unless that persons with you. I have no idea who you are. Just go ahead and wait in line. I'll get everyone in as soon as I can."

Pretty simple. If your not a regular or anyone that brings something to the table then theres a line. Especially when you walk off telling your group, "I don't know what this guys problem is. He must be new cause I come here all the time."

About twenty minutes later he made it to the front of the line. "Hey man, just so you know. I'm not new, you've gone straight in once, so don't try to make this out to your friends like your someone important. And never make it out to be my problem that your not someone important. Oh, and yes, I do need to see your ID."
"Oh, I wasn't trying to do that."
"Then next time don't make the comments."
"But I wasn't..." "Just go in and have a good night."

People don't realize sometimes that when you try to look really good for your date you should pick the right time. I don't mind if your trying to impress your date. I've helped some people out before so they looked better. Just don't do it by trying to put down someone else. Especially the doorman at the bar your trying to get into. That door person could easily make you look like a fool or just not let you in.