Saturday, December 26, 2009

"I had dinner with one last week." "A hipster?" "Yea man, it was pretty f-in weird." "Dude.. Did you just say f-ing?" "yea..?" "HAHAHAhahaha"

Friday, December 25, 2009

Happy Blarghidays...

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof. - Richard Bach
The holidays always seem like a trying time, especially when it comes to family. Is it due to a recent death or a crippling disease? I guess that depends on how you look into it. If a constant barrage of arguments and drunken disputes is a normal thing for you then skip this post.

My family consists of many people that believe everyone else in the world can read their minds. If this was true life would be so much easier. Mix in alcohol and it's close to playing Russian Roulette. Especially if you're players have angry or violent compulsions when drinking. To say the least, it's not one of my more favorite activities during the holidays. This year I don't have the luxury of working and missing out on all the fun.

When you do electrical work your entire life, you don't look forward to getting home and doing more electrical work. So when you deal with people that argue with you and possibly get violent while drinking, the last thing you want to do is deal with them at home. It's a completely different ordeal. Complete strangers and family are two different values all together. You're less likely to flag a cop down when you're dealing with your family unless it is an extreme situation.

Blend in the opinion that something is wrong with a person because they don't drink or "party" and now they have fuel. The constant "Oh, you're just too good to drink with us", or "Come on pussy! Drink!" starts out funny and turns into annoyance quickly. So my typical holiday has been; show up, eat, exchange, and go to work. Quick, efficient, to the point and I get to miss out on all the fun. This year the option will be; show up, eat, exchange and go do something more entertaining, like go to a friend's house to watch that holiday movie that's on a hundred times a year.

So there's my big holiday excitement. Hope your's is much more of a jolly good time.

-Be Safe.

Thursday, December 24, 2009


The time has come to travel on. I realize that posts have become rather few and very far between. I'm not posting this in hopes that it will begin again but to allow a little look into why. The time came to move away from the doorway. As for how long? I don't know. It could only be a short time or a long time.

I was told once to "never do you're job so well that you won't get promoted". Which does kind of go against everything I was taught. I was taught that you should do you're job the best you can so you can move on to a higher position. Yet the first has come to fruition. I became so good in my position that they didn't want to move me from it. So the time came to move myself from the position and hopefully onto better things.

In fact, I am not only moving away from the doorway I'm also changing time zones. Soon I'll be in the Pacific Time Zone. It'll be a nice warm change, not only for me but the blog as well. The blog will be starting to cover more grounds as I do. I'll do my best to keep you posted.

-Be Safe

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Mother's Six...

In recent news I found an article about six young men that were refused entry to a Chicago nightclub. Although I don't know anything about the nightclub I'm left to believe that one of their security procedures includes a dress code. Which includes no baggy jeans.

Here's why I believe no baggy clothing is a great idea. Have you ever had a jacket or purse stolen while at a club? Baggy clothing is a great place to hide those things. Yes, people should be more aware of their belongings in a club. Have you ever heard of someone pulling a gun or knife out at a club? Baggy clothes are a great place to hide these things. Yes, clubs should have metal detectors at the door. However, do you want to remove all the metal from your body and remove your shoes before entering a bar or nightclub?

I've turned away a lot of people due to how they dress. If you dress like one of your hip hop, drug dealing, gangsta, murdering idols then your ethics probably aren't too far behind. So why would I want to encourage you to come into my establishment? Why would I want to invite something into the establishment that might cause strife with the other patrons?

So then as the story goes, these students aren't looking to sue the establishment but to make an example out of them. They think that by making this nightclub help to dissolve this "racist profiling" at the door of clubs it might help to make the world a better place. I guess it's good to have an optimistic view on the world while you're young.

According to one of the young men (Regis Murayi, 21), he has been targeted by such dress codes before at different locations. Maybe this is due to the fact that he constantly dresses in this same manner all the time. I wonder what would happen if he quit dressing in that manner. Do you think he wouldn't be "targeted" in such a manner? After all, the world is out to get you if you believe it is. Why should you change who you are or how you dress to fit in with the world? I don't even want to get into the whole blue collar versus corporate subject. There's an entire example of why people conform to get farther in life.

But you sir, should not have to conform or change your clothes to go to a bar, yet alone a nightclub. To think that an overpriced nightclub wants you to wear specific clothing to fit in with the environment they are trying to provide. Just think if they were having a Hawaiian shirt night and you showed up in a Kimono...

As for the "race card", does it really matter? Notice this whole time I never mentioned that all six of the students from a different city were black. I also didn't mention that a white student that appeared in the same pants got in. I never mentioned it before because I don't believe it matters. Now I'm not naive, I understand that race does still matter to some backward rednecks deep in the south.

Here's the other reason that I'm mentioning the students race. It was six black students yet after they were denied a white student was allowed into the establishment wearing the same jeans. So why isn't it the Mother's Seven? Since it became a subject of race the white kid isn't important or does the white kid think it's a joke and doesn't want to be involved?

"A lot of times, baggy-jeans policies are used, in my opinion, to reject a certain demographic, mostly black men, from being allowed entry into certain places," Murayi said.
Although this is your opinion it's a jaded opinion. To me this opinion is just as racist as they are trying to pretend this situation is. To exclude all other races from your statement is to say that a singular race is better than all others. Isn't there already an organization that does that? Doesn't it have three K's in it's name?
Murayi says he tried pleading with the bouncer and a manager.
Pleading can be seen in different ways. It could be on your knees begging, which could show how pathetic you are for trying to get into a club. Then again, it could be, "Man, that's total bullshit. What's your name? I'll get you fired." You don't believe this? Do my job for a month. You'll see just how dumb people can be to get into a club. If you're pathetic at the door what's to say that you don't get worse inside? With the mentality that you just "got one over" on the doorman you'll probably act like even more of a douchebag inside the club.

All dress codes are really up to the doorstaff. Granted it's a blanket statement used to weed out the negative parts and it's not perfect. Yet if a friend of the establishment shows up wearing all the bad things I'd say there's a 95% chance that they're going to get in. Just like all rules at a club they're there to save the establishments ass in certain situations. They can be bent in any manner to help out the employees or management.

So do I believe this is all a bunch of crap? Yes I do.

Maybe this was a publicity stunt? Maybe this is supposed to be something to distract Chicago from the highest murder rates in the country due to gang violence? Maybe this just helps people understand why Chicago didn't get the Olympics?

Until every establishment is fully equipped with id scanners that pull up every persons criminal background then doorstaff need to use their judgment. Each person's judgment is based off of their personal history. If this means some people get denied for what they believe is a bad reason then so be it. Go to the next club and see how it goes.

If you are like Mr. Murayi and have had a series of refusals from several different clubs due to your clothing then think about changing your clothing options. Come prepared like most other people and have a change of clothes in your car. If you're coming in from out of town then realize that you need to dress appropriately as deemed by society not your local fashionista.

Most of all, if you're an upstanding member of society and don't believe that the world is out to get you. Get your head out of your ass and realize that there are more important things going on in the world other than you not being able to get into a club.

-Be safe.

Friday, September 18, 2009

"But i turn 21 in a month." "So go home an suck your thumb. You're not getting the fake id back."

Saturday, August 22, 2009

I don't understand ebonics. What's "What you got be up in dere?" mean?

Friday, August 21, 2009

Get arrested on a friday. Get out of jail on monday. Totally worth it. Right?

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A 26yr old girl w/ a 44yr old man makes me think theres some daddy issues or she's just a gold digger. Thoughts?

Friday, August 07, 2009

We don't have ids in England. ~ What do you use to drive with? ~ A licence but thats not an id.

Friday, July 31, 2009

I really don't care to know your life story when I ask to see your id.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

No, we don't have Hennessey or Crystal, and yes, your "bitch" does need an id to get into the establishment.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I still find it funny that some women dress like whores to get into bars let alone clubs.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Imagining how easy it would be to break the toes of these idiots that wear sandals to clubs.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Douchebags & Hipsters. Really starting to dislike this generation of bar dwellers.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

"I'm 24, why you need my id?"
"To prove your not over 35. That's our cut off age."

Sunday, June 14, 2009

If your at a club an pull out your deck of cards to play a drinkg game, go home.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

At times you just wonder if now is the time. "All signs point to yes."

Friday, June 05, 2009

Friday night. Full moon. Heavy traffic. Should be an interesting night for douches.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Overhearing a plan for a very heavyset lady to flash the room. Not stopping it but instructing staff to make puking sounds when she does. Fun times!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Always interesting when the manager likes coca-cola. By interesting I mean annoying as fuck.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I'm not your 'bra'. I'll probably never be your support in any situation. Certain ladies.. Maybe.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Tonight's theme: #Pantera - War Nerve.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Overheard: "I don't want to go drinking. I just wanna go home & watch the last episode of Lost."

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Realized that if I did my job perfectly, there'd only be a handful of people in here on a normal basis.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Hey Mr Policeman. I didn't ask to see your badge. I asked to see your id. I don't care if your a cop in a different city.
When I see people with shirt & shorts 2x too big, skull cap & beady eyes I wonder how long they were in prison. Or if that's where they want to go.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

"I'm European.."
"I don't care. The drink stays inside Frenchy."

Sunday, April 26, 2009

If you don't know what to drink, ask your server. More than likely they're enough of a drunk they'll know exactly what you want.
Saturday night. A night for amatuers.

Friday, April 24, 2009

After a savage winter, all the bums, minors and tough guys are coming back out in force.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

"I'm one of those guys, I don't carry id."
"Well, your one of those guys that doesn't get in."

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Mobile Posts...

Recently Blogger has added Mobile Posting to the list of ways for bloggers to reach their readers. I thought I'd give it a shot. The posts are limited to 150 characters so they'll be short and sweet, just like most conversations I have while at work.

I'm not on here as much as I'd like to be but I think this will help out a lot. Most thoughts pop in my head and disappear by the time I get here. I guess we'll just have to see where this takes me.

-Be Safe.
Testing... 1... 2.. Testing. Mobile posting operational?

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Confiscated ID: ...

I received this email recently.

Hey Mike -
Big fan of the blog. My younger brother recently took my real 21+ ID from me to get into a bar. He was stopped at the door and my license was confiscated by the doorman. Besides being super pissed at my brother, I now have no drivers license. Before I ask the state for a new one, is there any hope in retrieving my license by contacting the bar? What is proper doorman etiquette on this one? What happens to a confiscated real ID? Are there some shady folk out there that take this opportunity to sell the confiscated license?
I appreciate the doorman doing his job but now I'm just trying to get my ID back...
Thanks for your help...
- Rob

Rob.. your best bet is to just go get a new license. I'm sure it's a much smaller fee than to go through the conversation with a doorman. Especially when he has every right to take the id away from your underage brother. If your conversation goes the way most of the ones I've had, you'll get pissed and words will fly. If you feel really strong you might take a swing and then get taken down by the doorman.

What people tend to forget is that a license isn't your personal property. It belongs to the State that issues it and has to be handed over upon request. So the excuse that a person owns a license is not a good argument.

Between all the different places I've worked there's only been a couple different ways to handle ids that are fake or not the owner.
  1. Turn over the id to the state that the business is in. Then it's up to the State to decide if they want to prosecute. Yes, if it's a real id then the person on the id gets prosecuted not the one handing it over. Unless the doorman was able to get their id as well, then both of you get prosecuted.
  2. The ids are destroyed. They get cut up into tiny pieces and thrown away at the end of the night.
  3. The id gets added to a "Wall of Shame". It's usually a display case near the door that has all the confiscated ids.
Personally, I destroy the ids whether they're real or fake. I don't want to go to court any more than some kid needs a Felony on his record before his life even begins. I'm not out to ruin lives. I'm just here to keep the business safe.

Rob, if I were you.. I'd do the same thing to your brother that my brothers did me. Kick his ass until he learns right from wrong. Words don't sink in but a firm smack tends to leave a memory. And make him pay for your new id.

I can't say there aren't any shady doormen out there. I've known a few and I'm no where near being perfect. When doorstaff aren't paid well enough they tend to find other ways to make money.

So it's a gambit. Your id might have been destroyed or it might have been sold or given to another person that looks like you. You can now thank your brother for making you think about all the different bad things that could happen due to it.

If your really paranoid about it then sign up for a credit watch program and hope that your social security number wasn't on the id. If it was, you might be looking at a lot worse things.

Be safe.

Monday, March 23, 2009


Even though I haven't been around as much as I like, the blog seems to still be drawing popularity. I've gotten a few comments from people trying to spam the blogosphere. At least one of them was on target with it's subject matter.

My last post was about smoking and how a certain person was constantly mooching cigarettes off of me. So of course, the comment left was about an electronic cigarette. Sadly, I'm not going to publish any comments left behind that have links to personal money making sites. Granted, that's what life is about but give me a cut and I'll cut you in. Or send me the product and I'll review it here for you.

So... Shadd Williams. Get in contact with me, send me your product free of charge and I'll review it.

All the rest of you. You have to take people as idiots if you think you can sell a warranty on a car over 20 years old that has transferred owners over 10 times. Then again.. there are a lot of idiots in this world.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

1 cigarette, 1 dollar...

On most any slow night I'll stand outside and smoke a cigarette. Let's not get into the debate about how bad it is for me. If it weighed that heavy on my mind I might go to a gym once in a while. Since I don't own a gym membership there's no need to even bring it up.

Usually there's at least one or two people that always stop and ask if they can bum a smoke or better yet, "borrow" a cigarette. The second question is funny to me and if I'm in a good mood I'll go along with "Uh.. how do you plan on borrowing a cigarette? I don't want it back after your done with it."

99% of the time my answer is, "No." There was a time when I received cigarettes very cheap. Almost to the point that I never paid for them. This helped out a lot considering the price of a pack these days. Even now I'm trying to talk a relative into sending me some in the mail just because they're cheaper there than here.

Now, there's two things that you can do that will piss me off. That I actually take personally. The first is steal from me. If I see someone try to walk away with any type of my property I automatically become furious. The second thing is to cost me money. This doesn't make me furious but it will make me hot under the collar. Especially when your cheap ass knows that a pack of cigarettes are expensive and you keep asking to bum them off of me.

I understand times are hard for bartenders. Even though this bartender still makes decent money for four hours of work. I didn't mind bumming him cigarettes when they were free but now I'm paying well over $5 a pack for these things. Even if there was a common decency involved where he bought me a pack it would be better.

Why doesn't he buy his own? Well, you see, he doesn't smoke. He only smokes when he's at work which makes no sense since you can't smoke inside the establishment any more.

So when he last asked for a smoke, I said plainly, "You know, I have to buy these now."

"Ok.." he stared blankly at me with his hand out, "So uh.. you want a quarter or something? That's what they come out to be right?"

"No, I think it's about a dollar now."

"Pfft.. yea right..." I hand him a cigarette and he goes outside. This happens three or four times a night. Luckily we only work a couple nights together but this is going to change.

The other night I had to get into the trunk of my car for something. As I was moving some things around I found a couple of old packs of cigarettes. They've probably been in my trunk since last summer. Since they've been in my trunk for so long they're obviously stale. I figure I'll just keep a pack of the stale smokes in my pocket and when he asks for one I'll give him one of those. Once those run out he's all done.

Funny how you can tell a complete stranger no but a coworker you're a little more cordial with.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


January is a horrible time of year. It's right after the consumerist holidays and it's budgeting time for a lot of different people. Money's tight even without the economic mudslide.

Even though a liquor establishment will always do well no matter the economy; sometimes it gets slow. It'll get slow just long enough for people to get used to their new financial limits and then it will pick back up again. This could take a couple weeks or it could take a few months but it always goes back to how it was before. Some establishments try to make it easier and offer drinks specials and some just plow through it like nothing's in their way.

The ones that like to plow through it tend to either cut hours or cut man power just to help themselves through it all. I for one don't like the idea of either one, especially when it comes to my hours or my man power. I like being fully staffed and I like keeping my people at their maximum hours so they don't think about looking for work elsewhere.

Coming from a business point of view, I'm fully supportive of drink specials and coming up with ideas to get people interested. It helps bring in new people and it helps to keep my man power and hours right where I like them or even a little more. As it looks now, I might have to cut a couple shifts only due to it not being busy enough to deem it necessary for all the guys.

The thing that perplexes me is how the establishment doesn't want to do anything to get people in the door. They don't want drink specials and they don't want to bring in any entertainment. They just want to rest on the club's reputation for being a good time. Which doesn't seem so appropriate anymore considering no one's here.

I've heard that they've recently obtained a guy to do online advertising and promotions. My question is, "What is he going to advertise or promote if there's no entertainment?"

It might possibly be a sinking ship at this point. But like a Captain, I'll ride it down until I find a life boat to skip off in.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Rock Star Lines VI...

One of the many things that really gets to me is people that don't carry id's.

Yea, you might look like your 120 years old. You might have gray hair. You might have wrinkles all over your face. You might have a beard. You might be 6'7" tall. You might be pregnant (hopefully not if your coming into my establishment). But hey, any of these things could have happened to you before you even got out of high school.

It doesn't matter if your old as hell or a regular. You have to carry your id on you. Definitely don't come to me bitching about one of my staff asking you for an id. I'll be the first to tell you the staff member is right and they shouldn't let you in the bar.

"Man, I've been coming here for seven years. I should be let right in."

"Do you know the guy at the door?"

"No, but.."

"Then how should he know you? He should just read it on your forehead?"

"It's not my problem that he doesn't know me."

"It is when you can't get in because your too stupid to carry an id."

"Listen, this doesn't have anything to do with how smart I am. he he he..."

"No, it has everything to do with my man doing his job and you not having an id. Want me to start carding you again? I guarantee the manager will take my side over yours."

"What ever man, they'll still let me in."

"Not when it comes down to the decision of hiring a new doorman or letting you in. Which one do you think they'll go for?"

"You'd quit because I don't have my id? That's just stupid."

"I'd quit to prove a point to you. Your in here once a month if your lucky these days. Your not as important as you think you are. Start carrying your id and quit being a pain in the ass."

"You'd ruin a friendship over this?"

"Friendship? When was the last time I saw you outside of this place? What's my middle name? What's my Mother's name? Do you know any of these answers?" He stood there dumbfounded. He was actually trying to think about the questions. "Tell ya what. Would you ruin the friendship by being an asshole to one of my guys and being so fuckin bullheaded that you won't carry your id?"

He stood there staring at me. It was a stand off. I called his bluff.

"Right. I guess you'll be carrying your id from now on." I walked away.

We check id's for a reason. It's the law, you have to have an id in your possession to be inside an establishment that sells alcohol. At any point an id check could happen. It's extremely rare that it ever does so some leniency is allowed. But when the doorman doesn't know you and every time you walk up you don't have your id, he'll ask you for it the next time. No matter if the manager knows you or not.

I've done it several times myself. Guy walks up, doesn't have an id, manager walks out and walks him in. It's the power of knowing that person. I don't know you so I'll card you every time you walk up. If the manager isn't working that night then your out of luck. Come back when you have your id. I remember people in those situations just to say I don't remember you. I've learned how to forget things easily in my time.

Besides, you paid for the id. Why not keep it on you and get some use out of it?

Monday, January 05, 2009

Recent Comment...

I just recieved this comment frrom the first installment of the D.I.C.K. Files. You can read the entry here: D.I.C.K. I: Fake Spotting...

This comment was left behind by Anonymous.
Unfortunately, my boss made it a point on the first night that our business runs off underage people who are able to get into bars.

I have to go with this on slow nights, since I live on the tipout at the end of the night, but any night when we've got more than 100 or so people inside, I love crushing the 19 year olds dreams.
There's a lot of things that I could go off on a tangent about. As for Anonymous' locality, I have no idea what the legalities are. Since they vary from State to State. Although, coming from a very spiteful person, if I was ever unlawfully fired from the position I'd have the cops in there faster than hell to have the bar shut down. Yes, I am that type of person.

Who knows, maybe the bar will be up for sale after it's fined for all the underage kids?

Another thing. I would never work for a tip out. Give me a good hourly rate and I'm there. If I have to depend on how well other people do their jobs to make a living then I'm not working. Especially considering the amount of times I've heard bartenders argue about how much to tip out the barback. "We should give him 25%" "Are you kidding? All he did was stock beer and serve the waitress." Bartenders will tip you out the littlest they can without making you suspicious. And imagine if you throw out one of their friends or you don't let one of their friends in. You won't be making rent any time soon.

Perhaps your boss should focus more on doing things to get people into the establishment. Maybe some kind of special events, drink specials or if you have food then maybe food specials.

Overall, I'd be worried if a Police sting happens. The owner might fire you if you get caught even though you're doing what he told you to do.

Hopefully this isn't your only job and it's just supplemental.

Since your doing what the boss tells you to do then I guess you don't have much choice. Keep it up, just remember to cover your own ass.

-Be Safe.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

New Year...

Well, it's 2009.

Let's see what this year brings us. 2008 wasn't a bad year but I don't tend to label years. At a certain point I've kind of lost track of time. It's like everything has just melted together. Things that I thought happened last summer actually happened a couple years ago. It's a good sign that I need something new to mix things up and make me pay more attention to the happenings of the world.

2008 has been a year for changes personally. It seems that roommates are hard to find and keep. I had two different ones this past year. Which has meant that I've had to work a lot more to keep up with things financially during the missing roommate time in between. Not to mention the price of everything has gone up a lot within the last year.

New Year's Eve was a typical New Year's Eve at work. Lots of amateurs were out and about. The night went fairly well other than all the stupid questions. "Can I take my drink outside?", "Can I smoke inside?", and "I swear it's me." Not to mention all the people just trying to walk out with drinks because they were in plastic cups, "Oh, I forgot, I was thinking it was just water."

The most irritating was a Polish male that didn't have his id. He was mildly entertaining with his little sparkly party hat that had antennas. One antenna had 20 on it and the other had 09."In Poland you don't need id to drink." At least, it was entertaining until one of the antennas poked me in the eye. He quickly made an exit with a little help.

So New Year's Eve wasn't much different than a Saturday night. It did screw up the internal clock of a few of us by having such a busy night in the middle of the week. I know it made me get my days mixed up.

Also, how weird is it now to be looking for 1988 on id's?

This job's making me feel old in many ways.