Showing posts with label refused entrance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label refused entrance. Show all posts

Monday, March 29, 2010

"I don't take my id to work. I didn't think I was gonna be goin out."

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Mother's Six...

In recent news I found an article about six young men that were refused entry to a Chicago nightclub. Although I don't know anything about the nightclub I'm left to believe that one of their security procedures includes a dress code. Which includes no baggy jeans.

Here's why I believe no baggy clothing is a great idea. Have you ever had a jacket or purse stolen while at a club? Baggy clothing is a great place to hide those things. Yes, people should be more aware of their belongings in a club. Have you ever heard of someone pulling a gun or knife out at a club? Baggy clothes are a great place to hide these things. Yes, clubs should have metal detectors at the door. However, do you want to remove all the metal from your body and remove your shoes before entering a bar or nightclub?

I've turned away a lot of people due to how they dress. If you dress like one of your hip hop, drug dealing, gangsta, murdering idols then your ethics probably aren't too far behind. So why would I want to encourage you to come into my establishment? Why would I want to invite something into the establishment that might cause strife with the other patrons?

So then as the story goes, these students aren't looking to sue the establishment but to make an example out of them. They think that by making this nightclub help to dissolve this "racist profiling" at the door of clubs it might help to make the world a better place. I guess it's good to have an optimistic view on the world while you're young.

According to one of the young men (Regis Murayi, 21), he has been targeted by such dress codes before at different locations. Maybe this is due to the fact that he constantly dresses in this same manner all the time. I wonder what would happen if he quit dressing in that manner. Do you think he wouldn't be "targeted" in such a manner? After all, the world is out to get you if you believe it is. Why should you change who you are or how you dress to fit in with the world? I don't even want to get into the whole blue collar versus corporate subject. There's an entire example of why people conform to get farther in life.

But you sir, should not have to conform or change your clothes to go to a bar, yet alone a nightclub. To think that an overpriced nightclub wants you to wear specific clothing to fit in with the environment they are trying to provide. Just think if they were having a Hawaiian shirt night and you showed up in a Kimono...

As for the "race card", does it really matter? Notice this whole time I never mentioned that all six of the students from a different city were black. I also didn't mention that a white student that appeared in the same pants got in. I never mentioned it before because I don't believe it matters. Now I'm not naive, I understand that race does still matter to some backward rednecks deep in the south.

Here's the other reason that I'm mentioning the students race. It was six black students yet after they were denied a white student was allowed into the establishment wearing the same jeans. So why isn't it the Mother's Seven? Since it became a subject of race the white kid isn't important or does the white kid think it's a joke and doesn't want to be involved?

"A lot of times, baggy-jeans policies are used, in my opinion, to reject a certain demographic, mostly black men, from being allowed entry into certain places," Murayi said.
Although this is your opinion it's a jaded opinion. To me this opinion is just as racist as they are trying to pretend this situation is. To exclude all other races from your statement is to say that a singular race is better than all others. Isn't there already an organization that does that? Doesn't it have three K's in it's name?
Murayi says he tried pleading with the bouncer and a manager.
Pleading can be seen in different ways. It could be on your knees begging, which could show how pathetic you are for trying to get into a club. Then again, it could be, "Man, that's total bullshit. What's your name? I'll get you fired." You don't believe this? Do my job for a month. You'll see just how dumb people can be to get into a club. If you're pathetic at the door what's to say that you don't get worse inside? With the mentality that you just "got one over" on the doorman you'll probably act like even more of a douchebag inside the club.

All dress codes are really up to the doorstaff. Granted it's a blanket statement used to weed out the negative parts and it's not perfect. Yet if a friend of the establishment shows up wearing all the bad things I'd say there's a 95% chance that they're going to get in. Just like all rules at a club they're there to save the establishments ass in certain situations. They can be bent in any manner to help out the employees or management.

So do I believe this is all a bunch of crap? Yes I do.

Maybe this was a publicity stunt? Maybe this is supposed to be something to distract Chicago from the highest murder rates in the country due to gang violence? Maybe this just helps people understand why Chicago didn't get the Olympics?

Until every establishment is fully equipped with id scanners that pull up every persons criminal background then doorstaff need to use their judgment. Each person's judgment is based off of their personal history. If this means some people get denied for what they believe is a bad reason then so be it. Go to the next club and see how it goes.

If you are like Mr. Murayi and have had a series of refusals from several different clubs due to your clothing then think about changing your clothing options. Come prepared like most other people and have a change of clothes in your car. If you're coming in from out of town then realize that you need to dress appropriately as deemed by society not your local fashionista.

Most of all, if you're an upstanding member of society and don't believe that the world is out to get you. Get your head out of your ass and realize that there are more important things going on in the world other than you not being able to get into a club.

-Be safe.

Friday, September 18, 2009

"But i turn 21 in a month." "So go home an suck your thumb. You're not getting the fake id back."

Friday, August 21, 2009

Get arrested on a friday. Get out of jail on monday. Totally worth it. Right?

Friday, August 07, 2009

We don't have ids in England. ~ What do you use to drive with? ~ A licence but thats not an id.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

No, we don't have Hennessey or Crystal, and yes, your "bitch" does need an id to get into the establishment.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

"I'm one of those guys, I don't carry id."
"Well, your one of those guys that doesn't get in."

Friday, November 07, 2008

Obama Blues...

"Iz blue..."

"Excuse me?"

"I tol you.. thad thig id blue..."

"Yea.. ok then. Have a good night man."

"Yea.. Id'z ok.. I live round tha block o'er dere. I'm good."

"I'm sure you are. You should start heading home now."

Sometimes drunks are just funny. They start off stumbling up with one hand on the wall and then they just start rambling off things that make no sense. This guy with his suit and tie made no sense the entire time he was standing outside trying to get in. He kept talking about where he lived and the color blue. Everything was blue to him.

As a rule, I don't talk about politics at work. As a rule, no one should talk politics at a place that serves alcohol. It usually turns into a heated topic and someone usually ends up getting upset. Then he started, "You vote for bama?" I just looked at him and didn't respond. Not because I didn't want to say yes but because I don't talk politics at work.

"You did.. din't you? Cocksucker... you jus kilt me..."

"Listen man, you need to walk away now. Your not coming inside."

"I make 2 million dollas a year... You jus killt me... cocksucker.."

This is where he can thank the new era of video. In the past I would have asked him a little less gently to leave. These days with video cameras all over the place it's harder to convince people to leave. He was drunk to the point that a feather could have knocked him over. He was falling between slurs and sleeping by each breath.

After a few minutes a few customers came walking out. With each one passing the man gave them all a warm friendly greeting, "asshole" "cocksucker". Then Paulie was the last one to walk out. "idiot"

Paulie had seen the guy walk up and seen how drunk he was. After hearing the man insult everyone as they walked out he took it a little serious. "Listen man, I can't have you out here being drunk and insulting my customers. You need to move on."

"Yea.. you voted for him too... You just killt me..."

"I don't know or want to know what your talking about. Move on. Walk away."

The guy tried to talk more but Paulie just turned and ignored him. Usually when you ignore someone long enough they'll either get really pissed or they'll walk away. This guy didn't do either. He just kept mumbling about where he lived and how stupid we were. As if we really cared that he makes so much money and now he's going to get taxed more fairly on it.

Honestly, I hope the taxes get raised on people making more than $250,000 a year. It might make things better for everyone else. Maybe it'll actually help people like me out with health care and other things that we need but can't afford. When you make $25k a year and your rent totals up to $15k a year it'd be nice to get a break somewhere.

A few minutes later the guy decided to try to walk in again. I pushed the door closed and put my hand up, "You can not come into this establishment."

"Yer fuckin racist.. Id's cuz I'm black right?" Right after he said that a few people walked up. "Fuck thiz guy.. he's racist.. he won't led me in cuz I'm black..." The first girl in the group stopped and looked at me. Then she turned and looked at him. Then she started laughing and walked in.

She started laughing because all 5'9" and 180lbs of him was white. He was white, bald and wearing a suit and tie. Any more white and I would have needed sunglasses.

Next 15 minutes was interesting. He kept walking up to people and telling them that I was racist. I wouldn't let him in because he was black. Some people played along with him and some people told him to get away from them.

He finally left, stumbling his way down the street. Tomorrow he won't remember a thing but I will. So if he does decide to come back I'll know not to let him in.

He was on a mission to upset someone to see if he could let out some of his pent up anger. He's not happy with Obama's idea of taxes. I am though, a person like that needs to put more money back into the system.

Maybe it'll help take out the "high and mighty" sensibility that he has.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008


"Hows it going tonight?"

"Good, you?"

"Good. Can I see your id?"

"I'm just going in to get my roommate."

"That's fine. I still need to see your id."

"Naw, that's cool man. I work down the street," he reaches for the door.

"That's great. I still need to see your id." My hand pushes the door closed.

"Listen man, I work down the street at Brockney's. I'm just going in to get my roommate and leave. I don't even want to come to this place."

"Well that's good since I can't let you in this place without seeing your id."

"Really? Your going to be an asshole about this?"

"Just as much as you. You realize you could have shown me your id and been inside talking to your roommate already right?"

"Fine. You want to be an ass about it? Here." He pulls out his wallet and shows me his id. Then he reaches for the door and I step in front of it. "What the fuck man!?"

"Listen. I think you need to try to call your roommate and have him meet you out here. You seem a little too worked up to go walking in here."


"Maybe if you didn't take such an attitude it'd be a different story. I don't appreciate being called an asshole."

"Are you always such an asshole to customers?"

"Only the ones that act like total douchebags."

"Man, fuck you. I should kick your ass."

"If you feel the need. Have a good night."

He turned and walked down the street and sat on a bus bench. A few minutes later one of the regulars, Pete, came walking out. "Hey, have you seen my roommate?"

"He have dark short hair, light complected, and act like a douchebag?"

"Oh man.. I'm sorry man. Was he being a dick?"

"He was being an ass. He's sitting down on the bus bench."

"Can he come in?"

"Don't you think he would be if he could?"

"Yea.. you got a point."

Friday, July 04, 2008

D.I.C.K. II: Delaware...

It only seems fair that Delaware is the first state in these installments. After all, the state's motto is "The First State".

The Story.

As I was standing out front of the establishment a group of 4 or 5 young ladies came walking up. The were wearing nice dresses and they were all done up as if they just came from some kind of an event, such as a wedding. Usually this doesn't throw up any flags with me. Usually white collar women tend to dress a little better then the white collar men. By the time I see any white collar men their ties are pulled down or they're around their head in Rambo style. The reason that the flags went off was because these girls just looked too young to be that formal.

"How's it going tonight ladies?"

One girl answered as the others started searching for their i.d.'s, "Good, how are you tonight?"

"I'm doing well. I need to see your i.d.'s please. Was there a wedding tonight?"

"No, we're just out and about."

I looked over the i.d.'s and as I gave them back they all started to file into the establishment. Then I came to the last one.

I stood there for a minute looking at the i.d. There was just something about it that didn't sit well. It looked legit but I kept looking at the face of the girl that handed it to me and she kept looking around. Then I tilted the i.d. to see the holograms and I knew what was wrong. It was a complete fake.

According to the laws here, when we take away a fake i.d. they want us to take away the real i.d. as well. This way they have the person's real name and information when it comes to prosecution. I rarely ever do this. I figure that just taking away the i.d. is enough of a punishment. Some fake i.d.'s could cost close to $200.

I looked back at the girl and asked for a second form of i.d. Then I noticed that she was looking at the front door. I looked over my shoulder and saw one of the previous girls standing there.

"Miss, unless you have a real i.d., I can't let you in here. This i.d. is fake."

"Oh, ok... well... I'll just leave then," and she reached for the i.d.

I pulled my hand back and slipped the i.d. into my pocket. "You can leave but you can't have this back."

After seeing me put the i.d. into my pocket, the girl's friends all came walking back out. The typical arguments of "It's illegal to take that away", "Your stealing her property", and "We'll call the cops" ensued. I told them that I'd gladly call the cops if they wanted me to.

After a few minutes a squad car was driving by so I asked the girls if I should ask the cops to stop over. They said no and slowly walked away.

The Fake.

This is the i.d. that was presented to me. All in all it's a fairly decent fake. There are many different things wrong with it other than the hologram that I'm not going to get into at this time.

If you look closely at the i.d. you can partially see the hologram that was used. You can barely make out some lettering. That lettering is used to spell the word AUTHENTIC which is on the list of wording that will never be used on an i.d. that is issued by the US or State governments.

Along with the lettering are three Bald Eagle images in the middle. This particular image will also never be used on real i.d.'s.

As for the three images above and below the lettering and bald eagle images, I'm still wondering what they're supposed to be. I'm guessing that it's either a swooping bird of some type or just a blob of some kind. For easier viewing, I've also posted what the hologram looks like before it's applied to the card stock.

If you are working the door and you have an internet ready phone there's one other thing you could do. I did this as I was writing this entry.

Go to and enter in the address that is listed on the i.d.. I'd say that more than half of the time the addresses on the i.d.'s are fake. As it was with this one. The city, state and zip code were real but the actual street name did not exist on Google. Maybe it's not in their database but that and the hologram together would be enough for me to take away the i.d.

Actually, the hologram was enough all by itself.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Fake I.D IV: My Mom...

"Why do you need another form of i.d.? That's me..."

"I just need to verify that it's you. You have anything else in your wallet that has your name and maybe a picture on it?"

The girl closes her wallet, "No, I only carry my i.d. and cash."

"Really? Who's credit cards are those?"

"My Mom's...."

"All four of those are your mothers?"

"Yea, she doesn't want me to ever be in a bind."

"Well, tell your mother that you need to buy a new fake then." I put the i.d. in my pocket.

"You can't take that, my Mom's a lawyer. She told me you can't take away any type of i.d. from anyone."

"Really? Even if your fraudulently impersonating another person or carrying an altered form of government identification?"

"That's what she told me. So you have to give that back or I'll call the police."

"Feel free to call honey, I'm not the one looking at jail time."

She stood there leaning on one leg and the other leg was tapping it's foot as she held her phone up to her ear. It was as if she was waiting for me to cave in to her bluff. Then a squad car drives by and I flag them down with my flashlight. As the car pulls over the girl slowly turns to walk away.

"Hey, don't leave yet. The cops are here now. Don't you want your i.d. back?"

The two officers walk up. "What's the problem?"

"This young lady was just going to call in to the station. She has a few questions about why she can't have her fake i.d. back."

"Let's see it." The officers look at the i.d. and walk over to the girl. I don't really listen in to their conversation because I've heard it all before. Until I hear the one officer say to her, "Listen lady, if you want to make a big deal out of this we can arrest you and prosecute you in a federal court. This is possession of a forged federal document. You could go to prison for five years for this, it's called fraud. So how bout we drop it and you go home."

The girl started crying and the tried to plead with the officer but he wouldn't have anything to do with it. He turned and walked over and handed the i.d. back to me. He rolled his eyes and patted me on the shoulder. In a low voice he commented, "I don't know how you deal with this crap," then walked back to the car.

Before the officers even got into their car, the girl came back up to me. The first officer stopped and yelled over to the girl, "Miss. Don't even bother this man again. We will gladly take you in for this. Start walking away." Then he stood next to his car as the girl turned and started walking down the street.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Fake I.D. III: Delivery Driver...

"You want me to lose my job!?"

"Your not going to lose your job over a fake i.d."

"It's not fake! That's my name. See, it's on my credit cards too!"

"This is fake. You want it back? Go get the cops."

His friend speaks, "Man, I know this kid. We moved here together from Alabama. All southern i.d.'s are laminated."

"Your not helping your friend," the confiscated i.d. was from Tennessee, "How bout you be quiet."

"Man, I'm a delivery driver. I'll lose my job if you take that away!"

"Listen, your not a delivery driver. Your too small and not smart enough. Plus, you smell like crap and your riding an old ass 10 speed bicycle. What you gonna deliver on that?"

"I deliver pizzas."

"Well, bring me a pizza tomorrow and I'll give this back to you."

"Man, fuck you."

"Now your definitely not gettin it back."

"Come on man.. I'm sorry, can I just get it back? I swear I'll never come here again."

"Admitting defeat?"


"Dumbass, get the fuck outta here."

The i.d. goes in my back pocket and the kid stands outside.

The license was fake on many levels. No UV ink, no signature, bad picture, pressed paper instead of plastic, and it wasn't even a CDL (commercial driver's license) that a delivery driver has to have.

If your going to invest in a fake i.d. then make sure it looks like the real thing.

Or just wait until your 21. There's really nothing special about going to bars or clubs anyways.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Expired I.D. II: Passport...

"Whadda ya mean I can't come in? That's a passport!"

"I know it's a passport. It's expired by a year. Which means it's no good."

"I just got back from Canada with it."

"I doubt it. You have any other i.d.'s?"

"I don't need anything else, this is my passport."

"You do if your coming in here. Have a good night."

Whether you have a passport or any other kind of i.d. it has to be valid. Any i.d. that is expired is no good. It doesn't matter if it's a Driver's License, State I.D. or a Passport. It has to be valid and it has to be you.

Recently I've been getting a lot of expired passports. People hand them off to younger siblings because they don't need them and can't use them anymore, which is a Federal Offense.

"I bet a cop would say that I could get in."

"Would you like to ask one? There's one right there." I point to a squad car sitting at the corner. "Just remember, it's jail time in a Federal prison if they really want to be dicks."

So the kid goes over to the squad and talks to the cops. Next thing, they walk over to me and ask why I wouldn't let the guy in with his passport.

"Well, the passport expired over a year ago and I don't think it belongs to him."

The cop still had the passport in his hand and started to look closer to the picture. "Where'd you get this passport kid?"

"What? That's me, that's my passport!"

"You have any other i.d. with you to prove that statement?" The second cop started walking behind the kid.

"No, I don't have anything else with me. I got mugged a couple weeks ago and that's all I got."

"Well, if you don't have anything else with you then we'll have to take ya to the station to make sure this is you."


"Yea, and if it's not you then it's off to jail with ya. You understand this right?"

"But.. all I wanted was to have a drink?"

The cop points over at me, "And all this guy is doing is his job. I'll give you a chance, if this isn't you and you admit it now, we'll let you go here and now. If it is you then you have no reason to not go with us."

The kid stood there, it looked like he was actually thinking over the options. Freedom or Jail. Big decision...

"Can I just go home?"

"Sure thing," the cop started to turn and nodded at me, "We'll see ya later Mike."

After the cops left the kid stood there for a few more minutes. Finally he spoke. "Why'd you have to be such a dick?"

"Kid, your the one that took it too far. I said no, you got the cops and had your passport taken. Learn when to drop things."

"Fuck you," the kid walked off.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Just a bow and nothing more....

"Did Santa talk to you yet?"


"Santa Claus..." The woman standing before me was quite the looker. She was about 5'6" and had all the curves in the right places. She filled out the curves in almost perfect proportions.

"Why would he talk to me?"

"Well, I told him that I wanted you for Christmas."

"I'm a little busy for Christmas but I'm free after work tonight."

She smiled, "Oh, I've always wanted to get my presents early." She reached up and rested her hand on my chest. "Well, I guess I'll just wait for you inside then." She reached for the door to the establishment.

"You should do that. First though, I need your i.d. before you go in."

She reached into her purse and pulled out her i.d.. I took it and looked at it, the birthdate was 1-5-87. "Hun, you know your not old enough to come in here right?"

She smiled and gave me a subtle wink, "Oh, I'll make up for it later tonight."

I stood there looking at her. I looked in through the door and noticed a guy standing inside. He was giving her the thumbs up then thumbs down sign as if asking, "Are you getting in?"

I looked back at her, "Sorry hun, I'm sure it would have been wonderful but your gonna have to wait a few days before you come in."

"Oh, I gave you the wrong one, that's my sisters," she reached into her purse again and pulled out a second i.d. "Here, this ones me."

I look at the second i.d., "This isn't you." I slide the i.d. into my pocket.

"Yes it is."

"Really? Different last name as your sister? It's slightly possible. 6'2"? Not possible. To top it off, the i.d. expired 3 years ago. It's not you."

Her face dropped. The smiled eroded into a frown, her eyebrows dropped and her eyes squinted. "Oh, you would of let me in if you didn't see these huh? You fuckin perv!" Her voice became louder as it went on.

As she was talking I raised my hand in front of her face. With my fingers straight I closed them together so they met my thumb as if symbolizing her mouth to close like a puppet. I think this angered her because she just kept talking. Then it was my turn to be loud.

"Hey! Listen. If you were old enough to come in, I'd let you in. I didn't start this conversation. You did. Don't write checks with your mouth if your ass can't cash it. Walk away, we're done."

She just kept talking. So every time she started to talk I'd hold up my hand and add in a "Shh". Then the door opened and the guy that was standing inside stepped out.

"Hey man, how come my friend can't come in?"

"Because she's 20."

"What? She was just in my bar. She's old enough."

"Guess you better learn how to spot fakes."

The guy turned around and walked back into the establishment. The girl started to walk away and I had to add my 2 cents. "Keep talking to Santa maybe he'll get what you want for next year." I smiled and waved as she walked off.

She turned around, yelled "Fuck you!!" and gave me the 2 middle finger salute.

I stood there wondering if I would have fallen for that if she had given me the other i.d. first. Anythings possible especially when your wanted as a Christmas gift. Can't let Santa down, ya know?

Friday, November 23, 2007

Expired I.D. - Get a New I.D...

"Listen, I'm gonna let you in this time but not again. Get a new i.d."

"Man, I've just been real busy with stuff. We just opened a new club and I just moved here 4 months ago and..."

"And your i.d. expired 3 years ago. I know who you are. I know where you work. I don't care. Get a new i.d. or don't come here again."

"Does it really have to be like this?"

"Listen, last week you said you've been here for a year but you've been too busy. This time you've only been here 4 months. You should know the laws if your opening a club. No expired i.d.'s. Go get a new one."

"How bout I just don't come back?"

"That's fine with me too. How bout we start right now."

"Sure. I'll just go get my friends and we'll leave."

"Not with that i.d., it's expired. I can't let you in. Hope you got their numbers in your phone."

Thursday, November 08, 2007

I'm 36!...

"Can I see your i.d.?"

The man opened his wallet and closed it fast and tried to walk past me. I grabbed his arm, "Hey man, I need to see your i.d. please."

The man stopped and pulls his wallet out again. This time he opens it up and starts going through it."Here ya go."

He pulls out a chain store discount card.

"Yea, that's not a valid i.d., you got a real one?"

"I'm 36 years old, I don't need to show you an i.d."

"Yes you do. No i.d. no entry. I can't let you in."

"Listen, would a 19 year old have an American Express card?"

"Man, I had 3 credit cards by the time I was 20. I'm gonna have to ask you to go to a different bar."

"What!? This is ridiculous. I've been coming here for years! Look, I have gray hair and I'm balding!"

"No, you haven't and my brother was gray and balding when he was in high school. No i.d. no entry. Good night."

"Man. You know what you are?? Your a fuckin dildo!"

"Thanks, have a good one." I gave the man a thumbs up and smiled with my head cocked to the side.

"I'm 36 years old, I don't need a fuckin i.d. your just bein an asshole."

"Listen man, I'm doing what I get paid to do."

"They don't pay you to be an asshole!"

Sometimes I wonder.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Ah, young Padawan...

On a busy weekend like one near the holiday of Halloween it's always busy. There's lots of people wanting into the establishment and lots of people waiting in line. The worst part of it all is that most of the people are drunk.

One thing I've noticed is that everyone is in their own world. Even more so on Halloween because they all want to act like the character they're portraying. There's Wolfman howling, Spider-man and Venom wrestling, and a couple dressed as trailer trash (or Britney Spears and Kevin Federline I couldn't really tell..) yelling at everyone.

So I get to step out and tell them all to contain themselves or they wouldn't be allowed in. This lasted a whole 5 minutes maybe. The trailer trash couple lasted about a minute and they were back to screaming at each other. So I did what I said I was going to do.

"Guys, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"What the fuck for!?"

"I already explained it to you. If you can't be quiet out here when I ask you to you can't go inside."

The typical argument and name calling starts up and they leave. Next on the list, the Wolfman. He just wouldn't shut up.

"Hey man, I'm gonna ask you one more time. Quit howling or just leave."

"Oh, I'm sorry man."

I turn away and he howls. I turn back and his friends are laughing as he points to someone else in the group. "That's it man, don't waste your time waiting your not getting in." His friends start laughing and the Wolfman and his friends start to walk off. Behind them is a guy dressed up as a young Padawan, from Star Wars.

After telling the Wolfman he had to leave about a half an hour goes by and the Jedi Padawan is next in line to get in. As he stands there and waits he seems very patient since he just waited close to an hour just to come in.

It's now drawing closer to closing time when a few regulars walk up and say their hellos. A few minutes later a few people leave and I let the regulars in. This seems to have awakened the 'dark side' in the young Padawan.

"Man, what the fuck? Why ain't I going in?"

"You'll be in as soon as I can get you in there."

"No. Fuck that. I should be going in now."

"I'll tell you when you can go in. Keep talkin and you won't be going in at all."

A minute or two of silence and then it happens. I hear clearing of a nose and I feel a slight thud on my jacket. I look down and see the ball of spit and snot slowly rolling over itself as it walks down the front of my jacket. I look up and see the face of the Padawan slowly go from victorious to scared as he looks at me.

I step forward and grab him by the shoulder and raise my other arm. I pull my hand back and flatten it so I can smack him across the face like the child he is. Then he turns and pulls out of the cloak he had on like it was a layer of skin shedding off a snake. He gets to the curb of the street and stands there flipping me off. I stand my ground and wait.

I step into the establishment and ask Paulie to get me a wet rag to wipe my jacket off with. He comes back and looks at my jacket, "Is that really what I think it is?"

"Yep. Little fucker spit right on me."

"He still out there?"

"Yep. He'll be staying the weekend in jail soon though."

This is something people don't think about when they do stupid things. I'm not one to actually follow up on something like this but I will use it to my advantage. If you get arrested on a Friday night your not getting out until late Monday afternoon. Court isn't open on Saturday or Sunday so you have to sit and wait till Monday.

I step back outside and the guy is still at the curbside. Now he's rattling off about how he's a law student. He knows his rights and he knows that it's illegal for me to refuse him entrance. I guess he's not a very good law student because the number one rule with liquor establishments is this.

We have the right to refuse service to any one for any reason at any time.

However, learning that he is a law student makes it even better. Now I can just have him arrested for public drunkenness and screw him in two different ways. Make him sit all weekend and make him wait even longer to take his Bar Exam.

Why? From what I've been told by lawyers and policemen is this. If you have an arrest on your record you will automatically be refused by the state bar for licensing. You will be denied until the arrest is off of your record. Which means if you graduate you'll be flipping burgers because you can't practice law until you pass the Bar.

"An applicant must have good moral character,..."

Soon enough I see a squad car driving by and I flag them down with my flashlight. They pull up and the young Padawan starts walking down the street. The driver side window rolls down. "What's up Mike?"

"There's a young guy dressed as a Jedi walking around the corner. I think he'd like to spend the weekend in your motel."

"What'd he do?"

"He mumbled something and spit on me. Couldn't understand him but I think he said something about having something."

"Ok, we'll go get him."

Five minutes later the squad pulls back up. They ask me to identify the guy in the back seat and I sign a couple forms. Then they leave as I wave good bye to the Padawan going off to his fun weekend of Bubba and Bill. The cops tell me not to worry about showing up for court.

Surprisingly, the Spider-man and Venom characters that were wrestling in line were never a problem again. Even at the end of the night when Venom had to be partially carried out by Spider-man.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Skin Head or Shaved Head....

Since when is it a fact that your a White Power piece of shit just because you have a shaved head? I've never understood why anyone in this day and age thinks that. A shaved head is nothing more than a different type of hair style. Which really doesn't make much sense since there is no hair involved.

I know a few doorguys who shave their heads for a basic reason. No hair means there's nothing for someone to grab a hold of in a situation. I can fully understand this just from my own experiences of grabbing heads full of hair and having mine grabbed. When there's no hair to grab it's a little harder to get a good hold on someone in that way.

It's good at times for weeding out the assholes. Especially when they walk up to the door and open their mouths to a doorguy with a shaved head.

"Hi guys, can I see your i.d.'s?"

"Sure thing brother," man pulls out wallet and takes out his i.d. Looking at his friend, "This must be a good place for our brothers."

I look up, "You have family in from out of town?"

"No man, I mean for us. None of them black types in here right?"

"I'm sorry, what do you mean by 'black types'?"

"I guess I mean any one that's not white."

"Yea.. you might want to try a different bar guys. We don't discriminate our customers. Every one is equal here."

The guy just stood there staring, "It's cool man, I just figured since your head looked so clean.."

"That I'm some kind of piece of shit? Take a walk guys, I can't let you in here."

They stood there for a little bit and walked down the street. Yelled a few racist remarks at some guys on the corner and disappeared.

I just don't understand that mentality, even with 3/4's of my family being from the south. I know in some areas of the world it's still a common problem but it's rare that it comes up here. If I can deter it in any way I'm more than happy to. If I could take all those people and re-write their brain functions I would. Sadly, there has to be some people that are still ignorant and like to defecate from their mouths.

Then again, there are still people on the other side of that fence that think it still. I've had black people come up and give me shit for having a shaved head also. They walk by and say things about how they would come to the establishment but it doesn't look like they're welcome. Or they just throw out insults with out even knowing who they're insulting. They don't even realize that I just didn't let in two white power assholes because I don't believe in that.

The world has two sides to everything. There's a good and bad to just about every type of person there is in the world. Until you know who or what that person is how can you decide who or what they are? Is it your power to do so?

Granted, a good doorman can recognize most of the different types of people. It doesn't mean that they are 100% correct in everything they decide though. There is always a chance that they are wrong. I'll admit that I have been wrong in certain cases but that's not something anyone really wants to bring up. Not because anyone wants to admit that they were wrong but just because it doesn't look good.

No one's perfect but you can stop yourself from being a complete piece of shit at any time.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Do you know who I am!?...

There's always that one guy that thinks he's the big shot. He thinks he knows all the right people and he thinks he goes to all the right places. Sometimes reality sinks in.

On a busy night, with people waiting in line, a gentleman walks up past the line. He does the same thing that a lot of people do. He drops a name that isn't all that important.

"Hey buddy, I'm good friends with Mark over at Cookie's Clubhouse. Anything you can do for us?"

"Well, there are people waiting in line over here so there's not a lot I can do."

"Yea, but I'm good friends with Mark. He said to come over here."

Here's what most people don't realize. Most doormen in this area know most of the important people in the industry. We talk to other people and yes, we do go out on some occasions. So we know who's who.

"I heard you the first time. I know who Mark is, I don't know who you are. So your going to have to wait in line."

"You can't help us out to skip this line? I'm good friends with Mark."

"Listen, if your good friends with Mark then you should know how this works. You want to skip the line then you know what to do."

The guy turns and walks back to the end of the line. Then returns with two younger ladies by his side and stands by the side of the entrance. Ten minutes goes by and three people leave the establishment. So I check the i.d. of the next three people in line and let them in. Another ten minutes goes by and four people leave. I check the i.d. of the next four people in line and let them in. Then Pancho walks up to me.

"Hey man, I told you. I'm good friends with Mark. Are you going to do anything for us?"

"I already told you. You should know how this works. You take care of me, I take care of you."

Then Pancho squares his shoulders up with mine and leans his body in towards mine. He raises his voice so others can hear and says, "What?! You want me to pay you to come into this place!?"

The people in line turn and look towards us. "No, you don't have to pay me. You can wait in line."

His voice gets louder, "Man, fuck this!! If we would of stayed in line we'd be in already!"

"That was your choice, not mine."

"So you want me to pay you so we can skip the line?"

"That's how it works buddy."

"Fuck that! Fuck this place and fuck you!!!" Now he takes a step towards me. Just a small step. I'd even go so far as to say a half of a step. "I tell you who my friends are and it means nothing to you!? Then you say you want money from me?"

Now he turns and looks at the two girls that are with him. I reach down and pull my flashlight out of my pocket and wrap my fingers around it so it fits nice and tight in my palm like a roll of quarters. His hand comes up and he points his finger in my face.

Now he's yelling, "Fuck you man!! Fuck you! You don't know who I am!!" And on cue the two 4'8" slender girls wrap their arms around his waist and start pulling him away from the entrance and me. "You just wait mother fucker! You'll know who I am when I come back for you!!"

Then he walks away.

I'm really glad those two girls with a combined weight of 200lbs were able to hold him back. I'm not sure what I would have done if they weren't there.

Of course, I could have kicked him in the balls and then punched him in the back of the head. I could have just put an elbow to his temple. I could have smacked him in the throat. I'm just really glad those to waifs of women were there to hold him back.

The tough guy routine is really over done but I haven't seen it in a long time. It's good to see it occasionally just to be reminded about how absurd it truly is.

I wonder if that means he's got a really small penis?

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Empty Promise....

"Hey man, I got four people with me and we'd like to come in."

"That's fine, you just have to wait in line and you'll be in as soon as you make it up here."

"Yea, that's cool. So we can be next in right?"

"I doubt it. There's about forty people in front of you."

"Yea, yea, what if I threw you some cash?"

"That's completely up to you."

The guy stood there in his vertical striped button up shirt, spiked hair, sandals and worn jeans. Then he looked back at his group of people, grinned a little and waved at them. The group started walking up and he pulled the door open. I put my hand on the door and pushed it closed.

"Did you not hear me? There's a line over there for you and your group to stand in."

"Yea, don't worry about it man. I'll take care of you."

"Really? Cause it's my job to worry about it. So go wait."

"Hey man, I'm gonna throw you a twenty don't worry about it. I just gotta hit the atm first."

"I tell ya what. Since you've proven what a great guy you are. You can add a zero onto the end of that twenty and then we'll have a deal. Just put the money in my hand first."

"What?! $200?? You gotta be kidding."

"Listen. You think your King Shit parading these people around so now you can either act like King Shit or you can walk away with your leg between your legs in front of your friends and all these other people. It's up to you."

He turns to his friends, "Man, fuck this place. Let's get out of here."

The best thing about douche bags like that. When they leave and complain about the doorman not letting them in; it makes the people waiting in line feel even better. Feel free to complain that I wouldn't let you and your overpriced dates in. That your frat buddies won't be coming back any time soon. That's almost like adding a bonus on to the bar and making people want to come back.

Then again... If he had $200 I would have let him in.

It's only common sense to me...

I mean if you want to act like a big shot then you better be able to be a big shot.