Search Terms II: How to get into a Bar...

Trying to get into a club but your underage? Read on and see some tips.


It's funny to think of the amount of people that come to this site looking for tips on how to get into a bar with an expired i.d. To think that there's some 18 - 19 year old sitting at home trying to get that kind of advice from a search engine. Even better that they get sent here.

Now I'll never say that I'm 100%. I can honestly say that I've never done anything to the point that I can say that I'm never wrong. In fact, I'd even say that I'm sure there are some i.d.'s that get past me. I don't have the best equipment to catch everyone but I do try my best.

So here's a little run down for all you little ones trying to get in to the clubs.

First off, realize why we don't want you in the establishment. Realize that not only can the doormen lose their jobs because you made it in but every person working in that establishment could possibly lose their job for a week or up to a month. This all depends on where you are, each state has different repercussions for allowing underage kids in. So if you get caught inside an establishment by a law officer, not only can you get a Felony but the establishment gets fined and possibly closed down. Which could mean that there are 20 - 100 or more people without work. No work means no money which means no providing for themselves or possibly their families. So because your dumb ass wants to go where the big kids are we get thrown back to the poverty lines.

Let's go back to the term Felony. A lot of kids that I've taken i.d.'s away from don't realize the extent of trouble they could get into. By handing me an i.d. that isn't you, your representing that your a different person. Your fraudulently representing yourself. By doing this your committing an act of Fraud. Fraud is a felony.

Showing a real i.d. and acting as if it's you can land you in Federal Prison for a few years. It's highly doubtful that this will happen. What could happen is that you are put on probation and you still get the Felony charge.

Let's realize what a Felony charge does to your future employment possibilities. With a Felony you can not get a job as a gas station cashier. In fact, you can't get a job anywhere that deals with money. There are a lot of jobs that you won't be able to get because of the Felony. If you've ever filled out an application for a job you'll see where they ask if you have a felony. If you say yes then you have to explain why. Imagine explaining that you got a felony because you just couldn't wait to go to a club to drink. If you answer no to the felony question and they do a background check and find out you do have one, you'll be fired from that job immediately.

Showing a fake or rendered i.d. is an act of fraud against the government. Your tampering with an official document. If your the possessor they'll more than likely do the same as I mentioned above. If your the creator your definitely looking at time in a federal prison.

Keep this in mind when your showing a fake or rendered i.d. Your producing an official document, if it's not real or changed then your producing a fake i.d. that could be viewed as an act of fraud. Which puts you in the same list as people that steal identities. These people are scam artists and literally steal thousands of dollars from unknowing people.

Feel free to read over some of these articles.

1-30-2008 - BALTIMORE DEFENDANT SENTENCED IN SCHEME TO PRODUCE FAKE IDENTITY DOCUMENTS, BANK FRAUD AND IDENTITY THEFT

8-9-2007 - GUILTY IN U.S. FEDERAL COURT

11-27-2007 - INDIANA MAN SENTENCED POSSESSING/DISTRIBUTING FALSE IDENTIFICATION DOCUMENTS

9-15-2006 - CALIFORNIA MAN SENTENCED TO FOUR YEARS IN PRISON FOR AGGRAVATED IDENTITY THEFT


Many more articles of different degrees.

So you might want to double think the possibilities that could happen when you fraudulently represent yourself, especially these days. With the 'terrorist threat' that is high any fake i.d. could be a possibility to make an example out of you.

Of course, when your young and stupid you don't think of the things that could happen. Unless those things are fun.

Ah, young Padawan...

On a busy weekend like one near the holiday of Halloween it's always busy. There's lots of people wanting into the establishment and lots of people waiting in line. The worst part of it all is that most of the people are drunk.

One thing I've noticed is that everyone is in their own world. Even more so on Halloween because they all want to act like the character they're portraying. There's Wolfman howling, Spider-man and Venom wrestling, and a couple dressed as trailer trash (or Britney Spears and Kevin Federline I couldn't really tell..) yelling at everyone.

So I get to step out and tell them all to contain themselves or they wouldn't be allowed in. This lasted a whole 5 minutes maybe. The trailer trash couple lasted about a minute and they were back to screaming at each other. So I did what I said I was going to do.

"Guys, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"What the fuck for!?"

"I already explained it to you. If you can't be quiet out here when I ask you to you can't go inside."

The typical argument and name calling starts up and they leave. Next on the list, the Wolfman. He just wouldn't shut up.

"Hey man, I'm gonna ask you one more time. Quit howling or just leave."

"Oh, I'm sorry man."

I turn away and he howls. I turn back and his friends are laughing as he points to someone else in the group. "That's it man, don't waste your time waiting your not getting in." His friends start laughing and the Wolfman and his friends start to walk off. Behind them is a guy dressed up as a young Padawan, from Star Wars.

After telling the Wolfman he had to leave about a half an hour goes by and the Jedi Padawan is next in line to get in. As he stands there and waits he seems very patient since he just waited close to an hour just to come in.

It's now drawing closer to closing time when a few regulars walk up and say their hellos. A few minutes later a few people leave and I let the regulars in. This seems to have awakened the 'dark side' in the young Padawan.

"Man, what the fuck? Why ain't I going in?"

"You'll be in as soon as I can get you in there."

"No. Fuck that. I should be going in now."

"I'll tell you when you can go in. Keep talkin and you won't be going in at all."

A minute or two of silence and then it happens. I hear clearing of a nose and I feel a slight thud on my jacket. I look down and see the ball of spit and snot slowly rolling over itself as it walks down the front of my jacket. I look up and see the face of the Padawan slowly go from victorious to scared as he looks at me.

I step forward and grab him by the shoulder and raise my other arm. I pull my hand back and flatten it so I can smack him across the face like the child he is. Then he turns and pulls out of the cloak he had on like it was a layer of skin shedding off a snake. He gets to the curb of the street and stands there flipping me off. I stand my ground and wait.

I step into the establishment and ask Paulie to get me a wet rag to wipe my jacket off with. He comes back and looks at my jacket, "Is that really what I think it is?"

"Yep. Little fucker spit right on me."

"He still out there?"

"Yep. He'll be staying the weekend in jail soon though."

This is something people don't think about when they do stupid things. I'm not one to actually follow up on something like this but I will use it to my advantage. If you get arrested on a Friday night your not getting out until late Monday afternoon. Court isn't open on Saturday or Sunday so you have to sit and wait till Monday.

I step back outside and the guy is still at the curbside. Now he's rattling off about how he's a law student. He knows his rights and he knows that it's illegal for me to refuse him entrance. I guess he's not a very good law student because the number one rule with liquor establishments is this.

We have the right to refuse service to any one for any reason at any time.

However, learning that he is a law student makes it even better. Now I can just have him arrested for public drunkenness and screw him in two different ways. Make him sit all weekend and make him wait even longer to take his Bar Exam.

Why? From what I've been told by lawyers and policemen is this. If you have an arrest on your record you will automatically be refused by the state bar for licensing. You will be denied until the arrest is off of your record. Which means if you graduate you'll be flipping burgers because you can't practice law until you pass the Bar.

"An applicant must have good moral character,..."

Soon enough I see a squad car driving by and I flag them down with my flashlight. They pull up and the young Padawan starts walking down the street. The driver side window rolls down. "What's up Mike?"

"There's a young guy dressed as a Jedi walking around the corner. I think he'd like to spend the weekend in your motel."

"What'd he do?"

"He mumbled something and spit on me. Couldn't understand him but I think he said something about having something."

"Ok, we'll go get him."

Five minutes later the squad pulls back up. They ask me to identify the guy in the back seat and I sign a couple forms. Then they leave as I wave good bye to the Padawan going off to his fun weekend of Bubba and Bill. The cops tell me not to worry about showing up for court.

Surprisingly, the Spider-man and Venom characters that were wrestling in line were never a problem again. Even at the end of the night when Venom had to be partially carried out by Spider-man.

Open Containers....

In my experience there's only two places that you can walk out of an establishment with an open container, Vegas and New Orleans. By open container I mean an open bottle of alcohol or a cup or glass. I'm sure there are probably other places but those are the two that I know of. Most other places don't allow you to take an open container out onto the streets with you. Many people don't seem to know this.

"Hey, the cups gotta stay inside."

"It's just water."

"Still has to stay inside, it's an open container."

"But it's just water."

"The cup has to stay inside. Not my rule, it's the city's." At this point they either take the cup back inside or I take the cup away.

Easy enough, right? Sometimes it's an argument but most of the time it's not. People don't understand that even though it looks like water it could be something else, like vodka and soda or something like that. People also don't understand the ramifications if they actually got stopped on the street for it. If they say where it came from then it could be bad news for the establishment. Fines are something we tend to try and steer clear from.

People also try to hide their drinks as they leave also. I've seen people slip their beers into their coat sleeves, put them in their back pant pockets, in purses, and their jacket pockets.

I even saw one guy put his rocks glass under his hat. The hat sat up high on his head and he was walking like he was stiff as a board. As he got closer to the door I put my hand up. "Hold on man, your hat's crooked." So I reached up and started to adjust the hat and he moved. The drink tipped over and he was covered in what ever he was drinking. I just started laughing and took the glass out from under his hat, put the hat back on his head and let him out.

If I spot someone outside of the establishment with a drink hidden I take it away. I walk up say "Excuse me" and reach in and pull out the drink. Then I turn it upside down right where I got. If the person is quick enough they don't get the booze all over them. If they're not then they get wet and smell like booze. I figure they won't mind if they get soaked. After all, they were trying to take it with them anyways and now they can, just not in the same way they were hoping to.

Not all places have a package license meaning that they can sell alcohol that you can carry out. Many of the places I've worked haven't had these licenses. So if they don't have the license you can't carry anything outside of it.

That's just how it is.

Odd Laws...

So I'm really kind of bored right now and can't think of anything to write about. The weekend went by and nothing really happened. There were some more fake i.d.'s and some really drunk frat boys that I wouldn't let in. Even with all that it was just like a regular weekend except it was 3 days long for me instead of two.

So every once in a while I have some sites that I check out when I'm really bored and looking for new things to talk about. This is one that I find pretty funny because you can get a look back at how stupid some of the states were back in the day. Dumblaws.com is a great place to check out laws that are in your state and are ridiculous. They even have an international section for all the other areas of the world.

Here's some of them off of their site.

• Wisconsin - "While all cheese making requires a license, Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license."
• Wisconsin - "The state definition of rape stated that it was a man having sex with a woman he knows not to be his wife."
• Wisconsin - "As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned."
• Wisconsin - "Livestock have the right-of-way on public roads."
• Wisconsin - "The government may not prohibit manual flushed urinals."
• Indiana - "If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices."
• Indiana - "It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public."
• Indiana - "Oral sex is illegal."
• Indiana - "A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17."
• Indiana - "Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session."
• Illinois - "The English language is not to be spoken."
• Illinois - "You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile."
• Illinois - "You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person."
• Iowa - "A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public."
• Iowa - "Kisses may last for no more than five minutes."
• Iowa - "It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp."
• Iowa - "One-armed piano players must perform for free."

I thought some people might want to know these things. After all, one never knows when you might be traveling into a city with your automobile.

The really strange part is some of these are still in effect. I mean can you really take down a law after it's been put up? Just goes to show that the cops could bust you for just about anything if they really wanted. Just depends on how well they know their laws.

And any ladies in Texas should really take a look at this one.

• Texas - "Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos."

I'm just putting it out there so you know. I find it funny as well.