Monday, December 31, 2007

New Year's Eve...

It's New Year's Eve and your going out in style!! Drunken Style, that is..

Please re-visit the Don't List to help your night go smoother.

Remember, a lot of people are out tonight. A lot of drunk people that are more idiots tonight than ever. There's also a lot of thieves out tonight too.

Ladies. Keep your hands on your purses at all times. One of the stupidest things you can do is imagine that you live in a world that someone won't steal your purse.

Men. Keep your hands to yourself and your mouths shut. No one wants to know if you think your tough.

Have fun but be safe by all means.

If you see a long line at your favorite establishment then take very good care of the doorstaff if you want in. It's New Year's and even if you might be special on busy nights, you might not be special tonight. Besides, the doorstaff is already dealing with enough crap to be nice, so be extra nice to them.

Be safe, have fun and I'll see you next year.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

New Day..

I've never really understood the big deal about New Year's Eve. Maybe it's the cynical part of me coming to the surface again.

New Year's has always just been another night to me, nothing very special.

It's a big night for the bar industry. A night that everyone goes out for and almost everyone is wasted for. The city offers special rates for public transportation and the cab companies sometimes give deals for the wasted. All done in good ways so people get home safe and aren't stuck passing out in alleyways. It also keeps some of the drunks off the street so sober people like myself aren't in such danger of driving home.

When I was a kid growing up the family got together with close relatives and we all hung out at another relatives house for New Year. These days we're all lucky if we see each other once a year. I never really saw the big deal about New Year's then either. Other than I could stay up past midnight.

Everything has been pretty busy this past week. Everyone is starting to get used to the cold so now they're coming out more. This weekend has been busier as well. People have Monday and Tuesday off so it's like an extended 4 day weekend. Which means it's busier for me too.

I guess time will tell as to how busy Monday night is. Usually there's a private event on New Year's, not this year. Business as usual. It's always better to have a private event for New Year's. Less drunk walk ups means a better time for all.

Be safe this year. If you go out, don't drive. If you must drive. Don't drink.

Saturday, December 29, 2007


Winter time brings on many adoring things that everyone loves. The flu, common cold, coughing, sneezing and headaches. It's such a wonderful thing when your stuck outside of a doorway and it's raining or snowing and 30 degrees.

No matter what you wear there's really no way to protect yourself from sickness. If your lucky the establishment will put a heat lamp out for you. If it's like any other place, they don't care because your just a mindless brute that likes the job.

Needless to say, I'm sick. The good news is that this is my one time to be sick all year. It's very rare that I ever get sick. Of course this is also the time when I prove the point that I've said to many other doormen that have worked for me.

"Your never to sick to stand outside a door."

The only time your too sick to stand in a doorway and card people is when your heading to the emergency room at the local hospital. Why do I say this? If your too sick to come to work then your well off enough to not bitch about not having enough money. If you can handle taking the few days off due to being sick then you have the money to do it.

A typical sickness lasts more than a day. So if you take one day off from work you might as well take three. Just to make sure you get over it. Then if you bitch about having so many days off it's your problem, not mine. I honestly don't care, I'll work those days and keep the money.

So yea, I have enough mucus coming out of me in the past few days to fill a tub. I wish I could sell this stuff by the pint. I think I'd be a millionaire by now..

Still at it though.

Be safe.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Ho Ho Ho...

Ah Christmas time... Such a slow night of nights.

The neighborhood looks like it should be a scene from a horror movie. Desolate and only a few lights on other than the street lights. I'm just waiting for the zombies to start moaning and stumbling their way in.

Of course that never happens. That would be too much excitement for such a day.

Later in the night we'll get a few alcohol induced zombies. They're not as fun as real zombies. It's not like I could bust their heads open and save the world. Well.. No... I couldn't.

Hope everyone's holiday went better than planned.

Be safe.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

A slight tick away from perfection...

One thing I learned from a life long friend is this. "If it's not perfect then it's not right." That could be used in many different ways but he was referring to women.

He got married just a few months ago to the girl that he thinks is his perfect match. As far as I'm concerned, I'm glad he's happy. I have nothing to say about his new wife except that she is a great person and to marry him, she must be perfect.

His general rule of thumb seems to have worked great for him. My general rule of thumb? Give it a shot. If the sex is great, then you can put up with some of the idiocrasies. Horrible rule of thumb, I know, I'm still learning...

One thing I never understood are the girls that are dominatrices. Sure, I understand that some men like feeling like shit about themselves. They need that in order to feel superior to others or just to feel good about themselves. What I don't understand are the two extremely attractive girls I know that do the job.

After a very frustrating night at work I met up with Sueann. She's a Dominatrix who goes by a different name. A name that I won't even speak of here but it begins with Mistress and ends with some dark, brooding, evil twang.

The night at work was very frustrating. We had several people removed from the bar and a couple fights. Needless to say I was pretty pent up after a night of throwing people around. All I really wanted to do was go home and fall asleep on the couch as I watched a rerun on tv. After the second fight at the bar she came up and started talking to me. She was very persuasive in getting my attention and after only a couple minutes she had it, fully. She could have distracted a fat man at a pie eating contest. She was wearing a tight black corset with red fringe, thigh high black stockings, a mini skirt and those boots most commonly known as hooker heels. Her hair was black as night and pulled back tight in a pony tail. Her face was angelic with that little spurt of evil slowly dribbling out around her eyes and mouth.

She managed to talk me into taking her and her other dominatrix friend out to breakfast. Every word that came out of her mouth was sultry and full of innuendos. She spoke of things that I could only have dreamt of. She talked of how she wanted a man that could throw her around and have his way with her.

We went to breakfast after I got out of work and she sat next to me and her lone friend sat across from us at the table. Her friend couldn't decide if she wanted to talk or eat and in between forks of food her mouth wouldn't stop. Then her phone rang and she was off like a race horse chattering into the small cell phone. Meanwhile, Sueann's hands explored the lowlands that they found under the table.

Sueann's friend finally got off the phone and announced that she was going to leave. She jumped up from the table and ran out the door leaving me with the bill. I paid the bill and then Sueann and I were off. In the car I asked where I could take her and she looked at me and answered easily. "I'm staying with you tonight."

I parked my car a block away from the homestead and we walked in. As we got into the front door the heels started coming off and the thigh highs were on their way. Our jackets fell into a pile and my shirt was next. Then she ran off to the bathroom.

After about 5 minutes I decided to just sit on the couch and turned on the tv. I slowly start to nod off after another 15 minutes. Next thing I know I open my eyes and shes sitting on the other end of the couch crying.

"Whoa, whats the matter?"

"I don't know why I do this," her sobbing blotted out most of the words.

"Do what?"

"I s sh shouldn't be here... I need to leave..."

I sat up and put my arm around her for comfort. "If you think you should leave then feel free. If you want to stay the night you can."

"No funny business?" Her eyes looked like they were in awe or confusion.

"None at all. Besides, how good can it be if your bawling your eyes out?"

She laughed a little, "Eh he... I guess, usually that's how the guys want to be acting." She smiled a little more.

"Not this one, I just want to pass out."

The next morning I woke up right where I fell asleep on the couch. Sueann wasn't next to me though. I looked and she wasn't in my bedroom either. Then I went on to check my pockets and the money and valuables I had at the apartment. Everything was present and accounted for.

I walked into the kitchen and found a note.


I'm sorry your such a pussy and couldn't take what you wanted from such a small helpless girl. Not to worry, I'll see to it that everyone finds out what a piece of shit you really are. To believe that you wouldn't even sleep with me. Don't you know that I wanted it to happen? That's why I came here. You must be gay.

Mistress ________

Talk about your nut jobs.

This incident firmly justifies my reasoning to stay clear of girls who want to be or are a Dominatrix. Something just tells me that there has to be some kind of unbalance inside there. Some kind of mistreatment that just disturbed them to the core. Of course this doesn't go for all the women that are Dominatrices but I will say that it probably goes for the ones I know.

So I can now add Dominatrix to the not perfect list.

If it's not perfect, it's not right.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Just a bow and nothing more....

"Did Santa talk to you yet?"


"Santa Claus..." The woman standing before me was quite the looker. She was about 5'6" and had all the curves in the right places. She filled out the curves in almost perfect proportions.

"Why would he talk to me?"

"Well, I told him that I wanted you for Christmas."

"I'm a little busy for Christmas but I'm free after work tonight."

She smiled, "Oh, I've always wanted to get my presents early." She reached up and rested her hand on my chest. "Well, I guess I'll just wait for you inside then." She reached for the door to the establishment.

"You should do that. First though, I need your i.d. before you go in."

She reached into her purse and pulled out her i.d.. I took it and looked at it, the birthdate was 1-5-87. "Hun, you know your not old enough to come in here right?"

She smiled and gave me a subtle wink, "Oh, I'll make up for it later tonight."

I stood there looking at her. I looked in through the door and noticed a guy standing inside. He was giving her the thumbs up then thumbs down sign as if asking, "Are you getting in?"

I looked back at her, "Sorry hun, I'm sure it would have been wonderful but your gonna have to wait a few days before you come in."

"Oh, I gave you the wrong one, that's my sisters," she reached into her purse again and pulled out a second i.d. "Here, this ones me."

I look at the second i.d., "This isn't you." I slide the i.d. into my pocket.

"Yes it is."

"Really? Different last name as your sister? It's slightly possible. 6'2"? Not possible. To top it off, the i.d. expired 3 years ago. It's not you."

Her face dropped. The smiled eroded into a frown, her eyebrows dropped and her eyes squinted. "Oh, you would of let me in if you didn't see these huh? You fuckin perv!" Her voice became louder as it went on.

As she was talking I raised my hand in front of her face. With my fingers straight I closed them together so they met my thumb as if symbolizing her mouth to close like a puppet. I think this angered her because she just kept talking. Then it was my turn to be loud.

"Hey! Listen. If you were old enough to come in, I'd let you in. I didn't start this conversation. You did. Don't write checks with your mouth if your ass can't cash it. Walk away, we're done."

She just kept talking. So every time she started to talk I'd hold up my hand and add in a "Shh". Then the door opened and the guy that was standing inside stepped out.

"Hey man, how come my friend can't come in?"

"Because she's 20."

"What? She was just in my bar. She's old enough."

"Guess you better learn how to spot fakes."

The guy turned around and walked back into the establishment. The girl started to walk away and I had to add my 2 cents. "Keep talking to Santa maybe he'll get what you want for next year." I smiled and waved as she walked off.

She turned around, yelled "Fuck you!!" and gave me the 2 middle finger salute.

I stood there wondering if I would have fallen for that if she had given me the other i.d. first. Anythings possible especially when your wanted as a Christmas gift. Can't let Santa down, ya know?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Brotherly Love...

"I'm just saying... If your tired, your tired."

"It's just a slump, I'll be fine once these holidays are over."

"You don't usually fall into slumps."

My brother and I don't always see things eye to eye. We both see things in a pretty clear manner, almost in a black and white scenario. It's either good or bad and it's either something we do or we don't do. Sometimes he tends to look at things a little deeper than I do.

"I'm just saying, if your already thinking of doing other things then maybe you should look into other things."

"I'm not too worried about it. It'll pass with the holidays."

"Ok, just don't come running to me when it doesn't."

"When have you ever known me to come running to you?"

"Your here now aren't you?"

"I definitely didn't run here. I drove."

"Ha ha... dickhead."

The weekend was pretty uneventful. We went out and had a good time, checked out a few bars and even caught a band or two. It still didn't cure the restlessness that I've been feeling lately.

We left Sunday and I got back today.

More posts to come.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Time in a Car...

A couple days in the car and we pull into a another big city. This one is much bigger and is riddled with much more notorious individuals. I've often thought about coming to a city like this with it's history of mobsters but part of me has always told me that it'd just get me in trouble.

The weather here is about the same as the weather back home, cold and wet. It's much more windy here though. A couple days in the car with my friend and we got here safe and sound. Then it only took us another hour or so to find parking once we found my brother's house. Every where you look you see lawn furniture in the streets. People saving their parking spots now that the snow has been flying. Don't tell anyone but I did move one to take a spot. I just put it across the street in an empty spot though. Sometimes it's fun to be Loki for a day...

Spending that much time in a car with a person can either make or break the trip. You never really know how much you can stand a person until your locked in a car for a long time. It's a lot of one on one time and no way to escape. You get to see what you have in common and any reasons why you might want this person to disappear off the face of the Earth. You get to see things about a person that probably wouldn't come up in every day situations.

We made it to my brothers and got everything inside and unpacked. In a few more days we'd be off to our parents house. I finally got a break from everyone the next day when my brother's girlfriend and my friend decided they should go shopping.

"No, don't let him on your computer, he'll never get off that damn thing!"

I slightly smiled and raised my right index finger to the temple of my head and rotated it in a circle and then lowered it and pointed at my friend behind my other hand.

"Seriously, he won't..."

"Oh I know, who do you think is the geek between us?" My brother has a splendid way with words.

My brother and I stayed home and here I am updating this as my brother watches tv. He knows about the blog and helps keep it private, I think. Once again, that's paranoia sinking in... Once they were off it was time to try and update.

So there's a bit of an update. Soon we'll be off to do the traditional early Christmas and I'll be back in time to keep the kids at bay. I think we're going to actually go out to a few of the clubs around here this weekend. Should be interesting to see what some of them are like.

Ah, the holidays... so great.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Omaha Man Opens Fire...

I grew up in a household with a father that was a military man. He wasn't a lifer but he spent enough time in the ranks that he expected certain things. Even though he may not have set the best example he could he did well. He used to always say, "Do as I say, not as I do."

He taught respect and he had a very good idea of death. If an animal was on it's way to death he would give it that little extra push. Not to say that's the right thing to do but that's how he did it.

I read a little earlier that a man decided that he wasn't fit for the world anymore. So he took the easy way out. He took his weapon of choice and went to the local mall and opened fire. According to the article I read on, the man killed 8 people and wounded 5 more.

The man had made it to the 3rd level of the mall and opened fire. He hit people on the 3rd and 2nd floors. People were literally packed into dressing rooms to avoid the bullets.

Then the man did what every spineless waste of human flesh does. He turned the gun around to himself and pulled the trigger a final time. Why couldn't he just do this at home while he was all alone?

Condolences go out to the families since this man was such a piece of shit. I've never understood the thinking behind doing such a thing. I am proud to say that I fully support the right to bear arms. I am not proud of the mental cases that abuse that right. If there was such a mental aptitude test in order to own a gun it wouldn't matter, people would still find a way to get them.

I've been through many rough times and I've never once thought about suicide. It's the weak man's way out. It's something that a low life that can't possible deal with problems would do. I've said it a hundred times. I'm not a religious person but this has nothing to do with religion. This was all about a nobody that wanted the world to know that he was there.

And how hard is it to let the world know that your there? In this modern time it's very easy. After all, I'm a nobody but I'm here and I'm letting the world know it. If the entire world doesn't want to know about me then screw them. Those that do are here and they're listening.

There are a million ways for the world to hear you. You can start a blog, you can put out videos, you can even start one of those Myspace pages. Once you do, you go down in history and someone will know who you are.

According to another news source he left a suicide note that said he wanted "to go out in style". What kind of style is that dumbass? Who knows, maybe he actually wore a suit.

Anyway you look at it. He's still a spineless piece of bowel movement. An excrement of society.

Now he'll get all the tv ratings and the world will know him. Why? Because the media loves to focus on the bad things. Why focus on good things when the world doesn't care about it.

I quit watching the news a long time ago because it just makes the human race look more like crap everyday.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Dirty Laundry...

On any night I'm surrounded by beautiful women. I don't say that because I'm something that attracts beautiful women. I say that because they are pleasing to the eyes and they work at the establishment. Then again, coming from a guy that's been sober for a long time that should be a compliment to the ladies.

On many occasions I've dealt with problems concerning them. Some guys being a little too touchy feely, another called her a bitch, another pushed a waitress, etc etc. I've gladly removed these assholes from the place in a quick manner. Plenty of times these guys trip and fall down on their way to the door or out of the door. "Here's a little something from the girls," I like to say.

Then there's the problems that I really can't do much about. At least I can't when it's not at work. I'm more than happy to remove an asshole from a bar but when it comes to personal issues away from the establishment, I tend to stand clear. I don't have any personal investments in anyone that I work with so there's no need for me to get into that personal zone.

Once in a while there's a chance that I can help clear things up. Especially if the boyfriend or husband decides to bring the dirty laundry to the establishment.

Personally, I don't care who you are. You can be the boyfriend or the husband but you never lay a hand on an employee. If you have a problem then discuss that at home. This is work. This is where people make money. This is the place that people come to so they can forget their problems and have a good time. They don't come here to see waitresses argue with their significant other. They especially don't come here to see the significant other slap a woman.

Here's the predicament that I get put into when there is an assault on an employee.

No matter who it is, they get removed. They are removed quickly and as quietly as we can. It doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend, husband or a father. No one smacks an employee. This is a universal rule. If the guy's lucky he doesn't trip too many times on the way out the door. The building is really old and the floor pops up in some places. If your drunk or wasted you don't notice these things. You tend to fall down.

This is a universal rule for one reason. If we don't get rid of you then every asshole in the place will think it's ok to do what that guy just did. Then it'll become a slapfest. Slapfest's are only fun when Mr. Knuckles can jump in.

So when I hear about how much of an ass a boyfriend or husband is being, there's not much I'm willing to do on the personal level. I'm not going to go to someone's house and talk to them. It's not my problem. I will let them into the establishment though. Then keep a very close eye on them. Once they mess up inside the walls it's open season.

I'll even have a smile on my face as they keep tripping towards the door.

As we wait for the cops to show up I'll keep reminding you how pretty you look and to stay away from the guy named John in the holding cell.

Then when the cops arrive and the girl comes out and says she doesn't want to press charges. I'll remind the cops that I want to press charges. I'll then jokingly ask the cops to put you in the holding cell with John.

As the cops pull off with you in the car I'll be standing there with the girl. She'll ask why I pressed charges and I'll tell her that it's policy. Then I'll go on about how much of a piece of shit you are and that she can do a lot better. That now is a perfect time to get away from you.

Hopefully, she listens.

If she's weak then she'll go back to him. He'll be banned from the club and he'll make her quit because he can't come in to watch over her. Which, in the long run, will be better for the establishment.

If she's strong. She'll lose the guy and never go back to him. She'll find a new self respect and live a better life.

Sadly, in my experience, the first option is usually true. An attractive woman that thinks she has to keep that relationship going because she has issues.

We all have issues I guess.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Blogs & the holidays...

With the holidays approaching so does a lot of travel time. So I may not be able to update as frequently as I'd like to. So I jumped on the Twitter band wagon so I can do some small mobile posts.

You can keep up with my mobile posts at:

I also put the Twitter widget on the left of the page under the Recent Comments.

Twitter is very easy to use and it's a good way to keep up without a computer around. I haven't jumped into the laptop area just yet and it's pretty hard to carry a desktop pc around on your back. So with all this said I'll introduce you to a few other blogs that you might like as well. This way you can keep up with them until I can get back on to a regular post basis.


I just started reading Kimchihead a couple months ago. I really like the way this guy writes.

His style is like the old gritty detective stories that you might associate with from the 1940's. He's very descriptive and the entries he posts are like stories all in their own. There's a slight backdrop of insight and a lesson in each one. Some of the stories even pull at the strings of the heart.


Clublife has been a blog that I've read for a long time. It actually gave me the idea to start up this blog. I hate to say that I'm following someone's example but everyone does at some point. I'm not out looking for a book deal but I'm glad that he found his. We're similar in some senses but the environments are different.

So if you want to see another doorman's perspective jump over and read his. The archives are well worth reading. In fact, you might want to start with his oldest posts first.


Angie T brings you Chicago. Her posts are usually humorous and she has an undying love for a certain politician. Throw in odd posts of comedians and her own insight and you have a great read.

If you want to check out any of the blogs that I check up on, feel free to follow the links in the link section on the left. I need to go through and clean house though.. Some of them seem to be collecting dust. Too bad, I really enjoyed reading them. I can understand though, there have been times that I've thought about hanging up my keyboard too.

I'll be posting infrequently until the holidays are over.

Have a great holiday and I'll probably be back before you know it.

Be safe.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Another one down...

I read today that Evel Knievel has passed on. He was 69 years old.

Although he had faded from the public eye during the 80's he was always a common name. I remember seeing him on videos and wondering why he did it. I'm sure there's a video out there somewhere of him explaining why.

R.I.P. Evel Knievel

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Bar Life..

I've said it many times over and it usually sticks true. In the smaller bars there is a "bar life" for bartenders. Especially if the bar has a more corporate feeling.

What I mean by this is that there is a turn over of employees every few years. A lot of owners and managers will do this to keep up with the neighborhood and to keep bringing in new clientèle. If you keep the same stagnant employees then the place never changes and never gets better. In the overall scheme of things it always comes down to the owners making money. Yea, it sucks for the employees but they're there to make the owners money. If your not doing that then you will be replaced. It won't be a hard thing to do either, there are always students and younger people looking to get into a bar to work.

So the process is slowly starting to happen. People have been slowly nit picked enough that they are starting to drop like flies. Some of them deserve it, others don't.

The typical bar life that I've noticed over time has been right around 5 years. Every 5 years or so there's new people at all my old haunts. This is where the management comes in. If they do their part right and keep up with the regulars they'll introduce them to the new kids. Regulars are good to have. Especially if they're the ones that make it good for the bartenders to be there. The ones that know how to tip and are usually never a problem.

If your a regular somewhere and never give more than a dollar tip then don't feel bad that you don't get introduced to the new kids. Your cheap and people shouldn't waste their time on you. Why do I say that? Because bartenders and waitresses don't make much more than 3 or 4 dollars an hour in the little bars. They make very little hourly and they rely on tips to make ends meet. So if your a cheap ass and don't tip for shit then they'll spend their time on someone else.

Sound crappy? Hey, give up the money you make now and start making $4 an hour. Let's see how you feel about people then.

Granted, in the bigger clubs where your paying $10 to $12 for a short jack an coke, maybe they make more per hour. I couldn't tell you if they do because I've never been one of them. If they don't make more than $4 an hour then they're making a lot more in tips because people in bigger clubs usually have the money to waste and there are a lot more people so the crappy tips add up faster.

What I will say. Give up at least $2 or more when you order a drink. If you open a tab then tip around 25 - 30%. These people are putting up with you all night. Your insults, your come ons, your drunkenness, your wandering hands and eyes. It's worth it in the long run so you don't get the "cheap ass" rep. That rep will keep with you for a long time. It'll also slow down their reaction time when you want another drink.

Remember, your just another face in the crowd. No matter what you look like it's how you treat the people serving you that matters. If you take care of them, they'll take care of you.

Good advice to take with you everywhere.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Taking it home...

When you live in an apartment building sometimes people decide to have parties. It's only a matter of time that the cops get called if you don't clear it with the rest of the building or at least the landlord. It's very rare that a big rave type of party happens in someones apartment.

"Yo man, 20 bucks man."

I stopped fumbling with my keys that were still in my pockets and looked up. In front of the doorway to my apartment building was a guy about 6'2" tall. He had a ball cap on turned sideways, an oversized white hoodie, baggie jeans, white shoes and a jean jacket. I stood there looking at him, "Excuse me?"

"Yo man, it's 20 bucks to get in dis party."

"Yea, that's great. I live here." I started up the stairs again.

"What? You din't hear me or somthin man?" His hand came up as to stop me. I grabbed his hand, bent it back towards his elbow and spun him around. Now his face was pushed up against the wall.

"I heard you fine. You must not have heard me. I live here."

About that time a few people came walking around the corner. I had a feeling these were friends of his fairly quickly and had an even bigger feeling that I was going to be hurting in the morning.

"Yo Ty! Hey man, let him go!" The two guys came running up and the girl was slowly making her way up. I started pushing up on Ty's hand making him stand taller and become even more uncomfortable.

After Ty gave out a little yell I said, "You guys stay back or I'm breaking his wrist." The guys slowed down and stood there staring at me.

"Yea, he gets paid to do that kind of stuff." The girl in the group came walking up. It was Janet, she lives down the hall and apparently is the one having the party.

I pat Ty on the shoulder and ask him if we're cool. When he agrees I slowly let the pressure off of his hand and arm. I go nice and slow so if he decides otherwise I can put him back in place.

Janet walked up to me, "I'm sorry Mike. This won't happen again."

"You can't have some guy out here charging. That's just dumb."

"I know, I know..."

"In fact, how bout you get up there and turn off this racket and get everyone out. I want to get some sleep."

"But people are finally showing up. It's an after hours party."

"Well, we can do it the fun way. But you'll probly get in trouble for it."

"Your not gonna call the cops are you?"

"I'll give you an hour, after that it's fair game."

Monday, November 26, 2007

Other side...

A lot of people don't see everything that a doorman does for a bar or club. They see the blank face that asks for an i.d. and they see the guy that's dragging someone out by their head. They see the side of a doorman that is in conflict or seriousness.

Very rarely do they see the doorman that is smacking the face of a guy that went from talking up a storm to limp dead body in a matter of seconds. The don't see the doorman trying to stop people from going into a bar while he is crouched over a drunk guy and trying to make sure he's still alive. In fact, most of the fucking idiots that are trying to get into the establishment don't even see the guy sprawled across the sidewalk.

The other part people don't see is when the staff member is trying to get a drunk friend of the industry home safely. People think a lot of things and when they see a doorman walking out with a drunk female they automatically think that something is going on. That the doorman is taking advantage of a situation. My best advice, think what you want to think but find out what's going on before you say you know what happened.

A lot of people don't have the respect that is needed to understand the amount of things security staff go through in a busy night. The amount of insults one can take before we have to become the assholes that most people see security staff as.

Listen man, I understand I did you one favor by letting you skip the line when you tipped me. That's why you tipped me. It doesn't mean that I have to do anything else for you. It also doesn't mean that you can stand there and call me or any other doorstaff an asshole because we won't buy you a shot. If you want a deal on your drinks than over tip the bartender. They'll notice and do what they want to do. Stand there and call me an asshole. Well, I'll become that asshole that your looking for. If you really upset me, I'll throw you on your ass in front of the entire line of people outside and throw your money into the street for anyone to take.

People overlook the one person that can make or break your night. It's completely true, any person doing security at an establishment can get rid of you at any time. I know it sounds very corrupt but it's true. If there's some reason that we don't want you in the establishment then we can get rid of you. If you put up too much of a struggle don't worry, there's about 5 to 6 more people that are willing to help out and get you out.

Now I'm not saying all this so people can go to their preferred club or bar and to pat the doorstaff on their backs for doing good deeds. I'm saying it so people can recognize what the doorstaff is for. We're here to make sure you and the people around you are having a good time and there are no bad instances. We get very bored and we are always on point looking out for the establishments best interest but your best interest is not our responsibility.

In fact, I'd suggest that you don't talk to the doorstaff. More than likely they don't want to talk to you. They've been at work and are sober while you've been out having a great time and are probably half drunk or more. No one wants to talk to drunk people when they're sober. Remember your Aunt Edith at the family get togethers? She was always the one sitting in the kitchen with a cigarette in one hand and a gin and tonic in the other. She always had bad breath and pinched your cheeks way too hard. Yea, that's what you are to a sober doorman.

Go to your preferred establishment, drink, have fun, and don't cause any incidents. Don't do anything that will draw the attention of the staff and everything will be fine. Don't worry, if your in trouble or you need a problem fixed, we are here to help you as long as it's not something illegal.

Security staff is there to look out for the best interest of the establishment and to help if there is a problem. We try to keep everyone safe and happy without being the assholes. We're only assholes if we really have to be.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Expired I.D. - Get a New I.D...

"Listen, I'm gonna let you in this time but not again. Get a new i.d."

"Man, I've just been real busy with stuff. We just opened a new club and I just moved here 4 months ago and..."

"And your i.d. expired 3 years ago. I know who you are. I know where you work. I don't care. Get a new i.d. or don't come here again."

"Does it really have to be like this?"

"Listen, last week you said you've been here for a year but you've been too busy. This time you've only been here 4 months. You should know the laws if your opening a club. No expired i.d.'s. Go get a new one."

"How bout I just don't come back?"

"That's fine with me too. How bout we start right now."

"Sure. I'll just go get my friends and we'll leave."

"Not with that i.d., it's expired. I can't let you in. Hope you got their numbers in your phone."

Thursday, November 22, 2007


A day for thanks.

Thanks for everyone that keeps coming back for another round. Whether they come back for another round of drinks or another day around the clock. Give thanks to who ever you give thanks to.

Hopefully your families haven't drawn you closer to that insanity plea.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


This type of work is really more for the person that can let things slide. You have to be able to take all the bad with the good. This goes for more than just the typical dealings.

"I don't know why Chucky let's Jack hang out after hours. I feel like he's stalking me."

"Stalking you?"

Cathy is a really good woman. She's a great looking girl and has a great head on her shoulders. Sometimes she's just too sweet and a little naive, even though she knows what's going on.

"Yea, when he found out I was single he started leaving me gifts."

"You gave them back right?"

"Well, I didn't want to be rude."

"I suggest you give them back or start refusing the gifts."

"Can't we just stop him from staying after hours?"

"Listen, I'll get rid of him tonight but you need to voice your opinion. He provides a service for certain employees so they want to play nice with him."

"Like what?"

"Let's just say they like his coca-cola."

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Two Faced...

"Man I'm tellin ya, she's really into me."

Mark is a new kid to the circuit. He's around 24 years old and he's excited to get into the industry. Even if he has to start out doing security before he can get behind the bar. He's young, new to town and he's very naive. He's a work in progress and he's trying to keep up with everything that's going on both at work and in his personal life.

"Time will tell."

"No seriously man, we had a great time the other night."

"Just don't jump because she says to."

"What you mean?"

"Listen, you now work at a place that a lot of people want to get into. They'll become your best friend in order to do that. Don't get your hopes up and go with it."


"Yea. Ask her what she wants. If it's just you then she won't mind waiting in line until thats proven. If she gets all pissy about waiting then she just wants in. Your gonna have to build up your shell. Your new and people know that."

"You really think she's just gonna use me?"

"That's what they all do, guys or girls. So they'll get all nice until they get what they want."

"That's fucked up."

"Welcome to paranoia. Soon you'll start wondering why strangers talk to you in the grocery store."

Monday, November 19, 2007

Back Drop...

I've been getting a little attention lately. In some ways it's nice. In other ways it's not so nice. It's great to know that people are taking the 3 or 5 minutes to actually go through my ramblings and take notice. It's not so great to know that some people want to know more about me. Well, I'll tell ya. I'm nothing special.

I have a code of ethics that I live by. It's a hard one to explain and on a daily basis most people think it changes. In my mind it's always the same, it just depends on the mindset I'm in.

I'm not a very religious person but I do tend to believe in Karma. I do believe that if you do enough bad things that something is going to come back and bite you in the ass. It'll bite hard. I figure that if you do enough good things then you'll stay the same. Life is what you make of it and if you believe enough in yourself then it will become what you want it to become.

If I were to put myself in some kind of religion I guess it would be a mix of Satanism and Buddhism. Don't mess with me and I might save your ass some day. Mess with me and you'll never get a helping hand. I know, it's a weird mixture but it seems to be the closest thing I can think of.

I've gone through times of meditation and I've had my times of pain and hatred. Through the meditations I've been able to control the anger and the wantings of angry physical contact. I can honestly say that I've never thrown a punch in the years of working security at bars and clubs. I can't say that I've never thrown someone into a wall or table. It just seems to be a better option than to give them a reason to want to hit me. My face is no where near being pretty but there's no reason to make it any uglier.

I also believe that everything happens for a reason. I got into this business because I was enraged with life and I wanted to get back at it. So I went into a line of business that could afford me the ability to control my surroundings and the people that were guests inside it. Those days are gone now and it's only a matter of time before I move on.

I'm a man of necessity these days. I live mainly for the things that I need or want. Right now there isn't much that I need or want but there are things that people and organizations want from me. To appease these giants I might have to move on fairly quickly. Then I get to become a part timer again in the world of the night life. This will inevitably knock my status down but it will bring my life quality back up. Maybe even back up to the normal level.

So I hope that this kind of sheds a little more light on me. I hope it also appeases the gods.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Your not that cute honey...

"Yea, I used to use it in eye drops."


"Yea, it was the easiest way to do it and not get caught. What's your story?"

"My story? I guess I don't really have one. I'm the guy that's always around and rarely noticed."

"That sounds pretty boring."

"Yea... so does putting LSD in your eyes. In fact, that just sounds fuckin stupid."

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Job...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


No matter where you work there's someone that just annoys the hell out of you. The best thing about work is that it doesn't have to be someone you work with. Once in a while there's a person that is in the bar that annoys you.

"Hey buddy, move it over to the side will ya?"

"This is a free space."

"Your annoying me."

They come to the establishment, they drink, they start dancing around like an idiot and they annoy you. The best part is that if they annoy someone enough they can be removed.

"So that means I can't have a good time?"

"Sure you can, just do it away from me."

Of course, through a night of drinking their memory goes south pretty fast. Mine doesn't.

"Hey man, move it down. Your in the way."

"I'm good right here."

"I said, your in the way."

"What ever man, I'm havin a good time. You should try it."

So I took his advice. I grabbed him by the wrist and walked him to the door.

"What the fuck man!?"

"I asked you twice to move. Now you get to dance outside."

"I can dance anywhere I want."

"Then do it out here." I turned and walked back inside.

The little bastard stood outside the door and danced on the sidewalk.

I have to say that it did give me a laugh even though it irritated the hell out of me at the time.

Friday, November 09, 2007

A Letter from a Doorman...

I was jumping around on Craigslist the other day and found this letter written by a doorman in Washington DC in the Best Of category. Hits on some key points and thought you might want to check it out.

Read on.

Can I See Your ID? - Washington DC Doorman

More to come.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

I'm 36!...

"Can I see your i.d.?"

The man opened his wallet and closed it fast and tried to walk past me. I grabbed his arm, "Hey man, I need to see your i.d. please."

The man stopped and pulls his wallet out again. This time he opens it up and starts going through it."Here ya go."

He pulls out a chain store discount card.

"Yea, that's not a valid i.d., you got a real one?"

"I'm 36 years old, I don't need to show you an i.d."

"Yes you do. No i.d. no entry. I can't let you in."

"Listen, would a 19 year old have an American Express card?"

"Man, I had 3 credit cards by the time I was 20. I'm gonna have to ask you to go to a different bar."

"What!? This is ridiculous. I've been coming here for years! Look, I have gray hair and I'm balding!"

"No, you haven't and my brother was gray and balding when he was in high school. No i.d. no entry. Good night."

"Man. You know what you are?? Your a fuckin dildo!"

"Thanks, have a good one." I gave the man a thumbs up and smiled with my head cocked to the side.

"I'm 36 years old, I don't need a fuckin i.d. your just bein an asshole."

"Listen man, I'm doing what I get paid to do."

"They don't pay you to be an asshole!"

Sometimes I wonder.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Down Time...

Sorry for the down time. I've been experiencing some technical difficulties with the computer. I had to reformat and now I'm on the hunt for all my information and all my old bookmarks. I'll be back to normal in a couple more days.

I guess you learn from mistakes and this one has taught me to start storing my articles on the external drive.

More to come. Soon.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Extra Fun Tips...

"Would it be cool if I got a ride home with you?"

There are times that I give people rides after work. I figure I'm up and awake anyways and I'm usually not going to bed anytime soon. I don't do it for everyone usually people that have been coming to the establishment for a while or friends. It's kind of a perk for them to want to come by. They know they get taken care of. If they're too wasted though I tell them some story and put them in a cab. I don't want them puking in my car.

"Sure, just give me a few minutes to finish up and we'll get goin."

She's a very attractive woman. She had on a sheer dress and she has a very good looking body. So I went off to finish the things I do at the end of the night and she sat at the bar to wait for me. I finished up rather quick since she was waiting and out the door we went. Conversation was pretty dull on the way to the car. I stop at the passenger side door, unlock it and open the door for her. She gets in and I walk around to the driver side, unlock it and get in.

I get in the car and she starts to say thank you for the ride when I look over. I quickly look away as I pull on my seat belt and say, "Hun, you might want to fix your dress." Somehow when she got in her dress magically moved up. It was up enough that the mystery of panties or no panties was solved.

Her face turned red and she apologized. I told her there wasn't a need for an apology. It's not like I haven't seen that region before.

So I start up the car and sit there for a minute or two for it to warm up. "Ok hun, which way am I going to get you home?"

"Well, did you want to hang out tonight?" She sat there smiling at me.

"Ok, what did you have in mind? Breakfast?"

"We could do that. I'm a big fan of just hanging out somewhere and watching a movie. Wouldn't mind having another drink but I don't have anything at home. I mean I'm not looking for a relationship or anything."

"I think I have a few beers at my house. Shall we?"

There's been a million opportunities for me to be in this very situation. I've been in this situation only a couple times. I don't really like it.

So we get back to my place, I grab a couple beers out of the fridge and turn on a movie. We sit there and talk a little. Well, she mainly does the talking, the girl just wouldn't shut up.

"I'm really glad that we get to hang out. I always see you at work and never get to talk to you. So have you ever been tipped so people can get in?"

"Sure, it tends to happen."

"I have a customer that comes in occasionally and he's always leaving me extra tips."

"Tips are always a good thing."

"Yea, he always leaves me special tips. I don't mind sharing them if you want." Her eyes kind of lit up when she said that. At the same time I realized what extra tips meant.

"That's ok, you should keep that for yourself."

"Well, I don't like partying by myself. We can have a really good time," she moves closer.

"My partying years are way past me. I have no need for it."

Then she just kept yapping away for the next hour. She went on about things that I didn't give two shits about. Her schooling, her background, her family, all the places she's lived and then to top it all off, her boyfriend.

"Wait, hold on. You got a boyfriend?"

"Well yea."

"So why are you here?"

"Well, we're just hanging out."

"Ok... but your still here. The bars are closed and your here."

"Oh, we don't live together or anything."

Then she's off on another tangent about something. I start to get really bored at this point. "I hate to interrupt but it's gettin pretty late. I do need to get up early to do some things."

"Oh... ok. I can go. You sure you don't want to share?"

"I'm good. At least now you have more for you an your boy."

I walk her to the curb and wait until she gets a cab.

Just another reason why I steer clear of women who work in the industry.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


I think I figured out what I'm going to be for Halloween. It's always a competition at work to see who can out do each other with their costumes. I think I've came up with the perfect costume to top all of them.

I'm gonna have to go out and find a t shirt with a really lame picture and phrase on it. Maybe something having to do with the old cartoon My Little Ponies. Then the tightest pair of pants I can fit into. Some of those queer little boots that barely go over my ankles. A wig that has the tips frosted and is spiky. Then I'll need to ask a friend to apply some mascara for me, maybe a little blush too. Then to top it all off a big white belt.

Then when people walk up and ask what I am I can say I'm a Douche bag Hipster. They become appalled and I get a laugh. Perfect combination in my book. They realize just what people think of them and I get to put a statement across.

It's gonna be perfect.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Ah, young Padawan...

On a busy weekend like one near the holiday of Halloween it's always busy. There's lots of people wanting into the establishment and lots of people waiting in line. The worst part of it all is that most of the people are drunk.

One thing I've noticed is that everyone is in their own world. Even more so on Halloween because they all want to act like the character they're portraying. There's Wolfman howling, Spider-man and Venom wrestling, and a couple dressed as trailer trash (or Britney Spears and Kevin Federline I couldn't really tell..) yelling at everyone.

So I get to step out and tell them all to contain themselves or they wouldn't be allowed in. This lasted a whole 5 minutes maybe. The trailer trash couple lasted about a minute and they were back to screaming at each other. So I did what I said I was going to do.

"Guys, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"What the fuck for!?"

"I already explained it to you. If you can't be quiet out here when I ask you to you can't go inside."

The typical argument and name calling starts up and they leave. Next on the list, the Wolfman. He just wouldn't shut up.

"Hey man, I'm gonna ask you one more time. Quit howling or just leave."

"Oh, I'm sorry man."

I turn away and he howls. I turn back and his friends are laughing as he points to someone else in the group. "That's it man, don't waste your time waiting your not getting in." His friends start laughing and the Wolfman and his friends start to walk off. Behind them is a guy dressed up as a young Padawan, from Star Wars.

After telling the Wolfman he had to leave about a half an hour goes by and the Jedi Padawan is next in line to get in. As he stands there and waits he seems very patient since he just waited close to an hour just to come in.

It's now drawing closer to closing time when a few regulars walk up and say their hellos. A few minutes later a few people leave and I let the regulars in. This seems to have awakened the 'dark side' in the young Padawan.

"Man, what the fuck? Why ain't I going in?"

"You'll be in as soon as I can get you in there."

"No. Fuck that. I should be going in now."

"I'll tell you when you can go in. Keep talkin and you won't be going in at all."

A minute or two of silence and then it happens. I hear clearing of a nose and I feel a slight thud on my jacket. I look down and see the ball of spit and snot slowly rolling over itself as it walks down the front of my jacket. I look up and see the face of the Padawan slowly go from victorious to scared as he looks at me.

I step forward and grab him by the shoulder and raise my other arm. I pull my hand back and flatten it so I can smack him across the face like the child he is. Then he turns and pulls out of the cloak he had on like it was a layer of skin shedding off a snake. He gets to the curb of the street and stands there flipping me off. I stand my ground and wait.

I step into the establishment and ask Paulie to get me a wet rag to wipe my jacket off with. He comes back and looks at my jacket, "Is that really what I think it is?"

"Yep. Little fucker spit right on me."

"He still out there?"

"Yep. He'll be staying the weekend in jail soon though."

This is something people don't think about when they do stupid things. I'm not one to actually follow up on something like this but I will use it to my advantage. If you get arrested on a Friday night your not getting out until late Monday afternoon. Court isn't open on Saturday or Sunday so you have to sit and wait till Monday.

I step back outside and the guy is still at the curbside. Now he's rattling off about how he's a law student. He knows his rights and he knows that it's illegal for me to refuse him entrance. I guess he's not a very good law student because the number one rule with liquor establishments is this.

We have the right to refuse service to any one for any reason at any time.

However, learning that he is a law student makes it even better. Now I can just have him arrested for public drunkenness and screw him in two different ways. Make him sit all weekend and make him wait even longer to take his Bar Exam.

Why? From what I've been told by lawyers and policemen is this. If you have an arrest on your record you will automatically be refused by the state bar for licensing. You will be denied until the arrest is off of your record. Which means if you graduate you'll be flipping burgers because you can't practice law until you pass the Bar.

"An applicant must have good moral character,..."

Soon enough I see a squad car driving by and I flag them down with my flashlight. They pull up and the young Padawan starts walking down the street. The driver side window rolls down. "What's up Mike?"

"There's a young guy dressed as a Jedi walking around the corner. I think he'd like to spend the weekend in your motel."

"What'd he do?"

"He mumbled something and spit on me. Couldn't understand him but I think he said something about having something."

"Ok, we'll go get him."

Five minutes later the squad pulls back up. They ask me to identify the guy in the back seat and I sign a couple forms. Then they leave as I wave good bye to the Padawan going off to his fun weekend of Bubba and Bill. The cops tell me not to worry about showing up for court.

Surprisingly, the Spider-man and Venom characters that were wrestling in line were never a problem again. Even at the end of the night when Venom had to be partially carried out by Spider-man.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Friday, October 26, 2007

Almost here...

Halloween is almost upon us. Worse yet, the weekend before Halloween is here.

Tonight will be a revolving night of statements that intoxicated patrons will think are questions. While checking i.d.'s at the door I'll have to ask people to remove masks. Then I'll have to tell some people that they can't bring certain props into the establishment.

Here's a few tips for approaching a doorman at a bar / club during Halloween.
  • Don't carry props to your costume. - No one cares that your a baseball player. Your not taking a baseball bat into a crowded club full of drunk people.
  • Don't wear a costume that obstructs your face. - If you have a mask, take it off. If it won't come off then you won't get in.
  • Don't be the person your dressed as. - Just because your costume is a giant penis doesn't mean you have to be a dick.
  • Don't over do the make up. - Again. If I can't tell who you are due to your make up, I won't let you in. I don't care about your costume.
  • Don't walk up wasted and try to tell me that your being a drunk for Halloween. - It's been tried before and you get the same treatment as a drunk walking up on Halloween.
  • There is still a dress code. - Even though it's Halloween, you still have to have shoes, shirt and some kind of pants / shorts.
There's just a few. I'm sure I'll think of more as the weekend goes.

5 more days till....

I swear I'll get back to posting real entries. Just a busy time of year for me.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

7 days till...

I found this video on I'm guessing it'll be taken down fairly quickly but if it doesn't work just go to this site.

Saw IV

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


I've never been one to like an over productive schedule. Not that I don't like to get things done. I just don't like to have a lot of things that I have to get done in a day. I'm a homebody by definition. I leave when I need to and stay home otherwise. I don't watch much television either. If I am watching tv, I'm more than likely watching a movie that came out within the past year. This way I can catch up with the lingo and jokes that the people around me are using.

Other than that I try to read and get in a few other activities. I have to admit, reading isn't one of my bigger activities. Which might be evident in some ways by the more experienced connoisseur of the English language. Does it really bother me? No, not really. People still read what I have to write.

I've never really understood the giant hustle bustle that comes with bigger towns and cities. I've never understood why people have to meet up at a place of business.

"Hey man, you want to meet up at E. Oli's Sushi Bar?"

"No, just meet me at my place."


"Yea, why not? I got beers and food here."

It's strange to me how some people just have an apartment to sleep in it. For the amount of money you drop to have an apartment you might as well live in it. Otherwise it's just a storage shed.

You pay out so much money a month so you can leave your belongings somewhere. Why not spend some time there? It's the one place that your the King (or Queen). Nothing costs a thing after you get it inside and if done right that could mean a lot. I always tend to have at least a 12 pack of some beer in the fridge and a couple different bags of chips. Good for game day with the possibility of a delivered pizza.

There are a lot of people I know in the industry that just don't do that. They'd much rather go out and hang out at some other bar. Get bumped around by jocks, preps, and hipsters. Really? I guess it really is different being a doorman as compared to a bartender.

"Man, you sure you don't wanna just meet up at E. Oli's?"

"Do what you wanna do man. I'm sittin here with my beer and big screen."

"Can I bring a couple people?"

"As long as they aren't any of the assholes from the bar."

The bartenders I know just want to be around people. They don't like the small crowds. They're so used to running up and down the bar. They deal with a lot of people all the time. So I guess it's just normal for them to want to be around a lot of people.

I, on the other hand, like to keep it low key. I like having a bare minimum of people around. That way it's more personal. People get to know people and they get to know how they work. I guess that just comes from dealing with thousands of people at work. I get to know you well enough and then I know if I'm going to have to deal with you. Some I get to know well.

"How bout Cale? I just saw him go over to the store."

"I said, 'No assholes from the bar'."

Of course being from two totally different positions of the establishment means two totally different ideas of who the assholes are.

"Well man, I'm just gonna go over to E. Oli's for some sushi. I'll give ya a call back if anythings going on."

"Yea, sounds good man. I'll be here."

And that's where I stay. I have no need to go do anything. I got my brew, my food, and my home. It's all I need after dealing with idiots all week.

8 more days till...

Monday, October 22, 2007

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Rock Star Lines IV...

On busy nights with a long line of people waiting it's fairly hard to skip the line. If you have the right type of handshake it makes the wait go by a lot faster. Especially if you know the proper number of people you have and the amount of grease your providing. Grease and knowledge work great in the proper combination.

"Hey man, my friend over here wants to see if there's some way to get pass this line. He wants to know if Franklin has any pull around here."

"That depends on how many friends Franklin has."

"He just has five others with him."

"Then Mr Franklin should meet me and then see about going in."

The perfect mix of grease applied to a handshake can get you into many places. It works with the nightclub industry as well as the restaurant industry. Don't believe me? Next time you go to a fancy restaurant and want to skip the line of people waiting for a table try this. Slip a fifty dollar bill into a handshake and see how fast you get a table.

Here's a tip though. Don't be like this guy. Don't come back to the doorman and ask for more "help".

"Hey buddy, since I helped you out, you think you can help me out in here?"

"What kind of help are you needing?" I was thinking he meant that his group wanted a table. If that was the case I might be able to help him. Of course that would mean that he would have to "help out" who ever was inside getting him the table.

"Well, you think you can get us free drinks?" I laughed at him, literally. I looked right at him and let out a few laughs. "That's funny to you after we helped you out?"

"First off man, you didn't help me out. You helped yourself out. Your not still waiting in line are you?"

"What? That's how it is?"

"Listen man, if you want discount drinks then over tip the bartender. I'm not the bartender and I'm not going to ask them to hook up some one I don't know."

"That's fuckin bullshit man. Even after I helped you out? Why you being an ass about this?"

"Excuse me?"

"Man, I didn't have to give that to you. I was helping you out."

"I didn't have to let you in. I don't have to let you stay either. So either go inside and enjoy the fact that your not standing in line or argue some more and leave."

"Fuck you man." Then he turned and started walking back in.

I step inside the door and grab his arm, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me man. Fuck you."

I shoved him against the wall and shoved my finger in his chest while holding his arm. "You can either enjoy your time here or you can leave. Which is it?"

"The fucks your problem man!?"

"I did you a favor. A one time favor. Now you can either stay with your friends or I can throw you out."

"Fine man, what ever." I let him go and he walked off.

Then Casper walked up, "What's the problem with that guy?"

"Watch him. He fucks up in any way toss his ass out."

Twenty minutes later he's being shoved through the crowd to the door. Turns out he didn't know how to keep his mouth shut to the waitress. He didn't tip her at all and then started bitching about the price of drinks. He even complimented her on her "cunty" attitude. Such a class act.

I'll take a large tip from just about anyone. It doesn't mean that your an better than anyone else. It definitely doesn't mean that you can think your a big shot. Your still a nobody and you can still get treated like one. No skin off my back if someone tosses you out right after you get in.

Get a personality and don't be a douche bag.

10 more days...

Saturday, October 20, 2007

That time of year...

It's about that time of the year again. The night more people will be pissed off at a club's security then any other night of the year. This time of year that I speak of?


It's the time of year that people can dress up in any way that they want to. Women can dress like sluts and the hookers fit in like everyone else. It's the time of year when anyone can be anyone and all the dregs of society fit in like they're everyone else.

It's strange for me to say that this used to be my favorite part of the year. The running through the cemeteries, hiding from the cops, toilet papering people's homes, and the never ending supply of candy. In some ways I'm kind of glad I out grew that stage. In many other ways I wish I hadn't.

I do remember a time when I was about 15 years old. Some friends and I decided to go out to the cemetery that was a couple miles out of town. We walked out there by following a railroad track, the whole time joking about how much it was like Stand By Me. Other than we weren't looking for a dead body and it wasn't going to take us days to get where we were going.

It only took us about 20 minutes to make it to the cemetery. After we got there we didn't even really think about what we were going to do, we just wanted to make it out there. We had heard a bunch of high schoolers say they were going there and we wanted to see what was going on. Of course, when we got there no one was anywhere to be seen. A couple years before there was a high schooler that had died in a car accident so we decided to go check out his gravestone and see if maybe anyone left anything there. So we started off across the graveyard.

Half way across the graveyard was a giant mausoleum. As we got closer to it a spot light lit up on the doors of it. All four of us jumped in different directions and hid in bushes and behind tombstones. The one cop in town was driving through the cemetery and was looking to see if anyone was around.

I was folded up as much as I could be in between two little evergreen trees next to a tombstone. Then the spotlight started moving around through the trees and the area near us. He never did find any of us though or he did and just didn't want to do anything. I remember the spotlight stopping on me for a second or two that felt like an eternity. Then the car drove by and he headed back towards town.

We ended up heading over to the tombstone of the high schooler that had died a couple years before. We stood there looking at his name and the dates . It was a very quiet moment. Lots of thoughts went through my mind. I think it was primarily the past memories of the times I had known him and the things that he had done. I knew him as well as I could but I never really knew him for who he was. I don't think anyone really knows anyone at the high school level. Your not really the person that your going to be yet. Your just beginning to know yourself at that age.

So we walked back to town down that railroad pathway and headed back to the bar that our parents were sitting in. As I walked in and sat next to my father he just looked at me and laughed. He pointed out the grass stains on my new jeans and said, "Your mothers gonna kill you for get grass stains on those jeans." Then I wondered if my dead friend ever had to hear that from his father.

That night ended soon after that. My father drank and talked with friends and I ate tacos and ran around town. It was one of the good times when nothing really mattered.

Those days lasted longer than most.

11 Days to go....

In the spirit of Halloween you have to go see 30 Days of Night. From the clips I've seen it looks like it's going to be one of the best horror movies released lately. I don't count remakes because all they're doing is putting a new spin on old information.

Here's the trailer.

It looks like a great spin on the old vampire tales. The last have come to breed. Will they succeed?

I'll hopefully be able to see it soon if my weekend isn't too busy with work. If you have seen it feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you thought of it.

Also check out Horror Movie Online for more interesting articles about horror movies, reviews, and industry news.

Friday, October 19, 2007

12 days til....


"Mike, you have to pull over. We've been driving for at least 5 minutes."

"I don't have to pull over until I feel comfortable pulling over."

"Your gonna get arrested."

"For what? I'm not speeding any more... and I'm waitin till I come up to some street lights."

"I'm sure your just causing more of a scene."

"Yea, cause out here in the middle of no where there's a lot of people to cause one for."

A while back I went on a little road trip with a friend. We had to hit a couple highways to get where we were going and these roads went right out to the middle of no where. Every 5 or 6 miles you might see a house off in the distance. As per the norm, I was speeding. I don't think I ever go the actual limit anyways so it was about time for me to get caught.

Somewhere along the line a cop caught me with his radar and his lights popped on. I wasn't about to just pull over in the middle of no where without any lights around. So I kept driving until I found one. I think I found a street light after about twenty minutes. I pulled over just pass the light so that the police cruiser could pull under the light. I got my insurance card and license out and got ready for the questioning that I knew was about to begin as the officer tapped on my window. I rolled down my window and waited.

"How are we tonight guys?"

"Doing just fine officer."

"I was wondering if you had forgotten about me back there. Any reason why we waited so long to pull over?"

"Sorry, new to the area. Just wanted to get to a place where there was a little light."

"That's understandable. Can you step out of the car sir."

I stepped out of the car and walked with him to the trunk of my car. We stood there for a little bit and after a few more questions about where we were going I got a little surprise.

"So... I'm gonna see you at the little get together then right?" I just stood there looking at him. "You said your in town for a little get together with friends right? I'm guessing I'll be there as well."

Then I took a hard look at his name tag. Not really sure why I hadn't before, it's usually common practice for me. "Holy shit. When did they let you become a cop?" A grin came out from both of us we shook hands. "I haven't seen you in a long ass time."

"Yea, well after the shit we used to pull I figured I'd be the best at catching the new kids."

We stood there and talked for at least another half an hour before he noticed that my friend was getting anxious. "Looks like she's bout to spring a leak," he said as he nodded in through the back window.

"Eh, let her. She thinks I was trying to cause a scene by making you follow me."

We talked a little while longer and then we said our good byes. I got back in my car and he drove past us down the road.

"What the hell was that all about? I thought you two were gonna make out or something."

"Oh that? That was a good friend of mine. He was hopin you'd have to piss so much he'd get to use his tazer on ya." I had to chuckle a little with that image flashing through my head. Her jumping out of the car bitching for us to hurry up so she could to the bathroom. Then him getting startled, or annoyed, and pulling out his tazer and using it on her.

"Yea, what ever. Hurry up and get me to a bathroom will ya?"

"There's plenty of trees and corn over there." With that I got an eyeballs through the roof of her skull look.

"I know your joking. Drive."

I had a feeling that whole friendship was a joke after that. Sometimes it's good to remember where your from and where your going.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Skin Head or Shaved Head....

Since when is it a fact that your a White Power piece of shit just because you have a shaved head? I've never understood why anyone in this day and age thinks that. A shaved head is nothing more than a different type of hair style. Which really doesn't make much sense since there is no hair involved.

I know a few doorguys who shave their heads for a basic reason. No hair means there's nothing for someone to grab a hold of in a situation. I can fully understand this just from my own experiences of grabbing heads full of hair and having mine grabbed. When there's no hair to grab it's a little harder to get a good hold on someone in that way.

It's good at times for weeding out the assholes. Especially when they walk up to the door and open their mouths to a doorguy with a shaved head.

"Hi guys, can I see your i.d.'s?"

"Sure thing brother," man pulls out wallet and takes out his i.d. Looking at his friend, "This must be a good place for our brothers."

I look up, "You have family in from out of town?"

"No man, I mean for us. None of them black types in here right?"

"I'm sorry, what do you mean by 'black types'?"

"I guess I mean any one that's not white."

"Yea.. you might want to try a different bar guys. We don't discriminate our customers. Every one is equal here."

The guy just stood there staring, "It's cool man, I just figured since your head looked so clean.."

"That I'm some kind of piece of shit? Take a walk guys, I can't let you in here."

They stood there for a little bit and walked down the street. Yelled a few racist remarks at some guys on the corner and disappeared.

I just don't understand that mentality, even with 3/4's of my family being from the south. I know in some areas of the world it's still a common problem but it's rare that it comes up here. If I can deter it in any way I'm more than happy to. If I could take all those people and re-write their brain functions I would. Sadly, there has to be some people that are still ignorant and like to defecate from their mouths.

Then again, there are still people on the other side of that fence that think it still. I've had black people come up and give me shit for having a shaved head also. They walk by and say things about how they would come to the establishment but it doesn't look like they're welcome. Or they just throw out insults with out even knowing who they're insulting. They don't even realize that I just didn't let in two white power assholes because I don't believe in that.

The world has two sides to everything. There's a good and bad to just about every type of person there is in the world. Until you know who or what that person is how can you decide who or what they are? Is it your power to do so?

Granted, a good doorman can recognize most of the different types of people. It doesn't mean that they are 100% correct in everything they decide though. There is always a chance that they are wrong. I'll admit that I have been wrong in certain cases but that's not something anyone really wants to bring up. Not because anyone wants to admit that they were wrong but just because it doesn't look good.

No one's perfect but you can stop yourself from being a complete piece of shit at any time.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Same old song...

I hear "same old song" and a couple things come to mind. The first is a song by Aerosmith titled Same Old Song and Dance. The second is the old saying, "It's just the same old song and dance."

My father used to say it to me all the time. Especially when I'd walk in the front door after midnight on a school night.

"Where you been all night boy?"

"Well, we were coming back from town and we had a flat tire."

"Yea, right. Just the same old song and dance with you isn't it? Get your ass to bed before I put the belt to it."

My old man was never one to really stand up to when I was a kid. In my later years I realized that if I didn't stand up to him, I'd never stand up to anyone. He was the strongest and meanest person I had ever known to that point of my life. When I did finally stand up to him I knew I could stand up to just about anyone.

It seemed like the only time he ever used the song and dance saying was when I was trying to explain things. I'm not sure if he tried to do that to see if I'd change my story or if he just didn't care what I was saying. Either way he had already passed judgment before I had even gotten home. He was good for that. He thought he knew all the tricks of the trade and that he had pulled all of them on his father. What he didn't realize was that I never had a reason to lie to him about most things. Not to say I was a perfectly honest kid, I lied about plenty of things, especially when it came to grades.

He was a stickler about math. He used to say, "Who the hell cares who won the Russian Revolution. You think you'll need that information when your 30 and working a job? You don't get your grades up in math and you'll be wishing you never even knew where you lived."

A lot of people thought my father was an mean old asshole. I thought he was a piece of shit for many years but in the end I realized he was the way he was because that's how he thought he had to be. He grew up in the colored and poor area of Kentucky. The house he grew up in was smaller than the typical studio apartment you might find in a city. There were four people living in that house too.

Then he was in the military and the strict lines of order were all around him there as well. He wasn't in todays military. He was in the military that could punch you in the face for not keeping up with the rest of the group. From the stories he'd wake me up in the middle of the night to tell; he had his fair shares of punches.

From his stories and the stories I've heard from other family members he definitely earned the punches that he got. He was a hell raiser and he never really stopped doing that. Even when he had to make shit up.

Now I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses for the way he was. You haven't even heard any of the stuff he really did. He was an asshole to a lot of people. There are a lot of people now that, if they were asked about him, would say he was an asshole but he had his good sides too. Most people try to even out their lives, he didn't really care what you thought. He knew what he had to do or wanted to do and he did it. He hurt a lot of people both physically and emotionally in the process. Part of me thinks that he thought those people were weak. That they couldn't handle it because they just weren't up to par. Or maybe he just didn't care about anyone unless it affected him. I can understand that point of view. It's been mine for a few years now.

No matter how anyone looks at the way their parents were, I still think that a person is who they are today because of their parents and themselves. Your parents can only put so much into you. At some point of your life you take over and start making your own informed decisions. They can tell you about the things that happened to them but you don't have to listen. You can listen to everything they say and turn out to be a clone. You could listen to only the parts that you want to and then use your own judgment and turn out to be who you are.

Sure, there are a lot of abusive families out there. It doesn't mean that every kid is going to turn out that way. It also doesn't condone the parent's actions for being abusive. I'm just saying that we are who we are and we make ourselves that way with or without the help.

My father passed away a few years back very close to this date. He was stubborn and an ass up to the very day that it happened. I know he regretted a lot of things in the last couple of years of his life. He looked back at the things he did and tried to fix some of them. Years of his behavior couldn't be fixed in that short of time. I think he realized that and that's why he choose not to say anything to anyone about his illness. If he recognized that it was there then he had already given up. In his mind only the weak gave up.

He didn't want anyone to know that he was weak.

I thought for many years that I was partially invincible. Then I spent a few days in the hospital and it scared the life almost fully out of me. I was trained mentally to think I wasn't weak and that nothing could happen. I remember coming out of that hospital and realizing that I wasn't as strong or resilient as I thought I was. It still effects me partially today. I'm not the man I was but I am a man different in many ways. I'm no longer the superman that would ride on the roofs of cars doing 30mph through parking lots or jump from roof to tree. I am the man now that will do as he wishes and if necessary I'll do what I have to. I feel much older than I am.

So I wonder every once in a while what he would think these days. I wonder if he would be proud of the way his son turned out. Then I decide that it doesn't really matter. I live the way I want to live and even though I would go to him for advice at times, I can usually hear what he'd say to my questions.

"Just the same old song and dance with you isn't it? What is it you really want to do?"

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


I was jumping around on Youtube and found some interesting videos from a show that airs on BBC Three called The Real Hustle.

The clips that I found are pretty interesting and informative for people that keep an eye open for such things. Then again, half the people that go out think the place their at is just as safe as their home. There are stupid people setting their phones, wallets, and purses down everywhere and for some stupid reason they think they're safe.

Wake up people. There is always someone out there to get you. I'll expand on that in future posts or you can check out this one that I posted a while back. My purse... or rent?

So here's a couple of the clips that I found on Youtube. If they interest you there's a lot of them on there. Just go to Youtube and search for Real Hustle and you'll find them all.


Proposition Bet

How to Get Free Drinks 2

Monday, October 15, 2007

Cynicalities I...

How many times have guys been made fools of for the sake of women? Some people might think that it's normal and that's just how it works. Some guys think it's ok because it's cute. Well, what about when it's not cute anymore?

I've seen some interesting things when it comes down to the pursuit of momentary happiness. I've seen guys get put into fights and guys get brushed off like dandruff. I've also seen guys get brushed off like dandruff after getting into a fight for some woman they didn't even know.

It's just funny to me how guys can be turned around and led astray without much trouble. It's been known for decades that women have more power over men so I'm not saying anything untrue. I've been in that situation as well many years ago. Then I became cynical and I'm now waiting to see if there is a woman that can prove me wrong.

Now I'm not going to sit here and say that every woman is like that. In fact, I'll say that about 70% of the women I know are not like that. They're also women that I wouldn't see myself getting all caught up over. I'd help them out if they needed it but other than that I don't think I'd go far out of my way for them.

I just find it funny how some guys will go out of their way to try and stand up for some woman they don't know. What is there to gain? A roll in the hay? A night of pleasure? Really? Is it that big of a deal? Hey, I'm a guy too and I don't mind a good night of sex but it's not that important to me to find some woman I don't even know. Consider this, if she's willing to put you through hoops to give it to you then she's been willing to do that to just about any guy.

Two things I've remembered over time.
  • No matter how gorgeous a woman is. Some guy is tired of her shit.
  • When kissing a woman you don't know. You might be kissing the guy she just went into the side alley with.

Saturday, October 13, 2007


It's always interesting when you walk out of work. It's usually daybreak by the time we get out. The birds are chirping and there are people heading off to work, the normal joggers and the dog walkers are out as well. It's a total switch from night to day in the matter of an hour or two.

Every time out the door it's the same. We all stand out front and talk while we wait for cabs to come by and we set the girls off to their homes. Some of the guys walk the girls to their cars and then it's our turn to take off and go our separate ways until the next night comes again.

After everyone's accounted for I start walking the three or four blocks to my car as I usually do. I usually park this far since parking is limited near the establishment and it's good to get that little walk in after work. I also like parking that far away so it's harder for any past conflict (aka assholes, douchebags, etc.) to know what I'm driving and to damage what little bit of a fine running automobile I have. Some people tell me not to be so paranoid but I know what can happen.

I hate for this to come out as some kind of Roadhouse situation but it has happened to me before. I've worked in places where I'd park close because I was running late and then later there would be a problem and somehow my car ended up on the receiving end. I've never gotten a stop sign in my front window but I have had flat tires and words scrawled on it. Through out time I've learned to not park close to work and I've started getting there earlier so people don't notice me getting out of my car. It's just better for my car and my wallet if I do.

It's been a long time since anything like that has happened and I am knocking on my cheap fiber board desk which I'll now dub as "wood" as a safety precaution.

In fact, I think it's been at least two or three years since anything like that has happened. Even then they just wrote a few encouraging words on the drivers door of the car. I found it funny and the other guys I worked with at the time took it a little more personal than I did. I never let little things like that bother me. I figure that if they really knew me they wouldn't be doing it.

I've never been the type of person that takes things personal. It's just not worth my time or effort when it comes down to it. Of course, if it had been someone I knew and they knew me then it's a totally different ball game.

This morning as I walked to my car everything seemed the same as normal. Nothing out of place and lots of joggers. It's nice not having to worry about things happening and sometimes thats worth more than having things happen just so there's something interesting to say.

Then again, when nothing is happening it gets to be pretty boring as well.