Showing posts with label bums. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bums. Show all posts

Thursday, February 05, 2009

1 cigarette, 1 dollar...

On most any slow night I'll stand outside and smoke a cigarette. Let's not get into the debate about how bad it is for me. If it weighed that heavy on my mind I might go to a gym once in a while. Since I don't own a gym membership there's no need to even bring it up.

Usually there's at least one or two people that always stop and ask if they can bum a smoke or better yet, "borrow" a cigarette. The second question is funny to me and if I'm in a good mood I'll go along with "Uh.. how do you plan on borrowing a cigarette? I don't want it back after your done with it."

99% of the time my answer is, "No." There was a time when I received cigarettes very cheap. Almost to the point that I never paid for them. This helped out a lot considering the price of a pack these days. Even now I'm trying to talk a relative into sending me some in the mail just because they're cheaper there than here.

Now, there's two things that you can do that will piss me off. That I actually take personally. The first is steal from me. If I see someone try to walk away with any type of my property I automatically become furious. The second thing is to cost me money. This doesn't make me furious but it will make me hot under the collar. Especially when your cheap ass knows that a pack of cigarettes are expensive and you keep asking to bum them off of me.

I understand times are hard for bartenders. Even though this bartender still makes decent money for four hours of work. I didn't mind bumming him cigarettes when they were free but now I'm paying well over $5 a pack for these things. Even if there was a common decency involved where he bought me a pack it would be better.

Why doesn't he buy his own? Well, you see, he doesn't smoke. He only smokes when he's at work which makes no sense since you can't smoke inside the establishment any more.

So when he last asked for a smoke, I said plainly, "You know, I have to buy these now."

"Ok.." he stared blankly at me with his hand out, "So uh.. you want a quarter or something? That's what they come out to be right?"

"No, I think it's about a dollar now."

"Pfft.. yea right..." I hand him a cigarette and he goes outside. This happens three or four times a night. Luckily we only work a couple nights together but this is going to change.

The other night I had to get into the trunk of my car for something. As I was moving some things around I found a couple of old packs of cigarettes. They've probably been in my trunk since last summer. Since they've been in my trunk for so long they're obviously stale. I figure I'll just keep a pack of the stale smokes in my pocket and when he asks for one I'll give him one of those. Once those run out he's all done.

Funny how you can tell a complete stranger no but a coworker you're a little more cordial with.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Bum Da Dee Bum Bum....

"You let that guy in here?" TD was not happy. "The fuck's your problem man!? You know he's a bum."

It was a fairly slow night and the bands weren't pulling many people. I was sitting at the front door reading a magazine. Without raising my eyes from the article I said, "Hey, he had money for the cover and an i.d. I figure we give him 5 minutes and then toss him out."

TD's eyes got big, "Yea, you go with that. Hope you don't get Hepatitis when he tries to bite you."

"I'm not too worried about it."

"Yea... You will be after he bites you."

A few minutes later the manager came walking up to the door. He looked at TD and asked "You let that guy in here?" TD just points at me.

"Mike, you wanna get rid of your little friend you let in?"

I put down the paper and jump up, "Sure thing. Just so you know, he did pay to come in."

"I don't care, he fuckin stinks."

I grab the 6D cell flashlight and start off into the venue. After walking through the minimal crowd I found the bum in the bathroom. He was standing there staring at himself in the mirror. "Alright man, you gotta head out."

"Wha?"

"You gotta leave. We got complaints about you."

"Man. I haven't been here no 5 minutes. You tellin me I gots to leave now?"

"That's what I said."

"Man, fuck you."

"Listen man, it's not up to you or me. I was told to get you out of here."

"Make me."

I stepped closer and grabbed his arm. He grabbed my arm with his other hand and I raised the 6D cell flashlight up over my shoulder in a striking position. He stood there staring at me and I never changed my facial expression.

"I'll tell you right now. I'll club you over the head enough times that it's gonna hurt a lot."

"You ain't gonna do shit." He then started to pull on my arm. I took the skinny end of the flashlight and jabbed him in the stomach with it. Then he let out a loud scream and fell down. The bathroom door opened and TD was standing there. "Need some help?"

"Just hold the door for me." I reached down and grabbed the bum by the ankles and started pulling. I dragged him out of the bathroom and over to the back door. As I got him almost out of the door he grabbed onto the sides of the doorway. He started screaming more and wouldn't let go. Until TD walked up.

TD let out two quick kicks and kicked both of the bums hands. After that he let go and I dragged him the rest of the way out. The bum kept holding his hands and I walked back inside.

After that the night was very quiet but we had something to talk about. TD kept asking me if the bum had bit me. I assured him that he hadn't. "You better go get tested man. You never know, he might of given you somethin."

"Man, I'm fine."

"Them bums man, they'll get you. They don't even have to touch you to give you something."

A couple days later we saw the bum walking by again. Both of his hands were bandaged. I was thinking that TD might have hurt him more than we thought. We didn't really care though.

"You must of hurt his hands pretty good."

"Man, fuck that guy. He wouldn't let go of the door."

"You might want to get tested man. I hear those bums can give you stuff without even touching them." TD turns and looks at me. "You kicked his hands. Just think if he bled on your shoes."


TD made an appointment to get tested the next day.