Showing posts with label toss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toss. Show all posts

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Bum Da Dee Bum Bum....

"You let that guy in here?" TD was not happy. "The fuck's your problem man!? You know he's a bum."

It was a fairly slow night and the bands weren't pulling many people. I was sitting at the front door reading a magazine. Without raising my eyes from the article I said, "Hey, he had money for the cover and an i.d. I figure we give him 5 minutes and then toss him out."

TD's eyes got big, "Yea, you go with that. Hope you don't get Hepatitis when he tries to bite you."

"I'm not too worried about it."

"Yea... You will be after he bites you."

A few minutes later the manager came walking up to the door. He looked at TD and asked "You let that guy in here?" TD just points at me.

"Mike, you wanna get rid of your little friend you let in?"

I put down the paper and jump up, "Sure thing. Just so you know, he did pay to come in."

"I don't care, he fuckin stinks."

I grab the 6D cell flashlight and start off into the venue. After walking through the minimal crowd I found the bum in the bathroom. He was standing there staring at himself in the mirror. "Alright man, you gotta head out."


"You gotta leave. We got complaints about you."

"Man. I haven't been here no 5 minutes. You tellin me I gots to leave now?"

"That's what I said."

"Man, fuck you."

"Listen man, it's not up to you or me. I was told to get you out of here."

"Make me."

I stepped closer and grabbed his arm. He grabbed my arm with his other hand and I raised the 6D cell flashlight up over my shoulder in a striking position. He stood there staring at me and I never changed my facial expression.

"I'll tell you right now. I'll club you over the head enough times that it's gonna hurt a lot."

"You ain't gonna do shit." He then started to pull on my arm. I took the skinny end of the flashlight and jabbed him in the stomach with it. Then he let out a loud scream and fell down. The bathroom door opened and TD was standing there. "Need some help?"

"Just hold the door for me." I reached down and grabbed the bum by the ankles and started pulling. I dragged him out of the bathroom and over to the back door. As I got him almost out of the door he grabbed onto the sides of the doorway. He started screaming more and wouldn't let go. Until TD walked up.

TD let out two quick kicks and kicked both of the bums hands. After that he let go and I dragged him the rest of the way out. The bum kept holding his hands and I walked back inside.

After that the night was very quiet but we had something to talk about. TD kept asking me if the bum had bit me. I assured him that he hadn't. "You better go get tested man. You never know, he might of given you somethin."

"Man, I'm fine."

"Them bums man, they'll get you. They don't even have to touch you to give you something."

A couple days later we saw the bum walking by again. Both of his hands were bandaged. I was thinking that TD might have hurt him more than we thought. We didn't really care though.

"You must of hurt his hands pretty good."

"Man, fuck that guy. He wouldn't let go of the door."

"You might want to get tested man. I hear those bums can give you stuff without even touching them." TD turns and looks at me. "You kicked his hands. Just think if he bled on your shoes."

TD made an appointment to get tested the next day.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

No man's land...

"You see that cougar down there?"

"The one in green or the one in blue?"

"The green... get her out of here."

It was guaranteed that someone did something stupid when Billy wanted someone out of the bar. "What'd she do?"

"Man, I was standing half way down the bar and she walked up behind me and grabbed me."

"She was behind the bar?"

"Yea man, get her out of here."

Any person that has been in a bar more than once knows you don't go behind it. It's pretty much common sense to everyone. Would you go behind the counter at a McDonald's and make your own burger?

So I walked over to the older lady and stopped next to her. "It's time to go hun."


"Get your shit and let's head out."

"What'd I do?"

"You know better than to go behind the bar."

This woman was in her mid to late 40s. I already had it on the tip of my tongue just waiting for her to say something. She looked up at me from her barstool. "I didn't know I couldn't go back there..."

"Your going to tell me, that in your 40 some years you never pieced together that you can't go behind the bar?"

"Well, we were all joking around..."

"So if you joke around with your bank teller you can go behind the counter at your bank?"

"Well.. no.. but.."

"Get your shit and lets go. I'm done with this."

She sat there looking at her friend with a surprised look on her face.

I guess I was having an off night. After she didn't move I reached down and grabbed her purse, "Come on. Let's go."

"You don't have to be rude," she got up and started to put on her coat, "I'm leaving. See?"

"Not fast enough."

It was relatively painless as she left. Her friends even left right after that and apologized for her. I only accept the apologizes to get them away from me. After they're all gone Billy comes back over.

"Hey man, sorry about that. She was just getting more annoying as time went. Just glad she finally fucked up. It's hard to ignore people when they're right there."

"No problem bud, that's what I'm here for."

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Gimme a second man....

"Hey Mike, I got a live one for ya." I turn to see Alice smiling, her pale complexion and sharp nose always makes me think of the Joker when she smiles. "There's a guy an a girl in the women's room."

I motion to Paulie to come over to the door. When he walks up I ask him to watch the door and I head to the back. I get to the women's room and pound on the door a quick three times.

"Occupied!" is all I hear through the door in a man's voice.

I pull out my ring of keys and find the one for the women's room. Slide the key in and turn it until it clicks. I start to pull the door open and it gets pulled closed from the inside. I pull harder on the door the second time and it flies open.

Inside the one stall bathroom a man stands. Kneeling in front of him is a young woman with a mouthful of man.

The man pipes up, "Hey man! I said it was occupied, take off!" He starts to reach for the door.

As he reaches for the door I grab his wrist and pull him off center. The girls head goes with his hips as if they were sewn together. As he starts to turn and fall I hook him under both armpits and start dragging him out of the bathroom and across the bar. I hear a loud "schlop" noise as the girl falls back away from him.

I start yelling "Coming through!" as I drag the man, with his pants and underwear still around his ankles, through the establishment to the door. Before I can make it to the front door Paulie already has it open and I drag the man outside. Once we make it to the cold January weather outside I drop the guy on the sidewalk in the snow, salt and slush. He jumps up and hurriedly pulls his pants and underwear up and starts off down the block without a word to say.

I walk back in and head to one of the tables in the rear of the establishment. The girl is now sitting in the middle of a table with people on both sides of her. I lean over the table, "Hun, it's time to go."

She looks back at me with her doe eyes, "Why? Did I do something wrong?" Her friends all look confused and try to stick up for her.

I always try to be nice. I'll even try to hide your embarrassment from your friends but I'll only try once. If you deny I won't pull any punches and let it all out for everyone to hear.

"Listen, you were just blowing some guy in the bathroom. Very well from what I could see. But now it's time to go and come back on a different day." Her friends all looked at her and her face turned bright red.

The girl got up, got her things and left.

As I went back to the door Paulie was still there laughing. "Man, you really know how to embarrass the fuck out of people don't you?"

"Hey, the way I figure, word spreads fast about what happens at places like this. If you embarrass a few people then people know whats in store for them if they pull off the same shit. Kinda makes things easier when it's a big production instead of a small quiet one."

"Yea.. ok.. just don't pull that shit when the owners are here." Paulie still had a big smile on his face. "You should have seen that guys face when you dropped him in that snow an shit. Ha Ha Ha..."

The entire establishment had something to talk about the rest of the night. People were even asking me if I knew the girl's name.

Later that night she stopped by and apologized. I told her it wasn't a big deal and to stop by again on a different day. She said she would. As she started to leave she tried to give me a kiss good bye.

I politely refused saying that I knew where that mouth had been earlier.

Friday, January 11, 2008


"I hope you really enjoy the whole $7 an hour your making."

As my hand balls up into a fist I feel a hand pull back on my forearm. "Leave it Mike." Paulie steps out from behind me. He looks at the scruffy haired kid standing in front of us, "Why don't you take off."

"Fuck you guys, this sidewalk is community property." The kid is about 22 years old, 6' tall and all of 120lbs soaking wet. He has a trucker hat on with the bill of the hat bent straight up. His pants are tight, keys hung from a belt loop and the right pant leg is rolled up so it doesn't get caught in his bicycle chain. His shirt was at one time white and his arms are decorated with mismatched tattoos. There was dried blood around his nose. "I know my rights."

Five minutes before.

The kid was in the establishment. He decided that it would be ok to walk up behind a waitress and throw his arms around her. Not only that, he thought it would be funny if he grabbed her breasts and act like he was dry humping her. When Alice came up and told me I walked to the back and saw him laughing about it.

I grabbed him by the collar and threw him to the floor. He landed face first and knocked over a couple other people as he went down. I reached and grabbed him again, this time by his feet and I started dragging him out of the bar. He kept grabbing other people's legs as I was dragging him so I stopped. He spun around onto his back and I grabbed his arm and jerked him up. As he was coming up he was scared. I could see it in his eyes. His eyes were wide open and he kept looking around for help.

I went to grab his wrist and spin him around and he slipped out of my grasp. He tried to run out of the establishment but I tripped him and he fell to the ground again. This time he fell harder and busted his nose on the ground. Blood started coming out of his nose and trailing down his chin. Now he just laid there waiting for someone to help him. I grabbed him by the wrists and pulled him up. I stood him up and shoved him back and he started out the door.

Once outside the door he became tough. Slanders flew from his mouth like a river. Then they turned personal. Statements about people's mothers started coming out and that's when I started to get more angry. Usually these things don't upset me. I figure that the person doesn't know my mother so there's no reason to get upset but with the things this kid had already done it got to me. I could feel the adrenaline pulsing through me and that's when Paulie told me to let it go.

The kid wouldn't leave the front of the bar and he kept going on about "his rights". So I decided to let him get a first hand feel for what his rights really were. As a squad car drove past I flashed them with my flash light. The car stopped and pulled over. The kid thinking he was in the right stood there, "Yea, bring the cops over, I'll have your ass in jail!" He literally thought he was in the right.

The two cops came walking over. The first one walked up to me and the second one walked straight over to the kid.

"Hey Mike, what's going on?"

I explained what had happened and how the kid was dry humping the waitress and grabbing her breasts. I explained in detail what happened after that.

"Ok, the waitress want to file sexual assault charges?"

The kid overheard this. "What!? I didn't assault her! What the fuck!?"

The cop walked over to the kid and got into his face. "Excuse me? You grabbed a womans breasts without her consent. You think that's ok to do?"

The second cop turned the kid around and started patting him down. When the cuffs came out the kid started flaring up more. "What the fuck!? What about what he did to me? This is fuckin bullshit!!"

"He didn't do anything. You swung at him first. He was doing his job, protecting the staff and the business."

"I didn't swing at anyone!!"

"You have the right to remain silent...."

After the kid was read his rights and stuffed in the car, the cops talked to the waitress. She decided to press charges. Even if she doesn't show up for court the kid will have to spend all weekend in jail to wait for a court hearing.

Maybe he'll meet up with Big John while he's in there.

Hopefully Big John will think he's cute.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


No matter where you work there's someone that just annoys the hell out of you. The best thing about work is that it doesn't have to be someone you work with. Once in a while there's a person that is in the bar that annoys you.

"Hey buddy, move it over to the side will ya?"

"This is a free space."

"Your annoying me."

They come to the establishment, they drink, they start dancing around like an idiot and they annoy you. The best part is that if they annoy someone enough they can be removed.

"So that means I can't have a good time?"

"Sure you can, just do it away from me."

Of course, through a night of drinking their memory goes south pretty fast. Mine doesn't.

"Hey man, move it down. Your in the way."

"I'm good right here."

"I said, your in the way."

"What ever man, I'm havin a good time. You should try it."

So I took his advice. I grabbed him by the wrist and walked him to the door.

"What the fuck man!?"

"I asked you twice to move. Now you get to dance outside."

"I can dance anywhere I want."

"Then do it out here." I turned and walked back inside.

The little bastard stood outside the door and danced on the sidewalk.

I have to say that it did give me a laugh even though it irritated the hell out of me at the time.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Rock Star Lines IV...

On busy nights with a long line of people waiting it's fairly hard to skip the line. If you have the right type of handshake it makes the wait go by a lot faster. Especially if you know the proper number of people you have and the amount of grease your providing. Grease and knowledge work great in the proper combination.

"Hey man, my friend over here wants to see if there's some way to get pass this line. He wants to know if Franklin has any pull around here."

"That depends on how many friends Franklin has."

"He just has five others with him."

"Then Mr Franklin should meet me and then see about going in."

The perfect mix of grease applied to a handshake can get you into many places. It works with the nightclub industry as well as the restaurant industry. Don't believe me? Next time you go to a fancy restaurant and want to skip the line of people waiting for a table try this. Slip a fifty dollar bill into a handshake and see how fast you get a table.

Here's a tip though. Don't be like this guy. Don't come back to the doorman and ask for more "help".

"Hey buddy, since I helped you out, you think you can help me out in here?"

"What kind of help are you needing?" I was thinking he meant that his group wanted a table. If that was the case I might be able to help him. Of course that would mean that he would have to "help out" who ever was inside getting him the table.

"Well, you think you can get us free drinks?" I laughed at him, literally. I looked right at him and let out a few laughs. "That's funny to you after we helped you out?"

"First off man, you didn't help me out. You helped yourself out. Your not still waiting in line are you?"

"What? That's how it is?"

"Listen man, if you want discount drinks then over tip the bartender. I'm not the bartender and I'm not going to ask them to hook up some one I don't know."

"That's fuckin bullshit man. Even after I helped you out? Why you being an ass about this?"

"Excuse me?"

"Man, I didn't have to give that to you. I was helping you out."

"I didn't have to let you in. I don't have to let you stay either. So either go inside and enjoy the fact that your not standing in line or argue some more and leave."

"Fuck you man." Then he turned and started walking back in.

I step inside the door and grab his arm, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me man. Fuck you."

I shoved him against the wall and shoved my finger in his chest while holding his arm. "You can either enjoy your time here or you can leave. Which is it?"

"The fucks your problem man!?"

"I did you a favor. A one time favor. Now you can either stay with your friends or I can throw you out."

"Fine man, what ever." I let him go and he walked off.

Then Casper walked up, "What's the problem with that guy?"

"Watch him. He fucks up in any way toss his ass out."

Twenty minutes later he's being shoved through the crowd to the door. Turns out he didn't know how to keep his mouth shut to the waitress. He didn't tip her at all and then started bitching about the price of drinks. He even complimented her on her "cunty" attitude. Such a class act.

I'll take a large tip from just about anyone. It doesn't mean that your an better than anyone else. It definitely doesn't mean that you can think your a big shot. Your still a nobody and you can still get treated like one. No skin off my back if someone tosses you out right after you get in.

Get a personality and don't be a douche bag.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Litter Bug...

Ultimately there's always someone that walks up to the bar with food. It's just a normal thing that people do. They drink, get hungry and grab some food from one of the street vendors as they go on to the next bar. Some do it because they're hungry and some think it will sober them up so they can stay out longer and drink more. For some reason they think, if they eat, it will soak up that belly full of booze and make room for more.

So, one night a couple of guys come walking up to the front of the bar. They were the typical type of douche bags. The type of guys that either are still in college or are trying to hold on to those glamourous years of high fiving and chasing women with their abilities of spending their parents money. I think I even have a visual for this one...

I thought I did...

So when these two guys come walking up they both have food. No big deal really, I explain to them that they have to finish their food before coming in and they both nod their heads in agreement. Then they start shoving the food into their mouths and the paper plates, napkins and other things they have all fall to the sidewalk. In typical douche bag fashion they let out a little yell, give each other a high five and start to dig their wallets out to give me their ID's.

Now, I'm not going to say that this town is a clean town, everyone knows that it isn't. There's garbage all over the place and there are people that get paid to clean up after all the inconsiderate slobs. From what I understand they make really good money too. Well, they either make good money or they're doing it as a community service because they did something stupid before.

As DB#1 goes to hand me his ID, I look down at the sidewalk.

Me: "You guys gonna leave that garbage there?"

DB#1: "Uh, yea bro. We're here to drink!"

Me: "Ok.. I need you to pick up that garbage first though."

DB#1: "It's cool dude. Someone gets paid to do that. They'll get it in the morning." He then laughs and looks at his friend.

Me: "Yea, it's not cool. If you guys want to come in then you need to pick up your garbage. It's not about people being paid to clean up after you. It's a respect type thing. You leave your garbage here and it's not showing much respect for me, the bar, or many other things."

DB#1: "Dude, why you gotta be an asshole?"

Me: "Really? I'm being an asshole because I'm asking you to respect something else instead of your hair gel and your parents credit card?"

As DB#1 and I are starting our conversation I could see that DB#2 was listening very closely. In fact, he even started picking up the garbage as his counterpart kept arguing with me.

DB#2: "Alright man, is there a garbage can near by?"

Me: "There's one right around the corner. Thanks."

DB#1: "You actually picked that shit up? HA HA HA!!"

DB#2: "Yea... he's kinda right and he won't let us in if we don't."

So after I the guy picks up the garbage and tosses it I check their ID's. I tell them thank you for picking it up and they start walking in. As they walk in I walk in behind them just to take a look and see how things are inside.

DB#1 (turning to DB#2): "Man, that guys a fuckin asshole huh?"

I tap the guy on the shoulder. "Excuse me?"

DB#1: "What man? You got a problem?"

Me: "I do now. Come on, it's time to go."

DB#2 (looking at his friend): "Dude, what the fuck? You can't keep your mouth shut for a second?"

They walk out without a problem and head down the street arguing with each other like a married couple. I could hear them arguing until they rounded the corner a block away.

I don't ask for much. I ask for respect. For me, the establishment, and the people around you. At one time this was a common idea among all people. As time goes by people tend to forget the lessons that were learned by our elders. Is it the elders fault for the younger generation ignoring them or is it the fault of the peers that just let things go because that's just how their friends are?

You can choose your friends, you can't choose your family.

Friday, April 27, 2007


The weather's been pretty crappy these past few days but the rain has finally let up a little, just in time for the weekend. All week it's been sprinting season. You walk a little then it starts to down pour and you sprint to a canopy. The rain lets up and you start to walk again, then you sprint to the next doorway or canopy.

Perfect season for sinus problems and wet drunks.

"So hey man, you know where I might be able to get some of that?"

"Some of what?"

"You know man, ya yo..."

"Oh yea.. here.. jump outside with me." We walk out the door to the front of the bar.

"Sweet man, how much?"

"It's completely free to leave the bar. Have a good night."

"What? I thought.."

"Man, you don't ask the doorman for ya yo. What are you stupid? Get out of here."

Nothing like having sinus issues help you get rid of idiots. Seriously though, why would you ever ask a doorman if he has any coke? I can understand that there are some people that would but I don't understand asking it. Maybe I take the job more seriously than others.

With the rain comes a lot of slippery surfaces too. Your average sober person could look like a drunk when they're slipping and sliding all over the place. So then you have to rely on their speech patterns and how they act otherwise. It's usually more fun to watch them slide all over the place.

Puddles become lakes and the gutters become rivers. If your really lucky you get to see someone stumble and take a dive into a lake. Then there's more than enough reason to not let them in. They're soak from head to toe, they more than likely stink like sewer water or they're all pissed off. It gave me a chuckle for a minute though and usually they understand unless they're wasted. Then it's just an arguement that they won't win.

"Man, this id bullshit! Why can't I go in?"

"You just fell in a huge puddle and your soaking wet. I don't need you going in and bumping into a ton of people while your dripping with sewer water."

"Man, I'm all wet man. Let me go in, it's cold out here."

"Sorry man, maybe you should go home and change or dry off."

"That's it man, I'm never comin here again!!"

"Ok, see ya tomorrow night Cale."

"Yea, if your lucky."

Sometimes, luck has nothing to do with it.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Keep on knocking but you can't come in... II

Almost every night there's a guy in the bar that upsets a woman in some way. Every woman handles it a different way. Either they brush the guy off politely or they ignore him or they come straight to me and tell me about how the guy is wasted, grabbing them, or just won't take the hint and leave them alone.

Most cases I'll keep an eye on the guy and see if the woman can get him to go away. It all depends on the guy and if he's jumping from one woman to the next. Many a night I've been a fake boyfriend for more than one woman in the bar. This usually gets the guy to leave her alone when she tells him that her boyfriend is the doorman. It doesn't all the time but about 70% of the time it works.

Most nights I can be found standing inside the bar, just next to the doorway. From this spot I can see a lot of the bar and it makes for some good people watching at times.

So on this night, one of the regulars came up to me, wrapped her arm around me and leaned into my ear. "This little Mexican guy won't leave me alone..."

"This guy behind you?"

She turned and looked, "Yea, guy won't leave me alone and so I told him your my guy."

"I'll keep an eye on him."

She gave me a little kiss and walked off. The guy stood there for a second and looked at me and then walked over to the bar. After about twenty minutes I see him still there and now talking to a blonde girl at the bar. She seemed to be there hanging out with a couple guys. The little guy taps her on the shoulder and starts talking to her. She didn't seem interested and turns her back to him and starts talking to the guys she's with. Well, I guess he took that as an insult.

He tapped her on the shoulder again and started arguing with her. Then one of the two guys got up from his stool and stepped between them. So I stepped over and got in between the two guys. I grabbed the little guys wrist and told him it was time to go.

"Why? I din't do nothing.."

"It's time man, your annoying the ladies and grabbing people. Let's go."

"No, I'm finishin my beer..."

So I grab his beer and toss it into the garbage, "Your beers done, let's go."

He stood there and stared up at me, "Bullshit.. you owe me a beer.."

"I don't owe you anything... you gotta go."

After this the guy with the lady thought he'd add his two cents and look tough for his girl. "Yea man, it's best you leave... I woulda fucked you up!"

I turned to look at him, "Sit down an shut up or you'll be the next one out."

The little guy tried to push through me and I hooked him around the chest and started walking him out the door. I got him out and told him to take off. He stood there and kept staring at me through the door. He tried to come in again and I stopped him again and explained that he needed to move on to another bar. Again, he stood there and kept staring in at me through the door. This time he started puffing up his chest and fired off a punch into the door.

The door shattered into a giant spider web.

I flung the door open and he took off running. Now, when this type of thing happens I don't really think about what might happen. All I was thinking was, 'this fucker just broke my front door and he's going to pay for it!' By pay, I didn't mean kicking his ass, I meant pay the whatever hundred of dollars it would be for a new door.

So I yelled into the bar for Ramone to grab Paulie to watch the door and I took off after him down the street.

Now, I'm no where near being a fast guy. I'm way too big to be fast and light on my feet. I was about half a block behind this guy and all of a sudden Paulie goes flying past me. I see them go around a corner and down a side street. So when I get down there I turn the corner as well and make it to where the street ends. From there they could have went anywhere.

So I looked around for a little bit and checked both ways down the street. When I didn't hear anything and couldn't find any traces I headed back to the bar. I made it a couple blocks and a police cruiser pulled up to the bar so I hurried back. As I got up there a the officers got out of their car and asked if that was the guy that had punched my door.

I stood there, catching my breath, and looked into the back of the car. I smiled and waved at the man sitting there. "Yep, that's the prick."

As the cops were pulling out the paperwork to fill out, Paulie came walking up. He's in far better shape than I am but he was gasping for air just as much, if not more.

So I signed off on the arrest and Paulie pulled out our licenses for the bar and the night was calming down.

Then Stewart steps out of the bar... "Yea, sorry for the news guys, but while you were out, someone shattered the toilet tank..."

Paulie asked if Stewart knew who it was and Stewart said no, but it looked like someone dropped something in there and tried to get it out... with his foot.

Something just didn't smell right about that, since it was the tank that was broken, not the stool.

Saturday, September 30, 2006


I have a lot of stress lately. Family issues, personal issues and then pile on the idiots at the bar, both certain employees and the people that come in.

I'm a fairly simple person. I don't let things bother me because it's a waste of time. Sometimes it all piles on and there's not much I can do.

The bar has a jukebox. It's got all kinds of different music in it. If you stand there and hit the side of it hard then the cd will skip. If you do that a couple times you get tossed out of the bar.

So this guy was standing there and hitting the jukebox. I saw Chucky start heading over there so I had Ron, one of the cooks, stand by the door and I headed over to the jukebox. I got over there and Chucky was talking to the guy. He saw me come over and pointed at the guy and walked off. I grabbed the beer out of his hand and put my hand on his back. "I need you to head out the door now."

He started walking and never said a word to me. It was a quick and easy extraction. Then his friends came up to the door. Two of them walked out and didn't say a word. The third one stood there with a full rocks glass and decided to talk about how his friend shouldn't have been thrown out.

"You know what? It's total bullshit that you threw my friend out of here. He wasn't doing shit you know."

I just stood there. I didn't respond to him at all. I stared over his shoulder and didn't say a word.

"So what? Now your gonna act stupid or something? Not gonna talk to me? You fuckin moron."

I reached up and grabbed the rocks glass. "Now it's time for you to go."

"What!? I didn't do shit! I'll leave once I'm done with my drink ya asshole!"

"Your done now." I held on to the rocks glass and turned it to it's side and dumped the entire drink onto the guys shoes. Before he could even say, "What the fu--!" I grabbed his shirt by the front collar and started pushing him out the door with one hand.

Once I got him out he let off with the typical banters of how he shouldn't have been thrown out and that he'll never come to this bar again. He stood there with his friends and continued to talk and I walked back into the bar.

As I was standing inside the bar the door opened again. This same scrawny little man was standing there yelling into the doorway. He rattled off a few normal insults and I stood there looking at him waiting for him to leave. Then he rattled off some insults towards my family. Still standing there with the door open.

Then I moved. I didn't even realize that I had moved. I took two steps towards the door and pushed it open with my right arm as my left arm came up and I grabbed him by the throat. Then I turned and slammed him against the wall and stared into his face. "You need to get the fuck out of here. Now." The guy reached up and grabbed my throat and I grabbed his thumb and pulled it back towards his forearm. Next thing I knew I turned and had thrown him to the ground.

His friends stepped towards me and I pushed my sleeves up to my elbows just standing there, staring at them.

Chucky came running out and stood next to me. "Hey man, let's go back inside. These guys aren't worth shit to us, let them go."

The guy on the sidewalk started getting up. His friends started walking off and trying to get him to do the same. I walked back inside and Chucky followed me in a couple minutes.

"Man, what was that all about?" Chucky asked me after everything calmed down.

"I don't know.. One minute he was working his mouth, the next I had him against the wall by his throat."

"Well... how bout you try going to a gym or something... or get rid of the stress you got built up."

"Sounds great Chucky, you gonna pay for it?"

Friday, May 26, 2006

Walk on...

"No, it doesn't matter to me."

"So, a pair of hot heels says something and that's it? I can't do anything about it?"

"Nope, take a walk."

Reaching into his pocket he pulls out a wad of cash, he starts to flip out $20 bills. "There's nothing I can do to fix this?"

"Man, listen to me. You walk over to a table of ladies and you throw your arm around one and stick your finger in anothers face and call her a bitch. You upset all five of the ladies in less than 5 minutes. I was there watching it all. Number one, 5 ladies outweigh one guy. Number two, any one of those ladies has more pull with me than you do. This is the second time I've had to ask you to leave in a week. I already gave you a second chance now leave."

"This is bullshit you know that. I'll be back."

Five minutes later, I step outside because the douche is still standing on the sidewalk staring into the bar.

"Hey man, walk on."

"Fuck you man, I'm on the sidewalk, city property, I can stay here all night."

"We'll see..."

I stood out there for about 5 minutes when a cop car came rolling by. As I was waving them over I looked at the guy, "Hope you got clean underwear man."

The cops turned around in the street and pulled over by the bar. Before they were done turning the guy was a block away.

"Hey, how's it going Mike?"

"Not too bad guys, can I get you a bottle of water?"

Friday, April 14, 2006

Not tonight...

One of the biggest power trips a doorman has is the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason that person wants.

This is one thing that tends to make a lot of people that have this job nothing more than pricks. The power goes to a lot of their heads. It really shouldn't considering that it's more of a priviledge than a power. But it all depends on the situation and how you look at it.

So when a guy comes walking up with, what looks like a toupee saran wrapped to his head and slightly stumbling I decided not to let him in.

The typical excuses of meeting people inside and coming to the bar for years pour out of his mouth. I told him it didn't matter and that maybe he should try to call them and tell them he would be outside.

With this I got a barrage of insults telling me I didn't know who I was talking to and that I should move back to the state I'm from. Which obviously I could never have grown up here.

I asked him to leave and walked him out the door. Again, he starts off with the insults and asks why he can't come in. I told him he was stumbling too much and to try his luck at another bar.

I walked back in and he again pulls the door open yelling insults at me. He then unzips his pants and starts to reach into them, legs spread as if to urinate on the door. I step towards the door and put my weight into the door. It swings open and comes about an inch from hitting him in the nose.

"Yea! That's right.. come out here... I want you to come out here!!"

I step out to the sidewalk with my flashlight in hand. "Ok, I'm out here. Now what?"

He begins to go on about how much of an asshole I am and that his friends are inside waiting for him. As he still goes on and on I notice a squad car driving by. I raise my hand up and start to flash the squad with my light.

The squad pulls over and asks what the problem is. I explain to them that the man had punched the door and attempted to urinate on it as well. I told them that all I wanted was the man to leave the area.

"All I want to know is why. What's the reason I can't go in the bar!?"

At this point I walked back in the bar as I heard the officer tell the man. "Hey buddy, he's got the right to refuse you service for any reason he wants. Try taking it down the street and don't bother him anymore."

I looked out again and the man had started walking off.

Five minutes later the man came back. This time he sat in his car in front of the bar. As people came in I could hear him yelling for me to come outside. Definitely, I'm stupid enough to walk outside where your sitting in your car. Where you could possibly pull a gun up and blast one into my chest. I'm just that stupid, you fuckin dumbass.

I look out at the man and pull out my cell phone. I make sure he sees me on my phone and I make movements like I'm describing him and his car. He then watches me, flips me the finger and takes off.

Hoping this got him to finally leave I go back to a normal night. If only....

A couple hours later, Phil's up by the door with me. The nights going pretty smooth and then Phil notices something. "Is that the douche bag that tried coming in earlier?"

I turned and looked out the door. Across the street, sitting in his car and staring at the bar is the douche bag.

"Stay inside, I'll see if I can grab some cops." Phil walks out and goes around the corner.

I stay inside the doorway and keep an eye on the car. I already had his plate numbers and his description, along with some witnesses.

As I was looking over the man flipped me the finger again. A semi pulled up to the light, blocking my view of the car. As the semi pulled away the man was being pulled out of the car by a couple of the boys in blue.

They pulled him out of the car, searched him and one officer moved his car and the other put him into the back of the car.

I stepped out in front of the bar as they were turning the car around to head out. The man glared at me from the back of the car. I couldn't resist to just wave to him as he was being carted away.

How stupid do you have to be to get that upset about not being able to get into a bar? There's only about 50 or 60 other bars you could go to and he could have gotten into about half of them.

Maybe the saran wrap was on his head because part of his brain fell out.

Friday, December 09, 2005


"You know yer actin pretty childish. In fact, your actin a lot like an asshole."

Usually when drunks talk to me that I've already asked to leave I ignore them. I walk them out the door or carry them if needed and thats that. When Phil says someone needs to go then they go. I don't question, I just do. If your staggering around leaning on tables with your head down then it's a good sign you need to leave.

I'll be cordial with you and I'll give you time to tell your friends and grab your coat. I won't give you a lot of time but I'll give you a little. This way if you have a tab to close you can. If you need your friend to take you home then they'll know your waiting outside for them.

"You can't let me look for my wallet?"

"Your calling me childish and you don't know where your wallet is?"

A lot of times, I've noticed, no matter how nice to people I am I still end up the asshole. Why? Well, because I won't let you back into the bar to get your friend or look for coats or glasses or wallets or phones or just about anything. Honestly, I don't have to. Once your asked to leave a bar it doesn't mean you can come right back in. Come back the next day or if you have a complaint feel free to call.

"Man, talk to me like I'm your friend."

"Why? Your not."

"See, now yer just being childish agin. I jus wanna find my wallet."

"Listen, I'm letting you wait for your friend here instead of outside. Hopefully he finds it and you can leave."

"No, yer jus being an asshole."

Friend comes back - "I found it. Its cool."

"Man, whys this guy being an asshole?"

"I got your wallet, lets just go. He's just doing his job."

"Man, whas yer name? Imma journalist, man. I'll make sure you get a bad review. Ya know you are bein an asshole. You don't need to. Fuckin asshole."

"My name's Mike. Now get out of my bar."

Friend - "Man, you are starting to be an asshole. We are leaving."

"Ok, so why aren't you moving?"

It's not my problem if you forget something. You do become my problem if you keep trying to get back in. Once your out, your out. I'll let your friend look for your stuff but you don't come back in. I don't babysit people or follow you around at your leisure just so you can waste time inside.

It is amazing how quickly the white collar journalist type are so quick to write up a bad review. Well, I should say threaten to write up a bad review. The funny part is that these guys come to this type of bar to either hide out or because they've heard about the reputation it has. They're the guys that I've never seen in the bar before and are probably only there because they were in the neighborhood after some party or show. Nothing loss there. They're not returning customers anyway.

I think I might lose some sleep waiting for that review. Maybe it'll be so bad that we have to close our doors. Just think, I might get a vacation out of it.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Try being nice....

"You know, all you gotta do is just be nice to people and they'll listen to everything you say."

"That's great, thanks for the advice. Bye."

"See, there you go again, you know if you were to say something like, "Have a good night, be safe on your way home' people would leave much faster than you all comin up on us and taking away our drinks."

"I'm sure they would. That's why you and your four friends are still in here and everyone else left ten minutes ago. You didn't hear the announcement over the PA? Cause I'm pretty sure everyone else did and look... They're gone... So now, you need to get out."

"Oh, you think your so big. I bet you think your pretty special huh?"

"Not really. I just have a liquor license to keep here. Which means you have to get out."

"Uh huh, I'm sure."

"Get out."

"Well, it doesn't matter, I'm waiting for someone."

"Get out. They'll be right behind you."

"Who's your manager? I wanna have a talk with him about you."

"Get the fuck out. The bar closed fifteen minutes ago, the lights are on, the music's off and you've been asked to leave twenty times, now just leave."

"No, I wanna talk to your manager. This is fuckin bullshit. "

"You still being here is bullshit. Call and talk to the owner in the morning, and make sure you get my name too ok? It's Mike, not Mikhail, Mica, Miguel, just Mike. Don't worry I'm the only Mike here. The owner will know who I am and make sure you tell him you were in here past closing and being a bitch too."

"Fuck this, I don need this kind of disrespect. I'm leaving."

"Thanks! Bout time!"

"Oh, don you worry, I'm gonna call tomorrow."

"You do that."

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Bouncing Women...

No, sad enough, I'm not talking about the Juggies on The Man Show.

Tossing ladies from the bar is always a tricky thing to do. Hmm, wait a minute. I think I put that wrong. I've never tossed a lady. Hmm, what word could I use to describe a female that punches, kicks, and tries to claw off your face? I don't dare use the "C" word.

Let's see, how many different words are there to describe a nasty female like this. A female that's willing to kick me in the groin because I'm trying to get her to leave for picking a fight with the bartender for cutting her off. Bitch, whore, bag, puta, ball breaker, crackwhore, butch... not really a big selection.

Anyways. It's always a big thing to toss out a female. Especially since I'm a male. Certain things could be blown up into dastardly deeds. A woman could try and claim that a hand was put in the wrong spot or I'm sure that sexual harassment could be brought to the table as well.

This is why I like to have certain female friends frequent the bar. They don't take any crap from men or women and they know their shit. They could easily take me down quicker than I could even think of how I'd take them down. They have a huge advantage over me. They're women. However, this completely changes when a woman punches me and then tries to go for my face.

At this point you went from a woman to just another person, really fast. With every rule people have in their life there is always a loop hole. One of my biggest rules is that I don't hit women. Then comes the loop hole. If your female and you punch me and try to scratch my face off, your no longer a woman. I won't swing at you unless it's absolutely necessary but once you push me past that limit I will. You come at me with a weapon and I will stop you just like any man.

This night the female was cut off at the bar. When you get cut off your stuck drinking water until either your attitude gets better, you sober up, or you leave. Any really good alcoholic will protest this since they can't live without the booze. So she protested and she protested to the wrong bartender. Kathy is one of the best bartenders at the bar. She's been there almost the longest out of everyone and she will give you a piece of her mind if she thinks you deserve it. So when the female started mouthing off Kathy wasn't afraid to mouth off right back at her. They had their little argument and then Kathy waved for me to take the female out.

"Miss, it's time to go."

"Aww, fuck you, I'm not goin anywhere. I ordered a drink and I want it."

"Your not getting that drink, your leaving. Grab your shit and let's go."

"Fuck you. I'm staying right here."

Not wanting to just grab the female by the arm and throw her out like I do most of the guys I just reached down and grabbed her backpack that was on the floor. When she saw me doing this she shoved me and landed a couple punches in my stomach. Instant reaction for me was to draw my arm back with a fist. Which I shook out the fist and grabbed her backpack.

"Fuck you buddy. Put my shit down, I'm staying."

Kathy then walked back up and the female started yelling at her again. The whole time Phil was there watching what was going on. He walked over and grabbed the chair that the female's male companion was sitting on. She was sitting on the males lap. As he pulled on the chair the male stood up and the female started to fall down.

I quickly hooked my arm around the female's waist and carried her out of the bar. The whole time getting smacked and hit on the back and on the head. Once outside the female kept trying to shove me and she even took a couple swings at me. That's when the police drove by.

They quickly pulled over when they saw her swinging at me and came over. I put my arms together in front of me as if they were handcuffed and then pointed at the female. They walked over just as she took another swing and slapped a cuff on one arm.

Now this female was brilliant. She quickly turned into a sweet innocent little lady and just didn't understand why they were cuffing her. The whole time trying to get away from the cop.

The best part was when the female police officer showed up and finished cuffing and stuffing her. As the woman stood there with cuffs on and the officer opening the back door, she decided to turn and try to spit at me. In her drunken state and high heel boots, she lost her balance and fell straight onto her face. It gave the crowd a nice little show and judging by the laughter everyone enjoyed it.

Friday, November 11, 2005

The ever entering woman...

"What's your name man?"


"Well Mike, I realize it's your job to keep the underage out of the bars. Your doing a great job but Ally needs her ID because she drives constantly for work."

"I guess Ally should have thought about that before giving it to that girl then huh?"

"Listen, she just needs it back, she was trying to help out her sister and..."

"I have two options for you at this point. Option one, I get a squad car to come over here, explain to them what's going on and let them decide, because it's only a federal offense or, option two. You guys just leave."

"Man, come on. I'm a bouncer too, can't you just do one exception?"

"Your telling me your a bouncer at a club and you still bring an underage to the bar? Are you stupid? Where you work?"

"Nevermind man, that's not important."

"Of course not. Get outta here. Now I'm going to walk outside and you guys are going to leave. If not I'll gladly grab the first squad I see."

Throughout the night I probably turn away five to ten people on a slow night. It could be for just about any reason but it's usually because of fake IDs or they're already too drunk to come in. Each ID taken is a story all it's own.

A few nights ago I had a couple come in and I checked their IDs and all was well. Then about 15 minutes later I went outside the door with Frank to have a smoke and bullshit a little while it was slow. A girl came up and gave me her ID and I took a couple looks at it thinking it looked familiar.

Since it's early many people will walk in and see that it's not that busy and leave. If I don't see you leave then I card you again when you come back or if you've been gone for awhile. That's why I took a second look at the ID. I didn't remember this girl leaving.

So I asked Phil to watch the door as I went over to where the girl had walked to. As I walked over I noticed that all of a sudden there were two of them there. So first thought in my mind was that they were twins. The girls did look a lot alike but I only remembered the IDs by the name on them.

"Hello ladies. I need to see both your IDs again."

The first girl pulled out her ID and gave it to me. I looked at it and her and waited for the other girl to get hers. She was very hesitant. The first girl reached for her ID and I raised my index finger for her to wait. The second girl handed me her ID and I compared the IDs. Exact matches.

"Ladies. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is you have to leave now and your not getting these back. The good news is you get to go home early."

Without a single word they turned and walked out the door. I had expected to at least hear some kind of an argument.

I explained what was going on to Phil and left it at that.

People don't realize what kind of trouble they can get into letting others 'borrow' their IDs. Just for letting your younger brother or sister use your ID you could be looking at a year in jail and a
fine close to a few grand.

Doesn't really seem like much until you get busted for it.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

The Female...

Had a little excitement at the bar. Entailed asking a female to leave. That's about all I can really say right now since there is a court case that I will have to attend.

Phil talked to me about it and the charge is battery. Not on me or anyone at the bar but on the female that we tossed out. We might go but all we were really worried about was just getting her out at the time. I know her face and so does Phil so we know she won't be coming back for a long while.

We'll decide soon and I'll keep it posted.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Everybody loves a good rock show. The intensity of the music live and in your face. The brews going down faster than if you were just sitting at home with the CD or DVD blaring on your home system. The people in the crowd getting all riled up and the jumping and bumping that goes on in the front of the stage.

Anyone who says they'd rather sit at home and listen to one of their many favorite bands on CD than go and see them live is not a true fan. From classical music to punk and everything in between you'd just rather see them live. There's just something about the electricity that fills the air at a live show.

So now I wonder why you'd be an idiot and get thrown out before that band plays.

The venue is a pretty small place to see bands. It's not a huge place and I've talked before about throwing people out. It's pretty routine. You warn them and if they do it again you throw them out. Then it's up to the front door not to let them back in.

How does the front door know not to let them back in? Well, like many venues there's a no re-entry policy. This is pretty self explanatory. If you leave you have to pay to get back in. Granted people are probably thinking, Shit, I'd just pay and go back in. There's a small flaw to that. If you do get thrown out and you pay to go back in and we see you inside we throw you out again. This time through the front door so they know not to let you back in again.

Our front door staff has been around for a while. Most of them have worked other venues before and know what to look for. I won't say that I'm of that caliber because I won't and the other guys have a few years on me.

Basically, they're looking for the guy with ripped clothing, sweaty clothing, and the talker. The talker is the guy that comes walking back up fast to the door and tries to walk right by the staff. He'll go on about how he shouldn't have been thrown out or his jacket is inside or he needs to let his friends know that he's outside. This guy is usually pretty annoying. The fact is simply but hard to process for these guys. You got thrown out. Your not getting back in.

He'll stand there for a long time trying to persuade his way back in but it doesn't work. He'll offer money, he'll offer his ID up as collateral, one guy even bought a ticket off of someone and tried to come back in. Sooner or later you'll get really annoying and we'll ask you to leave the front of the club. When you don't and you go on your spiel about how it's a free country and you have every right to stand there we'll just point to the No Loitering sign on the wall.

When you don't leave then we'll motion to the next available police officer that is patrolling by. We'll explain to the officer that you got kicked out of the club and won't leave. We'll even tell them that we don't want to press any charges for the broken bottles or elbowing an employee or what ever you did to get kicked out if you'll just remove yourself from our sight.

This is when everyone gets to see what kind of a person you are. You could be a complete asshole and try to get us arrested for the way your removed. Try to play the nice guy card and try to explain to the cops that you just want to tell your friends your leaving and they can go in with you. (Which doesn't work, the cops care about that as much as we do.) Then there's the jag off method.

Keep telling the cops that it's your right to stand where ever you want. Then to show them that you know what your doing stand just past the edge of the club. This way your off our property and you can still talk about our mothers. This is the brilliant thing to do. Especially when the cops are still standing there. Sooner or later one of the door staff will get tired of hearing you call his mother a whore or that he's useless or he'll just get tired of hearing your voice. Then comes the slander.

If you want to talk all kinds of shit then that's great. Did you know that you can be arrested just for telling someone to fuck off? You do now. When the cops come over and ask you to move on or risk being arrested don't question them. Move on.

You could be the next contestant on Who's Tiny's Bunkmate...

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Respect the waitresses...

I grew up in a pretty normal household by my own standards. As a pretty general statement this could mean that beating people and drinking all hours of the day and night are normal. Or that could be a really fucked up thing to say.

I grew up almost as a Southern Gentleman. I've always been interested in history and the codes of conducts that were the norm by that time. Chivalry is almost dead in today's society. A lot of men will treat women anyway they want and think it's ok and right. I don't really think that way.

Now I've never been a church type of person at all. I get nauseous at times when I'm inside of churches yet I love the architecture of many. There are certain passages that have stuck in my mind but I can't tell you where they came from or what verse or any of that crap. To me the bible was a good book. Nothing to fully believe in because the stories were handed down from generation to generation for hundreds of years before it was actually recorded. But there was a part that has stuck in my mind since.

That's the part where women were made from a rib. They were made from this because they were made to be our equals. They weren't made from our heel to be walked on, our hands to be beaten with, or our legs to be kicked around. Women don't deserve to be groped, slobbered on, or their asses pinched by men that don't have that type of relation with them. Granted there are some that think they should be worshipped but they weren't made for that either.

Now when one of the waitresses at the bar comes running up to the front door and is screaming that someone needs to be thrown out I don't ask any questions. Especially when the waitress is screaming. They've yelled before but this was a scream.

I'm not sure what kind of a man this was really, other than being a piece of shit. I get back to where Meg is and she's pointing out a black man that's about 5'9" and saying he had to leave.

I looked at the man, he looked over at Meg, and I starting pushing him out the door. When I got him to the door I shoved him through the front and past the line.

"Come on man, I didn't do shit in there."

"Take off man."

"Yo man. I didn't do shit."

"Get the fuck out of here, your not coming back in here."

I stood outside with the line and watched as the man left. The people in the front of the line asked what had happened and I plainly told them that he had been annoying one of the waitresses.

"That's all? He got thrown out for that?"

"Yep, so I suggest you don't upset them and tip well."

After that I walked back inside and hoped that Meg would come by to let me know what had happened. She never came around but one of the other waitresses, Sally, came over and told me what had happened. Which really made me wonder what kind of people are out there.

There is never a reason to grope a waitress. Let alone grab for her, as coined by Meg, 'hoo-ha'.

After work I told Meg that if that shit happens again in any way to let me know before I got him out.

"I know, I just wanted him away from me. I felt really violated and wanted him gone."

"Well, next time let me know first then I'll get him out and we'll get the cops on his ass."

Women are our equals in many ways. I've seen it everywhere I've been, no matter what kind of work your in. They deserve as much respect as anyone else.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Lurkers and smirkers that say, "That door hurts!"


Throughout every bar there are always those guys that just sit back and wait. They're not always bad. Some like to sit back and see what's going on through the night, also known as 'People Watch'. Then there are those that sit back and wait for, what they think is, the perfect opportunity to talk to that one woman they've been watching all night.

The thing that's disturbing about this is they make it pretty obvious that they're watching. Sometimes they even switch parts of the bar when that particular lady does. These guys are usually pretty harmless. They're extremely insecure and scared as hell to talk to women. They usually sit around and hope the lady will notice them and come over to talk, which never works.

Of course there's always the other Lurker type, the Opportunity Lurker (OL). The guy that thinks he's got the world by the tail and everything a woman would want. Many of these guys have access to many different types of things. Anything from nice cars, houses, money or drugs. They find out little details of certain people and then try to use what those people like to influence them to go with them.

For instance, Leroy finds out that Nancy likes the nose candy. Leroy has some and lets Nancy know and then hangs out flaunting what he has in hopes that Nancy comes with. This comes down to whether or not she's willing to degrade herself for this little party favor. Then again, if Leroy is really persistent he won't leave until she leaves. Then he'll be outside the bar trying like hell to get what he wants. Unless he is asked to leave first.

I can think of a few times now that I've asked Lurkers to leave. I really don't care one way or the other. What people choose to do to themselves is their own problem. Unless it effects me personally. The Lurkers usually leave with no problems since they know that they want to come back the next night and try again. They can try all they want. Sooner or later someone's gonna bite and get reeled in.


Then you have your Smirkers. These can be guys or gals. They come out in many different circumstances. The most popular ones are the ones that smirk when you ask for their ID.

I ask for everyone's ID. You could be 6'4" and your whole head could be covered in white hair. I still want to see your ID. My brother had silver hair in high school and was 6'2" so how do I know how old you really are. These people pull out their ID and roll their eyes with a small little smirky smile on their face. These people, although they look like they're in their mid-thirties, are usually around 23 or 24 years old. I just laugh on the inside, they've got a few more years of IDing coming to them.

Then you have the Violent Smirkers (VS). These guys are usually upset about something or they think they're being funny in a really stupid way.

Once we call 'last call' in the bar that means no one comes in the bar and if you want another drink you better hurry and get it. I really don't care if you've been in the bar for five hours before last call your not coming back in. Your friends will be heading out the door in about ten minutes so you can meet them outside.

This really isn't a stated challenge to see if you can make it back in. So when you step into the first door four times in a row and you get the same answer each time it doesn't mean try to walk by me.

Little Billy walks up to me just inside the front door.

"Hey man, we're done. I need you to head back outside."

"Thaz cool man. I'm just gonna look for my buddy."

"Sorry man, you need to go back outside. Your friends will be out in a few minutes."

"Oh cool, he's in here? I'll grab him real quick." This is when Little Billy looks at me and puts up his little half smile smirk and decides he wants to go inside pretty bad. He puts his hand up on my shoulder and takes a step past me. To this I put my arm across his chest.

"Hey man, I said you need to go back outside. Your friend will be right out."

This is when he slides past my arm and tries to walk into the bar fast. It's also when I grab his arm and pull him back towards me.

"Hey!! You don't need to be pulling on me man!"

"Then how bout we head back outside."

"Yea, one sec, I'm gonna grab my friend."

To which he turned and once again tried to go into the bar. This time I grabbed his arm, pulled him towards me and got him onto the other side of me heading towards the first door.

"Man, fuck you!! You don't need to be pushing me around!" About that time he shoved me and tried heading into the bar again.

After all this I was pretty tired of trying to be cool. The guy had really just got under my skin really fast.

The distance between the first door and the second door is just about five feet. This time when Little Billy tried to come back in his feet never met the floor within that distance. In one quick motion I grabbed him, picked him up off the floor and tossed him. When he hit the door he was able to catch himself off the door handle and the door jam. I was already walking towards him when he started his little battle cry and came at me again.

This time I just grabbed him by the shirt and threw him down to the sidewalk in front of the bar and the thirty patrons that were already outside and walking out behind me. I do have to say, he was a persistent little guy. He bounced right up off the sidewalk and came at me. By this time Phil had made it to the door way and jumped right in front of the guy grabbing him and trying to cool him down. That's when I just walked back inside.

Phil came back in after a few minutes and asked if I was ok and let me know that the guy had left. Part of me kind of hoped the guy would have came back. It would have been good exercise.

After all this the bar cleared out pretty quick. All the people who were at the front of the bar saw most of it and left without any questions. At the end there were a few friends of the staff hanging out and all was calm.

Within every group of friends there are Lurkers and Smirkers. Just about everyone knows someone like these people. There are a few that are considered regulars at the bar. The Lurkers never really understand why I ask them to leave. They usually think I'm 'cock blocking' them. Then I explain to them why and they still don't understand. They really think the women like them and they were about to talk them into leaving.

I guess the illusion could be understood when your drunk. I can't say that I haven't been there, I think every guy has.