Wednesday, August 20, 2008


The blog will be on a hiatus for a while. How long? I don't know. Certain events have arose and this is keeping my hands tied.

I will be writing posts but I will not be publishing them until the right time has come.

It's nothing too serious so don't worry too much. I should be back in a few weeks.

Until then.

-Be safe.

Friday, August 08, 2008

D.I.C.K. VI: Pennsylvania...

Pennsylvania. State of Independence.

The Story.

When you work at different places it's good to see familiar faces from the other place. Sometimes it's fun and other times it's not. I guess it all depends on how you handle situations.

After seeing a person at one establishment for months, constantly coming in and drinking, you wouldn't think there'd be a problem with them at a different establishment. Good thing I rarely think in that fashion.

I had seen this girl drink at my other job many times. She was always really nice and always had good things to say. So one night we were talking and she asked if it would be ok if she came to the other place that I worked. Unknowingly, I said that it would be cool if she did.

A few weeks go by and the girl seemed to disappear. I didn't see her at the normal spots.

One night at work a group of girls come walking up and I start to i.d. them. Somewhere in the middle a girl hands me her i.d. and says, "Hey Mike, I'm taking you up on your offer."

The i.d. I can see is fake and then I look up to see the girl's face. There she was. The girl that was constantly drinking at my other job. She had reappeared and now I could either do my job and take away her i.d. or I could just ignore it and let her in.

"What do you mean your keeping that?" She was pissed. "I thought you were my friend. That's why I came here."

"Friend or not, I'm doing what I get paid to do. If I knew you were underage I'd never let you drink in the other place." I didn't work the door at the other place. I just kept an eye on the inhabitants.

"They let me in all the time."

"Not anymore." I slid the i.d. into my back pocket. We had words for about 20 minutes going back and forth. I don't think I've said "No" so many times before.

The next time I worked at the Secondary I mentioned the i.d. to TD.

"Yea, I was up here when she gave Jake the story bout you taking her i.d. away." TD continued, "I asked her why you took it away and she said 'because it was fake'. Jake told her to be quiet and she narced him out for knowing. Dumb Bitch... Had to fire Jake after that."

The Fake.

This was a decent fake. It looked real but the hologram once again was the tip off.

A normal Pennsylvania license has a hologram on it that lists off the counties in the state. Which tends to be a pretty normal thing on some licenses.

This one had an eagle with it's wings spread in the middle with the terms GENUINE, SECURE, AUTHENTIC, and VALID going around it. Plus it had wavy lines going around all of that. Definite fake hologram material.

Once again, here's a better picture of what the hologram looks like.

When you compare the two pictures you can slightly see the hologram on the picture of the license.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Dog Butts...

I've heard people say that there's a fine line between a drunk and an alcoholic.

I guess if you consider that a drunk doesn't necessarily need to drink there could be that fine line. Most alcoholics that I've known have to have those 6 or 8 beers a day. So there is a difference between the two but most drunks act the same way alkies do when they don't get their booze. Angry.

It's even worse when it's a relative or a fellow employee.

The bar industry is a perfect place for drunks. They like to drink so why not give them a job where they get to do what they like?

Too many times employees get to hang out after hours on nights they don't even work. They stick around and try to stick their nose up everyone's ass trying to be funny and cool. They get on my nerves but they seem to be cute and outgoing to all the other ass sniffers.

Which on a totally different level reminds me of a story my father told me when, as a child, I asked, "Dad, why do dogs always smell other dogs buts?"

The story goes like this..

One day all the dogs and cats in the world gathered together in a great hall. They were meeting together to devise a way to take over the world. They knew the meeting would take a long time so when they all arrived they hung up their assholes at the door. Kind of like we hang our coats in the closet. This way none of them would have to get up to use the bathroom.

As all the dogs and cats arrived the closets were filling up with assholes. In the middle of the meeting a little bird flew in through the window and landed on the fire alarm. All the dogs and cats jumped up and started to run around. They were scared because the fire alarm was going off and they wanted to get out of the building. So they all ran to the door way and instead of taking their time to find their own asshole they just grabbed one on their way out.

So even now they're constantly sniffing each others asses to see if they can find their own asshole or an asshole that could be family.

Friday, August 01, 2008

D.I.C.K. V: Oklahoma...

Oklahoma. Everything's going to be OK.

The Story.

On most slower nights I like to step outside and check i.d.'s. It's usually slow enough inside that there aren't many people to have to watch over.

On one slower night, a small group of four or five girls came walking up. I asked them how their night was going and they said it was going great. Then they asked if Vincent was here yet.

Vincent is a doorman from a different establishment. He's been coming by on a regular basis. I only know him because he made a point of letting me know where he works. Which at certain times can be annoying but if brought up in conversation is fine. I rarely have conversations with people that are new regulars. Actually, I rarely have conversations with anyone while I'm working.

I explained to the girls that I had not seen Vincent as of yet. One of the girls mentioned that they were to meet him here and that they had just left the place he worked. I nodded and said ok and then asked to see their i.d.'s. They all started pulling their i.d.'s out of their wallets and purses.

I started checking their i.d.'s and the first four were good. Then I came upon the last girl.

Right from the start, as soon as I turned the i.d. and saw the holograms on it I asked for a 2nd form of i.d. Of course she didn't have one so I told her that I'd be holding onto this i.d. until she could provide a second form.

Just as the girls were about to start arguing, Vincent walked up.

The girl the i.d. came from ran up to Vincent and started talking to him. They stood there for a few minutes and he kept looking over towards me. The girl turned and Vincent walked up to me. "Hey man, she's legit. She's been in my bar all night and I carded her at the door. If you don't want them here just say that."

I stood there with a flat face looking Vincent in the eye. "Listen man... I don't know where you learned to check i.d.'s but this is 100% fake. I suggest you learn how to card people. The i.d. is fake and she's not getting it back."

Vincent then turns sideways to me and leans over towards me. "Come on man, don't make me look bad. Just let her have it back and we'll go somewhere else."

I don't take the liberty of whispering. "If I wanted you to look bad I'd just call your boss and explain to him that your not only letting under age kids into your bar but your trying to bring them into mine. I'm sure he'd appreciate knowing that your putting his liquor license and his business into jeopardy every night you work the door."

Vincent stood there staring at me.

I added, "She's not getting it back. You might as well leave."

The Fake.

It is rare that we get Oklahoma licenses around here. The main give away that this was a fake was the hologram.

You can see parts of the hologram in this copy. The terms SECURE, GEUINE, VALID, and AUTHENTIC are all visible on this scanned copy of the i.d.

I've also added what the entire hologram looks like underneath the scanned copy.

The two eagles on the sides weren't very visible in the scanned copy.

At least with the hologram picture you can have a better idea of what is visible with the naked eye.

Any State i.d. that you come across with this type of hologram is fake. It should be confiscated or cut up right there and then.

If your policy is to cut up the fake i.d.'s that you come across make sure that you keep a piece so that they can't just be taped back together.