Showing posts with label ID. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ID. Show all posts

Friday, September 18, 2009

"But i turn 21 in a month." "So go home an suck your thumb. You're not getting the fake id back."

Friday, August 07, 2009

We don't have ids in England. ~ What do you use to drive with? ~ A licence but thats not an id.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

"I'm 24, why you need my id?"
"To prove your not over 35. That's our cut off age."

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Rock Star Lines VI...

One of the many things that really gets to me is people that don't carry id's.

Yea, you might look like your 120 years old. You might have gray hair. You might have wrinkles all over your face. You might have a beard. You might be 6'7" tall. You might be pregnant (hopefully not if your coming into my establishment). But hey, any of these things could have happened to you before you even got out of high school.

It doesn't matter if your old as hell or a regular. You have to carry your id on you. Definitely don't come to me bitching about one of my staff asking you for an id. I'll be the first to tell you the staff member is right and they shouldn't let you in the bar.

"Man, I've been coming here for seven years. I should be let right in."

"Do you know the guy at the door?"

"No, but.."

"Then how should he know you? He should just read it on your forehead?"

"It's not my problem that he doesn't know me."

"It is when you can't get in because your too stupid to carry an id."

"Listen, this doesn't have anything to do with how smart I am. he he he..."

"No, it has everything to do with my man doing his job and you not having an id. Want me to start carding you again? I guarantee the manager will take my side over yours."

"What ever man, they'll still let me in."

"Not when it comes down to the decision of hiring a new doorman or letting you in. Which one do you think they'll go for?"

"You'd quit because I don't have my id? That's just stupid."

"I'd quit to prove a point to you. Your in here once a month if your lucky these days. Your not as important as you think you are. Start carrying your id and quit being a pain in the ass."

"You'd ruin a friendship over this?"

"Friendship? When was the last time I saw you outside of this place? What's my middle name? What's my Mother's name? Do you know any of these answers?" He stood there dumbfounded. He was actually trying to think about the questions. "Tell ya what. Would you ruin the friendship by being an asshole to one of my guys and being so fuckin bullheaded that you won't carry your id?"

He stood there staring at me. It was a stand off. I called his bluff.

"Right. I guess you'll be carrying your id from now on." I walked away.

We check id's for a reason. It's the law, you have to have an id in your possession to be inside an establishment that sells alcohol. At any point an id check could happen. It's extremely rare that it ever does so some leniency is allowed. But when the doorman doesn't know you and every time you walk up you don't have your id, he'll ask you for it the next time. No matter if the manager knows you or not.

I've done it several times myself. Guy walks up, doesn't have an id, manager walks out and walks him in. It's the power of knowing that person. I don't know you so I'll card you every time you walk up. If the manager isn't working that night then your out of luck. Come back when you have your id. I remember people in those situations just to say I don't remember you. I've learned how to forget things easily in my time.

Besides, you paid for the id. Why not keep it on you and get some use out of it?

Friday, August 08, 2008

D.I.C.K. VI: Pennsylvania...

Pennsylvania. State of Independence.

The Story.

When you work at different places it's good to see familiar faces from the other place. Sometimes it's fun and other times it's not. I guess it all depends on how you handle situations.

After seeing a person at one establishment for months, constantly coming in and drinking, you wouldn't think there'd be a problem with them at a different establishment. Good thing I rarely think in that fashion.

I had seen this girl drink at my other job many times. She was always really nice and always had good things to say. So one night we were talking and she asked if it would be ok if she came to the other place that I worked. Unknowingly, I said that it would be cool if she did.

A few weeks go by and the girl seemed to disappear. I didn't see her at the normal spots.

One night at work a group of girls come walking up and I start to i.d. them. Somewhere in the middle a girl hands me her i.d. and says, "Hey Mike, I'm taking you up on your offer."

The i.d. I can see is fake and then I look up to see the girl's face. There she was. The girl that was constantly drinking at my other job. She had reappeared and now I could either do my job and take away her i.d. or I could just ignore it and let her in.

"What do you mean your keeping that?" She was pissed. "I thought you were my friend. That's why I came here."

"Friend or not, I'm doing what I get paid to do. If I knew you were underage I'd never let you drink in the other place." I didn't work the door at the other place. I just kept an eye on the inhabitants.

"They let me in all the time."

"Not anymore." I slid the i.d. into my back pocket. We had words for about 20 minutes going back and forth. I don't think I've said "No" so many times before.

The next time I worked at the Secondary I mentioned the i.d. to TD.

"Yea, I was up here when she gave Jake the story bout you taking her i.d. away." TD continued, "I asked her why you took it away and she said 'because it was fake'. Jake told her to be quiet and she narced him out for knowing. Dumb Bitch... Had to fire Jake after that."

The Fake.

This was a decent fake. It looked real but the hologram once again was the tip off.

A normal Pennsylvania license has a hologram on it that lists off the counties in the state. Which tends to be a pretty normal thing on some licenses.

This one had an eagle with it's wings spread in the middle with the terms GENUINE, SECURE, AUTHENTIC, and VALID going around it. Plus it had wavy lines going around all of that. Definite fake hologram material.

Once again, here's a better picture of what the hologram looks like.

When you compare the two pictures you can slightly see the hologram on the picture of the license.

Friday, August 01, 2008

D.I.C.K. V: Oklahoma...

Oklahoma. Everything's going to be OK.

The Story.

On most slower nights I like to step outside and check i.d.'s. It's usually slow enough inside that there aren't many people to have to watch over.

On one slower night, a small group of four or five girls came walking up. I asked them how their night was going and they said it was going great. Then they asked if Vincent was here yet.

Vincent is a doorman from a different establishment. He's been coming by on a regular basis. I only know him because he made a point of letting me know where he works. Which at certain times can be annoying but if brought up in conversation is fine. I rarely have conversations with people that are new regulars. Actually, I rarely have conversations with anyone while I'm working.

I explained to the girls that I had not seen Vincent as of yet. One of the girls mentioned that they were to meet him here and that they had just left the place he worked. I nodded and said ok and then asked to see their i.d.'s. They all started pulling their i.d.'s out of their wallets and purses.

I started checking their i.d.'s and the first four were good. Then I came upon the last girl.

Right from the start, as soon as I turned the i.d. and saw the holograms on it I asked for a 2nd form of i.d. Of course she didn't have one so I told her that I'd be holding onto this i.d. until she could provide a second form.

Just as the girls were about to start arguing, Vincent walked up.

The girl the i.d. came from ran up to Vincent and started talking to him. They stood there for a few minutes and he kept looking over towards me. The girl turned and Vincent walked up to me. "Hey man, she's legit. She's been in my bar all night and I carded her at the door. If you don't want them here just say that."

I stood there with a flat face looking Vincent in the eye. "Listen man... I don't know where you learned to check i.d.'s but this is 100% fake. I suggest you learn how to card people. The i.d. is fake and she's not getting it back."

Vincent then turns sideways to me and leans over towards me. "Come on man, don't make me look bad. Just let her have it back and we'll go somewhere else."

I don't take the liberty of whispering. "If I wanted you to look bad I'd just call your boss and explain to him that your not only letting under age kids into your bar but your trying to bring them into mine. I'm sure he'd appreciate knowing that your putting his liquor license and his business into jeopardy every night you work the door."

Vincent stood there staring at me.

I added, "She's not getting it back. You might as well leave."

The Fake.

It is rare that we get Oklahoma licenses around here. The main give away that this was a fake was the hologram.

You can see parts of the hologram in this copy. The terms SECURE, GEUINE, VALID, and AUTHENTIC are all visible on this scanned copy of the i.d.

I've also added what the entire hologram looks like underneath the scanned copy.

The two eagles on the sides weren't very visible in the scanned copy.

At least with the hologram picture you can have a better idea of what is visible with the naked eye.

Any State i.d. that you come across with this type of hologram is fake. It should be confiscated or cut up right there and then.

If your policy is to cut up the fake i.d.'s that you come across make sure that you keep a piece so that they can't just be taped back together.

Friday, July 25, 2008

D.I.C.K. IV: Michigan...

Michigan. The Hi 5 state?

The Story.

A girl walks up to the door. She's got long blonde dreadlocks with a scarf around her head. She pulls her chain wallet out of her back pocket and opens it up to show me her i.d. I ask her to take it out of the wallet and she does.

I look at the i.d. and notice that the picture is very dark and that the background seems foggy. Looking closer at the i.d. I notice that the lettering is blurry and some of the words are so fuzzy that they're hard to read.

In the girl's picture on the i.d. it looks like she has either a shaved head or her hair pulled back. Even that was hard to tell. So I turn the i.d. over and check the edges and find that the i.d. is starting to come apart on one of the corners.

I ask her for another form of i.d. and she says she doesn't have anything else with her.

I explain to her that I'm keeping the i.d. until she can produce another form. She tries to argue but leaves when she sees that I won't budge from my decision.

The Fake.

After looking at the i.d. and noticing the dark background, fuzzy lettering and dark picture, I knew something was up with it. When I noticed that one of the corners was starting to split I knew that the i.d. couldn't have been real.

After the night was over I took a closer look at the i.d. I never want to take apart a fake i.d. just so that I can show it to my other doorstaff and give them reference material for when they're working the door. I did notice what looked like a 2nd i.d. underneath the top layer.

After showing the i.d. to a few people I decided to take it apart. I used some adhesive removal liquid and slowly removed the top layer. Underneath that layer was the girl's real driver's license.

As you can see by the picture, the real i.d. is much brighter in color. The lettering is much easier to read and the picture is much easier to see. You can also see that she was four years younger than what the top layer had claimed she was.

She had removed the Under 21 lettering that was above her picture, changed her birth date and she change the expiration date. She didn't change her license number or any of the other information.

One of the things that she couldn't change or even put on the top layer is the hologram that Michigan uses on their i.d.'s. Holograms very rarely can be added to fakes in a manner that they look real.

Friday, July 11, 2008

D.I.C.K. III: California...

Welcome to California. Home to the Stars and Govnah Ahnold.

The Story.

It was early in the evening when a young male came walking up. Business was slow and there wasn't a lot of people out. As he walked up I asked for his i.d. and he pulled out his wallet. He held out his wallet so I could look at the i.d., I didn't even look at it and asked, "Can you take it out of the wallet?"

The guy stood there for a second and I repeated myself. Then he started to pull the i.d. out of his wallet. "This could take forever, it's a new wallet," he said as he struggled to get the i.d. out.

"That's fine, I got all day."

After a couple minutes and a struggle he pulled out his i.d. and handed it to me. Right from the start the i.d. felt very thick. I looked at it close and noticed that it seemed like it had a thick layer of plastic on it. I tried to bend it but it was very stiff and wouldn't bend.

Looking at the picture I could see that it was him but there was no way this was a real California i.d.

"You have any other i.d.'s with you?"

The kid went back to his wallet, "Yea, I have a couple credit cards and a..."

"Credit cards aren't i.d.'s. You have anything else with your name, picture and birth date on it?"

"Uh.. no.. is there a problem?"

"None at all but I can't let you in with this."

"Ok, that's cool," and he put out his hand as if I was giving the i.d. back to him.

"Yea. You can't have this back either. This is fake."

The kid hung his head, turned and walked away without an argument of any kind.

The Fake

As soon as the i.d. hit my hand I knew something was wrong with it. It felt twice as thick as any other i.d. that I've ever felt. Then after looking at it, it looked very cloudy like there was a film over top of the i.d. The picture and even the lettering looked blurry.

I looked at the picture and it was definitely the person that handed it to me.

The edges of the i.d. were worn down as if it had been around for a long time.

The hologram was very prominent. It stood out over the picture instead of partially blending in with the background.

California is one of the states that can boast about their i.d. being one of the hardest to reproduce. I've never had a good California fake. Most of the fakes I've gotten from California are horrible. They're in the same condition as this one.

After work I decided to do a little experimenting with it. I used my pocket knife to slowly pry the i.d. apart in the middle where it had already started to come apart. Once the knife made it in I started twisting it a little and I thought I saw another face in there.

Later, I was able to use a friend's bottle of Goo Gone. After letting it sit for a while the i.d. split in half very easily. At that point it was very easy to see the second face that was under neath.

After they split apart you could see the difference. The top i.d. was an i.d. for a male with dark hair and brown eyes. The i.d. that was on the bottom was for a female with dark hair and brown eyes.

Surprisingly they both had similar names. Her name was Carly and his was Carlos and they both had the same last name. Although her penmanship is horrible and her signature looks like her name is Carlg.

Maybe they were twins traveling together and he was holding her i.d. for her. All the heat just melted the i.d.'s together? Think that's possible?

Our friend must have had a really good sex change. Or perhaps it was an extremely flat chested female that wanted people to think she was a male?

Then again, it could just have been two really bad fakes stacked together and then shrink wrapped. But what do I know?

I think the story about the sex change would be more interesting.

Friday, July 04, 2008

D.I.C.K. II: Delaware...

It only seems fair that Delaware is the first state in these installments. After all, the state's motto is "The First State".

The Story.

As I was standing out front of the establishment a group of 4 or 5 young ladies came walking up. The were wearing nice dresses and they were all done up as if they just came from some kind of an event, such as a wedding. Usually this doesn't throw up any flags with me. Usually white collar women tend to dress a little better then the white collar men. By the time I see any white collar men their ties are pulled down or they're around their head in Rambo style. The reason that the flags went off was because these girls just looked too young to be that formal.

"How's it going tonight ladies?"

One girl answered as the others started searching for their i.d.'s, "Good, how are you tonight?"

"I'm doing well. I need to see your i.d.'s please. Was there a wedding tonight?"

"No, we're just out and about."

I looked over the i.d.'s and as I gave them back they all started to file into the establishment. Then I came to the last one.

I stood there for a minute looking at the i.d. There was just something about it that didn't sit well. It looked legit but I kept looking at the face of the girl that handed it to me and she kept looking around. Then I tilted the i.d. to see the holograms and I knew what was wrong. It was a complete fake.

According to the laws here, when we take away a fake i.d. they want us to take away the real i.d. as well. This way they have the person's real name and information when it comes to prosecution. I rarely ever do this. I figure that just taking away the i.d. is enough of a punishment. Some fake i.d.'s could cost close to $200.

I looked back at the girl and asked for a second form of i.d. Then I noticed that she was looking at the front door. I looked over my shoulder and saw one of the previous girls standing there.

"Miss, unless you have a real i.d., I can't let you in here. This i.d. is fake."

"Oh, ok... well... I'll just leave then," and she reached for the i.d.

I pulled my hand back and slipped the i.d. into my pocket. "You can leave but you can't have this back."

After seeing me put the i.d. into my pocket, the girl's friends all came walking back out. The typical arguments of "It's illegal to take that away", "Your stealing her property", and "We'll call the cops" ensued. I told them that I'd gladly call the cops if they wanted me to.

After a few minutes a squad car was driving by so I asked the girls if I should ask the cops to stop over. They said no and slowly walked away.

The Fake.

This is the i.d. that was presented to me. All in all it's a fairly decent fake. There are many different things wrong with it other than the hologram that I'm not going to get into at this time.

If you look closely at the i.d. you can partially see the hologram that was used. You can barely make out some lettering. That lettering is used to spell the word AUTHENTIC which is on the list of wording that will never be used on an i.d. that is issued by the US or State governments.

Along with the lettering are three Bald Eagle images in the middle. This particular image will also never be used on real i.d.'s.

As for the three images above and below the lettering and bald eagle images, I'm still wondering what they're supposed to be. I'm guessing that it's either a swooping bird of some type or just a blob of some kind. For easier viewing, I've also posted what the hologram looks like before it's applied to the card stock.

If you are working the door and you have an internet ready phone there's one other thing you could do. I did this as I was writing this entry.

Go to and enter in the address that is listed on the i.d.. I'd say that more than half of the time the addresses on the i.d.'s are fake. As it was with this one. The city, state and zip code were real but the actual street name did not exist on Google. Maybe it's not in their database but that and the hologram together would be enough for me to take away the i.d.

Actually, the hologram was enough all by itself.

Friday, June 27, 2008

D.I.C.K. I: Fake Spotting...

I know this topic has been gone over and over by a lot of different people. There have been posts on the subject in a lot of forums on a lot of different sites. I'll tell you now. Every experienced door person has their own way of checking i.d.'s.

Some people like to ask questions.
  • "When's your birthday?"
  • "What's your sign?"
  • "What street do you live on?"

I don't ask questions. I don't because all that information can be learned and remembered. I look hard at the i.d. and the person. I remember a little bit from biology class and apply that (which is limited) to what I look for. Eye placement, ear placement, chin, weight gain, weight loss, hair color, eye color, and so on. Yes, I will ask you to take out your contacts if your eye color is different and I don't think it's you.

I also rely on my 6th sense of just feeling a person out as they talk and their mannerisms. The way they hold themselves, if they're looking away from me, if they can't shut up, how nervous they're acting, and so on.

There is a basic procedure for checking i.d.'s. It's what every door person will learn on their first night. Beyond this procedure is what I've learned through my experiences.

This is the basic procedure:
  • Ask patron to see their i.d.
    • If they refuse, then refuse them entry.
  • I.D. must be taken out of the holder and placed in your hand.
    • If they refuse, then refuse them entry.
  • Check condition of the i.d.
    • If any of the holograms listed below are on the i.d. it is fake. Keep it.
  • Check expiration date
    • If the i.d. is expired, then it is not a valid form of i.d. No Entry.
  • Check birth date
  • Check photo and compare it to the presenter
    • Check eye color
      • If eye color is different and you are suspicious, ask if they wear contacts. If yes then ask them to remove one.
    • Check hair color
      • Hair color changes constantly. Nothing to do here really.
    • Check height
      • If the i.d. says they are 6'2" and they are noticeably shorter then there is reason to be cautious.
    • Check weight
      • Weight does change in time but if the person weighs noticeably more or less there is reason to be cautious.
    • Check sex
      • Laugh now but this has happened before. I caught a guy with his twin sisters i.d.
  • Compare the location of eyes, ears, chin to presenter and photo
  • If all of these are satisfactory allow them entry.
These are the basics to checking an i.d. If these all pass without doubt then your good. The following pertains to the actual i.d.'s and typical fakes that have been caught.

First off, let's go through the list of terms or symbols that you will never see on an i.d. that is supposed to be issued by a state within the United States. These terms and symbols are usually in a form of a hologram on the i.d. somewhere. Most commonly they are diagonally or straight across the entire face of the i.d.

These terms are:
  • Authentic
  • Genuine
  • Secure
  • Valid
  • Seal of Authenticity
Since it's easier to show you the symbols that are commonly used for fake i.d.'s I'll direct you to a site where you can see them.

Disclaimer: I will not say that this company is willingly or knowingly selling these products to counterfeiters. In fact, the company is designed to create i.d.'s for companies to use as part of their security efforts. It just turns out that a lot of kids that make fake i.d.'s use products that are similar to theirs. By directing you to this website I do not make any claims that this company is helping to make i.d.'s for underage people or that their specific products are being used in any of these processes.

You can view these holograms at this web address:

Some very common symbols are:
  • Skeleton Keys
  • Globe
  • An Eagle's Head
  • A badge or shield
So right off the top, if anyone presents a State i.d. or Driver's License with these holograms on them, it's mine. It does not go back to the person presenting it. It is 100% fake and this person is underage, hiding out from Johnny Law or an illegal immigrant. I don't care.

Another thing to look for is the thickness of the i.d. If the i.d. is really thick then there's good reason to look at it harder. Just take the i.d. in both hands and try to twist and bend it. A lot of times the i.d. will start to separate between the layers of pressed paper. It might reveal a real i.d. below or it might just reveal that it's pressed paper. Also, watch the expressions on the person's face as you do this. They might try to object to you bending and twisting their i.d. If the i.d. is real there's no need to worry because it won't split.

Check the edges. Sometimes fakes are nothing more than a scanned i.d. that has been rendered, printed as a sticker, placed over the i.d. and then the excess trimmed off the sides. Usually you can feel the edge and can start to peel it off with your fingernail. When the presenter sees you doing this they'll usually object to it. Personally, I keep doing it until I'm satisfied.

These are a lot of the ways to spot fakes. Each time is usually a different incident and there's always different outcomes. Sometimes the people just walk away, sometimes they argue and at times they even try to buy it back. Each i.d. is a different story and I hope to bring these stories more to life for you in the coming posts.

If I can, I'll try to show you the differences between real i.d.'s and the fake ones, side by side if possible.

Until then.

-Be Safe.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Fake I.D. VI: Bringing it home...

Throughout my time I've collected a lot of fake i.d.'s. I've recently decided to actually put them out here for more people to see. I know there's a lot of people that like the stories that I put up but now comes a little more detail.

In the coming weeks I'm going to actually post some of these fakes that I've taken away from people. I had a friend of mine go through and distort the i.d.'s so faces won't be recognized and names and vital information is either changed or removed. No need in leaving that on there for it to come back on me.

I tried to come up with an interesting title to use for these posts. I bounced the idea around with a friend of mine and we came up with a decent idea although the title is rather long. So they'll be titled D.I.C.K.. Which is short for Devious Identification and Contraband Knowledge. Seems rather justified since most people think I'm a dick when I take away their fakes anyways.

I'll go through each i.d. and list off the reasons as to why it's fake. If I remember what actually happened that night I'll add that on to the entry as well.

For now I'm only going to post one fake i.d. per week. I'll even post it earlier in the day so any door personnel that are reading this can see it before they head off to work. Hopefully it'll stick in some minds for the busy nights ahead.

I'll put up my evidence so you can read through it and decide. As to how I do that is still to be seen. Let's just say it's my way of helping out the doorstaff that actually likes doing their jobs. I believe the posts will be popping up on future Friday afternoons.

As with anything else you might read in a blog remember this. My entries are based on my experiences. Take it as a grain of salt or take it as gospel, just don't quote me unless you come to me first.

Along with these entries I'm going to be putting a new section up in the Links area on the side. It will include links to sites that carry equipment that is useful for the job. If you do this type of work and have links feel free to send them to me through email or post it in a comment. Just don't spam the comments, that shit is annoying. If it becomes an issue I'll have to turn off the comment feature.

So that's a brief introduction on a few of the upcoming events. Let's hope it all works out the way I hope.

-Be Safe.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Fake ID V: They're Crafty...

I get a lot of fake i.d.'s. Some of them are really good quality, some of them aren't. But no matter what they're always missing something. Whether it's UV ink, a hologram or a signature, they're missing something.

For instance. I've received a lot of fakes from Kentucky lately. They're missing the UV ink and they're usually pressed paper. Pressed paper is just that, it's two pieces of heavier stock paper pressed together to make it feel like a real i.d. It can be pulled apart after a little wear and tear. It's a dead give away.

A lot of these kids put their real name and information on these fakes. I've even taken away i.d.'s from kids that put their real address on them. It's a no brainer when you look at a Kentucky i.d. and they have a Michigan address. People are that stupid.

It's rare anymore that people argue about getting it back. I guess after a few years the reputation of the doormen proceeds them. Word gets around that a certain place won't give back the i.d.'s so people quit trying to go there. Which can be good and it can be bad.

I would say that any popular club has a few underage kids in it. Some doormen don't card people if they're with certain patrons. Some will let you in if you have that certain look. Others will let you in if the picture looks enough like you and the age is good. Which is why so many kids still get fake i.d.'s.

I've even taken an i.d. away from a girl that walked up with a doorman from another bar. He said she was good but I carded her because I didn't know her. Turns out she had a fake and was in his bar all night. The picture looked like her, the age was right but there was no UV ink on the license. I asked for a second proof and, even though she had plenty of cards in her wallet, she didn't have anything with her name on it. So I kept it. The doorman from the other bar apologized and said that they don't use UV lights on i.d.'s so he didn't know. Understandable.

In a situation like that, now he has to wonder about her friends. Are they legit? Do they all have fakes? He said her friends all had the same kind of i.d.'s. I suggested he get a UV light. He said he'd have to talk to the manager about it. So he's not too worried about it. He more than likely knew she was underage.

This has happened a few times. Regulars walking up with friends thinking they'll get everyone in without having to show i.d.'s. That only works for you, not your whole clan. If I don't know them, they better have i.d.'s.

I take the job more serious than others. If you don't want me to, then pay me even more money. I can forget a lot of things when the moneys right. Things can be cleared up that way too.

But until the day comes when I'm paid to let in the "right" people I'm still the same old me. The asshole.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Fake I.D IV: My Mom...

"Why do you need another form of i.d.? That's me..."

"I just need to verify that it's you. You have anything else in your wallet that has your name and maybe a picture on it?"

The girl closes her wallet, "No, I only carry my i.d. and cash."

"Really? Who's credit cards are those?"

"My Mom's...."

"All four of those are your mothers?"

"Yea, she doesn't want me to ever be in a bind."

"Well, tell your mother that you need to buy a new fake then." I put the i.d. in my pocket.

"You can't take that, my Mom's a lawyer. She told me you can't take away any type of i.d. from anyone."

"Really? Even if your fraudulently impersonating another person or carrying an altered form of government identification?"

"That's what she told me. So you have to give that back or I'll call the police."

"Feel free to call honey, I'm not the one looking at jail time."

She stood there leaning on one leg and the other leg was tapping it's foot as she held her phone up to her ear. It was as if she was waiting for me to cave in to her bluff. Then a squad car drives by and I flag them down with my flashlight. As the car pulls over the girl slowly turns to walk away.

"Hey, don't leave yet. The cops are here now. Don't you want your i.d. back?"

The two officers walk up. "What's the problem?"

"This young lady was just going to call in to the station. She has a few questions about why she can't have her fake i.d. back."

"Let's see it." The officers look at the i.d. and walk over to the girl. I don't really listen in to their conversation because I've heard it all before. Until I hear the one officer say to her, "Listen lady, if you want to make a big deal out of this we can arrest you and prosecute you in a federal court. This is possession of a forged federal document. You could go to prison for five years for this, it's called fraud. So how bout we drop it and you go home."

The girl started crying and the tried to plead with the officer but he wouldn't have anything to do with it. He turned and walked over and handed the i.d. back to me. He rolled his eyes and patted me on the shoulder. In a low voice he commented, "I don't know how you deal with this crap," then walked back to the car.

Before the officers even got into their car, the girl came back up to me. The first officer stopped and yelled over to the girl, "Miss. Don't even bother this man again. We will gladly take you in for this. Start walking away." Then he stood next to his car as the girl turned and started walking down the street.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Search Terms II: How to get into a Bar...

Trying to get into a club but your underage? Read on and see some tips.

It's funny to think of the amount of people that come to this site looking for tips on how to get into a bar with an expired i.d. To think that there's some 18 - 19 year old sitting at home trying to get that kind of advice from a search engine. Even better that they get sent here.

Now I'll never say that I'm 100%. I can honestly say that I've never done anything to the point that I can say that I'm never wrong. In fact, I'd even say that I'm sure there are some i.d.'s that get past me. I don't have the best equipment to catch everyone but I do try my best.

So here's a little run down for all you little ones trying to get in to the clubs.

First off, realize why we don't want you in the establishment. Realize that not only can the doormen lose their jobs because you made it in but every person working in that establishment could possibly lose their job for a week or up to a month. This all depends on where you are, each state has different repercussions for allowing underage kids in. So if you get caught inside an establishment by a law officer, not only can you get a Felony but the establishment gets fined and possibly closed down. Which could mean that there are 20 - 100 or more people without work. No work means no money which means no providing for themselves or possibly their families. So because your dumb ass wants to go where the big kids are we get thrown back to the poverty lines.

Let's go back to the term Felony. A lot of kids that I've taken i.d.'s away from don't realize the extent of trouble they could get into. By handing me an i.d. that isn't you, your representing that your a different person. Your fraudulently representing yourself. By doing this your committing an act of Fraud. Fraud is a felony.

Showing a real i.d. and acting as if it's you can land you in Federal Prison for a few years. It's highly doubtful that this will happen. What could happen is that you are put on probation and you still get the Felony charge.

Let's realize what a Felony charge does to your future employment possibilities. With a Felony you can not get a job as a gas station cashier. In fact, you can't get a job anywhere that deals with money. There are a lot of jobs that you won't be able to get because of the Felony. If you've ever filled out an application for a job you'll see where they ask if you have a felony. If you say yes then you have to explain why. Imagine explaining that you got a felony because you just couldn't wait to go to a club to drink. If you answer no to the felony question and they do a background check and find out you do have one, you'll be fired from that job immediately.

Showing a fake or rendered i.d. is an act of fraud against the government. Your tampering with an official document. If your the possessor they'll more than likely do the same as I mentioned above. If your the creator your definitely looking at time in a federal prison.

Keep this in mind when your showing a fake or rendered i.d. Your producing an official document, if it's not real or changed then your producing a fake i.d. that could be viewed as an act of fraud. Which puts you in the same list as people that steal identities. These people are scam artists and literally steal thousands of dollars from unknowing people.

Feel free to read over some of these articles.





Many more articles of different degrees.

So you might want to double think the possibilities that could happen when you fraudulently represent yourself, especially these days. With the 'terrorist threat' that is high any fake i.d. could be a possibility to make an example out of you.

Of course, when your young and stupid you don't think of the things that could happen. Unless those things are fun.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Fake I.D. III: Delivery Driver...

"You want me to lose my job!?"

"Your not going to lose your job over a fake i.d."

"It's not fake! That's my name. See, it's on my credit cards too!"

"This is fake. You want it back? Go get the cops."

His friend speaks, "Man, I know this kid. We moved here together from Alabama. All southern i.d.'s are laminated."

"Your not helping your friend," the confiscated i.d. was from Tennessee, "How bout you be quiet."

"Man, I'm a delivery driver. I'll lose my job if you take that away!"

"Listen, your not a delivery driver. Your too small and not smart enough. Plus, you smell like crap and your riding an old ass 10 speed bicycle. What you gonna deliver on that?"

"I deliver pizzas."

"Well, bring me a pizza tomorrow and I'll give this back to you."

"Man, fuck you."

"Now your definitely not gettin it back."

"Come on man.. I'm sorry, can I just get it back? I swear I'll never come here again."

"Admitting defeat?"


"Dumbass, get the fuck outta here."

The i.d. goes in my back pocket and the kid stands outside.

The license was fake on many levels. No UV ink, no signature, bad picture, pressed paper instead of plastic, and it wasn't even a CDL (commercial driver's license) that a delivery driver has to have.

If your going to invest in a fake i.d. then make sure it looks like the real thing.

Or just wait until your 21. There's really nothing special about going to bars or clubs anyways.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Expired I.D. II: Passport...

"Whadda ya mean I can't come in? That's a passport!"

"I know it's a passport. It's expired by a year. Which means it's no good."

"I just got back from Canada with it."

"I doubt it. You have any other i.d.'s?"

"I don't need anything else, this is my passport."

"You do if your coming in here. Have a good night."

Whether you have a passport or any other kind of i.d. it has to be valid. Any i.d. that is expired is no good. It doesn't matter if it's a Driver's License, State I.D. or a Passport. It has to be valid and it has to be you.

Recently I've been getting a lot of expired passports. People hand them off to younger siblings because they don't need them and can't use them anymore, which is a Federal Offense.

"I bet a cop would say that I could get in."

"Would you like to ask one? There's one right there." I point to a squad car sitting at the corner. "Just remember, it's jail time in a Federal prison if they really want to be dicks."

So the kid goes over to the squad and talks to the cops. Next thing, they walk over to me and ask why I wouldn't let the guy in with his passport.

"Well, the passport expired over a year ago and I don't think it belongs to him."

The cop still had the passport in his hand and started to look closer to the picture. "Where'd you get this passport kid?"

"What? That's me, that's my passport!"

"You have any other i.d. with you to prove that statement?" The second cop started walking behind the kid.

"No, I don't have anything else with me. I got mugged a couple weeks ago and that's all I got."

"Well, if you don't have anything else with you then we'll have to take ya to the station to make sure this is you."


"Yea, and if it's not you then it's off to jail with ya. You understand this right?"

"But.. all I wanted was to have a drink?"

The cop points over at me, "And all this guy is doing is his job. I'll give you a chance, if this isn't you and you admit it now, we'll let you go here and now. If it is you then you have no reason to not go with us."

The kid stood there, it looked like he was actually thinking over the options. Freedom or Jail. Big decision...

"Can I just go home?"

"Sure thing," the cop started to turn and nodded at me, "We'll see ya later Mike."

After the cops left the kid stood there for a few more minutes. Finally he spoke. "Why'd you have to be such a dick?"

"Kid, your the one that took it too far. I said no, you got the cops and had your passport taken. Learn when to drop things."

"Fuck you," the kid walked off.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Shift Pick Ups...

Lately I've been picking up a few more shifts at a couple places. I've been pretty bored so I figure the best thing to do is just work. Even if it's doing the same thing over and over day and night. After all, how else am I going to afford that 74" flat panel high definition television?

Wait... Do they even make them that big?

One of the biggest differences I've noticed from working nights that I don't usually work are the people. It's a different crowd of people that show up on my off nights then the nights that I do work. It's a lot of people asking where Matt is and giving me the "Matt doesn't card me" spiel. Which, after you hear it a hundred times, gets really annoying and people get the "Show your i.d. or leave" answer. Which in a sense is good because now next week, when Matt gets back, he'll hear about how much of an asshole I am and how great he is from his regulars.

"Matt never cards me." The girl sets her purse down on my chair and starts to dig through it looking for her i.d.

"Sorry, need to see it because I don't know you."

She stops looking through her purse and looks up at me, "I don't think I have it with me."

"Come back when you have it."

"That's ridiculous, Matt knows me and always lets me in without carding me."

"No i.d., no entry. Bye."

It's great working different nights sometimes as well. The nights are slower and there's a lot less hassles. There are times that I wish I worked those nights but I know I'd get really bored really quick. A bored Mike is a Mike that looks for something else to do. So I guess it's probably in my best interest to not work the slower nights. Occasionally is fine with me.

The slower nights means I basically just sit on a stool inside the door and read the captions to what ever is on the t.v. Sometimes I catch up on some reading and if it's really slow there's the chance of playing scrabble or chess. It's rarely that slow though.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Fake I.D. II : Expired...

There are several different reasons why you would want to renew your driver's license or your state i.d. card. The most important one is that you have to once it's expired. You go in, take the test if needed and renew it. That's why there are expiration dates on them. So you can keep up to date on your skills or if you've gotten new restrictions such as glasses or anything. The least important reason is so you can get into a liquor establishment.

Technically a doorman doesn't have to let you into their establishment if your i.d. is expired. It's completely different at each place. Some places pay attention to that and some places don't. It really depends on the doorman and how much he really cares about the place that he works at. If your i.d. is over a year expired I won't let you in. You've had over 12 months to get it renewed. Get it renewed.

Expired i.d.'s are a great way to help a younger brother or sister get into bars. A lot of doormen don't really look at the expiration date too closely. Most look at the birth date, the picture and feel the i.d. to see if it feels right and make sure that everything is in the right place.

Then there's always nights like this one. A couple comes up to the door and shows me their i.d.'s. They both look good and I let them come in. A few minutes later I see another small group of people walk up. I ask them all to form a line and I start to check their i.d.'s. In the middle of the line a young girl comes up and hands me her i.d.

"I was just here," she says as she hands me her i.d. I take the i.d. and I look at it close. The picture on the i.d. looks very familiar. I look at her and look at the picture again. Then I pop my head up and tell her I'll be right back and walk into the bar.

I walk half way into the bar and see another girl there that looks like the one on the i.d. I walk over and ask to see her i.d. again. "Is there a problem?" she asks.

"No, no problem. I just need to double check myself." She reaches into her purse and pulls out her i.d. "Yea, I was kinda thinking I was wrong but turns out I was right... I need you to leave." I take her drink from her hand and set it on the bar.

"Why do I have to leave?"

"Because this is the second i.d. with this face on it. Your friend is waiting for you outside."

We walk outside and when the girl sees her friend walk out she just turns and walks away. Then it's the typical five minute talk about whether she can get her i.d. back or not.

"Listen, you both showed up within ten minutes of each other and one of the i.d.'s is expired. Same face on both of them. You really think I'm that stupid?"

"Well, it works at the other bars."

"Well, it didn't work here. You had your fun, now it's over. Take your sister to McDonald's next time you wanna have fun."

She rolled her eyes and walked away.

She didn't think I was stupid but she knew that it had passed at other bars. So here's the deal, keep with the bars it works at. There's no need to try and go to other bars, be happy with what you have or just tell your sister to stay home. Your sister is the one that cost you your driver's license and your i.d. card.

Or better yet, just let your sister fend for herself.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Fake I.D. I...

"Look, I swear I'll never come here again."

"Oh, I know. Have a good night."

There's a lot of fake i.d.'s out in the world. If your job consists of checking i.d.'s then you've seen a lot of the obvious ones. Certain holograms give it away, certain dates, even certain types of pictures. When you see these your encouraged by the police and the state to take them away from the person. Actually, your encouraged to take away the fake one and to get their real one as well. That way the state can prosecute them, fine them or even give them public service work or jail time. This all depends on the person and the person on the fake i.d..

"What if I gave you $20?"

"Add another zero onto that honey and we'll have a deal."

"What!? $200!? I don't have that!"

"Then I'll just hold on to this. Have a good night."

It's very rare that I ever give back an i.d. It causes some drama from time to time but it also helps spread the word that underage kids shouldn't even try to come to the bar. A little stress for a bigger pay off is ok in my books.

What these kids don't understand is how big of a deal I take it to be. Once in a while some cops will walk through the bar. They'll check the place out and see how busy it is and they might card a person or two. If they happen to card someone that is underage then the establishment gets shut down for a long time and there's a hefty fine that has to be paid. During the time that the bar is shut down I'm out of a job. Which means my rent doesn't get paid and my bills become overdue. Not only that, this happens to everyone that works there as well.

Thirty people that work in a club don't want to be out of work for a month. So I tend to take it a little more seriously since I'm the one that cards people at the door and no one else does after they get inside.

"Listen, I'm here on vacation and they won't let me back on the plane if I don't have my i.d."

"So your telling me that your...." looking at the i.d., "28 years old and you don't have another thing in that huge purse with your name on it?"

She opens her purse and wallet and I see credit cards. "No, I don't have anything else. I didn't bring it cause I didn't want it to get stolen."

"Yea... sorry hun. What about those credit cards? They got your name on them?"

Then she starts crying, "Please, they won't let me back on the plane if I don't have my i.d."

"I tell ya what. Go back to where ever your staying, get your airline tickets, bring it here and then I'll give this back to you and you can go. Until you show me something, I'm keeping this."

I know, I'm a complete prick. I'm an asshole. Realize this though. If you were on vacation and your 28 years old wouldn't you have a check card, debit card, or credit card with you? Let's say this particular girl did. I would have given the i.d. back to her but I wouldn't have let her in the bar. She looked nothing like the picture on the i.d. and she wasn't even tall enough to match. If your close to 6 foot tall don't get a fake that says your 5'4". Common sense people.

So the girl walks to the end of the block and her friends go with her. Ten minutes later one of her friends comes back to me.

"Hey man, can I get my friends i.d. back if I give you $50? I swear she won't ever come back here. She just got it a few days ago."

Sometimes it just feels good to be proven right.

Friday, March 10, 2006


People change over the years, both physically and otherwise. So if you used to be a 100 pounds heavier wouldn't you get a new ID just to get rid of that old picture?

Whenever I get an ID that looks off or looks like it might be your older sister or brother I ask for a second form of identification. Makes sense to me. In my wallet right now I probably have 3 or 4 different forms of ID.

When I ask someone for a second form of ID and they don't have anything at all with them it's usually a fake. In these times people usually have a credit card or check book or a second ID with them.

"I live right around the block, can I go get my other ID and come back?"

"Sure, I'll just hold on to this one until you come back."

"Why? I'll be right back."

"Well, just to make sure you do."

"Ok, listen. It's my sisters ID and if she found out I took it she'll be really pissed."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess you won't need to come back for this one. Have a good night."

I've been wondering about this for a while.

How many IDs do most people carry? I normally see people carrying at least 2, especially if their ID has been doubted before.