Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Monday, June 16, 2008

Damn Young'ens...

When I say young'en I mean someone at least 7 years or more younger than myself. An age bracket that I know not to mess with because it's a totally different age. It's the age of drinking and partying and just going out every night. I'm past that stage in my life. I'm out almost every night of the week as it is and I'm babysitting all these kids.

Of course sometimes I get wrapped up in certain ones. I'll admit it, I'm human and worse yet, I'm male. When a little woman comes up to me at work and talks I rarely listen. Unless that talking is being turned into a different direction.

The bad part is, I'm a sucker. When talk gets turned towards the bedroom I rarely even listen. The times I do is when it's early in the night or the person is sober. I tend to ignore when the woman is drunk in any way.

I'm also pretty straight forward about situations. If it's something that might go somewhere I just let things fall and see where they land. If it's something I don't see becoming anything other than a hook up then I make it clear. I've even told girls, "I don't want you to think this is going to became a relationship. I don't want that now." Which basically means with that person. Sex is sex, not much more. I don't want them to get false hopes of a boyfriend.

So the part that annoys me is the ones that are ok with just being "buddies" and then a few weeks later they want more. I guess it's just typical that after a short term of such intimate exposure someone would want more.

That brings on other things. Text messages in the middle of the night. Phone calls in the middle of the day. Occasional appearances at my work. It gets annoying.

For instance. I met this girl. She's all of 23 or 24 years old. She expressed interest in me, we talked and one thing led to another. We hooked up a couple of times and I expressed to her that I didn't want a girlfriend but if she just wanted to hook up that'd be fine with me. No relationship, no ties, just plain old sex upon contact. She's too young mentally for me to take seriously. She also drinks on a daily basis and is a big pot head.

One night at work she showed up. I was standing at the door and she walked in. "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, what you need?"

"Well, I wanted to talk about us."

"Us? What about us?"

"Well, I'd like there to be more... us."

"So you want to get together more?"

"Well.. I was thinking we could go to dinner and maybe go to a movie or something."

"Why would we do that?"

"Well... that's what couples do."

"Haha... ok, listen.. We're not a couple. Remember I told you I didn't want anything more than a hook up? I'm not interested in a girlfriend or anything like that."

"Yea... I know.. I was just thinking that things might have changed... I mean, I started to like you a lot and I thought we could do some things..."

"Well... no. We can't. I don't have any of those feelings. We all done now? I'm kinda at work and don't need to be distracted with this."

She ended up leaving after that. I don't blame her, I did the asshole thing and basically told her I didn't want anything to do with her. Just like I did when we first got together. Strange thing how some guys say things and mean what they actually say. Too many women go with it in hopes that they'll change our minds down the road.

A couple nights later the text messages start.

Working tonight?

Yes.

I might stop by to see you.

Ok.

Maybe we can talk?

I'm at work. Not a place to talk.

It's ok. I just want to hang out, not have sex.

I have nothing to talk about.

Of course she didn't show up. I turned off the channel of communication because I literally had nothing to talk about. I'm not going to say we can talk and give her hopes that we will. I'm also not going to give her the hopes and then try to just get laid. I'm not that type.

Plain and simple it's the easiest way to be. Ladies, if a guy tells you he just wants to hook up occasionally then believe, that all he wants, is to hook up occasionally. He's not secretly hoping that it could turn into a marriage or even a relationship. Remember this, even if it lasts for 6 months or more. He likes what's going on and how it's going on. If you have a change of heart tell him.


I've only known of a few rare instances where it actually worked out differently.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Search Terms: Why not to Date your Doorman...

Every once in a while I like to look and see what some of the search terms people use to find this site. There's a lot of them that find this site from terms like "shaved head", "skin head", "how to tip the doorman", and "how to become a bouncer".

The interesting one that I recently found was "Why not to date your doorman".

This actually brought a smile to me. Someone actually went on Google and searched reasons why they shouldn't date a doorman. Now, the term doorman could mean the type of doorman that works at a high rise type of building also. More people associate the term doorman with that type of job than they do a bouncer. I prefer the term doorman because I'm not a bruiser or gorilla.

So let's explore this a little more.

Why shouldn't you date a doorman? I guess it's up to you really. There are a few factors to consider though.

Let's say you do hook up with your doorman at your favorite bar or club.
  • Will that change things?
  • Will it make things hard for him to do his job?
  • Will it make your time there different?
  • If you start dating will you want to hang all over him while he's trying to do his job?
  • If things turn to the worse will you not go there anymore?
  • What if he's really a jerk?
  • What if he doesn't "party" like you do?
  • What if you just don't get along?
These might be strange things to think about but they've been some things that have come up. For instance, Late Night Rendezvous hasn't been seen since that night. Extra Fun Tips has been back but certain "tips" have been found and she no longer can come around. Sueann came back, she talked a little too much crap and she's not returning either.

As a doorman there are things I think about as well. I take it a little more to the extreme than most though.
  • Is this girl a regular?
  • Does she spend lots of money?
  • How many other employees has she been with?
  • Is she a nut job?
  • Is it worth anything?
  • Does she bring in business?
  • Do I want to know more personal things about her?
Basically, I don't care about what these girls might say about me. The people that know me or need to know me.... know Me. The entire population can think what they want but they don't matter.

I guess what I'm getting at is that you should think more about the long term factors. The less the security staff knows about you the better. When things are found out they're easier to find.

I've never been that doorman that goes for the free round of sex or the blow job in the alley to let you in. I tend to have a little more integrity I guess. That might mean that I don't get to "dish" out the dirt on certain beautiful women but I'm happy about that. The less I know the longer people tend to stick around.

Granted, there is always that flaw in any design. I obviously can't say that I've never taken anyone up on their offers. I'm just more discreet about it. I don't believe that everyone needs to know everything that's going on. The less people know about me the easier my job is.

If I did take up more of these offers life would be more crazy. Then again, I've seen enough crazy for now.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Gimme a second man....

"Hey Mike, I got a live one for ya." I turn to see Alice smiling, her pale complexion and sharp nose always makes me think of the Joker when she smiles. "There's a guy an a girl in the women's room."

I motion to Paulie to come over to the door. When he walks up I ask him to watch the door and I head to the back. I get to the women's room and pound on the door a quick three times.

"Occupied!" is all I hear through the door in a man's voice.

I pull out my ring of keys and find the one for the women's room. Slide the key in and turn it until it clicks. I start to pull the door open and it gets pulled closed from the inside. I pull harder on the door the second time and it flies open.

Inside the one stall bathroom a man stands. Kneeling in front of him is a young woman with a mouthful of man.

The man pipes up, "Hey man! I said it was occupied, take off!" He starts to reach for the door.

As he reaches for the door I grab his wrist and pull him off center. The girls head goes with his hips as if they were sewn together. As he starts to turn and fall I hook him under both armpits and start dragging him out of the bathroom and across the bar. I hear a loud "schlop" noise as the girl falls back away from him.

I start yelling "Coming through!" as I drag the man, with his pants and underwear still around his ankles, through the establishment to the door. Before I can make it to the front door Paulie already has it open and I drag the man outside. Once we make it to the cold January weather outside I drop the guy on the sidewalk in the snow, salt and slush. He jumps up and hurriedly pulls his pants and underwear up and starts off down the block without a word to say.

I walk back in and head to one of the tables in the rear of the establishment. The girl is now sitting in the middle of a table with people on both sides of her. I lean over the table, "Hun, it's time to go."

She looks back at me with her doe eyes, "Why? Did I do something wrong?" Her friends all look confused and try to stick up for her.

I always try to be nice. I'll even try to hide your embarrassment from your friends but I'll only try once. If you deny I won't pull any punches and let it all out for everyone to hear.

"Listen, you were just blowing some guy in the bathroom. Very well from what I could see. But now it's time to go and come back on a different day." Her friends all looked at her and her face turned bright red.

The girl got up, got her things and left.

As I went back to the door Paulie was still there laughing. "Man, you really know how to embarrass the fuck out of people don't you?"

"Hey, the way I figure, word spreads fast about what happens at places like this. If you embarrass a few people then people know whats in store for them if they pull off the same shit. Kinda makes things easier when it's a big production instead of a small quiet one."

"Yea.. ok.. just don't pull that shit when the owners are here." Paulie still had a big smile on his face. "You should have seen that guys face when you dropped him in that snow an shit. Ha Ha Ha..."

The entire establishment had something to talk about the rest of the night. People were even asking me if I knew the girl's name.

Later that night she stopped by and apologized. I told her it wasn't a big deal and to stop by again on a different day. She said she would. As she started to leave she tried to give me a kiss good bye.

I politely refused saying that I knew where that mouth had been earlier.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

A slight tick away from perfection...

One thing I learned from a life long friend is this. "If it's not perfect then it's not right." That could be used in many different ways but he was referring to women.

He got married just a few months ago to the girl that he thinks is his perfect match. As far as I'm concerned, I'm glad he's happy. I have nothing to say about his new wife except that she is a great person and to marry him, she must be perfect.

His general rule of thumb seems to have worked great for him. My general rule of thumb? Give it a shot. If the sex is great, then you can put up with some of the idiocrasies. Horrible rule of thumb, I know, I'm still learning...

One thing I never understood are the girls that are dominatrices. Sure, I understand that some men like feeling like shit about themselves. They need that in order to feel superior to others or just to feel good about themselves. What I don't understand are the two extremely attractive girls I know that do the job.

After a very frustrating night at work I met up with Sueann. She's a Dominatrix who goes by a different name. A name that I won't even speak of here but it begins with Mistress and ends with some dark, brooding, evil twang.

The night at work was very frustrating. We had several people removed from the bar and a couple fights. Needless to say I was pretty pent up after a night of throwing people around. All I really wanted to do was go home and fall asleep on the couch as I watched a rerun on tv. After the second fight at the bar she came up and started talking to me. She was very persuasive in getting my attention and after only a couple minutes she had it, fully. She could have distracted a fat man at a pie eating contest. She was wearing a tight black corset with red fringe, thigh high black stockings, a mini skirt and those boots most commonly known as hooker heels. Her hair was black as night and pulled back tight in a pony tail. Her face was angelic with that little spurt of evil slowly dribbling out around her eyes and mouth.

She managed to talk me into taking her and her other dominatrix friend out to breakfast. Every word that came out of her mouth was sultry and full of innuendos. She spoke of things that I could only have dreamt of. She talked of how she wanted a man that could throw her around and have his way with her.

We went to breakfast after I got out of work and she sat next to me and her lone friend sat across from us at the table. Her friend couldn't decide if she wanted to talk or eat and in between forks of food her mouth wouldn't stop. Then her phone rang and she was off like a race horse chattering into the small cell phone. Meanwhile, Sueann's hands explored the lowlands that they found under the table.

Sueann's friend finally got off the phone and announced that she was going to leave. She jumped up from the table and ran out the door leaving me with the bill. I paid the bill and then Sueann and I were off. In the car I asked where I could take her and she looked at me and answered easily. "I'm staying with you tonight."

I parked my car a block away from the homestead and we walked in. As we got into the front door the heels started coming off and the thigh highs were on their way. Our jackets fell into a pile and my shirt was next. Then she ran off to the bathroom.

After about 5 minutes I decided to just sit on the couch and turned on the tv. I slowly start to nod off after another 15 minutes. Next thing I know I open my eyes and shes sitting on the other end of the couch crying.

"Whoa, whats the matter?"

"I don't know why I do this," her sobbing blotted out most of the words.

"Do what?"

"I s sh shouldn't be here... I need to leave..."

I sat up and put my arm around her for comfort. "If you think you should leave then feel free. If you want to stay the night you can."

"No funny business?" Her eyes looked like they were in awe or confusion.

"None at all. Besides, how good can it be if your bawling your eyes out?"

She laughed a little, "Eh he... I guess, usually that's how the guys want to be acting." She smiled a little more.

"Not this one, I just want to pass out."

The next morning I woke up right where I fell asleep on the couch. Sueann wasn't next to me though. I looked and she wasn't in my bedroom either. Then I went on to check my pockets and the money and valuables I had at the apartment. Everything was present and accounted for.

I walked into the kitchen and found a note.

Mike,

I'm sorry your such a pussy and couldn't take what you wanted from such a small helpless girl. Not to worry, I'll see to it that everyone finds out what a piece of shit you really are. To believe that you wouldn't even sleep with me. Don't you know that I wanted it to happen? That's why I came here. You must be gay.

Mistress ________


Talk about your nut jobs.

This incident firmly justifies my reasoning to stay clear of girls who want to be or are a Dominatrix. Something just tells me that there has to be some kind of unbalance inside there. Some kind of mistreatment that just disturbed them to the core. Of course this doesn't go for all the women that are Dominatrices but I will say that it probably goes for the ones I know.

So I can now add Dominatrix to the not perfect list.

If it's not perfect, it's not right.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Just a bow and nothing more....

"Did Santa talk to you yet?"

"Who?"

"Santa Claus..." The woman standing before me was quite the looker. She was about 5'6" and had all the curves in the right places. She filled out the curves in almost perfect proportions.

"Why would he talk to me?"

"Well, I told him that I wanted you for Christmas."

"I'm a little busy for Christmas but I'm free after work tonight."

She smiled, "Oh, I've always wanted to get my presents early." She reached up and rested her hand on my chest. "Well, I guess I'll just wait for you inside then." She reached for the door to the establishment.

"You should do that. First though, I need your i.d. before you go in."

She reached into her purse and pulled out her i.d.. I took it and looked at it, the birthdate was 1-5-87. "Hun, you know your not old enough to come in here right?"

She smiled and gave me a subtle wink, "Oh, I'll make up for it later tonight."

I stood there looking at her. I looked in through the door and noticed a guy standing inside. He was giving her the thumbs up then thumbs down sign as if asking, "Are you getting in?"

I looked back at her, "Sorry hun, I'm sure it would have been wonderful but your gonna have to wait a few days before you come in."

"Oh, I gave you the wrong one, that's my sisters," she reached into her purse again and pulled out a second i.d. "Here, this ones me."

I look at the second i.d., "This isn't you." I slide the i.d. into my pocket.

"Yes it is."

"Really? Different last name as your sister? It's slightly possible. 6'2"? Not possible. To top it off, the i.d. expired 3 years ago. It's not you."

Her face dropped. The smiled eroded into a frown, her eyebrows dropped and her eyes squinted. "Oh, you would of let me in if you didn't see these huh? You fuckin perv!" Her voice became louder as it went on.

As she was talking I raised my hand in front of her face. With my fingers straight I closed them together so they met my thumb as if symbolizing her mouth to close like a puppet. I think this angered her because she just kept talking. Then it was my turn to be loud.

"Hey! Listen. If you were old enough to come in, I'd let you in. I didn't start this conversation. You did. Don't write checks with your mouth if your ass can't cash it. Walk away, we're done."

She just kept talking. So every time she started to talk I'd hold up my hand and add in a "Shh". Then the door opened and the guy that was standing inside stepped out.

"Hey man, how come my friend can't come in?"

"Because she's 20."

"What? She was just in my bar. She's old enough."

"Guess you better learn how to spot fakes."

The guy turned around and walked back into the establishment. The girl started to walk away and I had to add my 2 cents. "Keep talking to Santa maybe he'll get what you want for next year." I smiled and waved as she walked off.

She turned around, yelled "Fuck you!!" and gave me the 2 middle finger salute.

I stood there wondering if I would have fallen for that if she had given me the other i.d. first. Anythings possible especially when your wanted as a Christmas gift. Can't let Santa down, ya know?

Friday, November 02, 2007

Extra Fun Tips...

"Would it be cool if I got a ride home with you?"

There are times that I give people rides after work. I figure I'm up and awake anyways and I'm usually not going to bed anytime soon. I don't do it for everyone usually people that have been coming to the establishment for a while or friends. It's kind of a perk for them to want to come by. They know they get taken care of. If they're too wasted though I tell them some story and put them in a cab. I don't want them puking in my car.

"Sure, just give me a few minutes to finish up and we'll get goin."

She's a very attractive woman. She had on a sheer dress and she has a very good looking body. So I went off to finish the things I do at the end of the night and she sat at the bar to wait for me. I finished up rather quick since she was waiting and out the door we went. Conversation was pretty dull on the way to the car. I stop at the passenger side door, unlock it and open the door for her. She gets in and I walk around to the driver side, unlock it and get in.

I get in the car and she starts to say thank you for the ride when I look over. I quickly look away as I pull on my seat belt and say, "Hun, you might want to fix your dress." Somehow when she got in her dress magically moved up. It was up enough that the mystery of panties or no panties was solved.

Her face turned red and she apologized. I told her there wasn't a need for an apology. It's not like I haven't seen that region before.

So I start up the car and sit there for a minute or two for it to warm up. "Ok hun, which way am I going to get you home?"

"Well, did you want to hang out tonight?" She sat there smiling at me.

"Ok, what did you have in mind? Breakfast?"

"We could do that. I'm a big fan of just hanging out somewhere and watching a movie. Wouldn't mind having another drink but I don't have anything at home. I mean I'm not looking for a relationship or anything."

"I think I have a few beers at my house. Shall we?"

There's been a million opportunities for me to be in this very situation. I've been in this situation only a couple times. I don't really like it.

So we get back to my place, I grab a couple beers out of the fridge and turn on a movie. We sit there and talk a little. Well, she mainly does the talking, the girl just wouldn't shut up.

"I'm really glad that we get to hang out. I always see you at work and never get to talk to you. So have you ever been tipped so people can get in?"

"Sure, it tends to happen."

"I have a customer that comes in occasionally and he's always leaving me extra tips."

"Tips are always a good thing."

"Yea, he always leaves me special tips. I don't mind sharing them if you want." Her eyes kind of lit up when she said that. At the same time I realized what extra tips meant.

"That's ok, you should keep that for yourself."

"Well, I don't like partying by myself. We can have a really good time," she moves closer.

"My partying years are way past me. I have no need for it."

Then she just kept yapping away for the next hour. She went on about things that I didn't give two shits about. Her schooling, her background, her family, all the places she's lived and then to top it all off, her boyfriend.

"Wait, hold on. You got a boyfriend?"

"Well yea."

"So why are you here?"

"Well, we're just hanging out."

"Ok... but your still here. The bars are closed and your here."

"Oh, we don't live together or anything."

Then she's off on another tangent about something. I start to get really bored at this point. "I hate to interrupt but it's gettin pretty late. I do need to get up early to do some things."

"Oh... ok. I can go. You sure you don't want to share?"

"I'm good. At least now you have more for you an your boy."

I walk her to the curb and wait until she gets a cab.


Just another reason why I steer clear of women who work in the industry.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Cynicalities I...

How many times have guys been made fools of for the sake of women? Some people might think that it's normal and that's just how it works. Some guys think it's ok because it's cute. Well, what about when it's not cute anymore?

I've seen some interesting things when it comes down to the pursuit of momentary happiness. I've seen guys get put into fights and guys get brushed off like dandruff. I've also seen guys get brushed off like dandruff after getting into a fight for some woman they didn't even know.

It's just funny to me how guys can be turned around and led astray without much trouble. It's been known for decades that women have more power over men so I'm not saying anything untrue. I've been in that situation as well many years ago. Then I became cynical and I'm now waiting to see if there is a woman that can prove me wrong.

Now I'm not going to sit here and say that every woman is like that. In fact, I'll say that about 70% of the women I know are not like that. They're also women that I wouldn't see myself getting all caught up over. I'd help them out if they needed it but other than that I don't think I'd go far out of my way for them.

I just find it funny how some guys will go out of their way to try and stand up for some woman they don't know. What is there to gain? A roll in the hay? A night of pleasure? Really? Is it that big of a deal? Hey, I'm a guy too and I don't mind a good night of sex but it's not that important to me to find some woman I don't even know. Consider this, if she's willing to put you through hoops to give it to you then she's been willing to do that to just about any guy.

Two things I've remembered over time.
  • No matter how gorgeous a woman is. Some guy is tired of her shit.
  • When kissing a woman you don't know. You might be kissing the guy she just went into the side alley with.