Friday, April 27, 2007


The weather's been pretty crappy these past few days but the rain has finally let up a little, just in time for the weekend. All week it's been sprinting season. You walk a little then it starts to down pour and you sprint to a canopy. The rain lets up and you start to walk again, then you sprint to the next doorway or canopy.

Perfect season for sinus problems and wet drunks.

"So hey man, you know where I might be able to get some of that?"

"Some of what?"

"You know man, ya yo..."

"Oh yea.. here.. jump outside with me." We walk out the door to the front of the bar.

"Sweet man, how much?"

"It's completely free to leave the bar. Have a good night."

"What? I thought.."

"Man, you don't ask the doorman for ya yo. What are you stupid? Get out of here."

Nothing like having sinus issues help you get rid of idiots. Seriously though, why would you ever ask a doorman if he has any coke? I can understand that there are some people that would but I don't understand asking it. Maybe I take the job more seriously than others.

With the rain comes a lot of slippery surfaces too. Your average sober person could look like a drunk when they're slipping and sliding all over the place. So then you have to rely on their speech patterns and how they act otherwise. It's usually more fun to watch them slide all over the place.

Puddles become lakes and the gutters become rivers. If your really lucky you get to see someone stumble and take a dive into a lake. Then there's more than enough reason to not let them in. They're soak from head to toe, they more than likely stink like sewer water or they're all pissed off. It gave me a chuckle for a minute though and usually they understand unless they're wasted. Then it's just an arguement that they won't win.

"Man, this id bullshit! Why can't I go in?"

"You just fell in a huge puddle and your soaking wet. I don't need you going in and bumping into a ton of people while your dripping with sewer water."

"Man, I'm all wet man. Let me go in, it's cold out here."

"Sorry man, maybe you should go home and change or dry off."

"That's it man, I'm never comin here again!!"

"Ok, see ya tomorrow night Cale."

"Yea, if your lucky."

Sometimes, luck has nothing to do with it.

Monday, April 23, 2007


Just to go off topic a little bit here. I'm a driver, I have a car and I drive around a lot. I know a lot of people look at me crazy with all the other transportation options but I like to drive. I always have, I always will. I just wish half the people out here that do drive had common sense. There should be some kind of testing for that.

Like when you park your car on the street, leave a couple feet on both ends of your car if you can. Don't just park in the middle of 2 parking spots. You fuck it up for everyone else. Thanks man, now I get to walk 2 or 3 blocks because you don't know how to park.

Horns are great, really they are. When I hear one go off now I completely ignore it. Yea, I know your probably in a big hurry to reach that red light up ahead. Your probably in a bigger hurry to whip out and go around me and almost hit that old lady that's in the middle of the street. Ever wonder why people slow down and stop in the middle of the road? We do it just so your invaluable ass can whip out around us and hit something or someone. Really, the world is out to get you.

It's also very brilliant of you to have half your body out the window screaming at someone behind you while your driving down the road. It's not like there's anyone else on the road except for you.

The funny part is, now that you've laid on your horn, almost fell out of your window, and came really close to hitting that dump truck in front of you, you don't have much to say. When your cars sitting you don't say anything at all. You stay in your car and you don't say a word. Makes me wonder what might just happen if I did get out of my car and walk up to yours. Would you still be the big macho man for your girl or would you just sit there and cower?

I've never understood road rage. Most things I let slip by because it's not worth my time to really care if someone else gets hurt. Seriously, if your driving gets you killed then so be it. If your driving kills one of mine... Then you better hope it kills you too.

I might be on the right side of things but that doesn't mean that doing some bad isn't right as well.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

The Stench is High..

Works been very abundant lately. Staff has been coming and going and it's beginning to wear thin. Is it really that hard to find good help these days? This is one of the easiest jobs around for anyone that has a backbone but it's hard as hell to find some people that can handle it.

Have the times really changed that much? I know there's a lot of boys out there that are wearing make-up these days and trying their best to look like women but are all the blue collar guys gone?

Yea, I went through that whole goth stage, I've hated the world, I've felt out of place, and I have done the make-up stage.... when I was in high school and a few years after. Is this emo dress up like women thing really something you want to be known for, for the rest of your life?

This group of boys is usually the group that is in the top list of people that I have troubles with. They're mentally the age of someone that's 17. They think it's great to hang on other boys, they think it's funny to bump drinks out of people's hands, and they think people won't do shit to them for it.

Surprise, people don't like you. They will start shit with you and yes, I will throw your ass onto the sidewalk in front of the bar if you give me any shit about how bad your life is. I'll make it worse for you even if only for a minute. This world isn't just yours, it's all of ours and your just a big pain in the ass for everyone right now.

There's another type of boy out there that is very close to the emo boys. These dirty ass kids (DAKS) are just that. They don't wash their clothes for a long time, they're hair is ratted and dirty, they wear bandannas around their necks, have big messenger bags with nothing in them, they literally stink, and they ride bicycles everywhere. I've had to refuse them entrance for several different reasons including; smell, no shoes, no ID, drunkenness, idiotic behaviour, carrying alcohol on their person, pulling out a baggy of weed in front of me, asking me if I had any cocaine or heroin.

So the biggest difference between the DAKS and the emos (besides smell and hygiene) is that the DAKS are actually older acting. The emos act like their young and dumb even though they know what the hell their doing. The DAKS know what they're doing and just don't care.

I've slowly started eliminating the DAKS from the bar. It's really weird and embarrassing to tell someone that they can't come into a bar because they stink. But I'm glad to do it for you.

Labels and Things...

Well... it took me a couple hours but I just went through and added labels to all the posts.

So now when you read one and you want another one similar to it you can click on the label at the bottom of the posts individual page and it'll bring up all the posts that have been labeled with that same label.

Interesting, I know...

Anyways, just thought I'd put that up so people would know.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Closing Time...

Every night it comes at the same time. It's that magical time when the "ugly lights" come on. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is closing time. Every time I say that, the song "Closing Time" by Semisonic pops into my head. The lyrics are perfect for what happens when the ugly lights come on.

First off, they're called the ugly lights for a pretty good reason. Most bars have their lights on at minimal power. This makes it easier on the eyes when your wasted and it helps everyone look a little better. There's probably been times when you yourself have been in a bar and you were talking to a girl or guy that you wouldn't normally be talking to if you could see them clearly. So when the lights come on at the end of the night you can actually see the person. Anyone who's been out at the bars for a long period of time doesn't usually look all that great in the early morning hours. Basically, you want to get out of the bar before the ugly lights come on and you can see what you've been talking to or making out with.

Some nights it's real easy to get people out. They see the lights come on, I yell a few times that it's time to leave the bar and they walk out, other nights it's harder. Then there's the people that wait around for the bartender or waitress. Which is fine when the employee knows that the person is waiting. Sometimes you get the occasional stalker that thinks it's fine to wait. That's when I ask the employee. If the employee doesn't know about it then the person leaves and I make sure they don't wait outside the bar.

There are a couple of regulars who used to hang out after hours. These days, no one hangs out except those with employees. So when they don't listen and they think they can hang out all night I start calling them out by their names. Most of them don't like that because they don't want every person there to know who they are. They finish their drink and head out the door.

Then there's the ones that hang around and start talking to anyone that's within an arms length. They do this because they think someone will speak up for them so they can hang out. Listen, we're closed, we're all tired, half of us are drunk and none of us want to talk to you about some trip to Georgia.

"Jack, it's time to go man."

"Oh, it's fine. I was just telling Ramone about going to Georgia."

"Listen, we're closed and it's probly a story you should tell when we're not busy and not closed."

"Ok, ok.. I'll be right out I promise, I'm just gonna slam this drink."

"You got 2 minutes man."

Sometimes the employees start talking to them, sometimes they just ignore them and nod their heads like they're actually listening. It's fun to watch when Jack keeps talking and Ramone just keeps running up and down the bar cleaning up.

"Jack, let's go!"

"Alright man, I'll leave, I'll leave."

Then Jack has to go through and tell everyone good bye again. He stops and starts his story all over again with the next person he sees. "JACK! Let's go man! I wanna get outta here!!"

"Alright man, I'm comin, I'm comin."

Then after all this and ten minutes has gone by there's always the "I was helping you out" speech. Jack's pretty good at that.

"You know man, I was just trying to help you out. People would have stayed all night if I would have been standing up here by the door."

"Yea, you help out a lot.. next time try to help out by standing outside."

"I would have but Chucky said I could finish my drink and I didn't want him to think I was disrespecting him. You know it's all about respect. You know how it is man."

"We've already had this talk a million times Jack. I don't want to disrespect the fact that you need to leave and listen to it again."

"he he he.. yea man.. I should leave."

Jack is the special friend of a few employees. To quote Stewart, "He hooks us up, we hook him up." Funny thing is, Jack doesn't work in the industry.

So the end of the night is the best part of the night. Everyone has had a good time and if they're lucky they're leaving to go somewhere else and have an even better time.

For me it's another day down and a new one on the rise.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Pick Up Lines..

Some of the most interesting things that I get to witness at work are the pick up lines. I've witnessed some pretty strange things guys do to get ladies to go home with them. Some of them are pretty interesting to see that they actually work. The other thing is how I don't understand the type of guys these girls want to go home with.

I see these guys just about every night. They come in from riding their bicycles all day and they stink. I can smell them when they walk up and show me their IDs on a windy day. They usually have the same clothes on for at least half the week and they don't know what deodorant is. Then add on to that a night of drinking in a smoke filled bar but somehow these guys pull in girls every other night. These guys I refer to as Scabs.

One guy stands there and stares at a girl until she looks over at him. Then he points at her, snaps his fingers and points to the ground in front of him. This guy weighs about 120 pounds soaking wet and has on his hoodie and an old pair of torn up jeans. His hair is scruffy and unkept, his hoodie is the only hoodie he has, and by the end of the night there's usually about half a beer spilled on his pants. Yet, the girls either laugh at him, look away, or they come right to him. I'd have to say it works for him about 6 out of 10 times.

I've even seen guys that just won't let the turn downs break their spirit. They get turned down by one girl and they go on to the next.Usually by the end of the night they'll find a girl that they'll be sitting with most the night, buying drinks, and when the ugly lights come on, the girl runs over to the guy snapping his fingers.

I've seen many of the rocker boys with the half open button shirts walk in and walk right out within 10 minutes with a girl or two on their arms. I've seen dirty, little scabs walk out with girls. I've seen girls make out for guys and then leave with the girl.

Which is probably one of my favorites. A couple guys will hone in on a couple of girls sitting at the bar. They walk up, start a conversation and buy some drinks. Next thing you know they buy more drinks, shots, and the guys try to figure out which girl is into which guy. Then it goes a couple different ways.
  • I've seen it before when the girls get up and move to a different group of people.
  • I've seen it where the girls start ignoring the guys and put on their coats and leave.
  • I've also seen it when the girls start making out and the guys buy more shots and drinks. Then when one of the guys walks to the bathroom or somewhere, the girls just leave or they'll grab the guy that's there and leave.
  • Once it happened where the girls came over and told me that the guys were being assholes. I tell them I'd keep an eye on them and all of a sudden one of the guys would do something stupid and it'd be time for the guys to leave.
I've made bets with myself at times. I just get to sit back and watch everything unwind, constantly watching and learning the many different patterns. After enough time it almost becomes second nature to know who's doing what and with who.

Then again, none of it really matters to me but it's a great way to fill up the time.