Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Selfish Bastard...

It's never good to have a good friend leave. In a completely selfish manner you don't want them to leave. Not because you want them to be miserable but because you don't want to be.

Yea, that's right. I'm the asshole tough guy and I'm the one that doesn't want a good friend to leave. Why? Because it shakes up my world.

Extremely selfish when you look through my point of view.

However, it's a good thing to have your world shaken up every once in a while. It helps to break up the monotony. It also gives you a good reason to go on a vacation in the future. It also helps you think about getting out yourself. Change can be a good thing for anyone.

So be careful out there Spanky.

It's a much stranger life out there.

Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.

Good luck and we'll talk soon.

Friday, July 25, 2008

D.I.C.K. IV: Michigan...

Michigan. The Hi 5 state?

The Story.

A girl walks up to the door. She's got long blonde dreadlocks with a scarf around her head. She pulls her chain wallet out of her back pocket and opens it up to show me her i.d. I ask her to take it out of the wallet and she does.

I look at the i.d. and notice that the picture is very dark and that the background seems foggy. Looking closer at the i.d. I notice that the lettering is blurry and some of the words are so fuzzy that they're hard to read.

In the girl's picture on the i.d. it looks like she has either a shaved head or her hair pulled back. Even that was hard to tell. So I turn the i.d. over and check the edges and find that the i.d. is starting to come apart on one of the corners.

I ask her for another form of i.d. and she says she doesn't have anything else with her.

I explain to her that I'm keeping the i.d. until she can produce another form. She tries to argue but leaves when she sees that I won't budge from my decision.

The Fake.

After looking at the i.d. and noticing the dark background, fuzzy lettering and dark picture, I knew something was up with it. When I noticed that one of the corners was starting to split I knew that the i.d. couldn't have been real.

After the night was over I took a closer look at the i.d. I never want to take apart a fake i.d. just so that I can show it to my other doorstaff and give them reference material for when they're working the door. I did notice what looked like a 2nd i.d. underneath the top layer.

After showing the i.d. to a few people I decided to take it apart. I used some adhesive removal liquid and slowly removed the top layer. Underneath that layer was the girl's real driver's license.

As you can see by the picture, the real i.d. is much brighter in color. The lettering is much easier to read and the picture is much easier to see. You can also see that she was four years younger than what the top layer had claimed she was.

She had removed the Under 21 lettering that was above her picture, changed her birth date and she change the expiration date. She didn't change her license number or any of the other information.

One of the things that she couldn't change or even put on the top layer is the hologram that Michigan uses on their i.d.'s. Holograms very rarely can be added to fakes in a manner that they look real.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Things change. People don't...

If you've been reading for a while you'll remember some posts about me wanting to change paths. Doing this type of work for a long period of time will tend to do that to you.

I have ideas about the future. It entails me owning my own establishment. In order to do that I've been working in this industry for a long time so that I can get the experience that I want to have. The experience is essential when pursuing this type of an endeavor.

So there's my reasoning for wanting to do more and different positions.

In my opinion, I don't need to know how to bartend in order to open a bar. Granted, it's a good thing to know but I don't see it as a necessity. I figure that I'll hire bartenders when the time comes to open my own place. After all, who's going to bring more money into a bar, the big scary brute or the cute little lady?

Cute little ladies will always bring more money into a bar or club faster than any man will. Unless it's a gay bar or a male strip club. Neither of which I plan on running or opening.

So the experience that I'm truly looking for is actual bar management. Purchasing, paperwork, shift managing, problem solving and all the rest. All of which I have from previous and present jobs but none of the previous jobs were in the bar industry.

I'm putting a time limit of ten years on my goal of ownership. Basically, I want to have my own place up and running before that ten years is up. Maybe this blog can help with that, maybe it won't. Either way I plan on it happening through the many different contacts that I've already made.

I've had some positive interests already. All I need to do now is get the ball rolling. Scout locations and get the proper legal information. Which I'll gladly do once I have the ability to take a little time off.

Money is also a huge factor in opening such a business. Which is another reason behind working so much and not having the proper time to update here. I'm working on that and getting posts up and ready.

The scheduling option on this blog is great for that. I can put together some posts and schedule them to post on certain dates. This will work great for the D.I.C.K. posts. I have a few up and ready to publish for the next few Fridays.

Summer time is always a busy time. I'll try to keep you all informed of what's going on the best I can. Until then...

Be Safe.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Bum Da Dee Bum Bum....

"You let that guy in here?" TD was not happy. "The fuck's your problem man!? You know he's a bum."

It was a fairly slow night and the bands weren't pulling many people. I was sitting at the front door reading a magazine. Without raising my eyes from the article I said, "Hey, he had money for the cover and an i.d. I figure we give him 5 minutes and then toss him out."

TD's eyes got big, "Yea, you go with that. Hope you don't get Hepatitis when he tries to bite you."

"I'm not too worried about it."

"Yea... You will be after he bites you."

A few minutes later the manager came walking up to the door. He looked at TD and asked "You let that guy in here?" TD just points at me.

"Mike, you wanna get rid of your little friend you let in?"

I put down the paper and jump up, "Sure thing. Just so you know, he did pay to come in."

"I don't care, he fuckin stinks."

I grab the 6D cell flashlight and start off into the venue. After walking through the minimal crowd I found the bum in the bathroom. He was standing there staring at himself in the mirror. "Alright man, you gotta head out."


"You gotta leave. We got complaints about you."

"Man. I haven't been here no 5 minutes. You tellin me I gots to leave now?"

"That's what I said."

"Man, fuck you."

"Listen man, it's not up to you or me. I was told to get you out of here."

"Make me."

I stepped closer and grabbed his arm. He grabbed my arm with his other hand and I raised the 6D cell flashlight up over my shoulder in a striking position. He stood there staring at me and I never changed my facial expression.

"I'll tell you right now. I'll club you over the head enough times that it's gonna hurt a lot."

"You ain't gonna do shit." He then started to pull on my arm. I took the skinny end of the flashlight and jabbed him in the stomach with it. Then he let out a loud scream and fell down. The bathroom door opened and TD was standing there. "Need some help?"

"Just hold the door for me." I reached down and grabbed the bum by the ankles and started pulling. I dragged him out of the bathroom and over to the back door. As I got him almost out of the door he grabbed onto the sides of the doorway. He started screaming more and wouldn't let go. Until TD walked up.

TD let out two quick kicks and kicked both of the bums hands. After that he let go and I dragged him the rest of the way out. The bum kept holding his hands and I walked back inside.

After that the night was very quiet but we had something to talk about. TD kept asking me if the bum had bit me. I assured him that he hadn't. "You better go get tested man. You never know, he might of given you somethin."

"Man, I'm fine."

"Them bums man, they'll get you. They don't even have to touch you to give you something."

A couple days later we saw the bum walking by again. Both of his hands were bandaged. I was thinking that TD might have hurt him more than we thought. We didn't really care though.

"You must of hurt his hands pretty good."

"Man, fuck that guy. He wouldn't let go of the door."

"You might want to get tested man. I hear those bums can give you stuff without even touching them." TD turns and looks at me. "You kicked his hands. Just think if he bled on your shoes."

TD made an appointment to get tested the next day.

Friday, July 18, 2008


Due to uncontrollable situations today's post will be held up. There's a lot of things going on right now. I'll have a new D.I.C.K. post up very soon. Perhaps I'll make it up next week or I'll just skip this weeks and begin again next week.

Housing, work and people are major concerns right now.

Be Safe.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Click or Clique?...

There are cliques of people everywhere. They all seem to have their own little agenda and their own little ways of excluding people. In some ways everyone is a part of their own little clique.

It's funny how in some aspects of the nightlife there are a lot of cliques. Certain groups of people hang out at certain bars or clubs. The yuppies stay in their comfort zones and the drunks go to just about any place that serves booze and will let them in.

Then there's the people that don't drink but still work in these environments. There could be numerous reasons why they're there. Maybe they're reformed alcoholics and the best way for them to stay sober is to see people become idiots after drinking. Maybe they choose not to drink but just want to be around it.

Some of these people will usually never be in any of the cliques that are intertwined with the drinkers that they work with.

I've been working security in many different places over the past 10 - 12 years. As long as I'm on the clock, I don't drink. I take my job seriously. Some might say I take it too seriously but I know how I can get after drinking. I just don't want that darker side coming out while I'm at work.

So at the end of the night, while the barstaff is already toasted from drinking through their shift, I'm fully sober and a little aggravated at times. At this point I usually just grab my gear and head home.

During this time there are plans made. Bartenders talk with bartenders and make plans to do numerous different things. If anyone else is around to hear it, they might invite them as well.

One night I decided to hang out a little while. The bartenders were sitting around counting money and the new girl, Rachael, was hanging out with them making conversation. During their conversation a plan was being hatched by the bartenders to meet up on a day and go to dinner. Rachael, sitting with them, asked if she could go to. The bartenders went silent for a minute. They said it was a weekly thing they do and if she wanted to come it would be cool.

Rachael then looked over to me as I was walking past, "Hey Mike! Will you be there too?"

I stopped next to the table, "Be where?"

"Everyone's going to dinner tomorrow. You going too?" Rachael's eyes were glowing as if she was just invited to the most magical night of her life. Kind of pathetic really.

"I doubt it. I don't go where I'm not invited."

Now that might have been a bad way to answer if I didn't already know that they go there on the same day every week. Or if I didn't know that they've been doing it for six months or more. Or if they had invited me before.

The event had come up in conversation before with certain people. Other people have never brought it up, even avoiding it.

You see, that's the cliquey thing. Drinkers vs. Non-Drinkers. Serious vs. Not So Serious.

It's an observation, not a complaint.

Everything is probably better off this way.

Friday, July 11, 2008

D.I.C.K. III: California...

Welcome to California. Home to the Stars and Govnah Ahnold.

The Story.

It was early in the evening when a young male came walking up. Business was slow and there wasn't a lot of people out. As he walked up I asked for his i.d. and he pulled out his wallet. He held out his wallet so I could look at the i.d., I didn't even look at it and asked, "Can you take it out of the wallet?"

The guy stood there for a second and I repeated myself. Then he started to pull the i.d. out of his wallet. "This could take forever, it's a new wallet," he said as he struggled to get the i.d. out.

"That's fine, I got all day."

After a couple minutes and a struggle he pulled out his i.d. and handed it to me. Right from the start the i.d. felt very thick. I looked at it close and noticed that it seemed like it had a thick layer of plastic on it. I tried to bend it but it was very stiff and wouldn't bend.

Looking at the picture I could see that it was him but there was no way this was a real California i.d.

"You have any other i.d.'s with you?"

The kid went back to his wallet, "Yea, I have a couple credit cards and a..."

"Credit cards aren't i.d.'s. You have anything else with your name, picture and birth date on it?"

"Uh.. no.. is there a problem?"

"None at all but I can't let you in with this."

"Ok, that's cool," and he put out his hand as if I was giving the i.d. back to him.

"Yea. You can't have this back either. This is fake."

The kid hung his head, turned and walked away without an argument of any kind.

The Fake

As soon as the i.d. hit my hand I knew something was wrong with it. It felt twice as thick as any other i.d. that I've ever felt. Then after looking at it, it looked very cloudy like there was a film over top of the i.d. The picture and even the lettering looked blurry.

I looked at the picture and it was definitely the person that handed it to me.

The edges of the i.d. were worn down as if it had been around for a long time.

The hologram was very prominent. It stood out over the picture instead of partially blending in with the background.

California is one of the states that can boast about their i.d. being one of the hardest to reproduce. I've never had a good California fake. Most of the fakes I've gotten from California are horrible. They're in the same condition as this one.

After work I decided to do a little experimenting with it. I used my pocket knife to slowly pry the i.d. apart in the middle where it had already started to come apart. Once the knife made it in I started twisting it a little and I thought I saw another face in there.

Later, I was able to use a friend's bottle of Goo Gone. After letting it sit for a while the i.d. split in half very easily. At that point it was very easy to see the second face that was under neath.

After they split apart you could see the difference. The top i.d. was an i.d. for a male with dark hair and brown eyes. The i.d. that was on the bottom was for a female with dark hair and brown eyes.

Surprisingly they both had similar names. Her name was Carly and his was Carlos and they both had the same last name. Although her penmanship is horrible and her signature looks like her name is Carlg.

Maybe they were twins traveling together and he was holding her i.d. for her. All the heat just melted the i.d.'s together? Think that's possible?

Our friend must have had a really good sex change. Or perhaps it was an extremely flat chested female that wanted people to think she was a male?

Then again, it could just have been two really bad fakes stacked together and then shrink wrapped. But what do I know?

I think the story about the sex change would be more interesting.

Friday, July 04, 2008

D.I.C.K. II: Delaware...

It only seems fair that Delaware is the first state in these installments. After all, the state's motto is "The First State".

The Story.

As I was standing out front of the establishment a group of 4 or 5 young ladies came walking up. The were wearing nice dresses and they were all done up as if they just came from some kind of an event, such as a wedding. Usually this doesn't throw up any flags with me. Usually white collar women tend to dress a little better then the white collar men. By the time I see any white collar men their ties are pulled down or they're around their head in Rambo style. The reason that the flags went off was because these girls just looked too young to be that formal.

"How's it going tonight ladies?"

One girl answered as the others started searching for their i.d.'s, "Good, how are you tonight?"

"I'm doing well. I need to see your i.d.'s please. Was there a wedding tonight?"

"No, we're just out and about."

I looked over the i.d.'s and as I gave them back they all started to file into the establishment. Then I came to the last one.

I stood there for a minute looking at the i.d. There was just something about it that didn't sit well. It looked legit but I kept looking at the face of the girl that handed it to me and she kept looking around. Then I tilted the i.d. to see the holograms and I knew what was wrong. It was a complete fake.

According to the laws here, when we take away a fake i.d. they want us to take away the real i.d. as well. This way they have the person's real name and information when it comes to prosecution. I rarely ever do this. I figure that just taking away the i.d. is enough of a punishment. Some fake i.d.'s could cost close to $200.

I looked back at the girl and asked for a second form of i.d. Then I noticed that she was looking at the front door. I looked over my shoulder and saw one of the previous girls standing there.

"Miss, unless you have a real i.d., I can't let you in here. This i.d. is fake."

"Oh, ok... well... I'll just leave then," and she reached for the i.d.

I pulled my hand back and slipped the i.d. into my pocket. "You can leave but you can't have this back."

After seeing me put the i.d. into my pocket, the girl's friends all came walking back out. The typical arguments of "It's illegal to take that away", "Your stealing her property", and "We'll call the cops" ensued. I told them that I'd gladly call the cops if they wanted me to.

After a few minutes a squad car was driving by so I asked the girls if I should ask the cops to stop over. They said no and slowly walked away.

The Fake.

This is the i.d. that was presented to me. All in all it's a fairly decent fake. There are many different things wrong with it other than the hologram that I'm not going to get into at this time.

If you look closely at the i.d. you can partially see the hologram that was used. You can barely make out some lettering. That lettering is used to spell the word AUTHENTIC which is on the list of wording that will never be used on an i.d. that is issued by the US or State governments.

Along with the lettering are three Bald Eagle images in the middle. This particular image will also never be used on real i.d.'s.

As for the three images above and below the lettering and bald eagle images, I'm still wondering what they're supposed to be. I'm guessing that it's either a swooping bird of some type or just a blob of some kind. For easier viewing, I've also posted what the hologram looks like before it's applied to the card stock.

If you are working the door and you have an internet ready phone there's one other thing you could do. I did this as I was writing this entry.

Go to google.com/maps and enter in the address that is listed on the i.d.. I'd say that more than half of the time the addresses on the i.d.'s are fake. As it was with this one. The city, state and zip code were real but the actual street name did not exist on Google. Maybe it's not in their database but that and the hologram together would be enough for me to take away the i.d.

Actually, the hologram was enough all by itself.