Saturday, December 31, 2005

Frat Boys & Sorority Girls....

Ah, it's that time of year again. The time when all the college kids come home and bring their friends with them. Yes, it's a great time of year for Frat Boys and Sorority Girls.

I like using the terms, boys and girls, for these kids. They seem to be right in the middle stage of life. At least, that's what I like to believe. It's when they get all excited over little things like a discounted round, a regular comes in and has his denim Misfits jacket on, or whenever a good looking female walks by.

For the past week and a half it's been a parade of college shirts, backward hats, torn up jeans and drunks. The girls are all dressed in their low cut jeans, small and tight shirts, and trying to look much older than they really are.

A week and a half of bad fake IDs, sleeping drunks, and pub crawls.

Even with all this going on, it's been a pretty uneventful week. It's actually been pretty uneventful since the last time I posted. There are really only so many ways you can describe the same events over and over.

The Christmas holiday was pretty uneventful as well. Both places I work were actually closed those nights so I didn't have to put up with the solitary and depressed people at all. It was nice having the few days off and being able to go out myself.

To everyone else that reads this though, I hope your holidays were very good and you had a great time with family and friends. For most, it's the one time of year that you set everything aside and put up with them.

New Year's Eve tonight. Let's see what kind of fun happens.....

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Rock Star Lines III...

"This has never been a problem before."

"You've never walked up with eight people before."

"Oh come on, you can do it for me."

"Listen, ever since you've became friends with a certain person here you've constantly brought more an more people. Stop it. You walk up with one or two people ok, more than that and your waiting in line like everyone else."

"Well, you know he's waiting for me in there."

"I'm sure he is, but he's not waiting for all these other people. Believe me he'll agree with me. I can do you and one but the rest of your group will wait."

At times certain people need to be reminded that they really aren't that special. The rock star line is for friends and family of employees and the bar. It's not to show off to your friends about how great you are or how special you are.

The little blonde leaned in to my ear, whispering, "Come on, don't make me look bad to my friends."

I don't bother to whisper, "Hun, if these are your friends they won't mind waiting like everyone else because they just wanna hang out with you and don't care about the status quo."

At this she rolled her eyes, spun around, and told her group, "Come on, let's go across the street until this line dies down."

Five minutes later, Marvin comes out to the door.

"Hey man, you wouldn't let Mary in?"

"Actually, I would let Mary in. I just wouldn't let her take the seven people that were with her in and she found that to be an insult."

"Whoa, she had seven people with her?"

"Yea man, I told her I'd let her and one in but the others would have to wait but she didn't think that was very nice."

"That's messed up. Oh well, she just called me saying you were being all rude to her and that you wouldn't let her in. She didn't say anything about having all those people with her. Oh well, screw her, she's not that great. Ha, ha.."

Sunday, December 11, 2005

That's him I swear...

"Listen, I understand you have my friends ID."

"Yes I do."

"Ok, I'm here to get that back. I swear that's him on that ID."

"Where's he at?"

Usually, when you get your ID taken from you at a bar from the door person you put up some kind of an argument. I mean, if you don't then you have to take time out of your day to go and get another one and pay for it. If it's really you then put up a logical argument and show other forms of ID to prove who you are. The worst thing to do is just drop your head and walk out.

"He asked me to come and get it back for him."

"Why isn't he here? Your not getting anything from me because this isn't yours at all. If he wants to come back with other forms of ID to prove who he is, then if it's solid he'll get it back."

"Listen, I'm a lawyer, I know you did this just because he's black. I know that.."

"Really, you think it's a racist thing? That's funny, I see about five or six black guys in here, oh wait, look.. there's some asians... uh, some middle easterners... I really don't think you want to go down that road. Besides, if your a lawyer you must know the repercussions for bringing an underage person into a bar."

"Ok, I just want to get my friends ID back for him. I want to talk to your manager."

"That's fine with me."

I get Phil's attention and the guy rattles off his speil to him. Phil tells him the same thing I did, "Tell your friend to come back with proof and we'll gladly give it back to him."

"Mike, why'd you take the ID?"

"To start off, the guy on the ID has had to have his nose broken a few times. That guy had a straight nose. Second, the ID says he's 6'2", that guy was about 5'6". Then when I told him it wasn't him on the ID he just turned and walked out. No argument."

"Good enough for me." Phil turned back to the older guy, "Tell your friend to come back with proof and we'll give it back. Otherwise, the state's gonna get it in a couple days."

The guy stormed off and I stepped outside to see where he was heading. Looked like the group tried to go into another bar down the street and the same guy got stopped by the door guys there.

There was a cop standing there too. Hopefully, the door guys there didn't let him in and he got caught inside. That'd be a nice big fine and closing.

Friday, December 09, 2005


"You know yer actin pretty childish. In fact, your actin a lot like an asshole."

Usually when drunks talk to me that I've already asked to leave I ignore them. I walk them out the door or carry them if needed and thats that. When Phil says someone needs to go then they go. I don't question, I just do. If your staggering around leaning on tables with your head down then it's a good sign you need to leave.

I'll be cordial with you and I'll give you time to tell your friends and grab your coat. I won't give you a lot of time but I'll give you a little. This way if you have a tab to close you can. If you need your friend to take you home then they'll know your waiting outside for them.

"You can't let me look for my wallet?"

"Your calling me childish and you don't know where your wallet is?"

A lot of times, I've noticed, no matter how nice to people I am I still end up the asshole. Why? Well, because I won't let you back into the bar to get your friend or look for coats or glasses or wallets or phones or just about anything. Honestly, I don't have to. Once your asked to leave a bar it doesn't mean you can come right back in. Come back the next day or if you have a complaint feel free to call.

"Man, talk to me like I'm your friend."

"Why? Your not."

"See, now yer just being childish agin. I jus wanna find my wallet."

"Listen, I'm letting you wait for your friend here instead of outside. Hopefully he finds it and you can leave."

"No, yer jus being an asshole."

Friend comes back - "I found it. Its cool."

"Man, whys this guy being an asshole?"

"I got your wallet, lets just go. He's just doing his job."

"Man, whas yer name? Imma journalist, man. I'll make sure you get a bad review. Ya know you are bein an asshole. You don't need to. Fuckin asshole."

"My name's Mike. Now get out of my bar."

Friend - "Man, you are starting to be an asshole. We are leaving."

"Ok, so why aren't you moving?"

It's not my problem if you forget something. You do become my problem if you keep trying to get back in. Once your out, your out. I'll let your friend look for your stuff but you don't come back in. I don't babysit people or follow you around at your leisure just so you can waste time inside.

It is amazing how quickly the white collar journalist type are so quick to write up a bad review. Well, I should say threaten to write up a bad review. The funny part is that these guys come to this type of bar to either hide out or because they've heard about the reputation it has. They're the guys that I've never seen in the bar before and are probably only there because they were in the neighborhood after some party or show. Nothing loss there. They're not returning customers anyway.

I think I might lose some sleep waiting for that review. Maybe it'll be so bad that we have to close our doors. Just think, I might get a vacation out of it.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

No more smoky treats.....

" - Chicago is now a smoke-free city. Starting in January you won't see anyone lighting up in most public places. The city council approved a smoking ban Wednesday. The ordinance is a compromise hammered out in negotiations that didn't end until early Wednesday morning."

So it finally happened. Chicago has fallen, we probably will soon too, and it's smoky drapery is going to become a little clearer. This just means that my jobs going to get a little harder. Oh well, if it happens here, it'll just be another reason for people to think of me more as an ass. I can see it now...

"Hey man, can I step out to have a smoke?"

"Sure, but you'll have to wait in line to get back in."

"What? That's bullshit!"

"Oh well, take it up with the mayor."

"Man, you wanna fight?"

So many good times ahead. It'll definitely be weird throwing people out for smoking. Good thing I'll be working so I can come and go as I please.

Hmm, maybe we'll open a patio...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Sorry for not posting as regular. Some things are changing around and this crazy weather doesn't help out much either.

Seems around here that as soon as the snow hits everything comes to a stand still. People drive like idiots, act like idiots and as soon as the sun goes down they go home. It makes for some pretty slow nights.

I do get to catch up on some reading here and there though. Once everyone starts getting used to the weather again I'm sure they'll all be back out in force.

We've also had a new bar open up in the neighborhood so some people think that's why we've slowed down. Makes sense, even though I've heard it's not the greatest. Suits and ties behind the bar and the average age inside being in the late 30's to early 40's. Nothing like it was before it re-opened.

The slow nights do make for boredom. Crossword puzzles and phone calls. It does leave me some time to get other stuff done that I'm working on, or want to be doing things with.

So hopefully, within the next few days there will be many more stories coming about all the drunk and disgruntled. After all, it is the holidays and every one gets a little evil during these times.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Try being nice....

"You know, all you gotta do is just be nice to people and they'll listen to everything you say."

"That's great, thanks for the advice. Bye."

"See, there you go again, you know if you were to say something like, "Have a good night, be safe on your way home' people would leave much faster than you all comin up on us and taking away our drinks."

"I'm sure they would. That's why you and your four friends are still in here and everyone else left ten minutes ago. You didn't hear the announcement over the PA? Cause I'm pretty sure everyone else did and look... They're gone... So now, you need to get out."

"Oh, you think your so big. I bet you think your pretty special huh?"

"Not really. I just have a liquor license to keep here. Which means you have to get out."

"Uh huh, I'm sure."

"Get out."

"Well, it doesn't matter, I'm waiting for someone."

"Get out. They'll be right behind you."

"Who's your manager? I wanna have a talk with him about you."

"Get the fuck out. The bar closed fifteen minutes ago, the lights are on, the music's off and you've been asked to leave twenty times, now just leave."

"No, I wanna talk to your manager. This is fuckin bullshit. "

"You still being here is bullshit. Call and talk to the owner in the morning, and make sure you get my name too ok? It's Mike, not Mikhail, Mica, Miguel, just Mike. Don't worry I'm the only Mike here. The owner will know who I am and make sure you tell him you were in here past closing and being a bitch too."

"Fuck this, I don need this kind of disrespect. I'm leaving."

"Thanks! Bout time!"

"Oh, don you worry, I'm gonna call tomorrow."

"You do that."

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Ranting without the Rave....

It's been a short break since I've posted last. Sometimes I get on a bit of a rollercoaster ride and some things get left behind.

So lately I've basically been trying to get my sleep patterns back into shape. Most of my posts are done after work. I have some saved up just waiting to be posted but I'm going to try and read through them again.

I've had a question raised to me that I've been thinking about a lot lately. "Why do you keep doing this if you know you could be doing so much better?"

The only answer I keep thinking of is that this is a job I like. I've always been that guy who does more for others. To make you happy is to make me happy. Of course, there are lines there that I won't cross. Too much thought to go through all of that right now.

So I decided to put my resume out there. I've heard from many people how hard it is to find a job these days. My usual response to that is that they're not looking. I've always said that if you want a job you'll have one within a week or two.

I love it when I'm right. I have no college degree and I'm definitely not a 'trust fund baby' or even come from a family that has enough money to relax. I put my resume out on the normal job boards on the internet. ( Monster, Careerbuilder, etc.) I've already received two job offers within a week.

Granted, the jobs pay much better and have benefits but they're at least an hours drive away. So I think I might put in for a little vacation and give one a shot. The benefits alone would get me to make the change. Now I just need to make the leap.

It will definitely be different working a real job again. Actually having to be somewhere on time and reporting to someone every night. Sounds weird, most people would run from that and not come back. Well, I thought that too. Circumstances change when the shoe's on the other foot.

Drama's one of the biggest things that I won't miss. The Bullshit -n- Bologna meter has hit a high at work lately. We've been guaranteed that it won't last much longer. This means someone's going to clean house. Cleaning house means a whole new set of rules and people are about to land. New people and rules means everything gets to start all over again.

I guess that's good. It gets rid of the drama and the monotony of work. Even TD was getting tired of work but now there's supposed to be a whole new ball game. There are a few people I wouldn't mind seeing gone.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Bouncing Women...

No, sad enough, I'm not talking about the Juggies on The Man Show.

Tossing ladies from the bar is always a tricky thing to do. Hmm, wait a minute. I think I put that wrong. I've never tossed a lady. Hmm, what word could I use to describe a female that punches, kicks, and tries to claw off your face? I don't dare use the "C" word.

Let's see, how many different words are there to describe a nasty female like this. A female that's willing to kick me in the groin because I'm trying to get her to leave for picking a fight with the bartender for cutting her off. Bitch, whore, bag, puta, ball breaker, crackwhore, butch... not really a big selection.

Anyways. It's always a big thing to toss out a female. Especially since I'm a male. Certain things could be blown up into dastardly deeds. A woman could try and claim that a hand was put in the wrong spot or I'm sure that sexual harassment could be brought to the table as well.

This is why I like to have certain female friends frequent the bar. They don't take any crap from men or women and they know their shit. They could easily take me down quicker than I could even think of how I'd take them down. They have a huge advantage over me. They're women. However, this completely changes when a woman punches me and then tries to go for my face.

At this point you went from a woman to just another person, really fast. With every rule people have in their life there is always a loop hole. One of my biggest rules is that I don't hit women. Then comes the loop hole. If your female and you punch me and try to scratch my face off, your no longer a woman. I won't swing at you unless it's absolutely necessary but once you push me past that limit I will. You come at me with a weapon and I will stop you just like any man.

This night the female was cut off at the bar. When you get cut off your stuck drinking water until either your attitude gets better, you sober up, or you leave. Any really good alcoholic will protest this since they can't live without the booze. So she protested and she protested to the wrong bartender. Kathy is one of the best bartenders at the bar. She's been there almost the longest out of everyone and she will give you a piece of her mind if she thinks you deserve it. So when the female started mouthing off Kathy wasn't afraid to mouth off right back at her. They had their little argument and then Kathy waved for me to take the female out.

"Miss, it's time to go."

"Aww, fuck you, I'm not goin anywhere. I ordered a drink and I want it."

"Your not getting that drink, your leaving. Grab your shit and let's go."

"Fuck you. I'm staying right here."

Not wanting to just grab the female by the arm and throw her out like I do most of the guys I just reached down and grabbed her backpack that was on the floor. When she saw me doing this she shoved me and landed a couple punches in my stomach. Instant reaction for me was to draw my arm back with a fist. Which I shook out the fist and grabbed her backpack.

"Fuck you buddy. Put my shit down, I'm staying."

Kathy then walked back up and the female started yelling at her again. The whole time Phil was there watching what was going on. He walked over and grabbed the chair that the female's male companion was sitting on. She was sitting on the males lap. As he pulled on the chair the male stood up and the female started to fall down.

I quickly hooked my arm around the female's waist and carried her out of the bar. The whole time getting smacked and hit on the back and on the head. Once outside the female kept trying to shove me and she even took a couple swings at me. That's when the police drove by.

They quickly pulled over when they saw her swinging at me and came over. I put my arms together in front of me as if they were handcuffed and then pointed at the female. They walked over just as she took another swing and slapped a cuff on one arm.

Now this female was brilliant. She quickly turned into a sweet innocent little lady and just didn't understand why they were cuffing her. The whole time trying to get away from the cop.

The best part was when the female police officer showed up and finished cuffing and stuffing her. As the woman stood there with cuffs on and the officer opening the back door, she decided to turn and try to spit at me. In her drunken state and high heel boots, she lost her balance and fell straight onto her face. It gave the crowd a nice little show and judging by the laughter everyone enjoyed it.

Friday, November 11, 2005

The ever entering woman...

"What's your name man?"


"Well Mike, I realize it's your job to keep the underage out of the bars. Your doing a great job but Ally needs her ID because she drives constantly for work."

"I guess Ally should have thought about that before giving it to that girl then huh?"

"Listen, she just needs it back, she was trying to help out her sister and..."

"I have two options for you at this point. Option one, I get a squad car to come over here, explain to them what's going on and let them decide, because it's only a federal offense or, option two. You guys just leave."

"Man, come on. I'm a bouncer too, can't you just do one exception?"

"Your telling me your a bouncer at a club and you still bring an underage to the bar? Are you stupid? Where you work?"

"Nevermind man, that's not important."

"Of course not. Get outta here. Now I'm going to walk outside and you guys are going to leave. If not I'll gladly grab the first squad I see."

Throughout the night I probably turn away five to ten people on a slow night. It could be for just about any reason but it's usually because of fake IDs or they're already too drunk to come in. Each ID taken is a story all it's own.

A few nights ago I had a couple come in and I checked their IDs and all was well. Then about 15 minutes later I went outside the door with Frank to have a smoke and bullshit a little while it was slow. A girl came up and gave me her ID and I took a couple looks at it thinking it looked familiar.

Since it's early many people will walk in and see that it's not that busy and leave. If I don't see you leave then I card you again when you come back or if you've been gone for awhile. That's why I took a second look at the ID. I didn't remember this girl leaving.

So I asked Phil to watch the door as I went over to where the girl had walked to. As I walked over I noticed that all of a sudden there were two of them there. So first thought in my mind was that they were twins. The girls did look a lot alike but I only remembered the IDs by the name on them.

"Hello ladies. I need to see both your IDs again."

The first girl pulled out her ID and gave it to me. I looked at it and her and waited for the other girl to get hers. She was very hesitant. The first girl reached for her ID and I raised my index finger for her to wait. The second girl handed me her ID and I compared the IDs. Exact matches.

"Ladies. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is you have to leave now and your not getting these back. The good news is you get to go home early."

Without a single word they turned and walked out the door. I had expected to at least hear some kind of an argument.

I explained what was going on to Phil and left it at that.

People don't realize what kind of trouble they can get into letting others 'borrow' their IDs. Just for letting your younger brother or sister use your ID you could be looking at a year in jail and a
fine close to a few grand.

Doesn't really seem like much until you get busted for it.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Ich Dien...

Sometimes when news travels you hear things you don't really care to hear.

It could be good and it could be bad. It could be something you want to hear. Usually, when the grapevine spits out something you never know what to believe. My father said it best.

"Believe nothing you hear and half of what you see."

Yet, when it comes down to someone you really respect and consider one of your best friends it's different. No matter how that person looks at you now or you percieve them, it's a respect thing. So when disturbing news is brought out it's something you should talk to them about.

Let them know what's going on and let them decide for themselves. If it's something for them to worry about then they will. If they don't heed the warning and decide your full of shit and just toss it to the side then that's their decision. Nothing you can do about it.

It can be a painful thing to do when you come out and talk to them. Yet, that's what life becomes, a series of painful events. Painful in many different ways from physical to mental but that only takes up a small part of the whole experience. There is a lot more to it.

So after you talk to that person, you can only hope that they take it in stride and maybe think about it in some way.

Everyone has something to lose when your life changes in any way. Sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it's not. When it comes to monetary issues it can always be replaced.

I've learned that even though everything becomes lost you always find a part of yourself that you never knew was there. Sometimes that's gaining more than you could ever lose.

I hope the news that I heard was wrong. That person knows now and hopefully that person is doing whatever they decide. Believe me or not but think it over from both views.

Some people will flash big things in order to hide small things. Some big habits are easily hidden between toes. Needles are everyones enemy whether your near them or not.

People come and go. It's life. It's obvious.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

'ello der ladies...

No matter where you work there's always that one guy. Any guy reading this can say that he's known one or two like this. I never really got it. Through some psychological babble I'd probably be told that it'd have to do with some kind of abandonment issues. Which wouldn't make sense since I've never been abandoned. (Well, except that one time... When I fell into that well and had to fight my way out with tweezers at the age of three.... Ok, I totally made that up...)

Anyway, there's always that one guy who does whatever he can for the ladies. He does this expecting, and usually getting, something back in return. Of course, not just any certain lady, one who's body, catches his eye. Now, I won't say that I haven't done it. I've tried to impress a few ladies in my time. Mostly a waste of time for me but Casper has it down to an almost science.

This guy can spot his nightly conquest from a block away. Then all he needs is to see if she's coming his way. He'll comp her a few drinks, maybe entry, and then have someone cover his post as he does his thing. Being higher on the seniority gives him the slight advantages of that.

"Man, thanks for watching this for me. I got her number and we're hookin up when I get out of here."

"No problem man. She's a pretty hot chic, what's her name?"


"What was her name?"

"Uh, hold on," he pulls the paper out of his pocket that has her number on it. "Yea, it's Sara."

The many stories always seem to start out this way too.
"That chic I met here the other night. Let me tell you..."
"She's that one that was here, I got her a few drinks. Then later we..."
"You know that chic I got in last week, I went and had a few drinks with her after we left here. Man, that girl can..."

A few of us have even thought about starting some kind of a betting system on him. We just have to figure out the odds.

Now, besides all this, Casper is a pretty decent guy. He shows up on time occasionally, he sets up his station once in a while, and if everything goes right he's never the last to leave. All qualities that every one wishes they could get away with.

His stories never cease to amaze. Sometimes his stories make you wonder though. I mean, can women really bend that way? I hate to sound like a novice here but I'll gladly admit I am. Some of the things that he describes just sound like it should be coming from the Exorcist movie or something crazy like that.

I guess I'm in a little awe of Casper once in a while and yet just the opposite at times too.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Brain drain...

This past Halloween weekend has been quite the week killer. Ever since Tuesday the neighborhood has been pretty quiet. Actually, everything's been pretty quiet since the temperature dropped. The Indian Summer is coming though and that should pick everything up for one last hurrah before winter hits.

So I really don't have much to go on about tonight, or today, however you look at it.

I try not to get too personal with this blog for certain reasons. Legally there are way too many things that could possibly go wrong. Let's say I call Ralph an asshole. Well, Ralph could then sue me for slander. Let's say I say something about a coworker and they end up getting fired. That just wouldn't be right in many ways. If I said something about one of the bands, etc, etc, etc...

So basically, the names have been changed and the bar names or anything aren't real, the situations are.

I do work a couple doors in the Midwest. At one place I'm an under paid babysitter and the other I can be a real asshole at times. I take care of those that take care of me and others that I just don't want to see anything happen to them.

I've been told at times that I'm the man but in a good way. What ever that really means, I'm just being who I am. If it's because I make sure you get into a cab when your so drunk you can barely walk or I just drive you home then I guess it's a good thing. I just think I'm one of the rare lion-hearted breed. At times, I wish I wasn't but that's how I am.

My personal situation is all my own. It's something that is deep rooted and it probably won't be talked about much here. My real life is actually pretty boring. After being at work around drunk people four to six nights a week I usually just stay home or stop over at a friends house. I have a different place that I talk about all that great stuff.

Anyways, I'm starting to get tired enough now that I actually think I'm going to crash. I'll have more posts coming up very soon. Within the next couple days I'm thinking.

Til then, be safe.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Later Sparky...

So it was just under three weeks. The scrawny, little, spiked hair, Sparky has left the building. No one really knows why but there's a good guess that the kid got scared.

After a few big shows and having to listen to customers and bands the kid never came back. I guess it was too much for him to make heavy decisions and stand up to people.

I have to admit, when I first started working on a doorstaff it was pretty hard. A lot of people just don't have the backbone for it. You have to be able to make a decision right there and then and stick by it no matter what that person says to you. If necessary you need to be able to back that decision up as well.

I had a feeling when he walked in the door that first day he wouldn't make it a month. The way he stared at the table and floor when he was talking was a big give away. The kid just didn't have the self confidence needed to do the job.

I worked with the kid so little that I actually just noticed that he was gone. From what I was told he had a pretty rough night with some people walking past him and giving him some static and just never came back. He didn't call in and he still hasn't came back for his last check. I doubt he will come back for it. More than likely they'll mail it out to him.

From what I know, under three weeks is a new record for fastest time for either quitting or being fired. Which means ole Sparky will be remembered for something.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Bullsh*t -n- Bologna....

What ever corner you turn there's almost always some kind of bullshit going on. At every job I've ever worked there's always bullshit going on. Sometimes good but usually there are teams set up to play the field. The connivers versus the workers.

Let's take a look at these words.

  1. To cooperate secretly in an illegal or wrongful action;
  2. To scheme; plot.
    1. One who works at a particular occupation or activity: an office worker
  1. A member of the working class.
Two totally different, opposite ends of the spectrum, words. Yet, they seem to exist within a level of existence that is soon to come crashing down.

Whenever you work at a place where your boss falls for fake people being cool you will always have connivers. These people are pretty much useless. They'll sit around and joke with just the right people.

They might even stop into work early, while the day staff is still around, just so they can find out who the real bosses are. Then they start doing favors for them and get on their good sides. Obviously, the day staff has no idea what's going on at night so they think that person is awesome for showing up so early for work.

Next thing you know, they get the good shifts or a faster advancement because the day boss loves them. Molly and I have never really had a problem seeing eye to eye. The times that we have had talks have always been settled and one of us has seen a point of view that the other did not. She usually understands that she doesn't know what's going on at night. She's never here at night and likes it that way. So once in a while she needs to get an idea of what is going on.

The problem in that is this. If she found out half of the things that are going on then half of the staff would probably get fired. Between the self inflicted habits and people just not doing their jobs they'd be out the door. Including one Sparky that she thought was such a great idea. An update on him soon to come. So sometimes it's better to let things play out the way you want them too.

This is when the other side of the coin kicks in and also how things get a little twisted. There are definitely teams in a sense at any bigger place. Taking the way our little club works it always seems to be the doorstaff versus everyone else.

The doorstaff is basically made up of blue collar workers. We all know how most regular jobs work. You go to work, do your job, and after so long you get rewarded. End of story. Unless your worthless you get what's coming to you. Sometimes you do even when your worthless just not in a good way. Besides all this, when we see someone get screwed over we want to try and fix it. It might take us a while but it gets fixed. Especially when it's someone that we consider part of our team.

Everyone else is basically the bartenders, managers, and the higher ups. The bartenders are usually no problems. Most of them have been doormen before they became bartenders. They know what's going on and don't usually involve themselves.

The manager is pretty pliable. Depending on how you handle them depends on where they are. We keep them out of trouble so they listen but that's never anything to really believe in.

The higher ups are ones I stay away from. These are people you don't want to include in anything. Usually that's where the top dog goes if really needed. The top dog (TD) is the head doorman. TD knows all the higher ups and can state his opinion to them without consequence. If I were to open my mouth to them I'd probably get fired on the spot.

Now the twisted part. This is when you get all the different people going in all the different paths. The connivers become the hunted and the workers becoming the connivers against the connivees. Certain people that want in to see certain friends won't be allowed in. Favors will be hard to get and the connivees will be watched for any certain patterns they start.

It's almost like a well drawn out battle plan. In the nightlife it really is basically all about what people can do for people. Then again, it's also what you can't do for people too. No one really knows what can or can't be done for anyone. We can tell you no and the manager says yes but the manager has to come to us and say yes. We don't have to look for the manager. The inconvenience is there for both the parties, the person wanting something and the manager having to make time for them. We're the middle man, we don't always have what you want.

Some might say that we just get lazy because we won't go look for someone. Guess what, that's not our job. When it comes to letting people in that are on a guest list, this is our job.

"Your on the list, come on in."


"Your not on the list. The cover's $__."

"But I was told I was on the list for tonight."

"Your not, so you can pay the cover or don't and not come in."

"Well, can you get ______? They said they'd put me on the list."

"No we can't. Either pay or don't, your choice."

That's when the person gets all upset and leaves. Which could mean a numerous amount of things could or could not happen. It's just a small slice of enjoyment for us and maybe an eye opener for someone else.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I'm with the band...

When working at the venue we have a pretty tight ship. Granted, we have a couple new guys like Pete, Sparky and Jose but it's pretty tight. For the most part we all know what our jobs are. We are at our stations keeping an eye out for things going on and we check people for band passes.

Band passes are for the performers only, plain and simple. They're not for the girlfriends or wives or any little groupie that comes around. It's done this way so that the liabilities for damage is on those people and those people alone.

A band pass will get you into the stage area, the backstage area, and any other area that might be for the performers only. This means basically that if anything gets broken or stolen from those areas, whether it's our property or yours, blame falls on those people with passes.

Now here's a little thing that I never really understand from those local garage bands that play at times. What makes you think that your special?

National touring bands completely understand that the backstage green rooms are for them and them alone. They know that if they want to take their real life brother back there that they need a pass for him. They know that when they walk up with the two annoying groupies that I will stop the groupies from entering. They know that if so much as a hole is found in the wall of their green room that they will have to pay for it. So there's never a problem with the national touring bands.

Yet, the local garage bands think that the green rooms are there just to take their girlfriends and family and everyone else. They don't seem to think that I will get tired of walking back there and kicking their friends out.

"I find you back here one more time I'm throwing you out of the club."

"Oh, well, we didn't know."

"Didn't see that big red sign that says you must have a pass to be back here? Or didn't you hear me the first time when I told you not to be back here?"

Then they think I don't notice when they hand their pass off to a friend right in front of me.

"Can I see your pass?"

The young lady pulls it out from her back pocket. "Sure. Here it is."

"Miss, did you perform tonight?"


"You were actually in the band and played an instrument?"

"Well, not really. My boyfriend did though."

"Thank you. I'll take that pass." I reach over and take the pass away from her.

"But how's my boyfriend gonna get his stuff out of there?"

"Guess he should have thought of that when he gave you his pass."

Then you have the really slick ones. They think their smooth. They're the ones that walk up with a couple people and talk to me as they motion their friends to walk in. This one's usually a little bit fun because I'll let their friends walk by acting like I'm really interested in what the person has to say.

Then when the person talking to me walks in I give them a couple minutes and I walk in. I go to their dressing room and look in. The person that was talking to me smiles and usually says something about how great of a guy I am. Then I ask for everyone's pass and throw everyone out. I then remind that person that if he/she brings anyone else back without a pass I'll throw them out of the club even if they haven't played yet.

What the garage bands don't realize is this. Most of these bands store their personal stuff in these rooms. Their laptops, phones, ipods, or what ever they don't take on stage with them. Now all the bands that are playing that night have their things back there and there isn't a doorman for each room, there's one. That one doorman is the one that's at the main door leading back to these rooms.

Now if you keep taking a bunch of people back there without passes who's to blame if things get stolen? The club because we let all these people back there without passes or the bands for taking people back there without passes? This is an argument that has happened a few times and usually right in the middle of the argument one of the band members walks out of the room with his girlfriend. A person who wasn't supposed to have a pass but somehow did. Thus, negating the bands argument.

Really, if you want your girlfriend back there or your family then ask for extra passes. It's not that hard, you just open your mouth and ask.

So here's a tip for all the little rockstar wannabe's that are in the toddler stages. If you want to be a rockstar then act like one. Treat your girlfriends / boyfriends / family like rockstars and get them passes too. Don't turn what could be a great night into a big night of hassles. Try to make the night memorable by not being that band that's a pain in the ass. When your a pain in our ass we make you look like an ass. Which is easy.

"What do you mean I need a pass? I'm his wife / girlfriend."

"Well, I guess next time he'll remember that. There have been a few ladies going back there with passes but you have to have one to go back there. You might want to remind him who the important people are." (Of course, those few ladies could be ladies in a different band or the staff or girlfriends of other bandmates or bands. How should I know who they really are?)

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Strong handshakes...

Now this might be a bad idea to post here but I'm really getting tired of constantly posting about throwing people out and how people annoy me. Those two subjects are pretty normal for anyone that has ever worked in the serving industry or in bars or clubs.

The bar I work in becomes fairly popular on the weekend nights. (Friday and Saturday) It's open fairly late and draws a good crowd. So much so that there is usually a line to get in. Sometimes there are anywhere between 5 to 40 people outside waiting to get in. Usually on a busy night it's at least a 20 minute wait but there have been people waiting as long as 35 to 40 minutes to get in. I've never really put together why anyone would wait that long to get into a simple bar. There's no live music, no cheap drinks, no naked ladies, and nothing special about the place. Maybe I just think that because I'd never wait to get into a bar or because I work there.

On nights like these people are always trying to just walk right up and get in. If they're stupid they try to walk past me and the line and open the door. I give these people the benefit of the doubt and point them to the end of the line. Either they go there or they then proceed to tell me one of many different stories.

*Oh, my friends are inside and they told me I could come right in. (They don't work here, I do. Go wait in line.)
*I'm really good friends with the owner. (Oh, what's his name?) Uhm, I think it's Jim. (Cool, I think you should wait in line.)
*My roommate's in there and he/she has my keys. (Call your roommate and tell them to bring your keys out to you.)
*I just really need to use the bathroom. (Sorry, I'm at capacity. You'll have to go somewhere else to do that.)

Now as for the capacity issue. On busy nights I never get to capacity. I always leave a big window for people due to VIP's and employees walking up and wanting in. I have made VIPs and employees wait before. They will gladly just because they know they'll still get in faster than the people waiting in line. I have my list and I always keep that list handy so I know when to start the lines. On most of these nights the list has at least 20 names on it plus their guest.

Some nights there's an offer that even I can't refuse.

A guy came walking up to me one night and asked if there was some way he could possibly get in. I told him there was a line outside and then pointed out where the end of it was. He said he realized that and was wondering if there was any other way that he and his good buddy Andrew could come in. He then extended his hand out as if to shake hands.

I looked down to his hand and then asked how many people he had. He said it would be him his girl and a friend. I laughed and told him that Andrew better have some brothers if he wanted to skip the line.

Pause: Just to clear the air about Andrew. It's come to my attention that some of my readers are from outside of the U.S. Andrew is in reference to Andrew Jackson, the President that is on the 20 dollar bill. Thought I would shed some light on that just in case it wasn't known. I'm not very worldly and have no idea what other countries money looks like so I guess I figure you might not as well.

After a minute or two pause the guy asked me if I had change for a hundred dollar bill. I plainly stated that I don't make change. The guy decided to shake my hand and I gave Ben a new home. I then checked their IDs and let them enter.

This isn't a normal thing really. There are some people that come up occasionally that know the game and it works perfectly. There are others who think five dollars should get them and three of their friends in out of the cold. Obviously, if that's the best you can do to get in then you won't be spending the type of money you should inside the bar.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Interdependent Apprehensions...

Working the front door of a popular bar or club always gives you a bit of local popularity or notoriety. Hopefully more for the first over the second.

The way I look at it the less 'friends' I have the better. Most of the people I meet while working I'll never see other than at work. They'll only really talk and be cool to a doorman, away from his work, if they are regulars or they really want to know you. Out of all the people I've met the regulars are the best.

Then there are the friends of friends. These people are usually pretty cool as well. They're friends of the staff and come in almost as frequently as the regulars. Once they've been in a few times with staff on the staff's days off they get the same perks. Just not as quickly. After all, there is a type of hierarchy going on here.

Then there's Industry. If you work in the industry there are obvious perks when you go to other bars and such. Although, it does matter if the staff goes to your place of work. If I've never heard of it, don't know anyone that works there, or just don't go there then you should get to know somebody. Basically, if you don't scratch our back we don't scratch yours.

This also works the other way around too. If I ever show up at your place I expect the same thing back. If I didn't let you in once then I don't expect you to let me in if I'm in the same state. So all in all someone has to give that break first. If it sounds like a great place to catch a drink or dinner then I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and let you in, as long as you don't have a lot of people with you.

I'll probably ask you what days you work and show up on one your not working. If the foods good or the service is good then I'll show up some time you are working. That's when the game begins. I scratched your back. Now, will you scratch mine?

If your thinking, "This kinda sounds cold," then you've never worked in the serving industry. Servers make very little money hourly. Basically, you survive on your tips and the government gets a cut out of that too. So you get your breaks where ever you can. If you get a good deal from someone you give one back. Scratching backs the whole way through.

Then there's the ladies. There's a popular myth about doormen. I've heard it from many people asking me if it's true. The myth is just that, a myth. Everyone seems to think that because your a doorman you get the pick of the ladies. Definitely not true.

Many times at the door I've been propositioned by females just so they can get into the bar. Granted, as much fun as it sounds it's not really something I'm looking for. I'm not saying that I'll turn down any female that comes around. I'm just saying, why would you offer something like that up just to get into a bar? Offering yourself up like that is a turn off to me.

I can see where the myth comes from. Many times the lady regulars will come up and give me a hug and maybe a peck. Then I let them in the bar before the line. So obviously we must be doing a lot more than just saying hello.

The funny part in that situation is when the other women in line see it. They do one of three things.

Some will walk over, give me a hug and a peck, then reach for the door. Then the line gets a nice little laugh when I thank them for the hug and ask them to wait in line.

Then there are the jokers and talkers. The jokers will laugh about it and joke about it with me without expecting anything, which is fun and sometimes helps them out. The talkers will start heckling me for letting the "whores" in. Depending on the regular, this usually gets them a warning. I basically tell them if they open their mouth again they won't be coming in the bar.

Lastly, there are the women who don't say or do anything. They're just there for some reason and don't really seem to care if they get in or not.

I can say that I fell into the trap before. I tried playing the little game of letting a couple women in a few times just on hopes that something might happen. I played that game and I don't anymore.

Many of my friends and acquaintances have said it before. I'm pretty straight forward about everything. Everything is pretty much the key word there. I've never played the little games that most people play when it comes to "hooking up" or finding a girlfriend. To me, games are a waste of time in that department.

So I have found that it's better not to have a lot of friends. It makes my job easier and I have a lot less things to distract me. Not to say that I don't have opportunities, I just don't go out of my way to find them.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

The Female...

Had a little excitement at the bar. Entailed asking a female to leave. That's about all I can really say right now since there is a court case that I will have to attend.

Phil talked to me about it and the charge is battery. Not on me or anyone at the bar but on the female that we tossed out. We might go but all we were really worried about was just getting her out at the time. I know her face and so does Phil so we know she won't be coming back for a long while.

We'll decide soon and I'll keep it posted.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Everybody loves a good rock show. The intensity of the music live and in your face. The brews going down faster than if you were just sitting at home with the CD or DVD blaring on your home system. The people in the crowd getting all riled up and the jumping and bumping that goes on in the front of the stage.

Anyone who says they'd rather sit at home and listen to one of their many favorite bands on CD than go and see them live is not a true fan. From classical music to punk and everything in between you'd just rather see them live. There's just something about the electricity that fills the air at a live show.

So now I wonder why you'd be an idiot and get thrown out before that band plays.

The venue is a pretty small place to see bands. It's not a huge place and I've talked before about throwing people out. It's pretty routine. You warn them and if they do it again you throw them out. Then it's up to the front door not to let them back in.

How does the front door know not to let them back in? Well, like many venues there's a no re-entry policy. This is pretty self explanatory. If you leave you have to pay to get back in. Granted people are probably thinking, Shit, I'd just pay and go back in. There's a small flaw to that. If you do get thrown out and you pay to go back in and we see you inside we throw you out again. This time through the front door so they know not to let you back in again.

Our front door staff has been around for a while. Most of them have worked other venues before and know what to look for. I won't say that I'm of that caliber because I won't and the other guys have a few years on me.

Basically, they're looking for the guy with ripped clothing, sweaty clothing, and the talker. The talker is the guy that comes walking back up fast to the door and tries to walk right by the staff. He'll go on about how he shouldn't have been thrown out or his jacket is inside or he needs to let his friends know that he's outside. This guy is usually pretty annoying. The fact is simply but hard to process for these guys. You got thrown out. Your not getting back in.

He'll stand there for a long time trying to persuade his way back in but it doesn't work. He'll offer money, he'll offer his ID up as collateral, one guy even bought a ticket off of someone and tried to come back in. Sooner or later you'll get really annoying and we'll ask you to leave the front of the club. When you don't and you go on your spiel about how it's a free country and you have every right to stand there we'll just point to the No Loitering sign on the wall.

When you don't leave then we'll motion to the next available police officer that is patrolling by. We'll explain to the officer that you got kicked out of the club and won't leave. We'll even tell them that we don't want to press any charges for the broken bottles or elbowing an employee or what ever you did to get kicked out if you'll just remove yourself from our sight.

This is when everyone gets to see what kind of a person you are. You could be a complete asshole and try to get us arrested for the way your removed. Try to play the nice guy card and try to explain to the cops that you just want to tell your friends your leaving and they can go in with you. (Which doesn't work, the cops care about that as much as we do.) Then there's the jag off method.

Keep telling the cops that it's your right to stand where ever you want. Then to show them that you know what your doing stand just past the edge of the club. This way your off our property and you can still talk about our mothers. This is the brilliant thing to do. Especially when the cops are still standing there. Sooner or later one of the door staff will get tired of hearing you call his mother a whore or that he's useless or he'll just get tired of hearing your voice. Then comes the slander.

If you want to talk all kinds of shit then that's great. Did you know that you can be arrested just for telling someone to fuck off? You do now. When the cops come over and ask you to move on or risk being arrested don't question them. Move on.

You could be the next contestant on Who's Tiny's Bunkmate...

Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Don'ts...

It's been a few days and nothing has really happened as of late. So I figured I'd start a little list. It's a list of possible things that you really shouldn't bother door staff with. It ranges from when your waiting in line until you make it in and leave.

Not to forget, all of these don't really pertain to all clubs. Then again, if you take all the things I write about that seriously you should quit reading.

When your waiting outside in line due to a capacity issue.
*Don't count the number of people that leave in a loud voice.
*Don't tell me how many people have skipped you in line. (There's usually a reason. They're VIP's or they have a great handshake.)
*Don't argue with the doorstaff. (We decide if your even going to walk in the door.)
*Don't pick fights with people walking by, standing in line, or fake fight.
*Don't make empty offerings.
*Don't try staring down the door staff.
*Don't stumble, lean on someone, trip, or act drunk in any way.
*If your told or asked to have a good night. Leave.

When inside the bar.
*Don't be extremely loud yelling countdowns or "chug, chug, chug". (Unless your in a sports bar. But I'm sure that annoys people there too.)
*Don't grab anyone, especially the waitstaff.
*Don't vomit on the floor, trash can, on people, walls, etc...... If you need to vomit, you need to go home.
*Only argue about your tab if your sober and you know you didn't order those eight Jaeger Bombs.
*Don't do anything to annoy the lady folk. I get enough complaints or the right one and you'll be asked to leave.
*Don't use your preferred drug inside.

Don't bother the doorstaff.
*Don't ask questions such as:
How do I get your job.
How'd you get this job.
Do you like to/wanna fight.
*Don't 'hang out' with me at the door if you don't know me personally.
*Don't assume I like you or that we are good friends.
*Don't try to 'pull one over'.

Basically this list will change. It could change daily or monthly but I'll try to keep adding on as I think of things.

More soon to come.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Dress Codes...

One thing I would never categorize myself as is a racist. There are things in this world that I like and dislike. Now I won't go on about how I hate my job or how I love my job because I really don't have strong feelings either way. My job can be boring and at times feel unimportant but at other times it's exciting and you actually feel like you made a difference to someone.

There are certain types of music that I like and other kinds I really can't stand. There are also types of people that I prefer not to be around. As my father put it best.

"I don't hate (place race description here), I hate everyone."

There are many different types of people in the world. Each race has its own good and evil. I would go through all the different races but I know that would just bring on a whole barrage of useless comments. So what I will do is just list some of the good to evils of white people.

Good - Bad

Caucasian - Wigger, Redneck, Yankee, White Trash, and Trailer Trash.

Of course these are only a few of the different terms and, depending on how you use them, they are good or bad. Just like the most common slang for black people and used most commonly by black people. Nigger.

Watch your back if your a person of any race besides African American and you use the word nigger. You will definitely get a stare down depending on where you are. Then again, black people call each other nigger, or nigga, all the time.

So by now, if your still reading, your wondering what all this really has to do with the Dress Code title and how I'm not racist.

It turns out that the bar is now going to have a slight dress code on the weekends. The typical hip hop gangsta look is a sure fire way not to get into the bar now. These are also the people that we've been having problems with at the bar. They're the ones that like to grab waitresses, carry weapons, and numerous other things that I haven't yet gone into.

I'm not really all in favor of this dress code idea. Number one it's going to cause my job to be a lot more stressful. Second, I hate to think a certain look or style is good enough reason to keep people out of a bar. I can understand it for a club that is trying to promote a look and feel but this is just a bar. Our juke box has metal, rock and rap in it so there isn't a certain feel that we are going for.

There will be name calling that I foresee in the future. There will probably be more confrontations in the future. As with any change in any bar or club this is how it happens. One person will have to start it out and later down the road tell the stories of how it all happened.

I've heard plenty of stories about how the places have changed and people have come and go. Even though this isn't as big of a change as the other stories I've heard it's still a change.

The stories are being written as we all go about our own.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Respect the waitresses...

I grew up in a pretty normal household by my own standards. As a pretty general statement this could mean that beating people and drinking all hours of the day and night are normal. Or that could be a really fucked up thing to say.

I grew up almost as a Southern Gentleman. I've always been interested in history and the codes of conducts that were the norm by that time. Chivalry is almost dead in today's society. A lot of men will treat women anyway they want and think it's ok and right. I don't really think that way.

Now I've never been a church type of person at all. I get nauseous at times when I'm inside of churches yet I love the architecture of many. There are certain passages that have stuck in my mind but I can't tell you where they came from or what verse or any of that crap. To me the bible was a good book. Nothing to fully believe in because the stories were handed down from generation to generation for hundreds of years before it was actually recorded. But there was a part that has stuck in my mind since.

That's the part where women were made from a rib. They were made from this because they were made to be our equals. They weren't made from our heel to be walked on, our hands to be beaten with, or our legs to be kicked around. Women don't deserve to be groped, slobbered on, or their asses pinched by men that don't have that type of relation with them. Granted there are some that think they should be worshipped but they weren't made for that either.

Now when one of the waitresses at the bar comes running up to the front door and is screaming that someone needs to be thrown out I don't ask any questions. Especially when the waitress is screaming. They've yelled before but this was a scream.

I'm not sure what kind of a man this was really, other than being a piece of shit. I get back to where Meg is and she's pointing out a black man that's about 5'9" and saying he had to leave.

I looked at the man, he looked over at Meg, and I starting pushing him out the door. When I got him to the door I shoved him through the front and past the line.

"Come on man, I didn't do shit in there."

"Take off man."

"Yo man. I didn't do shit."

"Get the fuck out of here, your not coming back in here."

I stood outside with the line and watched as the man left. The people in the front of the line asked what had happened and I plainly told them that he had been annoying one of the waitresses.

"That's all? He got thrown out for that?"

"Yep, so I suggest you don't upset them and tip well."

After that I walked back inside and hoped that Meg would come by to let me know what had happened. She never came around but one of the other waitresses, Sally, came over and told me what had happened. Which really made me wonder what kind of people are out there.

There is never a reason to grope a waitress. Let alone grab for her, as coined by Meg, 'hoo-ha'.

After work I told Meg that if that shit happens again in any way to let me know before I got him out.

"I know, I just wanted him away from me. I felt really violated and wanted him gone."

"Well, next time let me know first then I'll get him out and we'll get the cops on his ass."

Women are our equals in many ways. I've seen it everywhere I've been, no matter what kind of work your in. They deserve as much respect as anyone else.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Hey there Sparky...

Every once in a while there's a call for some new blood at the venue. Usually, we look for big guys that look like they can hold their own against a whole group of people in a mosh pit. That is if we, the security staff, do the hiring.

Of course, most people do all their job hunting during the day. Just like Sparky did.

As I was sitting at the door a young kid walked in asking to leave his number. Explaining that he had just filled in an application earlier and had put down the wrong number. All 120 pounds, skin covered skeleton with spiky hair of him was asking nervously to leave his number. Repeating himself a few times as he stared at the table. He kept saying that he talked to someone but couldn't remember her name.

The her that he was referring to was the day manager. The lady who signs the checks. I've never had any troubles with Molly and that's how I like it. I've heard a few horror stories about people who have had problems with her though. Once in a while she decides to hire a security guy and it's usually not all that great of an idea. She kind of hires doorguys like the bar hires waitresses. They look good so they must be good.

Inevitably these little scrawny kids either quit or are fired within a couple months depending on how many hectic shows we have.

Once in a while we are proven wrong. Pete is a pretty scrawny guy but he has some training behind him and can hold his own. Then again, he's only been around for about two months.

So now, not only will we be babysitting the drunks and rowdies at the shows, we'll also have to keep an eye on Sparky.

Get your game on Sparky. No one likes to babysit anyone they work with.

Monday, October 03, 2005

The streets might be dirty...

The city isn't really known for being the cleanest place in the world. At any time you'll see posters, cans, plastic cups, and all kinds of debris laying around. It might not be a lot of stuff all over but you usually can't go more than a block and see it.

I'd never call myself an environmentalist and I'm no where near a 'tree hugging hippy". Still, I don't like seeing people cast their garbage on to the streets. So when a group of five people walk up and do so it's good to help them understand where garbage goes.

When you walk up to the front door of the bar it's set back in a little area about five feet from the sidewalk. It's there for whatever reason. It's definitely not there so you can throw your garbage there.

It was early in the night when the group was walking up. A group of five and all of them had paper plates and napkins from the little pizza place around the corner that sells slices for a buck or three. As they walked up I asked them for their IDs and let them know that they wouldn't be able to bring the food in since our kitchen was still open.

The normal sighs were heard from the group and one of the ladies asked if they could finish it there and go in. I let her know that was perfectly fine. The first guy in the group that was done with his food threw his hands up like he had just won some contest and pulled out his ID. As I checked his ID the others in the group were finishing as well.

After looking at his ID I said thanks and informed the group that they needed to throw out their plates and napkins before coming in. As I was in process of telling them that there is a dumpster around the corner and a garbage can at the end of the block, three paper plates with crust and napkins hit the sidewalk about two feet from my foot.

The first guy grabbed the door and started pulling it open. I put my foot in front of the door and stood there looking between him and the garbage that the group had just thrown onto the ground in front of the bar.

"Oh, did you need my ID again? Cause you just checked it."

"No, but I do need you to do something with that garbage you just left in front of my bar."

"What? We got rid of it. You didn't say we had to put it anywhere specifically." Then the smirk came out. It's strange how some people just think they're funny.

One of the ladies then chimed in, "Mark, just pick up your garbage and throw it away."

"What, you want me to clean up the entire city? Maybe I should go pick up that shit over there too. Come on, let's go get a drink."

He pulled on the door again and it still wouldn't move with my foot in the way.

"No, seriously. You need to pick up your garbage. Don't disrespect the this place if you want to come inside."

The guy stood there and just looked at me like he couldn't believe what I was saying. The other two guys picked up their plates and the girl walked over. "Jesus Mark, I'll fuckin pick it up for you."

In a voice that's most commonly used for toddlers the guy said, "Ok, all the garbage is gone now. Now can we come in?"

"No. Have a nice night."

Then the barrage of voices came out. All of them complaining and nagging. The fun part was that none of it was directed at me. The two ladies were completely going off on this guy. The other two guys didn't say a word but slowly started heading down the street.

The group walked off and you could hear them a block away arguing.

The way I look at it, if the guys were such jag offs about garbage then they probably would have been jag offs in the bar too. They would have been bad tippers, loud, and more than likely annoyed some people. Besides, I just didn't like that they thought it was funny and cool to just drop their garbage in front of the door.

Disrespect is never really a big issue at the door. I really don't think this group was meaning to be disrespectful to the bar but that's how I took it. So I dealt with it the best way I knew how. They cleaned it up in hopes of entering and I denied them entry. Maybe they learned something but it's pretty doubtful.

Retardation hits again.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Lurkers and smirkers that say, "That door hurts!"


Throughout every bar there are always those guys that just sit back and wait. They're not always bad. Some like to sit back and see what's going on through the night, also known as 'People Watch'. Then there are those that sit back and wait for, what they think is, the perfect opportunity to talk to that one woman they've been watching all night.

The thing that's disturbing about this is they make it pretty obvious that they're watching. Sometimes they even switch parts of the bar when that particular lady does. These guys are usually pretty harmless. They're extremely insecure and scared as hell to talk to women. They usually sit around and hope the lady will notice them and come over to talk, which never works.

Of course there's always the other Lurker type, the Opportunity Lurker (OL). The guy that thinks he's got the world by the tail and everything a woman would want. Many of these guys have access to many different types of things. Anything from nice cars, houses, money or drugs. They find out little details of certain people and then try to use what those people like to influence them to go with them.

For instance, Leroy finds out that Nancy likes the nose candy. Leroy has some and lets Nancy know and then hangs out flaunting what he has in hopes that Nancy comes with. This comes down to whether or not she's willing to degrade herself for this little party favor. Then again, if Leroy is really persistent he won't leave until she leaves. Then he'll be outside the bar trying like hell to get what he wants. Unless he is asked to leave first.

I can think of a few times now that I've asked Lurkers to leave. I really don't care one way or the other. What people choose to do to themselves is their own problem. Unless it effects me personally. The Lurkers usually leave with no problems since they know that they want to come back the next night and try again. They can try all they want. Sooner or later someone's gonna bite and get reeled in.


Then you have your Smirkers. These can be guys or gals. They come out in many different circumstances. The most popular ones are the ones that smirk when you ask for their ID.

I ask for everyone's ID. You could be 6'4" and your whole head could be covered in white hair. I still want to see your ID. My brother had silver hair in high school and was 6'2" so how do I know how old you really are. These people pull out their ID and roll their eyes with a small little smirky smile on their face. These people, although they look like they're in their mid-thirties, are usually around 23 or 24 years old. I just laugh on the inside, they've got a few more years of IDing coming to them.

Then you have the Violent Smirkers (VS). These guys are usually upset about something or they think they're being funny in a really stupid way.

Once we call 'last call' in the bar that means no one comes in the bar and if you want another drink you better hurry and get it. I really don't care if you've been in the bar for five hours before last call your not coming back in. Your friends will be heading out the door in about ten minutes so you can meet them outside.

This really isn't a stated challenge to see if you can make it back in. So when you step into the first door four times in a row and you get the same answer each time it doesn't mean try to walk by me.

Little Billy walks up to me just inside the front door.

"Hey man, we're done. I need you to head back outside."

"Thaz cool man. I'm just gonna look for my buddy."

"Sorry man, you need to go back outside. Your friends will be out in a few minutes."

"Oh cool, he's in here? I'll grab him real quick." This is when Little Billy looks at me and puts up his little half smile smirk and decides he wants to go inside pretty bad. He puts his hand up on my shoulder and takes a step past me. To this I put my arm across his chest.

"Hey man, I said you need to go back outside. Your friend will be right out."

This is when he slides past my arm and tries to walk into the bar fast. It's also when I grab his arm and pull him back towards me.

"Hey!! You don't need to be pulling on me man!"

"Then how bout we head back outside."

"Yea, one sec, I'm gonna grab my friend."

To which he turned and once again tried to go into the bar. This time I grabbed his arm, pulled him towards me and got him onto the other side of me heading towards the first door.

"Man, fuck you!! You don't need to be pushing me around!" About that time he shoved me and tried heading into the bar again.

After all this I was pretty tired of trying to be cool. The guy had really just got under my skin really fast.

The distance between the first door and the second door is just about five feet. This time when Little Billy tried to come back in his feet never met the floor within that distance. In one quick motion I grabbed him, picked him up off the floor and tossed him. When he hit the door he was able to catch himself off the door handle and the door jam. I was already walking towards him when he started his little battle cry and came at me again.

This time I just grabbed him by the shirt and threw him down to the sidewalk in front of the bar and the thirty patrons that were already outside and walking out behind me. I do have to say, he was a persistent little guy. He bounced right up off the sidewalk and came at me. By this time Phil had made it to the door way and jumped right in front of the guy grabbing him and trying to cool him down. That's when I just walked back inside.

Phil came back in after a few minutes and asked if I was ok and let me know that the guy had left. Part of me kind of hoped the guy would have came back. It would have been good exercise.

After all this the bar cleared out pretty quick. All the people who were at the front of the bar saw most of it and left without any questions. At the end there were a few friends of the staff hanging out and all was calm.

Within every group of friends there are Lurkers and Smirkers. Just about everyone knows someone like these people. There are a few that are considered regulars at the bar. The Lurkers never really understand why I ask them to leave. They usually think I'm 'cock blocking' them. Then I explain to them why and they still don't understand. They really think the women like them and they were about to talk them into leaving.

I guess the illusion could be understood when your drunk. I can't say that I haven't been there, I think every guy has.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Updates and such...

In the past few days nothing of signifigance has really happened. Nobody asking if I want to fight, trying to grab their sister's ID out of my hand, or any arguments that needed to be resolved by throwing them out the door and on to the sidewalk.

I have decided that I'm going to try to update at least every other day if at all possible.

This might bring in a more diverse coverage of many things other than just the work life. But what the hell, might as well.

Temperatures have dropped in the midwest lately and many people have decided to stay home these past couple nights. It's the weekend now so let's just see if it still matters. The cold temps have been here for a couple days now. This is usually when people realize that it's not going away and they start coming out again.

It's friday night. Frat boys, loud mouths, divas, and the ever present rockers are getting their drink on tonight. Let's see what they have in store for this tiny little world.

Monday, September 26, 2005

I think you just want to fight...

Probably the number one most stupid thing I hear at the door is, "I think you just want to fight, huh?"

Of course. I mean why else would I work the front door of bars? It wouldn't be because I can use the extra cash or that I get paid well to keep people in check. I just love to fight. Nothing more or less, I just want to beat the hell out of people. I get no satisfaction out of life in anything else I do other than hurt people. (Sarcasm can be a hard thing to read at times, I'm told. Good thing most people would recognize this as that.)

The last thing I want is to get into a fight. When that happens it usually means that someone gets bloody, the cops are called, and if it's a big enough deal the bar gets closed for the night. Just think how long I'd have a job if that happened once or twice a month.

It always seems to be the loud mouth, button up shirt, little goatee, prep or frat boys that ask that question all the time. They like to open their mouth in front of their boys or their girls and try to win the louder voice competition. Here's a clue, my voice can hit 128 decibels without trying. I know this because it's been measured by a sound level meter. (Sometimes you get bored after work.)

So after the loud mouth competition is over, they usually ask the question. "I think you just want to fight, huh?"

Usually at this point I just shake my head and walk inside. It's not because I'm scared of you. It's because I'm tired of hearing your whiny little voice trying to boost your ego and look good in front of the people your with. This is when 5 out of 6 of the loud mouths leave.

Then there's that one guy. This ones usually a little stockier and yet more stupid. He thinks you went inside to clear room for him. He thinks he scared me enough that I just shut up and walked inside. He's usually the one that gets embarrassed the most. I could handle him a couple different ways but my favorite is plain and simple.

"Hey man, your not coming in so don't wait in line. In fact, nobody is coming in until you leave."

After about 5 minutes and the rest of the line asking him to leave, he leaves. Oh, and I don't really care if you take your money somewhere else. There's a line of thirty people out here waiting to get in. Their money is just as good as yours.

Actually, their money is better because they're not being a pain in the ass.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

I reserve the right....

There are times when I get distracted. I'll admit it. Whether it's a friendly female face talking to me or something's going on inside the bar I get distracted. Enough to the point that the next people in line might have to wait an extra five minutes.

This doesn't mean that when I open the door to check your IDs and let you in that you can elbow people who are walking by you. Especially when that person is my manager.

When it's Phil's night to work he's usually on the floor, behind the bar, or just relaxing. He usually walks outside once in a while to see how the line is and occasionally grabs a couple people and brings them in with him. This time as he was walking in Mr Dress Up decided that whoever was walking up behind him deserved a nice elbow in the gut.

In one solid movement Phil just looked at him, then me and said, "No."

Dress Up went to hand me his ID and I said I didn't need it. So he started to step towards the door.

"I don't need it because your not coming in."


"I said, I don't need your ID because your not coming in."

"Why the fuck not? You gonna tell me I've been standing here for twenty minutes and now I can't come in?"

"Pretty much. I'll take whoever's next in line."

The next guy hands me his ID and tells me it's just him and his two brothers. One of which is the guy that's not coming in.

"I'll let you in but he's not coming in."

Dress Up- "Man, this is bullshit, tell me why not."

"You've been opening the door and creeping people out and your elbowing people. Sad part is you haven't even been inside yet and your not going to be inside. Have a good night."

"I haven't elbowed anyone. Tell me the reason."

"I just saw you elbow the guy that just walked in. So did my manager and he told me no. I don't need a reason when my manager tells me no."

"Bullshit, tell me the real reason."

"I just gave it to you. Plus, I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone at anytime and you are that anyone and this is your time."

"This is bullshit, whats your name man?"


"Whats your last name?"


"How bout you give me your real name so I can report you?"

Phil, still standing in the doorway near me, says, "Hey buddy, you wanna report him? I'm the manager, you can report him. But he's doing his job so how bout you leave."

"Man, fuck you guys. I'm fuckin outta here, your gonna get a terrible reference from me."

Shit. Another bad reference. We might actually have to close our doors on that one.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Hip Hop, Hip Hip Hop - Please stop...

Working at the venue lets me see many different acts and allows me to see some great bands. Every night is usually a different genre of music but with each different style there are different styles of problems.

With the metal and hardcore scenes its usually mosh pits and drunks, sometimes pot smokers.

With hippy jam bands its usually people recording the music or video and lots of pot smokers.

With this emo sad bastard music its usually the women that are drunk and being noisy. (Those sad emo guys are too worried about shit to be a problem.) And of course, pot smokers.

Then you have the gangsta rappers. They get patted down at the front door for knives, guns, and anything else you could think of that could be used as a weapon. Same thing pretty much for the rappers and R & B nights too.

Out of all the nights we always have extra guys on for the hip hop and R&B nights. These nights are always a hassle.

The act always shows up at least an hour late, they get on stage and they'll play less time than they are slotted, and they always invite their homies up on stage to bust a rhyme or something.

For some reason these people who are paying way too much money to see such a short show always come back again too. Why?

You pay twenty to twenty-five bucks to see your favorite rapper perform for an hour and the guy shows up an hour late and performs for fifteen minutes. Does this really make sense?

If it does, I'll gladly invite you to my place for a party, gaurantee you all the booze you can drink, take your forty bucks and tell you the booze will be here in an hour and then give you one beer. Makes sense to me. Over charge you for a quarter of what you expected.

I tell you what, I'm into more of the metal scene and don't really like the new rap or r&b, but if a band I really liked pulled that shit on me I'd probly leave. You might think your the best as an act but there are a lot better acts no matter who you are. It doesn't matter if your Ozzy or your some little garage band from bum fuck Iowa. Your better than some but there are some better than you.

Then, on most of these nights the management of the band wants everything to be VIP. Close all the side rooms and the balcony and make them VIP, but leave the main stage area open for everyone.

Hmm, the main stage area where theres no chairs and tables. This way 250 out of the 300 people (who aren't VIP) can stand around for the next hour waiting for a show that is still driving to the venue. When they do this it sucks for everyone. The people can't sit and relax, the bartender in that area makes no money because theres only twenty or thirty VIPs and they're taking up space in a different VIP area, and the door staff is taking heat from everyone because you can't let them in to sit down or get a drink unless they're VIP.

So the act ended up going on an hour late because they wanted their fans to actually show up. Even though it was advertised to start at a certain time the fans didn't even show up till an hour later. To me that says something altogether. Granted, maybe they got a call and some big whig wasn't able to make it on time so they waited. But still, if some big whig can't make it on time then he doesn't really care anyway. He just wants to be a hassle so he gets in free.

At least I can say this. There were no guns, there were no fights, and there weren't many drunks. It was actually a really slow night but everyone was still on their toes for the unexpected. Last show like this we had we ended up having twelve cops run in to arrest three guys for picking a fight with one of our bartenders. Why? Because they thought he shorted them on their drink pour. Fuckin retarded.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Calling the cops on yourself is kinda stupid.

The weather has been great lately. It's been nice, cool and feeling like Halloween. My favorite holiday out of all of them. Yes, to me it is a holiday.

On nights like these I like to hang out by the door and enjoy the weather. You get to see the traffic, the people and occasionally something happens that could be funny or disturbing. On this night, the manager and I were both standing outside and noticed a group hanging out on the sidewalk talking, then they started walking towards us on the sidewalk and swinging around sign posts. As they got closer we could hear them talking.

"I can't believe they wouldn't let you back in that bar. Your not that drunk, I think that guy was just being a prick."

After hearing that Phil looked at me and told me not to let them in the bar. This is always a guaranteed way not to get into the bar your walking up to. Especially when I see you come from another bar that I know the guys there. Remember, I'm the doorman, I have the legal right to refuse you service or entry for any reason. This is one of the best reasons.

"Here ya go man."

"Sorry guys. You'll have to find another bar, there's a few others around here open late."

"What? We can't come in here? Why not?"

"We'll to start out, I heard you guys talking about how you weren't let back into the bar you were just at. Plus, my manager was out here and he heard you as well and said not to let you in."

"Bullshit man, I think your lying."

"That's nice. Have a good night guys, hope you find some fun somewhere else."

"No man, I wanna know why you won't let us in."

"I just told you. Have a good night."

After a few times back and forth the guy continues to stand there and then says, "I think you just want to fight man. Don't you? You just wanna hit me huh?"

"No, I don't get paid to fight. Have a good night."

Finally the girlfriend grabs the guy and starts to pull him away. "Come on, lets just take our money somewhere else. Fuck these guys, they don't deserve our money."

"Thank you. Have a great night."

She drags her guy away and I walk back inside. A few people came and went and about five minutes later the girl comes back and waves at me through the glass front door. So I walk over and see what she wants, expecting her to try and plead her way in.

"I thought I'd just let you know. We're calling the cops and telling them that theres underage drinking going on here."

"No prob, if you want to be a petty little bitch go for it. By the way, (insert big smile and hand waving goodbye here) kiss my ass."

I stood outside for a while after that to watch as the girls boyfriend jumps on his phone. Then after he hangs up they walk down the street and around the corner.

About five minutes later five police squad cars and a total of about ten or twelve cops are at my front door. So I walk outside to greet them. The sergeant walks up first and looks over to me. Then before he can say anything I simply say.

"Let me guess, you got a call about underage drinking."

"Why you say that?"

I then explain to him about the group and he asks for descriptions of the six people. Then he sends out four of the officers to look through the other bars for the people. Five cops go into my bar and look around.

"Actually, we got a call for a sixteen year old Hispanic inside the bar brandishing a firearm."

I gladly offer to walk through the other bars in the neighborhood with them to find the people but he says not to worry about it.

"Don't worry about it. We have their descriptions and they called 911 so we have their phone number. They'll be getting a visit sooner than they think."

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Reverse the charges!!!

So let's see. I pull the chair out from under you, grab you before you hit the ground, walk you to the door, and push you out the door. Yet, you think that your going to come back in and get your whole tab reversed on your credit card?

I really don't think so. In fact, your pretty lucky that you had already closed your tab and already had your card when I threw you out. It's bad enough you pissed off the most laid back bartender in the place by rattling off spanish swear words at him and the party sitting by you at the bar. Then you stand outside rattling off even more at me and constantly try to come back in the bar drawing the attention of four other doormen from other locales that are there for a drink.

Think about it man, you were up against a combined weight of 1000 pounds of doormen that would be happy to stop you from coming back in. Then you have the brilliant idea of telling us to reverse the charges on your tab while including such colorful words and phrases as asshole, your mothers a bitch, cocksucker, and the ever popular piece of shit.

The fourth time you tried to come in I actually had to raise my voice at you and shove you out the door. Didn't the first three times mean anything or did you think everything was cool on the fourth time?

Honestly, the rattling off in spanish didn't bother me. I could pick out certain words and phrases but thats what got the attention of a couple of the other doormen.

"Man, he's calling your mother a bitch and a whore. I wouldn't put up with that shit, you want me to go out there and talk to him?"

"What? Man, your off and you got five minutes till last call. If you want to waste your time on him don't do it for me. Besides, you got a beer on the way and I'm not holding on to it for you."

Then you got another bright idea. Maybe if you stand outside and bang on the window screaming we'd feel better, let you in and reverse the charges on your tab.

With that you got the manager's attention again and the cops were flagged down.

Of course, being the big, strong, tough guy you are, you ran as soon as they pulled up.

I would like to thank you though. You've given me a good story to tell and you gave the cops a good laugh. You almost gave some guys a good reason to let out some steam and you have proven how fast you can move when the cops show up.

Seriously, did you really think that after drinking most of the night, being a total ass to Chucky and some patrons, and insulting some women, that you would get your money back?

I'm sure somewhere your thought of highly and respected. Maybe you should stay there.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

A little this and a little that. (Rambling)

Through all the different paths that people take you still never know where you'll end up. Many years ago I was nothing more than just your normal factory worker. Now I'm nothing more than your normal doorguy.

No matter what you do your just like anyone else that does what you do. Granted everyone is different. You might be better in one way or the other but your still in the same spot as the next guy. One of the biggest differences in everyone is who you know and what kind of person you are.

It doesn't seem like much but those two things get you much farther than you'd expect. Of course a combination of both gets you even farther in certain aspects. I mean you might know the right people but if your a prick to others that might not get you what you want.

In an example, you might come in and chat with me while I'm standing at the door and I might think you seem like a pretty decent guy. But then at the end of the night, when I'm ushering people out the door and your grabbing a woman by her arm saying, "Come on, we gotta get out of here. Where do you live?"

"I live over that way, but I don't know why you think your going there?"

It's times like these when I just walk over and tell you to leave. Usually he tries to say he's waiting for her but I just keep staring at him and telling him to leave. If I have to I'll start walking you to that door. I don't really care how cool you were when we were talking earlier, now your just scum. Get the fuck out.

I don't look for thank yous. I don't look for a 'hook up' just because I got some guy away from you. The thank yous come naturally from most women but occasionally you get the ones that think they're the shit.

"Hun, if you want a cab or something, I'll walk you out to one if that guy was bothering you."

"What you want my number or something? You think we're going to hook up just because you work here?"

"Not at all. Have a good nite."

Now I'm sure lots of women get that kind of respect from a lot of people. After all, its the midwest, there's only two things to do here, drink and fuck, right? I've lived in a few different settings. Country, suburbia, and city. They're all different in their own ways, especially the women. Which is a subject I'm not going to go in depth about here.

Basically I remember those people that give me attitude or just annoy me with their actions or words. Next time I won't be that guy that saves you from some regret in the morning.

Then again, you should never regret anything you do. Something comes out of everything you do whether it's positive or negative. I've had a few of those occasions, one really big one, but now I know better. The trick is making the best out of it or changing everything so you can.