Monday, September 26, 2005

I think you just want to fight...

Probably the number one most stupid thing I hear at the door is, "I think you just want to fight, huh?"

Of course. I mean why else would I work the front door of bars? It wouldn't be because I can use the extra cash or that I get paid well to keep people in check. I just love to fight. Nothing more or less, I just want to beat the hell out of people. I get no satisfaction out of life in anything else I do other than hurt people. (Sarcasm can be a hard thing to read at times, I'm told. Good thing most people would recognize this as that.)

The last thing I want is to get into a fight. When that happens it usually means that someone gets bloody, the cops are called, and if it's a big enough deal the bar gets closed for the night. Just think how long I'd have a job if that happened once or twice a month.

It always seems to be the loud mouth, button up shirt, little goatee, prep or frat boys that ask that question all the time. They like to open their mouth in front of their boys or their girls and try to win the louder voice competition. Here's a clue, my voice can hit 128 decibels without trying. I know this because it's been measured by a sound level meter. (Sometimes you get bored after work.)

So after the loud mouth competition is over, they usually ask the question. "I think you just want to fight, huh?"

Usually at this point I just shake my head and walk inside. It's not because I'm scared of you. It's because I'm tired of hearing your whiny little voice trying to boost your ego and look good in front of the people your with. This is when 5 out of 6 of the loud mouths leave.

Then there's that one guy. This ones usually a little stockier and yet more stupid. He thinks you went inside to clear room for him. He thinks he scared me enough that I just shut up and walked inside. He's usually the one that gets embarrassed the most. I could handle him a couple different ways but my favorite is plain and simple.

"Hey man, your not coming in so don't wait in line. In fact, nobody is coming in until you leave."

After about 5 minutes and the rest of the line asking him to leave, he leaves. Oh, and I don't really care if you take your money somewhere else. There's a line of thirty people out here waiting to get in. Their money is just as good as yours.

Actually, their money is better because they're not being a pain in the ass.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

only a fool would fight a bouncer. its rare over here for a bouncer to walk away to dissolve a situation. wish there were more of em like you

the doorguy said...

In my opinion theres really no reason to fight in a situation like this. It's not worth the time or effort considering that the police would be involved and possible law suits.

Even if someone was to swing at me I'd probably just hold them down until they cooled down. Then again, every situation is different. I have yet to actually hit another person while working.