Damn Young'ens...

When I say young'en I mean someone at least 7 years or more younger than myself. An age bracket that I know not to mess with because it's a totally different age. It's the age of drinking and partying and just going out every night. I'm past that stage in my life. I'm out almost every night of the week as it is and I'm babysitting all these kids.

Of course sometimes I get wrapped up in certain ones. I'll admit it, I'm human and worse yet, I'm male. When a little woman comes up to me at work and talks I rarely listen. Unless that talking is being turned into a different direction.

The bad part is, I'm a sucker. When talk gets turned towards the bedroom I rarely even listen. The times I do is when it's early in the night or the person is sober. I tend to ignore when the woman is drunk in any way.

I'm also pretty straight forward about situations. If it's something that might go somewhere I just let things fall and see where they land. If it's something I don't see becoming anything other than a hook up then I make it clear. I've even told girls, "I don't want you to think this is going to became a relationship. I don't want that now." Which basically means with that person. Sex is sex, not much more. I don't want them to get false hopes of a boyfriend.

So the part that annoys me is the ones that are ok with just being "buddies" and then a few weeks later they want more. I guess it's just typical that after a short term of such intimate exposure someone would want more.

That brings on other things. Text messages in the middle of the night. Phone calls in the middle of the day. Occasional appearances at my work. It gets annoying.

For instance. I met this girl. She's all of 23 or 24 years old. She expressed interest in me, we talked and one thing led to another. We hooked up a couple of times and I expressed to her that I didn't want a girlfriend but if she just wanted to hook up that'd be fine with me. No relationship, no ties, just plain old sex upon contact. She's too young mentally for me to take seriously. She also drinks on a daily basis and is a big pot head.

One night at work she showed up. I was standing at the door and she walked in. "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, what you need?"

"Well, I wanted to talk about us."

"Us? What about us?"

"Well, I'd like there to be more... us."

"So you want to get together more?"

"Well.. I was thinking we could go to dinner and maybe go to a movie or something."

"Why would we do that?"

"Well... that's what couples do."

"Haha... ok, listen.. We're not a couple. Remember I told you I didn't want anything more than a hook up? I'm not interested in a girlfriend or anything like that."

"Yea... I know.. I was just thinking that things might have changed... I mean, I started to like you a lot and I thought we could do some things..."

"Well... no. We can't. I don't have any of those feelings. We all done now? I'm kinda at work and don't need to be distracted with this."

She ended up leaving after that. I don't blame her, I did the asshole thing and basically told her I didn't want anything to do with her. Just like I did when we first got together. Strange thing how some guys say things and mean what they actually say. Too many women go with it in hopes that they'll change our minds down the road.

A couple nights later the text messages start.

Working tonight?

Yes.

I might stop by to see you.

Ok.

Maybe we can talk?

I'm at work. Not a place to talk.

It's ok. I just want to hang out, not have sex.

I have nothing to talk about.

Of course she didn't show up. I turned off the channel of communication because I literally had nothing to talk about. I'm not going to say we can talk and give her hopes that we will. I'm also not going to give her the hopes and then try to just get laid. I'm not that type.

Plain and simple it's the easiest way to be. Ladies, if a guy tells you he just wants to hook up occasionally then believe, that all he wants, is to hook up occasionally. He's not secretly hoping that it could turn into a marriage or even a relationship. Remember this, even if it lasts for 6 months or more. He likes what's going on and how it's going on. If you have a change of heart tell him.


I've only known of a few rare instances where it actually worked out differently.

Just a bow and nothing more....

"Did Santa talk to you yet?"

"Who?"

"Santa Claus..." The woman standing before me was quite the looker. She was about 5'6" and had all the curves in the right places. She filled out the curves in almost perfect proportions.

"Why would he talk to me?"

"Well, I told him that I wanted you for Christmas."

"I'm a little busy for Christmas but I'm free after work tonight."

She smiled, "Oh, I've always wanted to get my presents early." She reached up and rested her hand on my chest. "Well, I guess I'll just wait for you inside then." She reached for the door to the establishment.

"You should do that. First though, I need your i.d. before you go in."

She reached into her purse and pulled out her i.d.. I took it and looked at it, the birthdate was 1-5-87. "Hun, you know your not old enough to come in here right?"

She smiled and gave me a subtle wink, "Oh, I'll make up for it later tonight."

I stood there looking at her. I looked in through the door and noticed a guy standing inside. He was giving her the thumbs up then thumbs down sign as if asking, "Are you getting in?"

I looked back at her, "Sorry hun, I'm sure it would have been wonderful but your gonna have to wait a few days before you come in."

"Oh, I gave you the wrong one, that's my sisters," she reached into her purse again and pulled out a second i.d. "Here, this ones me."

I look at the second i.d., "This isn't you." I slide the i.d. into my pocket.

"Yes it is."

"Really? Different last name as your sister? It's slightly possible. 6'2"? Not possible. To top it off, the i.d. expired 3 years ago. It's not you."

Her face dropped. The smiled eroded into a frown, her eyebrows dropped and her eyes squinted. "Oh, you would of let me in if you didn't see these huh? You fuckin perv!" Her voice became louder as it went on.

As she was talking I raised my hand in front of her face. With my fingers straight I closed them together so they met my thumb as if symbolizing her mouth to close like a puppet. I think this angered her because she just kept talking. Then it was my turn to be loud.

"Hey! Listen. If you were old enough to come in, I'd let you in. I didn't start this conversation. You did. Don't write checks with your mouth if your ass can't cash it. Walk away, we're done."

She just kept talking. So every time she started to talk I'd hold up my hand and add in a "Shh". Then the door opened and the guy that was standing inside stepped out.

"Hey man, how come my friend can't come in?"

"Because she's 20."

"What? She was just in my bar. She's old enough."

"Guess you better learn how to spot fakes."

The guy turned around and walked back into the establishment. The girl started to walk away and I had to add my 2 cents. "Keep talking to Santa maybe he'll get what you want for next year." I smiled and waved as she walked off.

She turned around, yelled "Fuck you!!" and gave me the 2 middle finger salute.

I stood there wondering if I would have fallen for that if she had given me the other i.d. first. Anythings possible especially when your wanted as a Christmas gift. Can't let Santa down, ya know?

Busy, Busy...

Now that the heat is starting to turn up more and summer is in effect we've been getting busier. Thursdays have became the new Friday and Friday and Saturday are still just as busy as always. Plus, with all the little festivals going on in the neighborhood it gets people out of their house earlier and they want to stay out later. Which means even more people trying to get into the establishment.

What's this mean for me?

It means that I deal with more people that just don't seem to have a clue. It means more people waiting in line to get in and even more people arguing with me as to why they aren't coming in. The wait time is longer because less people are leaving. Even more people are trying to play the "I work at this place or that place" game and more regulars to deal with.

The entire neighborhood has changed a lot. There's more of the baby stroller yuppie types in the neighborhood now and a lot more suburban people coming through which means less stories about people trying to tip me to get in. Now it's usually "Stop by my job and I'll hook you up with free entries with your dinner," or "I'll hook you up with free tickets to a show." The sad part is that I already have these hook ups through these peoples bosses. So now your offers are null and void.

I wish I could revisit posts of people hooking me up like Mr Strong Handshake did back in the day. If I had more days like that I wouldn't be so stressed about everyone being clueless about how things work. I guess I've been in the industry too long to realize that not everyone thinks of these things as common sense practices.

The major festivals bring about bands and promoters and I'm always trying to hook them up. I don't ask for anything from them but if I have heard of them I will do what I can. If I don't know you then I hope that you show up with someone I know from the club you played at. Then I can make them look like rock stars. Occasionally I'll get tickets to a fairly big show in the area for helping them out.

When I get the tickets it's a toss up as to what I actually use them for. Sometimes I'll give them to some unknowing customers that were really cool or I'll give them to a co-worker, very rarely I'll sell them. If I do it's money in my pocket and everyones happy, especially me. I've even used them as trade before to get things that I really wanted for myself. Flat panel TVs and other items are pretty expensive these days.

So every hook up is used for a hook up. That's how it's done. A person doesn't go out of their way for you just because they think your nice if they don't know you. They do it so they can get something out of it for themselves. Yes, that even goes for that nice guy that held the door open for the girl. Everyone wants something.

I know.. I'm being cynical again. Or am I?

Misconceptions of granduer...

"No, he's fine. He's with me."

"Listen hun, I'm trying to close down the bar. I can't have extra people sitting around in here."

"Well, he's with me then, that ok?"

"Well, if he's with you then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave too. Sorry."

"What!? I always stick around!"

Some people get to stick around after hours. Yea, they're not supposed to technically but there are always little rules that get bent. Usually it's boyfriends, girlfriends, roommates or some kind of good friend. Some times it's people who work in the industry at a different bar or restaurant. Most of these people know the rules. You don't cause problems. You don't get loud. You just hang out while it's quiet, talk with friends and enjoy a drink or two.

It's never people who aren't good friends of an employee or the bar.

"I don't know who this guy is. He can leave."

"Are you serious? He's a friend of mine."

"And who's his friend that works here? I don't know him so he has to go. Plain and simple."

"Then how come I always get to stay?"

"Your fuckin Casper aren't ya?"

The expression on her face was worth it. Not only did I bust her out in front of some guy but she actually didn't know that everyone there knew about her and Casper.

"Wha.. what did you say?"

"Listen, everyone that hangs out, hangs out for a reason. It's not a right. Boyfriends wait for girlfriends and hook ups wait for hook ups. Not friends of hook ups. They don't count."

Then the guy decided to pipe in. "Hey man, I can pay for my drinks."

"Hey man, you want to do me a favor? Just leave. There's no paying for drinks now, the bar's closed. Bye."

So the guy shrugs his shoulders and tells the girl that he's taking off. A few minutes later her phone rings. She talks a little bit, hangs up, says her good byes to everyone and leaves. I step outside to make sure she gets into a cab and see Casper pull up. He steps out of his car and motions her over. She starts walking across the street and Casper gives me a thumbs up. I guess I made a point that he wanted her to know.

Casper's a dick but he did say one thing once that made sense. If you have something they want they'll never leave you. I guess being able to hang out late night at a bar is enough for some.

Sad to think that's all it takes for some people.

Let's get dinner some time....

There are a few things that bother me. Most of them separate between work and life.

I'm not the guy that typically works in a bar or a nightclub in a security position. I don't take a liking to my job due to the power that comes with it. Power means nothing to me. Why? Because away from work I'm no one just like you. I take comfort in knowing that. I know that once I step away from which ever establishment I'm working at I'm just another person riding a bus, walking down the street or driving down the road. I'm no one special when away from work. While I'm at work I'm the one person everyone wants to know.

I get a lot of "We should hang out" or "Let's get dinner some time". I get it so often that when I hear it now I usually just brush it off as someone else trying to get nice with the bouncer. They think that false guarantees will get them in faster, free drinks or they'll be upgraded so they can skip the line. It doesn't work like that.

I'll tell you now, the fastest way to be remembered by a bouncer or doorman is cash. Good ole green paper money. Now I'm not talking about being cheap here either. Depending on the number of people that are with you will depend on how much you will need to be remembered. On a typical scale the best way to be remembered is about $20 a head. But... if the club has a cover charge for the night then the typical scale would be twice the amount of the cover per person.

Now depending on the club it's all different. Your best bet would be to actually show up early and talk with the door staff. Show up on a slow night and talk to the guy at the door. Chances are he's the same guy that's there on the weekends to but bring that up in conversation. If the guy acts like he doesn't want to hear a word your saying then he probably doesn't and your shit out of luck.

I hate to admit this part. I really do because at some clubs it works like a charm but it only works for the ladies. Ladies... show off what was given to you. Either it was given to you at creation or you've bought it but it does work at a lot of clubs.

Clubs want hot ladies there. It's a proven fact that if there are women there, men will show up and spend even more money. I've even let groups of women skip the line just so the guys see what is in store. Of course, I'm more the type that only wants to see it if I can have it. And I rarely see anything I want by the end of the night.

Sorry hun, your wasted, I'm sober.

So now that I've gone off on a tangent...

I really don't want to hear about how we should hang out or we should go out some time. I really don't. I hear it a lot and I've followed up on a few of them. It usually ends up with responses such as how busy they were at work and how tired they are and don't want to go out. That's fine. I hate to say it but I remember that crap when you show up to the club again. It's when I get to say how tired I am and I don't want to open the door for you so you'll have to wait in line.

Hey, turn around is fair play. It might seem petty but remember.. You offered something up to the table worth far more than I ever did. I offered the pass to get into a bar. You offered up "dinner" as you pressed your big ass chest against me and your hand came up missing.


This isn't a one ride bull. Put your money where your mouth is.

Pick Up Lines..

Some of the most interesting things that I get to witness at work are the pick up lines. I've witnessed some pretty strange things guys do to get ladies to go home with them. Some of them are pretty interesting to see that they actually work. The other thing is how I don't understand the type of guys these girls want to go home with.

I see these guys just about every night. They come in from riding their bicycles all day and they stink. I can smell them when they walk up and show me their IDs on a windy day. They usually have the same clothes on for at least half the week and they don't know what deodorant is. Then add on to that a night of drinking in a smoke filled bar but somehow these guys pull in girls every other night. These guys I refer to as Scabs.

One guy stands there and stares at a girl until she looks over at him. Then he points at her, snaps his fingers and points to the ground in front of him. This guy weighs about 120 pounds soaking wet and has on his hoodie and an old pair of torn up jeans. His hair is scruffy and unkept, his hoodie is the only hoodie he has, and by the end of the night there's usually about half a beer spilled on his pants. Yet, the girls either laugh at him, look away, or they come right to him. I'd have to say it works for him about 6 out of 10 times.

I've even seen guys that just won't let the turn downs break their spirit. They get turned down by one girl and they go on to the next.Usually by the end of the night they'll find a girl that they'll be sitting with most the night, buying drinks, and when the ugly lights come on, the girl runs over to the guy snapping his fingers.

I've seen many of the rocker boys with the half open button shirts walk in and walk right out within 10 minutes with a girl or two on their arms. I've seen dirty, little scabs walk out with girls. I've seen girls make out for guys and then leave with the girl.

Which is probably one of my favorites. A couple guys will hone in on a couple of girls sitting at the bar. They walk up, start a conversation and buy some drinks. Next thing you know they buy more drinks, shots, and the guys try to figure out which girl is into which guy. Then it goes a couple different ways.

• I've seen it before when the girls get up and move to a different group of people.
• I've seen it where the girls start ignoring the guys and put on their coats and leave.
• I've also seen it when the girls start making out and the guys buy more shots and drinks. Then when one of the guys walks to the bathroom or somewhere, the girls just leave or they'll grab the guy that's there and leave.
• Once it happened where the girls came over and told me that the guys were being assholes. I tell them I'd keep an eye on them and all of a sudden one of the guys would do something stupid and it'd be time for the guys to leave.

I've made bets with myself at times. I just get to sit back and watch everything unwind, constantly watching and learning the many different patterns. After enough time it almost becomes second nature to know who's doing what and with who.

Then again, none of it really matters to me but it's a great way to fill up the time.

A little this and a little that. (Rambling)

Through all the different paths that people take you still never know where you'll end up. Many years ago I was nothing more than just your normal factory worker. Now I'm nothing more than your normal doorguy.

No matter what you do your just like anyone else that does what you do. Granted everyone is different. You might be better in one way or the other but your still in the same spot as the next guy. One of the biggest differences in everyone is who you know and what kind of person you are.

It doesn't seem like much but those two things get you much farther than you'd expect. Of course a combination of both gets you even farther in certain aspects. I mean you might know the right people but if your a prick to others that might not get you what you want.

In an example, you might come in and chat with me while I'm standing at the door and I might think you seem like a pretty decent guy. But then at the end of the night, when I'm ushering people out the door and your grabbing a woman by her arm saying, "Come on, we gotta get out of here. Where do you live?"

"I live over that way, but I don't know why you think your going there?"

It's times like these when I just walk over and tell you to leave. Usually he tries to say he's waiting for her but I just keep staring at him and telling him to leave. If I have to I'll start walking you to that door. I don't really care how cool you were when we were talking earlier, now your just scum. Get the fuck out.

I don't look for thank yous. I don't look for a 'hook up' just because I got some guy away from you. The thank yous come naturally from most women but occasionally you get the ones that think they're the shit.

"Hun, if you want a cab or something, I'll walk you out to one if that guy was bothering you."

"What you want my number or something? You think we're going to hook up just because you work here?"

"Not at all. Have a good nite."

Now I'm sure lots of women get that kind of respect from a lot of people. After all, its the midwest, there's only two things to do here, drink and fuck, right? I've lived in a few different settings. Country, suburbia, and city. They're all different in their own ways, especially the women. Which is a subject I'm not going to go in depth about here.

Basically I remember those people that give me attitude or just annoy me with their actions or words. Next time I won't be that guy that saves you from some regret in the morning.

Then again, you should never regret anything you do. Something comes out of everything you do whether it's positive or negative. I've had a few of those occasions, one really big one, but now I know better. The trick is making the best out of it or changing everything so you can.

Typical Nights

So the last few days have been fairly slow and dull. Standing outside of the club watching people go by is a pretty typical night. Checking IDs and charging the cover or, depending on where I'm working, just watching people have their fun.

Granted I don't mind the typical nights. It just means nothings happening and noone's being an idiot. It makes my job extremely easy. It also makes it pretty boring as well.

Through the night working in a smaller bar you get to watch the theater of life. The guys with their almost hyena like senses picking out the drunk girls and waiting for the right moment to strike. That moment seems to be right before last call.

Its funny sometimes to see who goes away with who. There have been nights when you see the little lady with the backless shirt and tight jeans walk out with the dirtiest guy. He's there with his local baseball team shirt thats been dragged through the earth and his baggy jeans that are torn. His hair looks like a giant mop, all tangled up and crusty, with a John Deere hat on and his torn up Chucks, which are untied. As the story goes if you have the right line it doesn't really matter how you look to some people when they're drunk and horny.

Through the night you'd see this same guy get rejected by the same lady about three times. Maybe it was the um-teen drinks he bought her or she just gave up on finding someone else. Either way it gives me something to observe through the night.

The cook comes over once in a while and we make little wagers on who will get blown off and who will get away with the prize. We're pretty much even in those regards.

It seems funny to watch this through the night. Makes me wonder if people really are that desperate for sex or if they really are looking for that diamond in the rough. Can't be the diamond, I think this place at closing time is way too rough for one of those. I don't mean in the tough, dirty, dank, and seedy sense.

I'm glad I gave up on that part of the industry. I've never really been the vulture type. There are quite a few out there though.