Thursday, March 22, 2007

Gonna get you.

You know, it's funny. My brother found out that I'm planning on moving out west. He was supportive once he found out that I already have a job and a place to stay lined up.

"Man, your gonna go out there and get yourself all fucked up. No matter how straight you are, someone's gonna get you."

My brother has always been proud of me for how straight I've been through life. He was even surprised when he found out that I started smoking cigarettes. Then again, he wasn't since every person in my family smokes except for my mom. Yet, what he's referring to above is the many different drugs that could possibly be thrown at me. Funny thing is, there's just as many drugs in small town USA as there are anywhere out west. (I assume.)

Why don't I use drugs? I've never seen the reason to. I like who I am. Granted, as with anyone, there are some things I'd like to change about myself but if I can't do that on my own then I guess that's just how I'm meant to be.

I wouldn't mind being a little more straight forward when approaching the opposite sex. Then again, any female that would want to be around me just for the drugs that I have in my pocket wouldn't be a woman that I would want on my arm. This tends to go for anything, not only drugs. It's also something that I tend to think alot about since it was a significant happening in my life already that revolved around money.

I also wouldn't mind dropping a few pounds. Again, if I can't do it on my own I'm not going to go on a binge to get rid of it. It's not only unhealthy it's just stupid to rely on a chemical compound with addictive design to keep your weight in check.

Now, what ever anyone does is none of my business. Honestly. I don't really care if you think you must have something in order to fit in with society. I fully understand how fear can control you and make you think that you must have this in order to survive. It happened to me before. I lost a lot of money in a bar when I thought my life had fallen completely apart. Yet, what had happened made me better in some ways and worse in others. It made me cynical and hard. It made me over think actions toward me and has possibly made certain opportunities disappear that before all that I wouldn't have thought so much about.

With most things I write about there's usually a reason behind it. Usually it's because I'm upset, aggravated or confused about something. This time it might just be all three.

When what someone else does interferes with me that's when I get upset. That's not really the case here.

When someone tells me one thing and then never acts on it or they don't do what they're saying that's when I get a little confused. That's not really the case here.

When someone tells me that they're trying to get someone to do things that they don't want to or the plan they have to get that person to start doing something that's when the three come together.

I'm upset because you really think I want to know this. I'm confused because you really think I care what your doing. I'm aggravated because it's someone I know and I'd much rather pull your head off of your neck then let it happen. The aggravation sets in when I realize that I'd go to prison for doing that rather than be commemorated for the action.

Listen.... I get it.... You deal drugs. The only way to keep up your lifestyle, keep your bills paid and stay out of mommy and daddy's hair is to get people hooked on these pointless endevours and keep the money coming in.

Is there some reason that you need to point it out? I brush it off because your "friends" with people I know. I use the term "friend" very loosely because I really don't know how much these people consider you a friend. Myself... I'm beginning to find you annoying. Your like that relative that you see once a year because any more than that you just want to strangle them.

The funny part of this all.... When my brother told me that someone would get me it sounded exactly like what this person said about someone else. Except this person said to me, "Just give me a few weeks, I'll have him asking me to stick around all the time."

As far as I'm concerned you can take your shit and shove it back up your ass. I'm tired of it and done.

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