So your tough huh?...

Over the weekend a friend of the establishment came in. She's in her late 20's and she's a very good sight to see. She's always smiling and she just seems to put people in a good mood. This night she walked up with her head slightly lowered and she wasn't as cheerful as she usually is. She just put her hand up as if to wave and said hello as she walked in.

I stepped in behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around quick and her eyes were wide open as if she was scared. "Hun, what's wrong?"

She put her hand up to the right side of her temple and looked down again. "Nothing, nothings wrong."

I reached up and slowly pulled her hand away from her face and looked at it. Her eye was swollen and there was a bandage on her temple. I bent over and gave her a hug and asked in her ear, "Who did this?"

She started to breath deep and I waved Casper over to watch the door. "I don't know, it just happened all at once. It was so quick," and she started to cry.

"When did it happen?"

"A few days ago, I didn't want you to know. Your always telling me not to walk alone."

"Did you get a look at him?"

"Yea, but he didn't get caught."

"You tell me if you see him. I'll return the favor to him."


One thing that really gets to me about women that leave the establishment by themselves is the fact that they leave by themselves. They leave alone and think they're perfectly safe to walk the 5 or 10 blocks to their home.

Really? You really think your so tough that no one is going to mess with you? Just like any other night club the place that I work at is surrounded by bums, gangbangers, and people that are desperate to get their fix. They'll do what ever they need to do to get the fix that they need whether it's heroin or rent money.

Here's the deal. If you go to a late night place with friends then leave with your friends. If your friends aren't ready to leave then take a cab home or to your car. The last thing I need is to find out you left my establishment and got mugged or raped. If you want me to get you a cab then ask me to and I will. That's a part of the game for me, I'm here to help as well as keep order.

And for all the ladies out there that say they can handle themselves. Prove it. I don't doubt that there are women out there that can, I know there are. I'm just saying to all the women out there that have the typical 9 to 5 and think life is grand. Life can change in the matter of a minute.

If you really think you can handle yourself then imagine what it might be like if a 6'3" 310lb man ran up behind you and grabbed you. Do you really think you could get away from him? Don't bother yelling rape because how many people in a big city is going to run out to help you? Not many. Your better off yelling fire or a celebrities name to get people's attention.

The man doesn't even have to be that big. He could be 5'9" and 180lbs. If he pulls a knife or a gun what are you going to do?

I only say to travel in a group because it's less likely that you will get attacked in that fashion. Typically a person isn't going to attack a group of people. Once in a great while you might get a junkie that will need his fix but with 2 or more people you should be able to fend him off.

I know your probably sitting there thinking this scenario through and what you might do but you never know what you will do until that time comes. You can practice all you want but you won't know if you'll use that until it actually happens. Fear is a bad and good thing. It can fuel your power or take it away in a second.

I try to keep up to date on occurrences in the area. The cops stop by every once in a while and let me know if they're looking for anyone and anything that has happened lately. They know that I'll do my best to warn people and try to keep them out of trouble. Whether they listen or not is up to them. I've even gone the extra step to actually hold someone to see if they can get away. It's changed a few minds about walking alone.

Besides, when you hear a story about someone getting raped after they left a certain place; would you want to go there?

Nights off...

Having nights off is a good thing. Not knowing what to do with yourself isn't so much fun. There's a limited amount of things you can do when your used to a certain schedule. When you work in the nightlife industry for a long time and it's your only form of employment (besides odd jobs here and there) you tend to stick to a reverse schedule.

A reverse schedule is just that; you sleep during the day and you get up in the afternoon. Also known as a Vampire's schedule. When you do it long enough you can tell if the person next to you at the grocery store does it as well. You become pale because you rarely see the sun and you get annoyed with people a lot easier. Then again, sometimes it's hard to tell. There are a lot of cokeheads that are in the bar industry that can stay up for days on end and they're the ones with the tans and the happy disposition.

I remember when I first started working in the club scene and there was a "company picnic". Which just meant all the employees got together at the local park and we played softball, cooked out and everyone drank and sat around. I sat there and looked around wondering how all these people could actually get out there and run around. Not only that, they seemed like they were happy to be out there doing it at 10am after half of us had just locked the doors to the establishment at 5am. I stayed up to make it and stayed there just long enough to make my appearance and leave. I ate a couple hot dogs, said my hello's and then I was out of there.

On my way back to my car I saw Kate, Casper and a couple others sitting on a tailgate. I walked over and said my hello's. As I got closer I saw Kate put something down between her and Casper pretty quick. We talked a little while and that's when Stewart walked up and said hello. Then he reached down between the two and Kate grabbed his arm and looked towards me. Stewart looked over at me and asked, "Hey Mike, you don't mind do ya?" Then Stewart pulled up a little brown container and started unscrewing the little cap to it.

I looked at the container and realized what it was. It was a little brown vial used commonly for cocaine. I just stood there looking at the group and said, "Nah man, do what you gotta do." I then turned and walked away.

Then it started making sense how half these people who hadn't slept were able to keep going. It never really made sense to me before. I've been asked a hundred times since then if I "party" and the answer has always been the same. "No." I don't party and I don't see the reason for it. I've seen plenty of good people torn apart because of it though.

So now I'm in the habit that when someone does come up and ask me if I party at work, I throw them out. If they come up with some retarded reasoning behind what they say then I just tell them that I don't like their shoes or something just as retarded for my reason for throwing them out.

Granted, I know a few doorguys that actually sell drugs. They do it because it's a very easy way to make extra cash while at work. Typically they get fired when the management finds out but it also depends on if the management is one of their customers.

So now that I've rattled off on a tangent...

Nights off are pretty boring since my schedule is the opposite. Sometimes I just jump in my car and drive, sometimes I just sit at home and do what ever needs to be done here.

In a few weeks I think a lot will be changing for me personally. Maybe I'll be getting some of that sun I've been missing out on for the past how ever many years. Cut my schedule down at the establishment and get one of those jobs that has insurance and such perks that I've missed out on.

Should be an interesting change.

Excuses...

Standing outside of the bar during the busy part of the night you get to hear a lot of excuses. They're usually all excuses as to why they should be let into the establishment before the other 40 to 50 people that are waiting in line to get in. Here's just a few of them.

"I'm really good friends with the bartender." - Really? Maybe you should know their name or call them to come let you in.

"The bar manager is expecting me so we can talk about pricing." - Really? You should probably do that during non-business hours. Oh, and what's the manager's name?

"I'm a really cute girl and I only have 3 guy friends with me." - If your cute enough, I'll let you in. Your 3 guy friends can go wait in line.

"Do you do anything for 'industry'?" - I do help out industry people. It does depend on where you work and if I've heard of it. If I haven't heard of it then there's not much I can do. If other employees talk about it I'll try to help you out.

A group of 5 guys. - Unless you got at least $60 or more to grease the wheels, I'm not doing anything for you.

A group of ladies. - I'll try to get you in. Everything moves faster with a little grease.

A group of attractive, scantily clad ladies. - You'll be in within minutes.

"I used to work here and just want to check it out." - Look through the window as you wait in line. If I've never worked with you, you've never worked here.

"You know me man, I'm here all the time." - Doesn't matter how often your here if your not a friend of the establishment. There are still people waiting.

One of the best lines I've heard so far is the most obvious one to date.

A little waif of a girl came walking up to me during the busiest part of the night. With her big doe eyes she looked up at me and leaned into me. "Hi, is Mike here?"

"I'm sorry hun. I haven't seen Mike all night. Can I help you?"

"Well... Mike told me that if it was busy to just come up to him and he would get me right in. So I just wanted to see him."

"Well, I haven't seen him all night. Sorry, but your gonna have to wait a little while."

"It's ok." Then she went to the end of the line and waited. After 20 minutes she made it to the front of the line and I asked her for her i.d. After I looked at her i.d. and gave it back to her, she asked "What's your name?"

"My name's Mike, hun."

She dropped her head and walked into the establishment.

The Start...

On a slow night I was standing out front and this guy who was somewhere in his early 20's asked me a simple question. "Why'd you start doing this for a job?"

He's a young guy and he's about to start working at a different place in the neighborhood. He's stocky and he seems to have a good head on his shoulders. Although in my personal opinion, he's still way too "green" to be working as a serious doorman. I'd probably hire him as a floater but I'd never hire him to work the front door. He just seems to be the type of person to let a lot of things slip by him for a pretty face.

So I stood there for a moment and thought about his question. Why did I start doing this type of work? Then it hit me as simple as the day is long. I hated the world.

Pretty simple. I literally hated every person I met until they proved otherwise. I had recently went through some major life changes and it was the easiest way for me to deal with reality. I drank a lot and I had moved to some place that no one knew who I was and I didn't care about anyone.

I wanted a job that could give me the ability to be somewhat free and do what I wanted. I wanted to be able to let out the aggressions that I had and not have to regret the outcome. The work did just that. It was the perfect cover for the aggression that I had pent up. What other type of job is there where you get paid to protect and man handle people without a proper education or license?

So it all started almost 10 years ago in a little strip club in the middle of nowhere. Well, the work started then not the aggression. The aggression started about 6 years ago but the cause of the aggression began before that.

I will say that aggression is a good thing to have when your in this type of business. If you don't have that little mean streak in you then you won't stick with it for very long. You'll probably end up like all the other jocks from college that just do the work because it's quick and easy money while your in college.

So I looked at the guy and said it plainly, "I hated everyone. I started doing this because I didn't care about anyone and I wanted people to know that. You do it long enough and you'll be in the same place."

He just stood there and looked at me. He was trying to think of something to say but it just wasn't coming to him. "Really?"

"Yep. Depending on how serious you take the job, in a few years you'll want to become a cop or you'll just keep doing it so you can still be the dick that saves the day."

People change with time. I see myself changing but I'm still not sure which way that's going. I got my first security job over 10 years ago in a bar that had live music. Then I moved on to the strip club a few years after that and became a bouncer. A few years after that I hated the world and became a very angry person within limits.

Those limits were the rules that are common with all doorstaff at every place I've ever worked. You remove people however you have to without hurting them unless they try to hurt you first. Calm, steady and resolute.

At times I tried to find reasons for people to want to hurt me. I didn't care. I just did my job and if it meant that someone got tossed on the ground then they got tossed to the ground. Words tend to effect drunk people more than you'd think. Sometimes they effect them more than actions. Yet, if you put together the right words and actions then it was guaranteed to be a spectacle. Spectacles earn notice and notice earns praise and respect from the right people. Praise and respect brought on more things that were of interest to me.

One thing that I forgot during all this that I had learned a long time ago was this. Never do something so good that you can't be moved away from it. When you do a job to the point that you can't be moved into a different position then you have one way out.

You quit.

Pointers...

Well, I've decided to bring out the Don't List once again. This time it's in a separate post and I'm going to try and update it when a new annoyance rears it's head.

No matter what you do in life there are always things that are common sense to you because that's what you do day in and day out. To everyone that doesn't do these things on a common basis it's not common knowledge. So the Don't List is just a list of things that are common sense to bar industry people. Most people that have never had a job in these industries don't have a clue about them.

Some people would say that if it was mandatory for everyone to have a waiter or bartender job at some time in their life they would be much more polite and courteous. Others would say that it's just common sense to be that way. Either way, it's just a list. Take it how you want but remember the things you do when you go out and remember how you get treated for your actions.

The Don't List Re-Visited...

When your waiting outside to be let in the establishment.

• Don't count the number of people that leave in a loud voice.
• Don't tell me how many people have skipped you in line. (There's usually a reason. They're VIP's or they have a great handshake.)
• Don't argue with the doorstaff. (We decide if your even going to walk in the door.)
• Don't pick fights with people walking by, standing in line, or fake fight.
• Don't make empty offerings.
• Don't try staring down the door staff.
• Don't stumble, lean on someone, trip, or act drunk in any way.
• If your told or asked to have a good night. Leave.
• Don't bother the doorstaff.
  
• Don't ask questions such as: "How do I get your job." "How'd you get this job." "Do you like to/wanna fight."
• Don't 'hang out' at the door if you don't know the doorstaff personally.
• Don't assume the doorstaff like you or that your good friends. Unless you are.
  
• Don't try to 'pull one over'.
• Don't "forget" your I.D. It doesn't matter if you look like your 150 years old. It's the law and the doorstaff is just doing their job.
  

When inside the bar.

• Don't be extremely loud yelling countdowns or "chug, chug, chug". (Unless your in a sports bar. But I'm sure that annoys people there too.)
• Don't grab anyone's person, especially the waitstaff or women in general.
• Don't vomit on the floor, trash can, on people, walls, etc.. If you need to vomit, you need to go home.
• Only argue about your tab if your sober and you know you didn't order those eight Jaeger Bombs for you and your frat brothers.
  
• Don't give the ever expanding drink order. Know all the drinks you want, the first time you order.
• Don't whistle to get the bartender's attention or yell anything. Such as: "Hey buddy", "Yo bartender" etc. (More than likely they heard you the first time and they're ignoring you.)
• Don't do anything to annoy the lady folk. If the doorstaff gets enough complaints or the right one and you'll be asked to leave.
• Don't use your preferred drug inside.
• Don't tell the bartender to "make it strong". Chances will be that you just got a really weak drink.
• Don't leave change as a tip. More than likely any drink you get will cost you at least $3. Leave at least a $1 tip. Even more if you want the bartenders to remember you and get to you faster.
• Don't assume that the doorstaff, waitstaff or bartenders know you. To Assume just makes an ASS out of U and ME.

Open Containers....

In my experience there's only two places that you can walk out of an establishment with an open container, Vegas and New Orleans. By open container I mean an open bottle of alcohol or a cup or glass. I'm sure there are probably other places but those are the two that I know of. Most other places don't allow you to take an open container out onto the streets with you. Many people don't seem to know this.

"Hey, the cups gotta stay inside."

"It's just water."

"Still has to stay inside, it's an open container."

"But it's just water."

"The cup has to stay inside. Not my rule, it's the city's." At this point they either take the cup back inside or I take the cup away.

Easy enough, right? Sometimes it's an argument but most of the time it's not. People don't understand that even though it looks like water it could be something else, like vodka and soda or something like that. People also don't understand the ramifications if they actually got stopped on the street for it. If they say where it came from then it could be bad news for the establishment. Fines are something we tend to try and steer clear from.

People also try to hide their drinks as they leave also. I've seen people slip their beers into their coat sleeves, put them in their back pant pockets, in purses, and their jacket pockets.

I even saw one guy put his rocks glass under his hat. The hat sat up high on his head and he was walking like he was stiff as a board. As he got closer to the door I put my hand up. "Hold on man, your hat's crooked." So I reached up and started to adjust the hat and he moved. The drink tipped over and he was covered in what ever he was drinking. I just started laughing and took the glass out from under his hat, put the hat back on his head and let him out.

If I spot someone outside of the establishment with a drink hidden I take it away. I walk up say "Excuse me" and reach in and pull out the drink. Then I turn it upside down right where I got. If the person is quick enough they don't get the booze all over them. If they're not then they get wet and smell like booze. I figure they won't mind if they get soaked. After all, they were trying to take it with them anyways and now they can, just not in the same way they were hoping to.

Not all places have a package license meaning that they can sell alcohol that you can carry out. Many of the places I've worked haven't had these licenses. So if they don't have the license you can't carry anything outside of it.

That's just how it is.

Frankie the Chic II...

So on the rare occasion that I actual get to sit at home and enjoy a night of absolutely nothing, the phone rings.

"Hey Mike, Frankie here."

"Oh hey man, how's it going?"

"Pretty good man. How's things?"

"Good. I'm guessing you got my contract?"

"Yea.... I got it and gave it to my manager."

"He didn't go for it huh?"

"Yea... not so much. He said that he thought your price was a little high so I thought I'd give you a call and see what we could do."

"I tell ya what Frankie. Tell your manager to come up with what he wants me to do and what he wants to pay me and I'll come up with a counter offer. That's the best I can do. I'm already cheaper than any professional guys he could hire."

"Well yea, he said that but he said the label just wouldn't go for that type of expense."

"Well, send me his offer and we go from there. Easy enough."

"Ok man, I'll talk to him and see."

"Alright Frankie. I'll talk to you soon."

As much as I would like to go out on the road with a band I'm not doing it out of faith. I'm doing it so I can go out on the road and make money, just like everyone else that does the type of job they do. As much as I'd like to go out and do what ever I want to do without consequence, I can't. I have bills to worry about just like everyone else.

There are advantages to knowing guys who actually go out on tours and do this type of work. I know what they charge and what duties they have. I know when I'm low balling my fees and in turn I know when the label wants to think I'm a novice. This also gives me a good idea whether the label thinks the band is actually worth sinking the money into them.

All in all. It doesn't really matter to me if I get the job or not. It'd be nice to get away and go on the road. I'd end up with a lot more stories to tell and it'd probably be a really good time. I'm not going to lose money or sleep over it though.

I just didn't have the heart to tell Frankie that his label isn't going to pay for a "bodyguard" no matter how cheap I became. So I'll wait til the offer comes and refuse it. Then he'll forget about it and everything runs smooth. No need to put reality in his face when he's riding his 15 minutes of fame.

Empty Promise....

"Hey man, I got four people with me and we'd like to come in."

"That's fine, you just have to wait in line and you'll be in as soon as you make it up here."

"Yea, that's cool. So we can be next in right?"

"I doubt it. There's about forty people in front of you."

"Yea, yea, what if I threw you some cash?"

"That's completely up to you."

The guy stood there in his vertical striped button up shirt, spiked hair, sandals and worn jeans. Then he looked back at his group of people, grinned a little and waved at them. The group started walking up and he pulled the door open. I put my hand on the door and pushed it closed.

"Did you not hear me? There's a line over there for you and your group to stand in."

"Yea, don't worry about it man. I'll take care of you."

"Really? Cause it's my job to worry about it. So go wait."

"Hey man, I'm gonna throw you a twenty don't worry about it. I just gotta hit the atm first."

"I tell ya what. Since you've proven what a great guy you are. You can add a zero onto the end of that twenty and then we'll have a deal. Just put the money in my hand first."

"What?! $200?? You gotta be kidding."

"Listen. You think your King Shit parading these people around so now you can either act like King Shit or you can walk away with your leg between your legs in front of your friends and all these other people. It's up to you."

He turns to his friends, "Man, fuck this place. Let's get out of here."

The best thing about douche bags like that. When they leave and complain about the doorman not letting them in; it makes the people waiting in line feel even better. Feel free to complain that I wouldn't let you and your overpriced dates in. That your frat buddies won't be coming back any time soon. That's almost like adding a bonus on to the bar and making people want to come back.

Then again... If he had $200 I would have let him in.

It's only common sense to me...

I mean if you want to act like a big shot then you better be able to be a big shot.

Milquetoast Windbag Esq....

There are a lot of people out there that talk a lot. They say general things that are on everyone's minds and then talk it up like they're the first to think it and honestly feel a lot about it. Take Casper for example. He'll jump into the middle of a conversation and run with it. His opinions reflect that of the general populace so he's usually never wrong because he agrees with everyone.

"Man, fuck Osama! We should just go over there and blow up everyone until they hand him over!"

"You really think that'll work Casper?"

"Yea, why not? I'm sure after a thousand or so people they'll hand him over."

"Really? Even though they've been strapping bombs to their chests and blowing themselves up?"

"Sure."

"So your saying that if we start killing them at random it won't make them more angry and want to kill us even more? Not to mention the fact that they don't care about us at all or themselves."

"Sooner or later they'll see that we mean business. Who cares if we kill a few women and children in the process? Think about all the people they killed on 9/11."

"So that makes us better than them how?"

"Well, it doesn't make us any better than them but we'd find Osama a lot faster. Then we wouldn't have to worry about him being out there and planning another attack."

"You don't think we wouldn't piss off anyone else enough to want to do the same thing after we kill off their family?"

"Man, no one else would be stupid enough to attack us after we do something like that."

"Your genius just puts me in awe sometimes Casper. How do you even survive living in such an inadequate situation as you do?"

"Yea, I know, people been telling me for years that I'm pretty damn smart. But these people need to pay."

Even though we disagree on the topic, you'd be surprised how many people agree with Casper.

The world is full of idiots.

9/11...

It's strange to think that 6 years have gone by since the tragic incident that occurred. What's even more strange is that we still haven't caught Osama Bin Laden. Even with all the fancy equipment the government has he can't be found.

I wonder if I spent enough time on Google Earth if I would be able to find him?

I really don't have much to say on the topic of 9/11. I remember where I was and what I was doing. I remember the plan to head home if something happened nearby and I remember the people I was to take with me. Most of them have exited since I no longer live near where I did then.

I did find this video for you all to check out. It's pretty long, I think it's almost 2 hours but it's a decent one to watch. It might even make you think a little.

I can't put the video up here but you should definitely go to the site and check it out. Click on the link below and take a little time to watch it.

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/

Frankie the Chic?...

When you work in a bar long enough you tend to meet just about every person that comes in on a regular basis. In some way you know each person that comes in. Usually they're just clones of the people that came in 5 minutes before. Every one fits in their own little niche.

Then there's the person that comes up and starts talking to you and asking questions. Then asks questions that are a little more personal than you like. Then you realize, you know this person but you thought this person was a guy.

"Wait.. wait.. hold on, Frankie?"

"Yea man, who'd you think?"

"Honestly man, I thought you were a chic."

Frankie's mouth dropped open, "What?!"

"Man, look at you. Your hairs all done up, your skinny as shit and what's up with all this make up crap on your face?"

"Well, the record went well. The label's PR guy said that if we did a few changes with ourselves that we'd get better exposure and more sales."

"Yea but come on..."

"Hey Mike, I'm still me just with a different cover. You always said don't judge a book..."

"by it's cover. Yea, yea, that was me, not so much me anymore. The job doesn't really offer much for that anymore."

"Yea I guess. You ever thought of getting out of this?"

"It's crossed my mind a couple times."

"Well, we're going to be going out on a big tour soon. Ever thought about being security for a band?"

"It's been offered a couple times but no one wants to pay me what it's worth."

"I bet we could."

"Well, check it out and let me know. I'll figure out what I need and email you the contract."

"Contract? We don't need a contract, we won't screw ya."

"Frankie, in this business there's always a contract."

Voice from inside the bar, "Francis!! Come on, I got your drink."

"Alright Mike, I gotta go. Let me know what's up and I'll get back to you about it."

"Will do."

Contracts are a great thing to have when it comes to personal security. You lay down your price and the responsibilities and then go from there. Offer - Counteroffer and so on.

When it comes to traveling and going on tour I don't trust anyone. I get a contract that way I don't get left behind somewhere. I'm gonna watch my ass first and then yours after you decide you want me to.

I'm definitely not putting on make up and doing my hair in a special way for you though.

Odd Laws...

So I'm really kind of bored right now and can't think of anything to write about. The weekend went by and nothing really happened. There were some more fake i.d.'s and some really drunk frat boys that I wouldn't let in. Even with all that it was just like a regular weekend except it was 3 days long for me instead of two.

So every once in a while I have some sites that I check out when I'm really bored and looking for new things to talk about. This is one that I find pretty funny because you can get a look back at how stupid some of the states were back in the day. Dumblaws.com is a great place to check out laws that are in your state and are ridiculous. They even have an international section for all the other areas of the world.

Here's some of them off of their site.

• Wisconsin - "While all cheese making requires a license, Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license."
• Wisconsin - "The state definition of rape stated that it was a man having sex with a woman he knows not to be his wife."
• Wisconsin - "As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned."
• Wisconsin - "Livestock have the right-of-way on public roads."
• Wisconsin - "The government may not prohibit manual flushed urinals."
• Indiana - "If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices."
• Indiana - "It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public."
• Indiana - "Oral sex is illegal."
• Indiana - "A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17."
• Indiana - "Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session."
• Illinois - "The English language is not to be spoken."
• Illinois - "You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile."
• Illinois - "You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person."
• Iowa - "A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public."
• Iowa - "Kisses may last for no more than five minutes."
• Iowa - "It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp."
• Iowa - "One-armed piano players must perform for free."

I thought some people might want to know these things. After all, one never knows when you might be traveling into a city with your automobile.

The really strange part is some of these are still in effect. I mean can you really take down a law after it's been put up? Just goes to show that the cops could bust you for just about anything if they really wanted. Just depends on how well they know their laws.

And any ladies in Texas should really take a look at this one.

• Texas - "Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos."

I'm just putting it out there so you know. I find it funny as well.

Perfect song for the weekend...

So in this little bit of down time I have today I was bouncing through Youtube and found this perfect song for the weekend.

Enjoy.

Be Safe.