Thursday, January 31, 2008

End of Night Round Up...

At the end of the night I like to keep up to date with my staff. If something happened I like to know what happened, how it happened and who it happened with. Just a little way to keep a step ahead of anyone that tries to come back and cause shit.

I heard about an argument between Mark and a patron that ended up in Mark screaming at the man and removing him.

"So what happened man?"

"Well, this guy just wouldn't be quiet. He kept talking back to me and he just wouldn't listen to what I was sayin."

"What'd he do?"

"Well, I got a complaint from a couple of girls that he kept just staring at them. They asked that I ask him not to anymore." Mark stood there for a minute and started again. "I went over to talk to him and he just wouldn't listen. Every time I tried to talk to him he'd turn away. When I tried to turn him towards me he started yelling at me and I started yelling at him."

"What brought it up to him being kicked out?"

"He shoved me away from him after I was done tellin him he had to leave the girls alone."

"Next time, get rid of the guy after the first time. If anyone gives you any shit get rid of them from the start. Don't get pulled into the shouting game cause that turns into an argument and then it turns into a fight. Resolve the situation before it starts."

"Well, I was trying to.."

"Listen kid, your new to the game. Remember, your right and they're wrong. What ever stance you take, you keep. You don't change your stance unless management tells you to. And you can argue with them after work."

"So I should have just thrown him out for staring at the girls?"

"No... For not listening to you and ignoring you. People that disrespect the door staff will disrespect everyone else. Fuck 'em, they can leave and someone else can take their spot. Quiet night otherwise?"

"Yea, pretty quiet."

"How you getting home?"

"My bike's outside."

"Ok, be safe and keep your eyes open."

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Heath Ledger...

I've never been one of those people that gets caught up with stardom. I've met a lot of different stars from music to film and most of them are nothing more than a regular person like me or you. Well, regular people with lots of cash is a better way to put it.

I never did meet Heath Ledger. In fact, I'm so oblivious to who's who that, I didn't know that he made any movies between Brokeback Mountain and the new Batman-The Dark Knight movie.

I've already heard many people talk about how he had tons of money and that's what happens. Really? Just because you have lots of money it means that you become addicted to drugs or that you become depressed? It's funny hearing these people say these things as their own nose is caked with a white powder. These very same people that I see on an almost nightly basis.

Addiction isn't a wealthy man's disease. Being wealthy just makes it easier. When your wealthy you don't have to rob people at gun point or steal purses from clubs. You just waste your money and then go out with a bang.

Heath Ledger was a great actor. He just got caught up in his own problems and no one tried very hard to stop him.

I have a rule when it comes to addicted people. If a friend of mine has a problem, I try to help them. I'll talk to them, I'll be there when they need it, and I'll try to get them the help they need.


Once they go past that point of no return, I'm done. If you shove me away and tell me to get screwed enough times, I'll forget you exist.

I don't need your problems to effect my life. That's why I forget about you. Once you get to that point your not you anymore. Your a creature that has forgotten everything about who you used to be.

Hopefully, someone tried to help him. If not, then they might need the help as well.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Strip Joint...

One of the many security jobs I've had was in a strip club. It wasn't a nice place but it helped to pay the bills - when I got paid.

It was a dirty place that you never wanted to see with the lights fully up. Even the girls weren't all that great to look at. There was definitely a selection of girls though. There was the 40 some year old Hispanic mother of 5, the flat chested coke addicted college girl, the 5'3" 170lb woman that could only breathe through her mouth and a whole slew of others.

Among them all was the Mother Hen. She was the girl that did all the scheduling for the girls. She could either make it possible for a girl to make money or make it so she never came back. To the girls she was a total bitch. To the door staff she was lovely.

Although this place had a maximum of 25 people in there on any given night she always made good money. I called her Tammy but many people called her Momma. She was the reason a lot of people stuck around.

The owners of the club were as shady as the location of the club. It was in the middle of nowhere, the front of the club was the only area that wasn't overgrown by trees and shrubbery. I was told there was a little lake farther in the back but I never took that path to see it.

The club had a different name every six or eight months. Management would change hands just as often but always between the same three guys. Some kind of legal garble because the city was constantly trying to shut the place down. The city was more interested in keeping a moral facade.

I ended up leaving this job for several reasons. The atmosphere wasn't the greatest, most of the women that worked there were ugly and the paychecks stopped showing up.

During one of the management changes somehow all the employee records were misplaced. At the time I was always copying my time card due to possible misplacements. So when I showed them this they tore it up and tossed it away.

After a month and a half of no pay I left. I had no intention in sticking around if I wasn't going to get paid.

A couple months later I stopped in to see a friend that still worked there. I walked up to the door and said hello to the head doorman. He asked for my i.d. and acted like he never knew me. The times that we stood and made fun of the many drunken illegal aliens were gone. He had erased his mind of my total time there.

I walked over and talked to my friend and he had hurried the conversation along. All matters were cut short and he hurried me along.

When I talked to Tammy she took her time and basically explained that the management was upset with me and didn't want me there - at all. That's when I noticed there were many eyes on me. Tammy told me that she'd give me a call the next time she had a party and I exited the building.

As I started to pull out of the parking lot I noticed the doorman and the owner standing outside watching. I never did hear from Tammy again. I knew I wouldn't.

Recently I drove past where the club was. The building still stands but it's completely overgrown now and dead. I had thought about stopping there just to see if it was still the same. The windows are boarded up and the door had "Closed" spray painted on it.

Looks like the city finally got what they wanted. Morality reigns.

Monday, January 21, 2008


People change. If you've never noticed that within your life then you've never paid any attention to the people around you. Sometimes it takes a major catastrophe in their life to make it happen but people change with time.

A friend of mine saw me change many years ago. He worried and he spent many nights hanging out at my place because he thought I might do something very stupid. He knew it was against all my beliefs and I reiterated it to him many times. I've never nor will I ever be the type of person to take my own life. Why? Because part of me likes to live with pain and see just how much of it I can take until I let it go. There could be many different psychological reasonings behind that but I'm not getting into that here.

Another part of me just isn't an idiot.

After a certain time I moved on. I moved off to a new city and my friend stayed behind. I have to admit that I basically turned my back on a lot of people there.

A few months ago I got a phone call from my friend. He wanted to talk and at the moment I was surrounded by noise and people and couldn't get away to talk. I told him I'd call back as soon as I could. When I did call back it rang through to his voice mail. When I tried again it never rang and went straight to voice mail. Every time I've tried to call he doesn't answer and I leave another voice mail.

Months went by and still never a call back. Nothing. I admit I was worried at times but I never thought about the bad things that could be happening. I never thought about things the way he had thought of things when I went through my "time".

I found out through a different friend what had happened. The things that my friend was going through. Things that happen to a lot of people these days. Thankfully he never did the things that he thought I was capable of doing. He has the same resolve as I do when it comes to the idea of stupidity and suicide. He still roams the Earth.

I don't know if he reads this even though he does know about.

But I'm telling you now. Your not alone. I'm here if you need anything.


The distance might be far but it's never far enough to help those that are always with you.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Digg It man...

So I thought I'd try something new. I see this Digg function around alot and I've started Digging a few articles here and there. It seems like a good way to get a little more exposure.

So at the bottom of every post (under the Leave a Comment and Labels links) there's a little blue and white Digg This Story button. Feel free to click on the button and submit which ever story is your favorite. It'll help to expose the story to other readers that have the same taste. You might have to register with Digg to do this.

Registering with the site is fairly easy. Once you do, they'll show you to other sites and articles that you might enjoy as well.

Give it a shot, ya never know, you might like it.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Gimme a second man....

"Hey Mike, I got a live one for ya." I turn to see Alice smiling, her pale complexion and sharp nose always makes me think of the Joker when she smiles. "There's a guy an a girl in the women's room."

I motion to Paulie to come over to the door. When he walks up I ask him to watch the door and I head to the back. I get to the women's room and pound on the door a quick three times.

"Occupied!" is all I hear through the door in a man's voice.

I pull out my ring of keys and find the one for the women's room. Slide the key in and turn it until it clicks. I start to pull the door open and it gets pulled closed from the inside. I pull harder on the door the second time and it flies open.

Inside the one stall bathroom a man stands. Kneeling in front of him is a young woman with a mouthful of man.

The man pipes up, "Hey man! I said it was occupied, take off!" He starts to reach for the door.

As he reaches for the door I grab his wrist and pull him off center. The girls head goes with his hips as if they were sewn together. As he starts to turn and fall I hook him under both armpits and start dragging him out of the bathroom and across the bar. I hear a loud "schlop" noise as the girl falls back away from him.

I start yelling "Coming through!" as I drag the man, with his pants and underwear still around his ankles, through the establishment to the door. Before I can make it to the front door Paulie already has it open and I drag the man outside. Once we make it to the cold January weather outside I drop the guy on the sidewalk in the snow, salt and slush. He jumps up and hurriedly pulls his pants and underwear up and starts off down the block without a word to say.

I walk back in and head to one of the tables in the rear of the establishment. The girl is now sitting in the middle of a table with people on both sides of her. I lean over the table, "Hun, it's time to go."

She looks back at me with her doe eyes, "Why? Did I do something wrong?" Her friends all look confused and try to stick up for her.

I always try to be nice. I'll even try to hide your embarrassment from your friends but I'll only try once. If you deny I won't pull any punches and let it all out for everyone to hear.

"Listen, you were just blowing some guy in the bathroom. Very well from what I could see. But now it's time to go and come back on a different day." Her friends all looked at her and her face turned bright red.

The girl got up, got her things and left.

As I went back to the door Paulie was still there laughing. "Man, you really know how to embarrass the fuck out of people don't you?"

"Hey, the way I figure, word spreads fast about what happens at places like this. If you embarrass a few people then people know whats in store for them if they pull off the same shit. Kinda makes things easier when it's a big production instead of a small quiet one."

"Yea.. ok.. just don't pull that shit when the owners are here." Paulie still had a big smile on his face. "You should have seen that guys face when you dropped him in that snow an shit. Ha Ha Ha..."

The entire establishment had something to talk about the rest of the night. People were even asking me if I knew the girl's name.

Later that night she stopped by and apologized. I told her it wasn't a big deal and to stop by again on a different day. She said she would. As she started to leave she tried to give me a kiss good bye.

I politely refused saying that I knew where that mouth had been earlier.

Friday, January 11, 2008


"I hope you really enjoy the whole $7 an hour your making."

As my hand balls up into a fist I feel a hand pull back on my forearm. "Leave it Mike." Paulie steps out from behind me. He looks at the scruffy haired kid standing in front of us, "Why don't you take off."

"Fuck you guys, this sidewalk is community property." The kid is about 22 years old, 6' tall and all of 120lbs soaking wet. He has a trucker hat on with the bill of the hat bent straight up. His pants are tight, keys hung from a belt loop and the right pant leg is rolled up so it doesn't get caught in his bicycle chain. His shirt was at one time white and his arms are decorated with mismatched tattoos. There was dried blood around his nose. "I know my rights."

Five minutes before.

The kid was in the establishment. He decided that it would be ok to walk up behind a waitress and throw his arms around her. Not only that, he thought it would be funny if he grabbed her breasts and act like he was dry humping her. When Alice came up and told me I walked to the back and saw him laughing about it.

I grabbed him by the collar and threw him to the floor. He landed face first and knocked over a couple other people as he went down. I reached and grabbed him again, this time by his feet and I started dragging him out of the bar. He kept grabbing other people's legs as I was dragging him so I stopped. He spun around onto his back and I grabbed his arm and jerked him up. As he was coming up he was scared. I could see it in his eyes. His eyes were wide open and he kept looking around for help.

I went to grab his wrist and spin him around and he slipped out of my grasp. He tried to run out of the establishment but I tripped him and he fell to the ground again. This time he fell harder and busted his nose on the ground. Blood started coming out of his nose and trailing down his chin. Now he just laid there waiting for someone to help him. I grabbed him by the wrists and pulled him up. I stood him up and shoved him back and he started out the door.

Once outside the door he became tough. Slanders flew from his mouth like a river. Then they turned personal. Statements about people's mothers started coming out and that's when I started to get more angry. Usually these things don't upset me. I figure that the person doesn't know my mother so there's no reason to get upset but with the things this kid had already done it got to me. I could feel the adrenaline pulsing through me and that's when Paulie told me to let it go.

The kid wouldn't leave the front of the bar and he kept going on about "his rights". So I decided to let him get a first hand feel for what his rights really were. As a squad car drove past I flashed them with my flash light. The car stopped and pulled over. The kid thinking he was in the right stood there, "Yea, bring the cops over, I'll have your ass in jail!" He literally thought he was in the right.

The two cops came walking over. The first one walked up to me and the second one walked straight over to the kid.

"Hey Mike, what's going on?"

I explained what had happened and how the kid was dry humping the waitress and grabbing her breasts. I explained in detail what happened after that.

"Ok, the waitress want to file sexual assault charges?"

The kid overheard this. "What!? I didn't assault her! What the fuck!?"

The cop walked over to the kid and got into his face. "Excuse me? You grabbed a womans breasts without her consent. You think that's ok to do?"

The second cop turned the kid around and started patting him down. When the cuffs came out the kid started flaring up more. "What the fuck!? What about what he did to me? This is fuckin bullshit!!"

"He didn't do anything. You swung at him first. He was doing his job, protecting the staff and the business."

"I didn't swing at anyone!!"

"You have the right to remain silent...."

After the kid was read his rights and stuffed in the car, the cops talked to the waitress. She decided to press charges. Even if she doesn't show up for court the kid will have to spend all weekend in jail to wait for a court hearing.

Maybe he'll meet up with Big John while he's in there.

Hopefully Big John will think he's cute.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Here We Go...

Sorry about the lack of posting as of late. With the new year starting things have been a little hectic. New procedures have been put together at work and its been interesting to see how they've worked out.

A few years ago the city of Chicago almost passed a smoking ban. I was weary about them passing the ban because if they passed the ban then I figured we'd be next. Well, Chicago didn't pass the smoking ban but it wasn't necessarily because they didn't want to. It was because the whole state of Illinois decided to go non-smoking.

The state of Illinois has passed, what many have called, the most stringent smoking ban to date. Which goes along with Illinois being known as a Police State.

The major difference between Illinois' smoking ban and that of other states is that it's focused primarily on the employees health rather than the patrons. Which is fun to explain to the non-smoking patrons that come to the establishment and think the state loves them. It's not about you, it's about the waitress that doesn't smoke and you don't tip.

One thing about Illinois ban is the fresh air clause. According to rumor there isn't an air recycling unit that can work fast enough to keep up with the state's mandate. When I look over the Act online there are a lot of Sections missing to it so there's no way to tell.

There are also a lot of businesses that are already being hurt by the ban. There are smoke shops that are slowly closing down. If the business is a tobacco shop then you can't sell beverage or food. In fact, you have to give up those licenses completely. I've even seen a few restaurant's that have shut down their kitchens just so the regulars in the neighborhood can keep on smoking. They think they have a way around it. Wait until it's time to pay bills, they'll wish they had kept it open.

A big state ban is strange. People feel like their Rights are being taken away from them. In part, they are. It's the right to choose. The right to your own choice. If things were done a little differently then it wouldn't be so bad.

I don't want to get into all the little schematical issues over it.

This just makes work a lot more difficult. Now instead of just making sure everyone plays nice we have to make sure the kids aren't smoking inside the building. Anyone caught gets tossed for doing something that we've all done for years. So there should be some interesting reactions in the near future.

I've been telling myself that now is a good time to quit. The rebellious side of me just keeps winning the argument. When you keep the law for so long you let the rebellious side win at times. Maybe in a few months...

Be safe.

Thursday, January 03, 2008


The new year is here. New problems and a major event has happened lately. More on that to come.

Hope everyone's New Year's Eve went well. Ours was a little hectic but there weren't a lot of problems. I think the worst thing to happen was a person puking. Even then they puked in a garbage can so it wasn't that big of a deal for me but they still had to leave.

I don't clean up puke. I think it's in my contract somewhere. Seriously. I will and have given the mop and bucket to people so they can clean up their own mess. Then they get booted after they clean it up. Yea, yea, dick move. Whatever. I'm not cleaning it up and someone has to.

I'll be back soon with more posts. I just need to iron out a few details.

Be safe.

Monday, December 31, 2007

New Year's Eve...

It's New Year's Eve and your going out in style!! Drunken Style, that is..

Please re-visit the Don't List to help your night go smoother.

Remember, a lot of people are out tonight. A lot of drunk people that are more idiots tonight than ever. There's also a lot of thieves out tonight too.

Ladies. Keep your hands on your purses at all times. One of the stupidest things you can do is imagine that you live in a world that someone won't steal your purse.

Men. Keep your hands to yourself and your mouths shut. No one wants to know if you think your tough.

Have fun but be safe by all means.

If you see a long line at your favorite establishment then take very good care of the doorstaff if you want in. It's New Year's and even if you might be special on busy nights, you might not be special tonight. Besides, the doorstaff is already dealing with enough crap to be nice, so be extra nice to them.

Be safe, have fun and I'll see you next year.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

New Day..

I've never really understood the big deal about New Year's Eve. Maybe it's the cynical part of me coming to the surface again.

New Year's has always just been another night to me, nothing very special.

It's a big night for the bar industry. A night that everyone goes out for and almost everyone is wasted for. The city offers special rates for public transportation and the cab companies sometimes give deals for the wasted. All done in good ways so people get home safe and aren't stuck passing out in alleyways. It also keeps some of the drunks off the street so sober people like myself aren't in such danger of driving home.

When I was a kid growing up the family got together with close relatives and we all hung out at another relatives house for New Year. These days we're all lucky if we see each other once a year. I never really saw the big deal about New Year's then either. Other than I could stay up past midnight.

Everything has been pretty busy this past week. Everyone is starting to get used to the cold so now they're coming out more. This weekend has been busier as well. People have Monday and Tuesday off so it's like an extended 4 day weekend. Which means it's busier for me too.

I guess time will tell as to how busy Monday night is. Usually there's a private event on New Year's, not this year. Business as usual. It's always better to have a private event for New Year's. Less drunk walk ups means a better time for all.

Be safe this year. If you go out, don't drive. If you must drive. Don't drink.

Saturday, December 29, 2007


Winter time brings on many adoring things that everyone loves. The flu, common cold, coughing, sneezing and headaches. It's such a wonderful thing when your stuck outside of a doorway and it's raining or snowing and 30 degrees.

No matter what you wear there's really no way to protect yourself from sickness. If your lucky the establishment will put a heat lamp out for you. If it's like any other place, they don't care because your just a mindless brute that likes the job.

Needless to say, I'm sick. The good news is that this is my one time to be sick all year. It's very rare that I ever get sick. Of course this is also the time when I prove the point that I've said to many other doormen that have worked for me.

"Your never to sick to stand outside a door."

The only time your too sick to stand in a doorway and card people is when your heading to the emergency room at the local hospital. Why do I say this? If your too sick to come to work then your well off enough to not bitch about not having enough money. If you can handle taking the few days off due to being sick then you have the money to do it.

A typical sickness lasts more than a day. So if you take one day off from work you might as well take three. Just to make sure you get over it. Then if you bitch about having so many days off it's your problem, not mine. I honestly don't care, I'll work those days and keep the money.

So yea, I have enough mucus coming out of me in the past few days to fill a tub. I wish I could sell this stuff by the pint. I think I'd be a millionaire by now..

Still at it though.

Be safe.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Ho Ho Ho...

Ah Christmas time... Such a slow night of nights.

The neighborhood looks like it should be a scene from a horror movie. Desolate and only a few lights on other than the street lights. I'm just waiting for the zombies to start moaning and stumbling their way in.

Of course that never happens. That would be too much excitement for such a day.

Later in the night we'll get a few alcohol induced zombies. They're not as fun as real zombies. It's not like I could bust their heads open and save the world. Well.. No... I couldn't.

Hope everyone's holiday went better than planned.

Be safe.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

A slight tick away from perfection...

One thing I learned from a life long friend is this. "If it's not perfect then it's not right." That could be used in many different ways but he was referring to women.

He got married just a few months ago to the girl that he thinks is his perfect match. As far as I'm concerned, I'm glad he's happy. I have nothing to say about his new wife except that she is a great person and to marry him, she must be perfect.

His general rule of thumb seems to have worked great for him. My general rule of thumb? Give it a shot. If the sex is great, then you can put up with some of the idiocrasies. Horrible rule of thumb, I know, I'm still learning...

One thing I never understood are the girls that are dominatrices. Sure, I understand that some men like feeling like shit about themselves. They need that in order to feel superior to others or just to feel good about themselves. What I don't understand are the two extremely attractive girls I know that do the job.

After a very frustrating night at work I met up with Sueann. She's a Dominatrix who goes by a different name. A name that I won't even speak of here but it begins with Mistress and ends with some dark, brooding, evil twang.

The night at work was very frustrating. We had several people removed from the bar and a couple fights. Needless to say I was pretty pent up after a night of throwing people around. All I really wanted to do was go home and fall asleep on the couch as I watched a rerun on tv. After the second fight at the bar she came up and started talking to me. She was very persuasive in getting my attention and after only a couple minutes she had it, fully. She could have distracted a fat man at a pie eating contest. She was wearing a tight black corset with red fringe, thigh high black stockings, a mini skirt and those boots most commonly known as hooker heels. Her hair was black as night and pulled back tight in a pony tail. Her face was angelic with that little spurt of evil slowly dribbling out around her eyes and mouth.

She managed to talk me into taking her and her other dominatrix friend out to breakfast. Every word that came out of her mouth was sultry and full of innuendos. She spoke of things that I could only have dreamt of. She talked of how she wanted a man that could throw her around and have his way with her.

We went to breakfast after I got out of work and she sat next to me and her lone friend sat across from us at the table. Her friend couldn't decide if she wanted to talk or eat and in between forks of food her mouth wouldn't stop. Then her phone rang and she was off like a race horse chattering into the small cell phone. Meanwhile, Sueann's hands explored the lowlands that they found under the table.

Sueann's friend finally got off the phone and announced that she was going to leave. She jumped up from the table and ran out the door leaving me with the bill. I paid the bill and then Sueann and I were off. In the car I asked where I could take her and she looked at me and answered easily. "I'm staying with you tonight."

I parked my car a block away from the homestead and we walked in. As we got into the front door the heels started coming off and the thigh highs were on their way. Our jackets fell into a pile and my shirt was next. Then she ran off to the bathroom.

After about 5 minutes I decided to just sit on the couch and turned on the tv. I slowly start to nod off after another 15 minutes. Next thing I know I open my eyes and shes sitting on the other end of the couch crying.

"Whoa, whats the matter?"

"I don't know why I do this," her sobbing blotted out most of the words.

"Do what?"

"I s sh shouldn't be here... I need to leave..."

I sat up and put my arm around her for comfort. "If you think you should leave then feel free. If you want to stay the night you can."

"No funny business?" Her eyes looked like they were in awe or confusion.

"None at all. Besides, how good can it be if your bawling your eyes out?"

She laughed a little, "Eh he... I guess, usually that's how the guys want to be acting." She smiled a little more.

"Not this one, I just want to pass out."

The next morning I woke up right where I fell asleep on the couch. Sueann wasn't next to me though. I looked and she wasn't in my bedroom either. Then I went on to check my pockets and the money and valuables I had at the apartment. Everything was present and accounted for.

I walked into the kitchen and found a note.


I'm sorry your such a pussy and couldn't take what you wanted from such a small helpless girl. Not to worry, I'll see to it that everyone finds out what a piece of shit you really are. To believe that you wouldn't even sleep with me. Don't you know that I wanted it to happen? That's why I came here. You must be gay.

Mistress ________

Talk about your nut jobs.

This incident firmly justifies my reasoning to stay clear of girls who want to be or are a Dominatrix. Something just tells me that there has to be some kind of unbalance inside there. Some kind of mistreatment that just disturbed them to the core. Of course this doesn't go for all the women that are Dominatrices but I will say that it probably goes for the ones I know.

So I can now add Dominatrix to the not perfect list.

If it's not perfect, it's not right.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Just a bow and nothing more....

"Did Santa talk to you yet?"


"Santa Claus..." The woman standing before me was quite the looker. She was about 5'6" and had all the curves in the right places. She filled out the curves in almost perfect proportions.

"Why would he talk to me?"

"Well, I told him that I wanted you for Christmas."

"I'm a little busy for Christmas but I'm free after work tonight."

She smiled, "Oh, I've always wanted to get my presents early." She reached up and rested her hand on my chest. "Well, I guess I'll just wait for you inside then." She reached for the door to the establishment.

"You should do that. First though, I need your i.d. before you go in."

She reached into her purse and pulled out her i.d.. I took it and looked at it, the birthdate was 1-5-87. "Hun, you know your not old enough to come in here right?"

She smiled and gave me a subtle wink, "Oh, I'll make up for it later tonight."

I stood there looking at her. I looked in through the door and noticed a guy standing inside. He was giving her the thumbs up then thumbs down sign as if asking, "Are you getting in?"

I looked back at her, "Sorry hun, I'm sure it would have been wonderful but your gonna have to wait a few days before you come in."

"Oh, I gave you the wrong one, that's my sisters," she reached into her purse again and pulled out a second i.d. "Here, this ones me."

I look at the second i.d., "This isn't you." I slide the i.d. into my pocket.

"Yes it is."

"Really? Different last name as your sister? It's slightly possible. 6'2"? Not possible. To top it off, the i.d. expired 3 years ago. It's not you."

Her face dropped. The smiled eroded into a frown, her eyebrows dropped and her eyes squinted. "Oh, you would of let me in if you didn't see these huh? You fuckin perv!" Her voice became louder as it went on.

As she was talking I raised my hand in front of her face. With my fingers straight I closed them together so they met my thumb as if symbolizing her mouth to close like a puppet. I think this angered her because she just kept talking. Then it was my turn to be loud.

"Hey! Listen. If you were old enough to come in, I'd let you in. I didn't start this conversation. You did. Don't write checks with your mouth if your ass can't cash it. Walk away, we're done."

She just kept talking. So every time she started to talk I'd hold up my hand and add in a "Shh". Then the door opened and the guy that was standing inside stepped out.

"Hey man, how come my friend can't come in?"

"Because she's 20."

"What? She was just in my bar. She's old enough."

"Guess you better learn how to spot fakes."

The guy turned around and walked back into the establishment. The girl started to walk away and I had to add my 2 cents. "Keep talking to Santa maybe he'll get what you want for next year." I smiled and waved as she walked off.

She turned around, yelled "Fuck you!!" and gave me the 2 middle finger salute.

I stood there wondering if I would have fallen for that if she had given me the other i.d. first. Anythings possible especially when your wanted as a Christmas gift. Can't let Santa down, ya know?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Brotherly Love...

"I'm just saying... If your tired, your tired."

"It's just a slump, I'll be fine once these holidays are over."

"You don't usually fall into slumps."

My brother and I don't always see things eye to eye. We both see things in a pretty clear manner, almost in a black and white scenario. It's either good or bad and it's either something we do or we don't do. Sometimes he tends to look at things a little deeper than I do.

"I'm just saying, if your already thinking of doing other things then maybe you should look into other things."

"I'm not too worried about it. It'll pass with the holidays."

"Ok, just don't come running to me when it doesn't."

"When have you ever known me to come running to you?"

"Your here now aren't you?"

"I definitely didn't run here. I drove."

"Ha ha... dickhead."

The weekend was pretty uneventful. We went out and had a good time, checked out a few bars and even caught a band or two. It still didn't cure the restlessness that I've been feeling lately.

We left Sunday and I got back today.

More posts to come.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Time in a Car...

A couple days in the car and we pull into a another big city. This one is much bigger and is riddled with much more notorious individuals. I've often thought about coming to a city like this with it's history of mobsters but part of me has always told me that it'd just get me in trouble.

The weather here is about the same as the weather back home, cold and wet. It's much more windy here though. A couple days in the car with my friend and we got here safe and sound. Then it only took us another hour or so to find parking once we found my brother's house. Every where you look you see lawn furniture in the streets. People saving their parking spots now that the snow has been flying. Don't tell anyone but I did move one to take a spot. I just put it across the street in an empty spot though. Sometimes it's fun to be Loki for a day...

Spending that much time in a car with a person can either make or break the trip. You never really know how much you can stand a person until your locked in a car for a long time. It's a lot of one on one time and no way to escape. You get to see what you have in common and any reasons why you might want this person to disappear off the face of the Earth. You get to see things about a person that probably wouldn't come up in every day situations.

We made it to my brothers and got everything inside and unpacked. In a few more days we'd be off to our parents house. I finally got a break from everyone the next day when my brother's girlfriend and my friend decided they should go shopping.

"No, don't let him on your computer, he'll never get off that damn thing!"

I slightly smiled and raised my right index finger to the temple of my head and rotated it in a circle and then lowered it and pointed at my friend behind my other hand.

"Seriously, he won't..."

"Oh I know, who do you think is the geek between us?" My brother has a splendid way with words.

My brother and I stayed home and here I am updating this as my brother watches tv. He knows about the blog and helps keep it private, I think. Once again, that's paranoia sinking in... Once they were off it was time to try and update.

So there's a bit of an update. Soon we'll be off to do the traditional early Christmas and I'll be back in time to keep the kids at bay. I think we're going to actually go out to a few of the clubs around here this weekend. Should be interesting to see what some of them are like.

Ah, the holidays... so great.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Omaha Man Opens Fire...

I grew up in a household with a father that was a military man. He wasn't a lifer but he spent enough time in the ranks that he expected certain things. Even though he may not have set the best example he could he did well. He used to always say, "Do as I say, not as I do."

He taught respect and he had a very good idea of death. If an animal was on it's way to death he would give it that little extra push. Not to say that's the right thing to do but that's how he did it.

I read a little earlier that a man decided that he wasn't fit for the world anymore. So he took the easy way out. He took his weapon of choice and went to the local mall and opened fire. According to the article I read on, the man killed 8 people and wounded 5 more.

The man had made it to the 3rd level of the mall and opened fire. He hit people on the 3rd and 2nd floors. People were literally packed into dressing rooms to avoid the bullets.

Then the man did what every spineless waste of human flesh does. He turned the gun around to himself and pulled the trigger a final time. Why couldn't he just do this at home while he was all alone?

Condolences go out to the families since this man was such a piece of shit. I've never understood the thinking behind doing such a thing. I am proud to say that I fully support the right to bear arms. I am not proud of the mental cases that abuse that right. If there was such a mental aptitude test in order to own a gun it wouldn't matter, people would still find a way to get them.

I've been through many rough times and I've never once thought about suicide. It's the weak man's way out. It's something that a low life that can't possible deal with problems would do. I've said it a hundred times. I'm not a religious person but this has nothing to do with religion. This was all about a nobody that wanted the world to know that he was there.

And how hard is it to let the world know that your there? In this modern time it's very easy. After all, I'm a nobody but I'm here and I'm letting the world know it. If the entire world doesn't want to know about me then screw them. Those that do are here and they're listening.

There are a million ways for the world to hear you. You can start a blog, you can put out videos, you can even start one of those Myspace pages. Once you do, you go down in history and someone will know who you are.

According to another news source he left a suicide note that said he wanted "to go out in style". What kind of style is that dumbass? Who knows, maybe he actually wore a suit.

Anyway you look at it. He's still a spineless piece of bowel movement. An excrement of society.

Now he'll get all the tv ratings and the world will know him. Why? Because the media loves to focus on the bad things. Why focus on good things when the world doesn't care about it.

I quit watching the news a long time ago because it just makes the human race look more like crap everyday.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Dirty Laundry...

On any night I'm surrounded by beautiful women. I don't say that because I'm something that attracts beautiful women. I say that because they are pleasing to the eyes and they work at the establishment. Then again, coming from a guy that's been sober for a long time that should be a compliment to the ladies.

On many occasions I've dealt with problems concerning them. Some guys being a little too touchy feely, another called her a bitch, another pushed a waitress, etc etc. I've gladly removed these assholes from the place in a quick manner. Plenty of times these guys trip and fall down on their way to the door or out of the door. "Here's a little something from the girls," I like to say.

Then there's the problems that I really can't do much about. At least I can't when it's not at work. I'm more than happy to remove an asshole from a bar but when it comes to personal issues away from the establishment, I tend to stand clear. I don't have any personal investments in anyone that I work with so there's no need for me to get into that personal zone.

Once in a while there's a chance that I can help clear things up. Especially if the boyfriend or husband decides to bring the dirty laundry to the establishment.

Personally, I don't care who you are. You can be the boyfriend or the husband but you never lay a hand on an employee. If you have a problem then discuss that at home. This is work. This is where people make money. This is the place that people come to so they can forget their problems and have a good time. They don't come here to see waitresses argue with their significant other. They especially don't come here to see the significant other slap a woman.

Here's the predicament that I get put into when there is an assault on an employee.

No matter who it is, they get removed. They are removed quickly and as quietly as we can. It doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend, husband or a father. No one smacks an employee. This is a universal rule. If the guy's lucky he doesn't trip too many times on the way out the door. The building is really old and the floor pops up in some places. If your drunk or wasted you don't notice these things. You tend to fall down.

This is a universal rule for one reason. If we don't get rid of you then every asshole in the place will think it's ok to do what that guy just did. Then it'll become a slapfest. Slapfest's are only fun when Mr. Knuckles can jump in.

So when I hear about how much of an ass a boyfriend or husband is being, there's not much I'm willing to do on the personal level. I'm not going to go to someone's house and talk to them. It's not my problem. I will let them into the establishment though. Then keep a very close eye on them. Once they mess up inside the walls it's open season.

I'll even have a smile on my face as they keep tripping towards the door.

As we wait for the cops to show up I'll keep reminding you how pretty you look and to stay away from the guy named John in the holding cell.

Then when the cops arrive and the girl comes out and says she doesn't want to press charges. I'll remind the cops that I want to press charges. I'll then jokingly ask the cops to put you in the holding cell with John.

As the cops pull off with you in the car I'll be standing there with the girl. She'll ask why I pressed charges and I'll tell her that it's policy. Then I'll go on about how much of a piece of shit you are and that she can do a lot better. That now is a perfect time to get away from you.

Hopefully, she listens.

If she's weak then she'll go back to him. He'll be banned from the club and he'll make her quit because he can't come in to watch over her. Which, in the long run, will be better for the establishment.

If she's strong. She'll lose the guy and never go back to him. She'll find a new self respect and live a better life.

Sadly, in my experience, the first option is usually true. An attractive woman that thinks she has to keep that relationship going because she has issues.

We all have issues I guess.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Blogs & the holidays...

With the holidays approaching so does a lot of travel time. So I may not be able to update as frequently as I'd like to. So I jumped on the Twitter band wagon so I can do some small mobile posts.

You can keep up with my mobile posts at:

I also put the Twitter widget on the left of the page under the Recent Comments.

Twitter is very easy to use and it's a good way to keep up without a computer around. I haven't jumped into the laptop area just yet and it's pretty hard to carry a desktop pc around on your back. So with all this said I'll introduce you to a few other blogs that you might like as well. This way you can keep up with them until I can get back on to a regular post basis.


I just started reading Kimchihead a couple months ago. I really like the way this guy writes.

His style is like the old gritty detective stories that you might associate with from the 1940's. He's very descriptive and the entries he posts are like stories all in their own. There's a slight backdrop of insight and a lesson in each one. Some of the stories even pull at the strings of the heart.


Clublife has been a blog that I've read for a long time. It actually gave me the idea to start up this blog. I hate to say that I'm following someone's example but everyone does at some point. I'm not out looking for a book deal but I'm glad that he found his. We're similar in some senses but the environments are different.

So if you want to see another doorman's perspective jump over and read his. The archives are well worth reading. In fact, you might want to start with his oldest posts first.


Angie T brings you Chicago. Her posts are usually humorous and she has an undying love for a certain politician. Throw in odd posts of comedians and her own insight and you have a great read.

If you want to check out any of the blogs that I check up on, feel free to follow the links in the link section on the left. I need to go through and clean house though.. Some of them seem to be collecting dust. Too bad, I really enjoyed reading them. I can understand though, there have been times that I've thought about hanging up my keyboard too.

I'll be posting infrequently until the holidays are over.

Have a great holiday and I'll probably be back before you know it.

Be safe.