Monday, July 30, 2007

Time and Place...

As the saying goes... "There's a time and place for everything." It's basically the same as saying, "Know when to pick your battles." There's not always a perfect time to pick an argument with someone, especially when it's on a personal level, but there is always a better place.

A lot of this depends on the type of person you are too. If your the type of person that has to make a big deal out of nothing then you don't think about this. You want to cause a scene where ever you are just so people can notice you. You want people to think you are being put down or held back. You want the attention to be towards you even if it's bad. "All publicity, whether good or bad is still publicity."

These people are the type of people that will constantly keep the drama going just so they can be in the middle of conversations as long as they can. They love the drama, they love the attention and if they don't have it they might have to be real.

So when one of these people makes an employee feel uncomfortable or the employee just doesn't want them at the establishment then we don't let them in. It's a pretty standard way of doing things. If your uncomfortable with someone then that person doesn't come in. It doesn't matter if your a guy or girl all you have to be is an employee or a good friend of an employee. If there's a possibility of fireworks going off then we make sure it doesn't happen.

The only time it's different is if it happens to be a significant other.

Then the policy changes a little. Then the policy is still basic, the person that isn't wanted there doesn't come in when the person that is involved with the conflict is working. Pretty basic yet to the people that are over dramatic it's too much for them to handle. They still walk up, they still try to come in the bar. Listen, keep acting like an asshole and you'll get banned even if your significant other works there.

Now when you have an altercation with a doorman that works at the same place your girl does don't get in his face at his job. That's like giving candy to a baby. It's our job to keep idiots out. If your picking a fight with us at the door we're not going to let you in. At this point we don't care who you know inside. Personally, I don't care if your the owner because I've kicked you out of the bar before and the next day you called me to apologize.

So if you don't want the drama to continue like you've said then apologize and act civil. Shit, you don't even have to apologize just act civil while your there. Don't mumble under your breath, don't roll your eyes, don't look at me all disgruntled. Go in, have a few drinks and see if that builds up your courage. Then if you feel like getting all riled up we'll see what happens. You'll be wasted, the doorman will be sober and someone will look like an idiot.

I hate saying this like this but, "Take yo drama to yo momma. Leave that shit at home."

Sunday, July 29, 2007

This isn't the beach...

I understand that people are different. I understand that people dress different. I don't understand why people wear flip flops to a late night bar. This isn't the beach, it isn't the community pool or shower and it sure as hell isn't the beach.

Flip flops are basically useless footwear. They are standard issue footwear for the douche bag guys that come in a lot.

There's only a few places that flip flops are considered to be alright to be worn.
  • The Beach
  • Community Pools and Showers (i.e., YMCA, Local Gyms, Shower Rooms, etc.)
  • Sitting around at home.
  • Taking the dog for a walk.
I'm sure there's a few other times involved that I don't even care about.

Here's my point. Don't go to a late night bar with flip flops on. It's late, there's drunks out, glasses and bottles will get broken, and people will step on your feet.

It's common sense.

I've given regulars shit for it on numerous occasions. They'll stop by on their way home and I'll look at their feet and kind of laugh when I see the flip flops. They explain how they were at the beach and I end the conversation with, "Not my fault if you cut your foot open. Have fun."

I wear steel toe boots at work. Why? Because I've always had to have steel toe boots for previous jobs and they're what I'm comfortable wearing. Six or eight people step on my feet on a busy night, with the steel toes I don't feel it. Plus you never know what else they might be good for. The soles and heels are thick so not much is going to go through them; especially not glass from a bottle. They also give great ankle support in case I need to run down some one skipping out on their bill.

Anyways, I really don't want to have to call an ambulance because you come into the bar and step on glass or your toe gets cut open from it being exposed.

So how bout we leave the flip flops and sandals at home.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Late Night Call...

No matter what happens, it's not usually a good idea to call someone at home because you can't get into a bar. There's usually a really good reason why you can't get into the bar, especially if I can hear it in your voice over the phone.

"Hey Mike... thiz guy won led me in dhe bar... can you tell im thad I'm ok?"


"Dis guy here.. he won led me in dhe bar... tell im thad I'm ok..."

"I tell you what, put him on the phone."

"Hey Mike, listen..."

"Hey man, sorry to interrupt but just nod your head like I'm talking and then give her the phone back and don't let her in. She really as fucked up as she sounds?"

"Oh yea."

"Cool, I'll see ya in a day or two."

There has to be better reasons for calling me at 12:30 am. At least I'd like to think so. How did this chic even get my number is what I'd like to know. There's plenty of other reasons to be calling me at that time of night. Granted, I'm still awake but that's not the call I want to get.

If it's that important that you get into the bar then you need to re-evaluate your priorities sweet heart.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007


So all the media hype about the poor little rich girl is unnerving. Is this what is really the most important thing going on these days? The fact that some little bimbo got caught driving under the influence, then not even a year later while on probation she gets ticketed for going 70 in a 35 while on probation is ridiculous.

To think that this is the type of role model that too many kids are looking up to is disturbing. A little bitch of a girl is helping to form the next generation.

I remember when a kid messed up and the father took action with his own hand or a belt. It's that type of parenting that has become wrong to the many people who think it's hurting the children. Yea, it hurts but guess what. The kid isn't going to do it again. Now I'm not saying that beating your kid is the right thing to do. It's not. There is a difference between beating your kid and reprimanding them.

The one thing that did catch my eye is how her mother and father didn't go busting in and try to save the day. For that I give them kudos. Her mother sat in court and watched as it all happened. Her father was probably sitting at home shaking his head in disapproval. Although I can't say that for certain.

All in all I don't see what the big to do is over this near anorexic girl is. She's just another one of those bimbos that causes a big scandal and wants the world to feel sorry for her because she's richer than everyone else and thinks her shit doesn't stink.

Guess what. Thanks to the Honorable Judge Michael T. Sauer, her shit stinks just like all the other people who mess up to that degree.

I also think it's great how all the petitions that were sent to Governor Schwarzenegger all fell straight on their faces. He did the right thing by not trying to separate the celebrities from the common people.

If you want to know all the run downs then I suggest going to the Wikipedia page where they have a lot of information for all to read.

The page can be found here:

Paris Hilton on Wikipedia

My favorite part is how she tells Larry King in her interview that she has never done drugs and isn't fond of alcohol either.

Ok, she must really think the entire world is stupid.


Like any other person that lives in a bigger city and likes to afford living and not just inhabiting; I have a roommate.

It's not a bad thing entirely. Rent's cheap, bills are cheap and sometimes food is pretty cheap too. The only downfall with the current roommate isn't really that bad of a thing either. Well, it hasn't been yet. Let me explain.

Work is work. I don't bring work home with me and I like that. My friends know where I live and they stop by rarely. We see each other enough at work. It's a separation thing, kind of like church and state.

I don't bring home drunken women because I don't want them coming back half the time. I don't bring people back to my home to party after hours because I like having the things I have. I've always been a type of person that you can do a lot or say a lot to me and I won't really react in a angry manner. There is one thing that will set me off faster than everything else. Steal from me and you'll see fire rain down from the sky.

I own some nice things. They might not be nice to you but they are to me. I paid money for them and I like them where they are and how they are. This is the main reason I don't bring a lot of people back to the house. That and out of respect to my roommate since she usually has to be up early for what ever she's doing.

Now she doesn't bring home a lot of people. In fact, most of the people she brings over are pretty decent. As with everything there are exceptions.

I came home early one night and walk into the apartment. I hear the tv on so I peek my head into the living room. The roommate, Sheila, is sitting on the couch with a guy. I step in to say hello and get a look at the guy. He says hey and I turn and walk out of the room.

Out of respect to Sheila I don't automatically grab this guy and toss him out the window.

So I go back to my room and sit here at the window of enlightenment. After a while I hear the door open and close so I step out to see who left or came in. Sheila's standing there and the guy had left.

"Who's that guy?"

"Oh Charlie? He's a good guy, I've known him for a little while now."

"Well Charlie's lucky I didn't break a boot off in his ass about a week ago."

"Really? He's always been really cool with me."

"I had to toss him out of the bar. He was a little jack ass."

"Yea, he gets that way some times I'm told."

"Not around me again I hope."

Friday, June 29, 2007

Misconceptions of granduer...

"No, he's fine. He's with me."

"Listen hun, I'm trying to close down the bar. I can't have extra people sitting around in here."

"Well, he's with me then, that ok?"

"Well, if he's with you then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave too. Sorry."

"What!? I always stick around!"

Some people get to stick around after hours. Yea, they're not supposed to technically but there are always little rules that get bent. Usually it's boyfriends, girlfriends, roommates or some kind of good friend. Some times it's people who work in the industry at a different bar or restaurant. Most of these people know the rules. You don't cause problems. You don't get loud. You just hang out while it's quiet, talk with friends and enjoy a drink or two.

It's never people who aren't good friends of an employee or the bar.

"I don't know who this guy is. He can leave."

"Are you serious? He's a friend of mine."

"And who's his friend that works here? I don't know him so he has to go. Plain and simple."

"Then how come I always get to stay?"

"Your fuckin Casper aren't ya?"

The expression on her face was worth it. Not only did I bust her out in front of some guy but she actually didn't know that everyone there knew about her and Casper.

"Wha.. what did you say?"

"Listen, everyone that hangs out, hangs out for a reason. It's not a right. Boyfriends wait for girlfriends and hook ups wait for hook ups. Not friends of hook ups. They don't count."

Then the guy decided to pipe in. "Hey man, I can pay for my drinks."

"Hey man, you want to do me a favor? Just leave. There's no paying for drinks now, the bar's closed. Bye."

So the guy shrugs his shoulders and tells the girl that he's taking off. A few minutes later her phone rings. She talks a little bit, hangs up, says her good byes to everyone and leaves. I step outside to make sure she gets into a cab and see Casper pull up. He steps out of his car and motions her over. She starts walking across the street and Casper gives me a thumbs up. I guess I made a point that he wanted her to know.

Casper's a dick but he did say one thing once that made sense. If you have something they want they'll never leave you. I guess being able to hang out late night at a bar is enough for some.

Sad to think that's all it takes for some people.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Let's get dinner some time....

There are a few things that bother me. Most of them separate between work and life.

I'm not the guy that typically works in a bar or a nightclub in a security position. I don't take a liking to my job due to the power that comes with it. Power means nothing to me. Why? Because away from work I'm no one just like you. I take comfort in knowing that. I know that once I step away from which ever establishment I'm working at I'm just another person riding a bus, walking down the street or driving down the road. I'm no one special when away from work. While I'm at work I'm the one person everyone wants to know.

I get a lot of "We should hang out" or "Let's get dinner some time". I get it so often that when I hear it now I usually just brush it off as someone else trying to get nice with the bouncer. They think that false guarantees will get them in faster, free drinks or they'll be upgraded so they can skip the line. It doesn't work like that.

I'll tell you now, the fastest way to be remembered by a bouncer or doorman is cash. Good ole green paper money. Now I'm not talking about being cheap here either. Depending on the number of people that are with you will depend on how much you will need to be remembered. On a typical scale the best way to be remembered is about $20 a head. But... if the club has a cover charge for the night then the typical scale would be twice the amount of the cover per person.

Now depending on the club it's all different. Your best bet would be to actually show up early and talk with the door staff. Show up on a slow night and talk to the guy at the door. Chances are he's the same guy that's there on the weekends to but bring that up in conversation. If the guy acts like he doesn't want to hear a word your saying then he probably doesn't and your shit out of luck.

I hate to admit this part. I really do because at some clubs it works like a charm but it only works for the ladies. Ladies... show off what was given to you. Either it was given to you at creation or you've bought it but it does work at a lot of clubs.

Clubs want hot ladies there. It's a proven fact that if there are women there, men will show up and spend even more money. I've even let groups of women skip the line just so the guys see what is in store. Of course, I'm more the type that only wants to see it if I can have it. And I rarely see anything I want by the end of the night.

Sorry hun, your wasted, I'm sober.

So now that I've gone off on a tangent...

I really don't want to hear about how we should hang out or we should go out some time. I really don't. I hear it a lot and I've followed up on a few of them. It usually ends up with responses such as how busy they were at work and how tired they are and don't want to go out. That's fine. I hate to say it but I remember that crap when you show up to the club again. It's when I get to say how tired I am and I don't want to open the door for you so you'll have to wait in line.

Hey, turn around is fair play. It might seem petty but remember.. You offered something up to the table worth far more than I ever did. I offered the pass to get into a bar. You offered up "dinner" as you pressed your big ass chest against me and your hand came up missing.

This isn't a one ride bull. Put your money where your mouth is.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Litter Bug...

Ultimately there's always someone that walks up to the bar with food. It's just a normal thing that people do. They drink, get hungry and grab some food from one of the street vendors as they go on to the next bar. Some do it because they're hungry and some think it will sober them up so they can stay out longer and drink more. For some reason they think, if they eat, it will soak up that belly full of booze and make room for more.

So, one night a couple of guys come walking up to the front of the bar. They were the typical type of douche bags. The type of guys that either are still in college or are trying to hold on to those glamourous years of high fiving and chasing women with their abilities of spending their parents money. I think I even have a visual for this one...

I thought I did...

So when these two guys come walking up they both have food. No big deal really, I explain to them that they have to finish their food before coming in and they both nod their heads in agreement. Then they start shoving the food into their mouths and the paper plates, napkins and other things they have all fall to the sidewalk. In typical douche bag fashion they let out a little yell, give each other a high five and start to dig their wallets out to give me their ID's.

Now, I'm not going to say that this town is a clean town, everyone knows that it isn't. There's garbage all over the place and there are people that get paid to clean up after all the inconsiderate slobs. From what I understand they make really good money too. Well, they either make good money or they're doing it as a community service because they did something stupid before.

As DB#1 goes to hand me his ID, I look down at the sidewalk.

Me: "You guys gonna leave that garbage there?"

DB#1: "Uh, yea bro. We're here to drink!"

Me: "Ok.. I need you to pick up that garbage first though."

DB#1: "It's cool dude. Someone gets paid to do that. They'll get it in the morning." He then laughs and looks at his friend.

Me: "Yea, it's not cool. If you guys want to come in then you need to pick up your garbage. It's not about people being paid to clean up after you. It's a respect type thing. You leave your garbage here and it's not showing much respect for me, the bar, or many other things."

DB#1: "Dude, why you gotta be an asshole?"

Me: "Really? I'm being an asshole because I'm asking you to respect something else instead of your hair gel and your parents credit card?"

As DB#1 and I are starting our conversation I could see that DB#2 was listening very closely. In fact, he even started picking up the garbage as his counterpart kept arguing with me.

DB#2: "Alright man, is there a garbage can near by?"

Me: "There's one right around the corner. Thanks."

DB#1: "You actually picked that shit up? HA HA HA!!"

DB#2: "Yea... he's kinda right and he won't let us in if we don't."

So after I the guy picks up the garbage and tosses it I check their ID's. I tell them thank you for picking it up and they start walking in. As they walk in I walk in behind them just to take a look and see how things are inside.

DB#1 (turning to DB#2): "Man, that guys a fuckin asshole huh?"

I tap the guy on the shoulder. "Excuse me?"

DB#1: "What man? You got a problem?"

Me: "I do now. Come on, it's time to go."

DB#2 (looking at his friend): "Dude, what the fuck? You can't keep your mouth shut for a second?"

They walk out without a problem and head down the street arguing with each other like a married couple. I could hear them arguing until they rounded the corner a block away.

I don't ask for much. I ask for respect. For me, the establishment, and the people around you. At one time this was a common idea among all people. As time goes by people tend to forget the lessons that were learned by our elders. Is it the elders fault for the younger generation ignoring them or is it the fault of the peers that just let things go because that's just how their friends are?

You can choose your friends, you can't choose your family.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Days off with a Concert in there...

Finally been able to take a few days off from work here and there. I think I really needed it. With any job you always tend to hit that point where you need some time off. I don't think it was due to the stress levels just the fact that standing in a spot for 7 to 8 hours a night and for 5 to 7 nights a week tends to wear on you.

So I went to a concert on one of my nights off. I rarely ever go to shows anymore. After you've worked in a venue long enough it kind of loses its flair. So I go to 2 or 3 shows a year where I really want to see the band.

The second band that played tried to be more of the political awareness types of bands. This one just tries to push their own ideals. If your going to try and change the world then put the facts out there that you know. Don't just tell all these people what they should do. Also, remember, over 50% of the people at your show are under 18 years of age. They're there for the music and the experience, not to listen to you talk and talk between songs. Plus, they're signatures and opinions aren't worth anything constructive. I almost got up and left.

There are some bands out there that do it right. They talk a little but get straight to the point. They have media slide shows going during their set. Best of all, they provide information so you can make your own decision. They don't try to pressure you into something by saying you only like us if you do this. The best example of a band I can think of that does it right is System of a Down. The band I saw, I won't even mention their name.

So having a few days off has been some what nice. I've gotten a few things done that I've been wanting to get done. I've opened up a few other possibilities that weren't there before and I've started working on a back up plan. Just in case I decide to leave this glorious position.

Big holiday weekend coming up, we'll see what might come from it.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

My purse!!... or rent?

So I get home the other night and I find an email in the trusty inbox. By the time I get home there's usually nothing going on. There might be a few other bar people online and half the time they're just checking their myspace or falling asleep. Then I pop open my mail system and I get this message.

This is so f*ckin ridiculous!! I got jumped when I left the bar last night!! They took my $400 phone, $600 worth of make up, my keys, and my $1100 purse!! I'm so pissed off right now!! It's gonna take me forever to get that stuff back so if you want to get a hold of me your gonna have to drive your ass out here or email me.

Wow.. an $1100 purse.. What a waste of money. I could buy a lot of things with $1100. A used car, weights, gym memberships, rent for a few months, just about anything. Anything more important than a purse. I mean, I have pockets but I realize women need purses to carry everything. Do you really need a purse that costs more than the car you drive?

Now I understand, if you can afford it then do it but come on. If you have to drive a crappy car, live in a smaller place or a far off place to afford your lifestyle then is it worth it? Plus, any team of snatchers knows what purses are good or bad. They probably sold that $1100 purse for $200 and were happy. The $600 of make up is probably laying in a gutter somewhere within a couple blocks of where you got jumped. Which is either a lot of make up or, once again, some over priced name brand crap. The phone has probably already been sold for $100 or even $50. Phones are fairly easy to get rid of and reconfigure.

Sorry for the bad luck but try getting your priorities in order. Just because something costs a lot doesn't mean it makes you look that much better. I've seen a t shirt and jeans girl look a hundred times better than a dolled up turnip.

Just glad to know that it didn't happen when you left my bar.

**To the one that sent me the email: If you actually read this, take note how many times I have driven out to see you. Then realize I'm not going to.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Movies getting Snuffed Out...

I'm slowly realizing why I never really read or watched the news before. People and society are becoming complete and total idiots. The nation is becoming way too much of a police state.

I remember growing up to movies that had rude behaviour, slight nudity and funny situations. They were released into the theaters and had maybe a PG-13 rating. Now they want to give a R rating to any movie with a person smoking a cigarette in it. What has happened here?

Granted, I don't think smoking should be promoted to kids but this is taking it a little too far. There's already all of these bleeding heart nut jobs that want smoking banned from public places. Do we really need them in every form of our society? Smoking is a habit, just like drinking, gambling, playing bingo, jogging, walking, writing and many other things. Next will be banning weight machines and gyms because too many people have more muscles than other people. They might hurt you without thinking about it.

Maybe they should raise the stakes for movies based on comic book characters. I mean it is a fantasy land and some kid might jump off the top of a building because they think they can fly. It's just as possible as a kid starting smoking because they saw it on a film.

Then people wonder why we don't have great movies like Animal House or Porkies anymore. If these movies were released now they'd be rated NC-17 due to the nudity. Not to mention the poor quality of horror movies released in theaters.

I guess movies are going the way of music. If you want something good you have to go with the unknowns. Movies released straight to dvd are becoming the new indie trend. They don't even need to be rated.

If the world worried more about current events and less about "protecting" their children from "bad" things it might work out a little better.

Sooner or later your kid is gonna learn what smoking is. They're gonna learn what sex is. They're even gonna learn what alcohol is. And no matter what you do to try and protect them from the evils of the world... they'll probably learn all about it before they make it to 8th grade. And they'll learn it all from their friends and peers.

So which is worse? Smoking in movies or sex in movies?

The stats for underage pregnancies (age 15 to 19) have been declining on a yearly basis but it still costs the government 9 billion dollars a year to maintain. So should sex, holding hands, kissing and hugging be banned from movies too? Maybe.

Then after that we should definitely work on getting alcohol banned from movies. I mean the kids might see someone drink a beer and then drive off. We can't expect them to see this and know it's wrong. We should hide it from them. After all in 2005, 16,885 people in the U.S. died in alcohol-related motor vehicle crashes.

Maybe we should just lock our kids up in the basement and make them read the Bible from front to back until they can quote it word for word. Maybe that would help? Everyone knows that no one kills or murders people because of religion. There's never any problem due to religion.

Here's a great idea. The more a person can take in the faster they learn. Provide your kids with all the information both good and bad on every topic you think you should hide them from. Once they're 18 and no longer your financial burden or responsibility, let them decide what they want to do.

Stay out of my kitchen or I'll piss in your Cheerios.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Grace of God or Dog??

There is a very small amount of things that annoy me away from work. One of them is when people try to say that something wouldn't have happened without God. Now, I'm not a religious person in many ways. I don't subscribe to a certain thought about what deity represents good or which one represents bad. I know there's a good and bad for every situation and I try to stay on the good side. This being said, I don't necessarily believe in deities or stories handed down for thousands of years.

But here's what gets me. Recently I've started reading a lot of news stories on the internet from a few of the major cities. I'm a dog lover, I grew up with Labrador's, cocker spaniels, and we even had an American Bulldog which is one of the loving-est dogs but he could be angry if someone was doing something they shouldn't be. I don't want to go into the full story of the breed but there is some pitbull in the bloodline somewhere. So when I see another story about a pitbull attacking or someone trying to get the breed banned I read it.

I can understand why people would target pitbulls. They have a slight reputation for being very mean dogs. Then again, I've seen smaller and bigger dogs that can be just as mean. The pitbull just has the jaw power to actually break your bones.

Now, in this news story a 3 year old pitbull ran into a neighbor's yard, through their locked screen door, and clamped onto the face of an 11 year old labrador. The lady that owned the labrador, and her fiance, grabbed a couple wooden tv dinner tables and swatted at the pitbull. When that didn't work the lady grabbed her dog and started pulling on him and shaking him. Then By the Grace of God... the pitbull let go.

After the attack the owner did the right thing. He put the dog down. The dog attacked unprovoked and it could do it again. Next time it could be a child or another dog or anyone. Now the lady is on a mission to make the attack rate drop from 3 attacks to 1 or 2. (Note: The attack rate is currently 3. Which means if a dog violently attacks anything 3 times it's put to sleep.) She's even commented that she will focus on pitbulls if she has to.

Now here's my problem with all of this.
  1. The pitbull's owner was an idiot for letting the dog out without it being on a leash or having a muzzle on.

  2. The lady and her fiance swatted at the pitbull. In that case, you don't swat, you bash that thing over the head. There might be a life on the line.

  3. Some people think they have to try and change the world because their world got rocked a little. I won't disagree with changing the violent attack laws but I'd suggest that the situations are looked at a little closer not the breed. Why jump on the bandwagon and get breed specific? Dogs will act the way they are trained. If it grows up loved, it will be loving. If it's brought up to protect and be angry, then it will protect and be angry.

  4. Last thing you really want to do when your dog is clamped down by a bigger more powerful dog? Grab it and start pulling on it and shaking it. Your making the wounds bigger, deeper and worse.

  5. God had nothing to do with the other dog letting go. You somehow got the dog to let go. Take credit for your actions.
Everyone has their own beliefs. I won't sit here and put them down for the simple reason that everyone needs something to believe in to belong. It's what keeps a lot of people going. So believe what you want to believe until it comes to a society as a whole.

At that point, you should really think about what your trying to do or say because someone will have the exact opposite belief and call you out on it.

Breed specific legislation is something we destroyed for humans a long time ago.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Hook ups...

When you work in the bar industry there's always certain people you take care of. Certain bars hook up certain bars and it works the same with venues and resteraunts. Everyone scratches everyones backs and that's how you get hook ups at other places. I've addressed this before but you can read the other post just to get caught up.

Here's the other post: CLICK HERE

It's basically an unspoken type of thing. You offer up something and you hope that when you visit that person they'll offer something up to you. That's how it works. You don't barter for certain things that just makes you seem needy.

So when I see Stewie over in the corner talking to Laura about a show coming up I opened up my ear.

Stewie - "Yea, you should really come to the show. If you stop by I'll be working the door and I'll let ya in."

Laura - "Really? That'd be pretty cool of ya."

Stewie - "Yea, I know. Then when I'm hungry I'll come over and you just give me what I want for free."

At that point Laura's face kind of went south. Not only did Stewie offer to let her in for free he pretty much demanded something in return. You don't offer things up and then ask for something. That's like giving someone a pencil that you could get from anyone and then asking for $5 for the pencil. Why pay for something that is being given to you?

Stewie should have just offered it up as a nice guy and then waited to see if Laura hooked him up the next time he went there for food. If she does then cool. If she doesn't then she doesn't get the hook up again.

Stewie's kind of new though, he'll learn in time.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Toilet Phone...

"Really? I'm sure as hell not putting my hand in that toilet..."

"But you gotta... it's the only thing I've ever had in my life that I've bought myself."

I'm sure that's how the converstation went with the young girl and her friend. It doesn't really matter how it went really, she got her phone. I've known a couple people who've had to get new phones because they've dropped theirs in a toilet. It's funny and usually a good story to bring up from time to time. Although, I'm not sure I'd reach into a freshly used toilet to get it back. I mean really, it's a Razr phone.. they make them constantly and they're pretty cheap these days. Just quit coming to the bar for a couple days and you got enough money for a new phone.

"Just leave it turned off and put the battery back in after you get up tomorrow. It should be fine."

"But it's not working!!" The tears were running down this girls face as she stood outside of the bar with her friend.

"Dummy... What'd I just say? Don't turn it on."

The girl sat on the sidewalk and cried. You'd think she just lost her wedding ring at her boyfriends house or something. "This is the only thing I've ever bought by myself and no one else bought for me. Hows my mom gonna call me tomorrow?"

I really couldn't believe what I was hearing. A phone is that important? I could see if it was one of those Blackberry phones with the GPS built in and it was the only one of it's kind but this was a cheaply made Razr that was going to probably break on her in a few days anyways.

"I'll die without it!!!"

Hmm.. well.. maybe you should go back in the bar and have another drink.

Friday, April 27, 2007


The weather's been pretty crappy these past few days but the rain has finally let up a little, just in time for the weekend. All week it's been sprinting season. You walk a little then it starts to down pour and you sprint to a canopy. The rain lets up and you start to walk again, then you sprint to the next doorway or canopy.

Perfect season for sinus problems and wet drunks.

"So hey man, you know where I might be able to get some of that?"

"Some of what?"

"You know man, ya yo..."

"Oh yea.. here.. jump outside with me." We walk out the door to the front of the bar.

"Sweet man, how much?"

"It's completely free to leave the bar. Have a good night."

"What? I thought.."

"Man, you don't ask the doorman for ya yo. What are you stupid? Get out of here."

Nothing like having sinus issues help you get rid of idiots. Seriously though, why would you ever ask a doorman if he has any coke? I can understand that there are some people that would but I don't understand asking it. Maybe I take the job more seriously than others.

With the rain comes a lot of slippery surfaces too. Your average sober person could look like a drunk when they're slipping and sliding all over the place. So then you have to rely on their speech patterns and how they act otherwise. It's usually more fun to watch them slide all over the place.

Puddles become lakes and the gutters become rivers. If your really lucky you get to see someone stumble and take a dive into a lake. Then there's more than enough reason to not let them in. They're soak from head to toe, they more than likely stink like sewer water or they're all pissed off. It gave me a chuckle for a minute though and usually they understand unless they're wasted. Then it's just an arguement that they won't win.

"Man, this id bullshit! Why can't I go in?"

"You just fell in a huge puddle and your soaking wet. I don't need you going in and bumping into a ton of people while your dripping with sewer water."

"Man, I'm all wet man. Let me go in, it's cold out here."

"Sorry man, maybe you should go home and change or dry off."

"That's it man, I'm never comin here again!!"

"Ok, see ya tomorrow night Cale."

"Yea, if your lucky."

Sometimes, luck has nothing to do with it.

Monday, April 23, 2007


Just to go off topic a little bit here. I'm a driver, I have a car and I drive around a lot. I know a lot of people look at me crazy with all the other transportation options but I like to drive. I always have, I always will. I just wish half the people out here that do drive had common sense. There should be some kind of testing for that.

Like when you park your car on the street, leave a couple feet on both ends of your car if you can. Don't just park in the middle of 2 parking spots. You fuck it up for everyone else. Thanks man, now I get to walk 2 or 3 blocks because you don't know how to park.

Horns are great, really they are. When I hear one go off now I completely ignore it. Yea, I know your probably in a big hurry to reach that red light up ahead. Your probably in a bigger hurry to whip out and go around me and almost hit that old lady that's in the middle of the street. Ever wonder why people slow down and stop in the middle of the road? We do it just so your invaluable ass can whip out around us and hit something or someone. Really, the world is out to get you.

It's also very brilliant of you to have half your body out the window screaming at someone behind you while your driving down the road. It's not like there's anyone else on the road except for you.

The funny part is, now that you've laid on your horn, almost fell out of your window, and came really close to hitting that dump truck in front of you, you don't have much to say. When your cars sitting you don't say anything at all. You stay in your car and you don't say a word. Makes me wonder what might just happen if I did get out of my car and walk up to yours. Would you still be the big macho man for your girl or would you just sit there and cower?

I've never understood road rage. Most things I let slip by because it's not worth my time to really care if someone else gets hurt. Seriously, if your driving gets you killed then so be it. If your driving kills one of mine... Then you better hope it kills you too.

I might be on the right side of things but that doesn't mean that doing some bad isn't right as well.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

The Stench is High..

Works been very abundant lately. Staff has been coming and going and it's beginning to wear thin. Is it really that hard to find good help these days? This is one of the easiest jobs around for anyone that has a backbone but it's hard as hell to find some people that can handle it.

Have the times really changed that much? I know there's a lot of boys out there that are wearing make-up these days and trying their best to look like women but are all the blue collar guys gone?

Yea, I went through that whole goth stage, I've hated the world, I've felt out of place, and I have done the make-up stage.... when I was in high school and a few years after. Is this emo dress up like women thing really something you want to be known for, for the rest of your life?

This group of boys is usually the group that is in the top list of people that I have troubles with. They're mentally the age of someone that's 17. They think it's great to hang on other boys, they think it's funny to bump drinks out of people's hands, and they think people won't do shit to them for it.

Surprise, people don't like you. They will start shit with you and yes, I will throw your ass onto the sidewalk in front of the bar if you give me any shit about how bad your life is. I'll make it worse for you even if only for a minute. This world isn't just yours, it's all of ours and your just a big pain in the ass for everyone right now.

There's another type of boy out there that is very close to the emo boys. These dirty ass kids (DAKS) are just that. They don't wash their clothes for a long time, they're hair is ratted and dirty, they wear bandannas around their necks, have big messenger bags with nothing in them, they literally stink, and they ride bicycles everywhere. I've had to refuse them entrance for several different reasons including; smell, no shoes, no ID, drunkenness, idiotic behaviour, carrying alcohol on their person, pulling out a baggy of weed in front of me, asking me if I had any cocaine or heroin.

So the biggest difference between the DAKS and the emos (besides smell and hygiene) is that the DAKS are actually older acting. The emos act like their young and dumb even though they know what the hell their doing. The DAKS know what they're doing and just don't care.

I've slowly started eliminating the DAKS from the bar. It's really weird and embarrassing to tell someone that they can't come into a bar because they stink. But I'm glad to do it for you.

Labels and Things...

Well... it took me a couple hours but I just went through and added labels to all the posts.

So now when you read one and you want another one similar to it you can click on the label at the bottom of the posts individual page and it'll bring up all the posts that have been labeled with that same label.

Interesting, I know...

Anyways, just thought I'd put that up so people would know.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Closing Time...

Every night it comes at the same time. It's that magical time when the "ugly lights" come on. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is closing time. Every time I say that, the song "Closing Time" by Semisonic pops into my head. The lyrics are perfect for what happens when the ugly lights come on.

First off, they're called the ugly lights for a pretty good reason. Most bars have their lights on at minimal power. This makes it easier on the eyes when your wasted and it helps everyone look a little better. There's probably been times when you yourself have been in a bar and you were talking to a girl or guy that you wouldn't normally be talking to if you could see them clearly. So when the lights come on at the end of the night you can actually see the person. Anyone who's been out at the bars for a long period of time doesn't usually look all that great in the early morning hours. Basically, you want to get out of the bar before the ugly lights come on and you can see what you've been talking to or making out with.

Some nights it's real easy to get people out. They see the lights come on, I yell a few times that it's time to leave the bar and they walk out, other nights it's harder. Then there's the people that wait around for the bartender or waitress. Which is fine when the employee knows that the person is waiting. Sometimes you get the occasional stalker that thinks it's fine to wait. That's when I ask the employee. If the employee doesn't know about it then the person leaves and I make sure they don't wait outside the bar.

There are a couple of regulars who used to hang out after hours. These days, no one hangs out except those with employees. So when they don't listen and they think they can hang out all night I start calling them out by their names. Most of them don't like that because they don't want every person there to know who they are. They finish their drink and head out the door.

Then there's the ones that hang around and start talking to anyone that's within an arms length. They do this because they think someone will speak up for them so they can hang out. Listen, we're closed, we're all tired, half of us are drunk and none of us want to talk to you about some trip to Georgia.

"Jack, it's time to go man."

"Oh, it's fine. I was just telling Ramone about going to Georgia."

"Listen, we're closed and it's probly a story you should tell when we're not busy and not closed."

"Ok, ok.. I'll be right out I promise, I'm just gonna slam this drink."

"You got 2 minutes man."

Sometimes the employees start talking to them, sometimes they just ignore them and nod their heads like they're actually listening. It's fun to watch when Jack keeps talking and Ramone just keeps running up and down the bar cleaning up.

"Jack, let's go!"

"Alright man, I'll leave, I'll leave."

Then Jack has to go through and tell everyone good bye again. He stops and starts his story all over again with the next person he sees. "JACK! Let's go man! I wanna get outta here!!"

"Alright man, I'm comin, I'm comin."

Then after all this and ten minutes has gone by there's always the "I was helping you out" speech. Jack's pretty good at that.

"You know man, I was just trying to help you out. People would have stayed all night if I would have been standing up here by the door."

"Yea, you help out a lot.. next time try to help out by standing outside."

"I would have but Chucky said I could finish my drink and I didn't want him to think I was disrespecting him. You know it's all about respect. You know how it is man."

"We've already had this talk a million times Jack. I don't want to disrespect the fact that you need to leave and listen to it again."

"he he he.. yea man.. I should leave."

Jack is the special friend of a few employees. To quote Stewart, "He hooks us up, we hook him up." Funny thing is, Jack doesn't work in the industry.

So the end of the night is the best part of the night. Everyone has had a good time and if they're lucky they're leaving to go somewhere else and have an even better time.

For me it's another day down and a new one on the rise.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Pick Up Lines..

Some of the most interesting things that I get to witness at work are the pick up lines. I've witnessed some pretty strange things guys do to get ladies to go home with them. Some of them are pretty interesting to see that they actually work. The other thing is how I don't understand the type of guys these girls want to go home with.

I see these guys just about every night. They come in from riding their bicycles all day and they stink. I can smell them when they walk up and show me their IDs on a windy day. They usually have the same clothes on for at least half the week and they don't know what deodorant is. Then add on to that a night of drinking in a smoke filled bar but somehow these guys pull in girls every other night. These guys I refer to as Scabs.

One guy stands there and stares at a girl until she looks over at him. Then he points at her, snaps his fingers and points to the ground in front of him. This guy weighs about 120 pounds soaking wet and has on his hoodie and an old pair of torn up jeans. His hair is scruffy and unkept, his hoodie is the only hoodie he has, and by the end of the night there's usually about half a beer spilled on his pants. Yet, the girls either laugh at him, look away, or they come right to him. I'd have to say it works for him about 6 out of 10 times.

I've even seen guys that just won't let the turn downs break their spirit. They get turned down by one girl and they go on to the next.Usually by the end of the night they'll find a girl that they'll be sitting with most the night, buying drinks, and when the ugly lights come on, the girl runs over to the guy snapping his fingers.

I've seen many of the rocker boys with the half open button shirts walk in and walk right out within 10 minutes with a girl or two on their arms. I've seen dirty, little scabs walk out with girls. I've seen girls make out for guys and then leave with the girl.

Which is probably one of my favorites. A couple guys will hone in on a couple of girls sitting at the bar. They walk up, start a conversation and buy some drinks. Next thing you know they buy more drinks, shots, and the guys try to figure out which girl is into which guy. Then it goes a couple different ways.
  • I've seen it before when the girls get up and move to a different group of people.
  • I've seen it where the girls start ignoring the guys and put on their coats and leave.
  • I've also seen it when the girls start making out and the guys buy more shots and drinks. Then when one of the guys walks to the bathroom or somewhere, the girls just leave or they'll grab the guy that's there and leave.
  • Once it happened where the girls came over and told me that the guys were being assholes. I tell them I'd keep an eye on them and all of a sudden one of the guys would do something stupid and it'd be time for the guys to leave.
I've made bets with myself at times. I just get to sit back and watch everything unwind, constantly watching and learning the many different patterns. After enough time it almost becomes second nature to know who's doing what and with who.

Then again, none of it really matters to me but it's a great way to fill up the time.