Monday, October 01, 2007


Being a doorman at a popular establishment is strange. While your at work everyone wants to know you and they see you clearly. When your not at work your pretty much invisible to everyone. Which is actually pretty nice. Lots of people have two different types of memory functions. The sober memory that remembers to take the dog to the vet and the Drunk memory that remembers what the doorman's name is and what he looks like. So most people have their sober memory working during the day and I stay invisible to them if they actually see me.

Sometimes I'm even invisible to some people when I'm right in front of their faces.

"What do you mean Mike's not here?" The woman speaking to me wasn't all that ugly. Her body had a great form with all the curves in the right places. "He better be here, or he ain't gettin any tonight!"

This just made me think, Who the hell is this chic?? I figured she was just trying to make a spectacle so that I would feel uneasy and let her in. "Listen, do you even know who Mike is?"

"I should. He's my baby's daddy." Now it really became interesting.

"Well, could you describe him to me? I haven't met him yet but I hear he's a real big shot around here."

"I don't have to describe anyone to you. If you don't let me in now you won't have a job tomorrow."

At this point the other people in line are all looking and I can hear some of them mumbling about. This woman was just getting louder with everything she said. Then she started to walk up to the door.

"Listen honey..."

"Don't you even honey me.."

"Listen, if your not with this Mike person that supposedly works here I can't let you in. Your gonna have to wait."

"Oh.. that's it. You ain't gonna have a job tomorrow!"

Just then, as if on cue, Megan walked up with a couple of her friends. "Hey Mike, I just have a couple friends. Think we can squeeze in?"

"Of course hun."

I turned to the loud mouthed woman and smiled. She stood there looking at me with her mouth wide open. "Miss, you never asked me what my name is. I don't know you so either wait in line or leave."

"That's just bullshit! You let me go on like that in front of all these people!?" she said as she spun around and started walking away. The crowd of people started laughing and she started telling them all to shut the hell up as she walked away.

It's funny how people never notice you until they want something from you. There are some people that know how to work this game and there are those that don't. Name dropping rarely ever works. The one time that it does guaranteed is when your a friend of an employee and that employee actually says something to the door staff about you showing up. Most other ways don't work at all.

Still the best way to slip into a place that has a line is hard cash. Just don't be cheap about it. If you want to act like a big man then pull out the big dollars, especially if you have people with you.

I still go out in the neighborhood occasionally and I take notice of the people that I meet at other establishments. If I see you enough then I help you out. I don't even expect you to do it for me, I could care less. I'm not about to shell out money to get into a place but I'll get into that at a different time.

I find it weird but comfortable that people don't recognize me while I'm out. It's kind of nice knowing that people don't notice me when I'm not at work. I've sat and had drinks with people I've thrown out before and listened to how they thought that "bouncer" was an asshole. Then I go on about how the guy is just doing his job and they agree. Sooner or later it comes out that I'm that asshole and everything is fine. They come back to the establishment and they're more aware of how I do things.

Now I just need to figure out how to work this invisible feat for personal gain.


Jane Smith said...

It's almost like your own superpower. I'm jealous.

Unknown said...

HHAHAHAHAHAHA I would love to see something like that happen! It would amuse me to no end for quite some time.