Wednesday, April 29, 2009

"I'm European.."
"I don't care. The drink stays inside Frenchy."

Sunday, April 26, 2009

If you don't know what to drink, ask your server. More than likely they're enough of a drunk they'll know exactly what you want.
Saturday night. A night for amatuers.

Friday, April 24, 2009

After a savage winter, all the bums, minors and tough guys are coming back out in force.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

"I'm one of those guys, I don't carry id."
"Well, your one of those guys that doesn't get in."

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Mobile Posts...

Recently Blogger has added Mobile Posting to the list of ways for bloggers to reach their readers. I thought I'd give it a shot. The posts are limited to 150 characters so they'll be short and sweet, just like most conversations I have while at work.

I'm not on here as much as I'd like to be but I think this will help out a lot. Most thoughts pop in my head and disappear by the time I get here. I guess we'll just have to see where this takes me.

-Be Safe.
Testing... 1... 2.. Testing. Mobile posting operational?

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Confiscated ID: ...

I received this email recently.

Hey Mike -
Big fan of the blog. My younger brother recently took my real 21+ ID from me to get into a bar. He was stopped at the door and my license was confiscated by the doorman. Besides being super pissed at my brother, I now have no drivers license. Before I ask the state for a new one, is there any hope in retrieving my license by contacting the bar? What is proper doorman etiquette on this one? What happens to a confiscated real ID? Are there some shady folk out there that take this opportunity to sell the confiscated license?
I appreciate the doorman doing his job but now I'm just trying to get my ID back...
Thanks for your help...
- Rob

Rob.. your best bet is to just go get a new license. I'm sure it's a much smaller fee than to go through the conversation with a doorman. Especially when he has every right to take the id away from your underage brother. If your conversation goes the way most of the ones I've had, you'll get pissed and words will fly. If you feel really strong you might take a swing and then get taken down by the doorman.

What people tend to forget is that a license isn't your personal property. It belongs to the State that issues it and has to be handed over upon request. So the excuse that a person owns a license is not a good argument.

Between all the different places I've worked there's only been a couple different ways to handle ids that are fake or not the owner.
  1. Turn over the id to the state that the business is in. Then it's up to the State to decide if they want to prosecute. Yes, if it's a real id then the person on the id gets prosecuted not the one handing it over. Unless the doorman was able to get their id as well, then both of you get prosecuted.
  2. The ids are destroyed. They get cut up into tiny pieces and thrown away at the end of the night.
  3. The id gets added to a "Wall of Shame". It's usually a display case near the door that has all the confiscated ids.
Personally, I destroy the ids whether they're real or fake. I don't want to go to court any more than some kid needs a Felony on his record before his life even begins. I'm not out to ruin lives. I'm just here to keep the business safe.

Rob, if I were you.. I'd do the same thing to your brother that my brothers did me. Kick his ass until he learns right from wrong. Words don't sink in but a firm smack tends to leave a memory. And make him pay for your new id.

I can't say there aren't any shady doormen out there. I've known a few and I'm no where near being perfect. When doorstaff aren't paid well enough they tend to find other ways to make money.

So it's a gambit. Your id might have been destroyed or it might have been sold or given to another person that looks like you. You can now thank your brother for making you think about all the different bad things that could happen due to it.

If your really paranoid about it then sign up for a credit watch program and hope that your social security number wasn't on the id. If it was, you might be looking at a lot worse things.

Be safe.

Monday, March 23, 2009


Even though I haven't been around as much as I like, the blog seems to still be drawing popularity. I've gotten a few comments from people trying to spam the blogosphere. At least one of them was on target with it's subject matter.

My last post was about smoking and how a certain person was constantly mooching cigarettes off of me. So of course, the comment left was about an electronic cigarette. Sadly, I'm not going to publish any comments left behind that have links to personal money making sites. Granted, that's what life is about but give me a cut and I'll cut you in. Or send me the product and I'll review it here for you.

So... Shadd Williams. Get in contact with me, send me your product free of charge and I'll review it.

All the rest of you. You have to take people as idiots if you think you can sell a warranty on a car over 20 years old that has transferred owners over 10 times. Then again.. there are a lot of idiots in this world.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

1 cigarette, 1 dollar...

On most any slow night I'll stand outside and smoke a cigarette. Let's not get into the debate about how bad it is for me. If it weighed that heavy on my mind I might go to a gym once in a while. Since I don't own a gym membership there's no need to even bring it up.

Usually there's at least one or two people that always stop and ask if they can bum a smoke or better yet, "borrow" a cigarette. The second question is funny to me and if I'm in a good mood I'll go along with "Uh.. how do you plan on borrowing a cigarette? I don't want it back after your done with it."

99% of the time my answer is, "No." There was a time when I received cigarettes very cheap. Almost to the point that I never paid for them. This helped out a lot considering the price of a pack these days. Even now I'm trying to talk a relative into sending me some in the mail just because they're cheaper there than here.

Now, there's two things that you can do that will piss me off. That I actually take personally. The first is steal from me. If I see someone try to walk away with any type of my property I automatically become furious. The second thing is to cost me money. This doesn't make me furious but it will make me hot under the collar. Especially when your cheap ass knows that a pack of cigarettes are expensive and you keep asking to bum them off of me.

I understand times are hard for bartenders. Even though this bartender still makes decent money for four hours of work. I didn't mind bumming him cigarettes when they were free but now I'm paying well over $5 a pack for these things. Even if there was a common decency involved where he bought me a pack it would be better.

Why doesn't he buy his own? Well, you see, he doesn't smoke. He only smokes when he's at work which makes no sense since you can't smoke inside the establishment any more.

So when he last asked for a smoke, I said plainly, "You know, I have to buy these now."

"Ok.." he stared blankly at me with his hand out, "So uh.. you want a quarter or something? That's what they come out to be right?"

"No, I think it's about a dollar now."

"Pfft.. yea right..." I hand him a cigarette and he goes outside. This happens three or four times a night. Luckily we only work a couple nights together but this is going to change.

The other night I had to get into the trunk of my car for something. As I was moving some things around I found a couple of old packs of cigarettes. They've probably been in my trunk since last summer. Since they've been in my trunk for so long they're obviously stale. I figure I'll just keep a pack of the stale smokes in my pocket and when he asks for one I'll give him one of those. Once those run out he's all done.

Funny how you can tell a complete stranger no but a coworker you're a little more cordial with.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


January is a horrible time of year. It's right after the consumerist holidays and it's budgeting time for a lot of different people. Money's tight even without the economic mudslide.

Even though a liquor establishment will always do well no matter the economy; sometimes it gets slow. It'll get slow just long enough for people to get used to their new financial limits and then it will pick back up again. This could take a couple weeks or it could take a few months but it always goes back to how it was before. Some establishments try to make it easier and offer drinks specials and some just plow through it like nothing's in their way.

The ones that like to plow through it tend to either cut hours or cut man power just to help themselves through it all. I for one don't like the idea of either one, especially when it comes to my hours or my man power. I like being fully staffed and I like keeping my people at their maximum hours so they don't think about looking for work elsewhere.

Coming from a business point of view, I'm fully supportive of drink specials and coming up with ideas to get people interested. It helps bring in new people and it helps to keep my man power and hours right where I like them or even a little more. As it looks now, I might have to cut a couple shifts only due to it not being busy enough to deem it necessary for all the guys.

The thing that perplexes me is how the establishment doesn't want to do anything to get people in the door. They don't want drink specials and they don't want to bring in any entertainment. They just want to rest on the club's reputation for being a good time. Which doesn't seem so appropriate anymore considering no one's here.

I've heard that they've recently obtained a guy to do online advertising and promotions. My question is, "What is he going to advertise or promote if there's no entertainment?"

It might possibly be a sinking ship at this point. But like a Captain, I'll ride it down until I find a life boat to skip off in.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Rock Star Lines VI...

One of the many things that really gets to me is people that don't carry id's.

Yea, you might look like your 120 years old. You might have gray hair. You might have wrinkles all over your face. You might have a beard. You might be 6'7" tall. You might be pregnant (hopefully not if your coming into my establishment). But hey, any of these things could have happened to you before you even got out of high school.

It doesn't matter if your old as hell or a regular. You have to carry your id on you. Definitely don't come to me bitching about one of my staff asking you for an id. I'll be the first to tell you the staff member is right and they shouldn't let you in the bar.

"Man, I've been coming here for seven years. I should be let right in."

"Do you know the guy at the door?"

"No, but.."

"Then how should he know you? He should just read it on your forehead?"

"It's not my problem that he doesn't know me."

"It is when you can't get in because your too stupid to carry an id."

"Listen, this doesn't have anything to do with how smart I am. he he he..."

"No, it has everything to do with my man doing his job and you not having an id. Want me to start carding you again? I guarantee the manager will take my side over yours."

"What ever man, they'll still let me in."

"Not when it comes down to the decision of hiring a new doorman or letting you in. Which one do you think they'll go for?"

"You'd quit because I don't have my id? That's just stupid."

"I'd quit to prove a point to you. Your in here once a month if your lucky these days. Your not as important as you think you are. Start carrying your id and quit being a pain in the ass."

"You'd ruin a friendship over this?"

"Friendship? When was the last time I saw you outside of this place? What's my middle name? What's my Mother's name? Do you know any of these answers?" He stood there dumbfounded. He was actually trying to think about the questions. "Tell ya what. Would you ruin the friendship by being an asshole to one of my guys and being so fuckin bullheaded that you won't carry your id?"

He stood there staring at me. It was a stand off. I called his bluff.

"Right. I guess you'll be carrying your id from now on." I walked away.

We check id's for a reason. It's the law, you have to have an id in your possession to be inside an establishment that sells alcohol. At any point an id check could happen. It's extremely rare that it ever does so some leniency is allowed. But when the doorman doesn't know you and every time you walk up you don't have your id, he'll ask you for it the next time. No matter if the manager knows you or not.

I've done it several times myself. Guy walks up, doesn't have an id, manager walks out and walks him in. It's the power of knowing that person. I don't know you so I'll card you every time you walk up. If the manager isn't working that night then your out of luck. Come back when you have your id. I remember people in those situations just to say I don't remember you. I've learned how to forget things easily in my time.

Besides, you paid for the id. Why not keep it on you and get some use out of it?

Monday, January 05, 2009

Recent Comment...

I just recieved this comment frrom the first installment of the D.I.C.K. Files. You can read the entry here: D.I.C.K. I: Fake Spotting...

This comment was left behind by Anonymous.
Unfortunately, my boss made it a point on the first night that our business runs off underage people who are able to get into bars.

I have to go with this on slow nights, since I live on the tipout at the end of the night, but any night when we've got more than 100 or so people inside, I love crushing the 19 year olds dreams.
There's a lot of things that I could go off on a tangent about. As for Anonymous' locality, I have no idea what the legalities are. Since they vary from State to State. Although, coming from a very spiteful person, if I was ever unlawfully fired from the position I'd have the cops in there faster than hell to have the bar shut down. Yes, I am that type of person.

Who knows, maybe the bar will be up for sale after it's fined for all the underage kids?

Another thing. I would never work for a tip out. Give me a good hourly rate and I'm there. If I have to depend on how well other people do their jobs to make a living then I'm not working. Especially considering the amount of times I've heard bartenders argue about how much to tip out the barback. "We should give him 25%" "Are you kidding? All he did was stock beer and serve the waitress." Bartenders will tip you out the littlest they can without making you suspicious. And imagine if you throw out one of their friends or you don't let one of their friends in. You won't be making rent any time soon.

Perhaps your boss should focus more on doing things to get people into the establishment. Maybe some kind of special events, drink specials or if you have food then maybe food specials.

Overall, I'd be worried if a Police sting happens. The owner might fire you if you get caught even though you're doing what he told you to do.

Hopefully this isn't your only job and it's just supplemental.

Since your doing what the boss tells you to do then I guess you don't have much choice. Keep it up, just remember to cover your own ass.

-Be Safe.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

New Year...

Well, it's 2009.

Let's see what this year brings us. 2008 wasn't a bad year but I don't tend to label years. At a certain point I've kind of lost track of time. It's like everything has just melted together. Things that I thought happened last summer actually happened a couple years ago. It's a good sign that I need something new to mix things up and make me pay more attention to the happenings of the world.

2008 has been a year for changes personally. It seems that roommates are hard to find and keep. I had two different ones this past year. Which has meant that I've had to work a lot more to keep up with things financially during the missing roommate time in between. Not to mention the price of everything has gone up a lot within the last year.

New Year's Eve was a typical New Year's Eve at work. Lots of amateurs were out and about. The night went fairly well other than all the stupid questions. "Can I take my drink outside?", "Can I smoke inside?", and "I swear it's me." Not to mention all the people just trying to walk out with drinks because they were in plastic cups, "Oh, I forgot, I was thinking it was just water."

The most irritating was a Polish male that didn't have his id. He was mildly entertaining with his little sparkly party hat that had antennas. One antenna had 20 on it and the other had 09."In Poland you don't need id to drink." At least, it was entertaining until one of the antennas poked me in the eye. He quickly made an exit with a little help.

So New Year's Eve wasn't much different than a Saturday night. It did screw up the internal clock of a few of us by having such a busy night in the middle of the week. I know it made me get my days mixed up.

Also, how weird is it now to be looking for 1988 on id's?

This job's making me feel old in many ways.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I done did it...

I've decided to join FaceBook. Why? Obviously I just don't have enough to keep my mind busy.

If you like, you can search for me on there.

diary.of.a.doorman (at)


Mike Drmn

See ya in the book of face.

-Be Safe

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Oh Economy, Oh Economy....

Yes, the economy is crap right now. It's even getting to the point that it's effecting some of the other bars in the area. Not to say that it isn't effecting us at all but we haven't gotten to the point of cutting back on the staff. It might come to that in a few months if everything keeps going the way it is.

Business has been getting slower. Other establishments are starting to offer more specials and they're pulling business their way. We, of course, are not offering anything to get people in. For what ever reason, the powers that be don't think we should have to offer anything. The name brings people in. Not in times like these. Our numbers have been continuously dropping.

Now I'm nothing more than the guy that stands at the door and checks id's. Yet, even I know a little bit about nightlife business. A name usually places an establishment into a category. Which usually brings in a certain type of customer. Once the name gets out it will only last for so long. You get branded with a name that you can't get out of. So you have to offer new things to get new people. Or to keep the people you have and try to keep the name on the quieter side.

When you get put into a category that isn't appealing to a lot of people it starts to show. Business gets slower and less people are around. So what can you do? Offer them a reason to be there. We're not here because of the customer, we're here for the customer.

Some times I wonder why things like this don't seem like common sense to others. It seems to be working for the more corporate world.

Maybe it's just the survival instincts but I'm not really wanting to find a new place to work. I'd rather see the establishment offer up specials to keep the people coming in. I definitely don't want to find a new place to work just so I have to go through all the new beginnings and niceties.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Corpulent Demoiselle's...

"Do you know who my favorite bouncer is?" She smiled a wide grin as she stared at me.

"I have no idea, can I see your id?" I knew where she wanted this conversation to go but I didn't bite.

"You ask me for this every time I come in here." Her eyebrows came together, pushed up and her bottom lip lowered into a pout position.

"Just doing what I get paid to do." Which wasn't a complete lie but an easy way to get away from the conversation she wanted. I looked at the id for a second and gave it back to her. I recognized her from the many visits she's made to the establishment as of late. "There ya go, have a good time." and I motioned towards the door. She and her friend walked inside.

This scenario has happened a few times lately with different women. I always tend to break off the conversation in a way that I have to do my job. I do this for different reasons. Mostly because I'm sober and they're usually drunk but usually because I just don't find them attractive.

Since I'm at work I don't want to give them a foul taste in their mouth about the establishment. I can't be bluntly honest. It might deter them and their friends from coming back. With the economy the way it is now, it's better for them to come back even if it is to try again. When they do, I'll think of some other way to dodge that bullet.

Not to say that I'll act this way towards every woman that walks in the door. After all, I am a male. Even I can succumb to a pretty face at times. I'm just not very attracted to a woman that could take me in an arm wrestling match or a pie eating contest.

I'm more a fan of the smaller variety.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Rock Star Lines V...

"Is Chris in there?"

"Excuse me?"

"Chris. You know Chris. He in there?"

"I have no idea. The line is over there. Please wait in it."

"Oh no. You know Chris. He wears a plaid hat. Is he in there?" She was all of 100lbs soaking wet. "I'm here to save him from getting his ass kicked."

"Then no, he's not in here." I have no idea who Chris is.

"Listen, if your lying to me then that's just rude. All I want to do is go in and get him and pull him out of here."

"That's nice. All I want is for you to go wait in the line right over there." I point to the end of the line that is about half a block away.

"Really? Your going to make me wait in this line? I'm not attractive?"

"I'll answer yes, you decide which question I'm answering." At this point I figured the whole Chris story was bullshit anyways. Seeing as how it went from concern for her friend to whether or not she's attractive.

"So I can go in?"

"You didn't ask if you could. Go wait in line."

Often times people make up such random stories to see if they can skip lines. It's never really made much sense to me. Often times it's so easy to trip people up in their own stories. Names change in mid story or they just change it entirely because they see it's not working. Granted, if the story is entertaining enough it works sometimes. Especially if it brings me out of a state of boredom for a minute.

"Really? I have to wait?"

"Yep. Just like all these other people."

She sighed, rolled her eyes, turned and walked away. She walked towards the end of the line and kept going around the block.

Her friend Chris must have been really important to her.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Buy your guns now!...

I'm sure by now you've heard about all these gun enthusiasts running out to buy guns after Obama got elected. It's due to Obama being supportive of the 2nd Amendment but also supportive of gun bans.

There are talks that Obama might reinstate the semi-automatic assault rifle ban that was enacted in 1994 under the Clinton administration and expired in 2004. Personally, I don't really see a reason to have that type of a gun in your house. However, I do believe you should have the right to own one.

I also believe that it should be ok to carry a pistol. Maybe not everyone should be able to but at least the people that are willing to go through the background checks and certain training. There are certain areas in the nation that open carry is legal. From what I've seen crime rates have dropped in those areas. Who's going to try and jump you if they think you might have a gun too? Now their mortality is on the line as well as yours.

For people that have the "no guns in a household with children", I have this to say. Take the initiative to teach your kids gun safety. Or keep the guns somewhere where your kids can't get to them. This is what they make gun safes for. Guns don't need to be left out and loaded. Use your head. If your not smart enough to keep your kids safe from the items that keep you safe then a phrase comes to mind.

"Thinning of the herd."

Friday, November 14, 2008

Written on a wall...

The other day I saw this written on a wall.

"Obama wins!! Racism is over! Down with the white supremacists!"

I couldn't help but think how out of touch this person really is. I have no idea how long this had been up on the wall. It could have been written on the very night of the elections as far as I know. Maybe they were just all jacked up on the high.

Just because a man is elected President and that particular man has certain qualities in his heredity doesn't mean that will change the way thousands of yokels think. Yea, it would be great if this accomplishment changed the minds of every single racist idiot. Realistically thinking, it might change the thoughts of a few hundred. If we're lucky.

If you truly want to see if racism is gone or not then talk to people. Offer them an intelligent argument or even make certain jokes. I warn you though, depending on the person this might lead you to getting your ass kicked.

In my line of work you run into it a lot. If a club has a dress code policy then that club is racist. It has nothing to do with the club trying to keep a specific style. It's a direct racist attack against the person that is wearing the wrong kind of clothing. At least that's what that person thinks.

Let's say you work at a club. Your duty is to use a hand held metal detector on every person that walks in. You skip a couple people because they're your friends or they walked outside to smoke. The next person that walks up is a black person with baggy clothes on. You ask them to stop so you can swipe them with the metal detector. They start the argument that you didn't swipe the last two people. Obviously your only swiping this person because they're black, your racist and you think they're carrying.

Now every person has different experiences in life. I've known a very limited few white people that were racist. I keep myself away from them. If I need to talk to them about something I will but I don't have a need to keep company with people like that. I've also known a lot of black people that are much more racist. Typically I've met them through work either from working together or from them being assholes at the door. I'm a big white guy that works the door and if I don't let you in for what ever reason I'm racist. I've heard it from blacks, asians, middle easterners and even white guys who think they're black.

It would be great if everyone could remove racism from their lives. I don't think it will ever happen. As long as someone looks at another person and thinks they might be bad in some way, racism will never die.

It's ingrained in us all from the very roots of our lineage. It can get better. People can forget about the color in people but they can't forget about the feelings they have towards certain character types.

They might forget that Chris is a black man but they won't see past what Chris wears.His baggy pants, unlaced shoes, hoody, vest and hidden face. They'll see how dirty his clothes are and how he walks in the dark lit streets. They'll stop to wonder if he's going to try and sneak up on them without realizing that he's just walking home from work. They'll never even notice if he's black. They see the character not the color.

And if you really want to know if racism is dead. Ask any non-white gentleman over the age of 60. They'll tell you tales that you can't believe.