Monday, May 07, 2007

Hook ups...

When you work in the bar industry there's always certain people you take care of. Certain bars hook up certain bars and it works the same with venues and resteraunts. Everyone scratches everyones backs and that's how you get hook ups at other places. I've addressed this before but you can read the other post just to get caught up.

Here's the other post: CLICK HERE

It's basically an unspoken type of thing. You offer up something and you hope that when you visit that person they'll offer something up to you. That's how it works. You don't barter for certain things that just makes you seem needy.

So when I see Stewie over in the corner talking to Laura about a show coming up I opened up my ear.

Stewie - "Yea, you should really come to the show. If you stop by I'll be working the door and I'll let ya in."

Laura - "Really? That'd be pretty cool of ya."

Stewie - "Yea, I know. Then when I'm hungry I'll come over and you just give me what I want for free."

At that point Laura's face kind of went south. Not only did Stewie offer to let her in for free he pretty much demanded something in return. You don't offer things up and then ask for something. That's like giving someone a pencil that you could get from anyone and then asking for $5 for the pencil. Why pay for something that is being given to you?

Stewie should have just offered it up as a nice guy and then waited to see if Laura hooked him up the next time he went there for food. If she does then cool. If she doesn't then she doesn't get the hook up again.

Stewie's kind of new though, he'll learn in time.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Toilet Phone...

"Really? I'm sure as hell not putting my hand in that toilet..."

"But you gotta... it's the only thing I've ever had in my life that I've bought myself."

I'm sure that's how the converstation went with the young girl and her friend. It doesn't really matter how it went really, she got her phone. I've known a couple people who've had to get new phones because they've dropped theirs in a toilet. It's funny and usually a good story to bring up from time to time. Although, I'm not sure I'd reach into a freshly used toilet to get it back. I mean really, it's a Razr phone.. they make them constantly and they're pretty cheap these days. Just quit coming to the bar for a couple days and you got enough money for a new phone.

"Just leave it turned off and put the battery back in after you get up tomorrow. It should be fine."

"But it's not working!!" The tears were running down this girls face as she stood outside of the bar with her friend.

"Dummy... What'd I just say? Don't turn it on."

The girl sat on the sidewalk and cried. You'd think she just lost her wedding ring at her boyfriends house or something. "This is the only thing I've ever bought by myself and no one else bought for me. Hows my mom gonna call me tomorrow?"

I really couldn't believe what I was hearing. A phone is that important? I could see if it was one of those Blackberry phones with the GPS built in and it was the only one of it's kind but this was a cheaply made Razr that was going to probably break on her in a few days anyways.

"I'll die without it!!!"

Hmm.. well.. maybe you should go back in the bar and have another drink.

Friday, April 27, 2007


The weather's been pretty crappy these past few days but the rain has finally let up a little, just in time for the weekend. All week it's been sprinting season. You walk a little then it starts to down pour and you sprint to a canopy. The rain lets up and you start to walk again, then you sprint to the next doorway or canopy.

Perfect season for sinus problems and wet drunks.

"So hey man, you know where I might be able to get some of that?"

"Some of what?"

"You know man, ya yo..."

"Oh yea.. here.. jump outside with me." We walk out the door to the front of the bar.

"Sweet man, how much?"

"It's completely free to leave the bar. Have a good night."

"What? I thought.."

"Man, you don't ask the doorman for ya yo. What are you stupid? Get out of here."

Nothing like having sinus issues help you get rid of idiots. Seriously though, why would you ever ask a doorman if he has any coke? I can understand that there are some people that would but I don't understand asking it. Maybe I take the job more seriously than others.

With the rain comes a lot of slippery surfaces too. Your average sober person could look like a drunk when they're slipping and sliding all over the place. So then you have to rely on their speech patterns and how they act otherwise. It's usually more fun to watch them slide all over the place.

Puddles become lakes and the gutters become rivers. If your really lucky you get to see someone stumble and take a dive into a lake. Then there's more than enough reason to not let them in. They're soak from head to toe, they more than likely stink like sewer water or they're all pissed off. It gave me a chuckle for a minute though and usually they understand unless they're wasted. Then it's just an arguement that they won't win.

"Man, this id bullshit! Why can't I go in?"

"You just fell in a huge puddle and your soaking wet. I don't need you going in and bumping into a ton of people while your dripping with sewer water."

"Man, I'm all wet man. Let me go in, it's cold out here."

"Sorry man, maybe you should go home and change or dry off."

"That's it man, I'm never comin here again!!"

"Ok, see ya tomorrow night Cale."

"Yea, if your lucky."

Sometimes, luck has nothing to do with it.

Monday, April 23, 2007


Just to go off topic a little bit here. I'm a driver, I have a car and I drive around a lot. I know a lot of people look at me crazy with all the other transportation options but I like to drive. I always have, I always will. I just wish half the people out here that do drive had common sense. There should be some kind of testing for that.

Like when you park your car on the street, leave a couple feet on both ends of your car if you can. Don't just park in the middle of 2 parking spots. You fuck it up for everyone else. Thanks man, now I get to walk 2 or 3 blocks because you don't know how to park.

Horns are great, really they are. When I hear one go off now I completely ignore it. Yea, I know your probably in a big hurry to reach that red light up ahead. Your probably in a bigger hurry to whip out and go around me and almost hit that old lady that's in the middle of the street. Ever wonder why people slow down and stop in the middle of the road? We do it just so your invaluable ass can whip out around us and hit something or someone. Really, the world is out to get you.

It's also very brilliant of you to have half your body out the window screaming at someone behind you while your driving down the road. It's not like there's anyone else on the road except for you.

The funny part is, now that you've laid on your horn, almost fell out of your window, and came really close to hitting that dump truck in front of you, you don't have much to say. When your cars sitting you don't say anything at all. You stay in your car and you don't say a word. Makes me wonder what might just happen if I did get out of my car and walk up to yours. Would you still be the big macho man for your girl or would you just sit there and cower?

I've never understood road rage. Most things I let slip by because it's not worth my time to really care if someone else gets hurt. Seriously, if your driving gets you killed then so be it. If your driving kills one of mine... Then you better hope it kills you too.

I might be on the right side of things but that doesn't mean that doing some bad isn't right as well.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

The Stench is High..

Works been very abundant lately. Staff has been coming and going and it's beginning to wear thin. Is it really that hard to find good help these days? This is one of the easiest jobs around for anyone that has a backbone but it's hard as hell to find some people that can handle it.

Have the times really changed that much? I know there's a lot of boys out there that are wearing make-up these days and trying their best to look like women but are all the blue collar guys gone?

Yea, I went through that whole goth stage, I've hated the world, I've felt out of place, and I have done the make-up stage.... when I was in high school and a few years after. Is this emo dress up like women thing really something you want to be known for, for the rest of your life?

This group of boys is usually the group that is in the top list of people that I have troubles with. They're mentally the age of someone that's 17. They think it's great to hang on other boys, they think it's funny to bump drinks out of people's hands, and they think people won't do shit to them for it.

Surprise, people don't like you. They will start shit with you and yes, I will throw your ass onto the sidewalk in front of the bar if you give me any shit about how bad your life is. I'll make it worse for you even if only for a minute. This world isn't just yours, it's all of ours and your just a big pain in the ass for everyone right now.

There's another type of boy out there that is very close to the emo boys. These dirty ass kids (DAKS) are just that. They don't wash their clothes for a long time, they're hair is ratted and dirty, they wear bandannas around their necks, have big messenger bags with nothing in them, they literally stink, and they ride bicycles everywhere. I've had to refuse them entrance for several different reasons including; smell, no shoes, no ID, drunkenness, idiotic behaviour, carrying alcohol on their person, pulling out a baggy of weed in front of me, asking me if I had any cocaine or heroin.

So the biggest difference between the DAKS and the emos (besides smell and hygiene) is that the DAKS are actually older acting. The emos act like their young and dumb even though they know what the hell their doing. The DAKS know what they're doing and just don't care.

I've slowly started eliminating the DAKS from the bar. It's really weird and embarrassing to tell someone that they can't come into a bar because they stink. But I'm glad to do it for you.

Labels and Things...

Well... it took me a couple hours but I just went through and added labels to all the posts.

So now when you read one and you want another one similar to it you can click on the label at the bottom of the posts individual page and it'll bring up all the posts that have been labeled with that same label.

Interesting, I know...

Anyways, just thought I'd put that up so people would know.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Closing Time...

Every night it comes at the same time. It's that magical time when the "ugly lights" come on. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is closing time. Every time I say that, the song "Closing Time" by Semisonic pops into my head. The lyrics are perfect for what happens when the ugly lights come on.

First off, they're called the ugly lights for a pretty good reason. Most bars have their lights on at minimal power. This makes it easier on the eyes when your wasted and it helps everyone look a little better. There's probably been times when you yourself have been in a bar and you were talking to a girl or guy that you wouldn't normally be talking to if you could see them clearly. So when the lights come on at the end of the night you can actually see the person. Anyone who's been out at the bars for a long period of time doesn't usually look all that great in the early morning hours. Basically, you want to get out of the bar before the ugly lights come on and you can see what you've been talking to or making out with.

Some nights it's real easy to get people out. They see the lights come on, I yell a few times that it's time to leave the bar and they walk out, other nights it's harder. Then there's the people that wait around for the bartender or waitress. Which is fine when the employee knows that the person is waiting. Sometimes you get the occasional stalker that thinks it's fine to wait. That's when I ask the employee. If the employee doesn't know about it then the person leaves and I make sure they don't wait outside the bar.

There are a couple of regulars who used to hang out after hours. These days, no one hangs out except those with employees. So when they don't listen and they think they can hang out all night I start calling them out by their names. Most of them don't like that because they don't want every person there to know who they are. They finish their drink and head out the door.

Then there's the ones that hang around and start talking to anyone that's within an arms length. They do this because they think someone will speak up for them so they can hang out. Listen, we're closed, we're all tired, half of us are drunk and none of us want to talk to you about some trip to Georgia.

"Jack, it's time to go man."

"Oh, it's fine. I was just telling Ramone about going to Georgia."

"Listen, we're closed and it's probly a story you should tell when we're not busy and not closed."

"Ok, ok.. I'll be right out I promise, I'm just gonna slam this drink."

"You got 2 minutes man."

Sometimes the employees start talking to them, sometimes they just ignore them and nod their heads like they're actually listening. It's fun to watch when Jack keeps talking and Ramone just keeps running up and down the bar cleaning up.

"Jack, let's go!"

"Alright man, I'll leave, I'll leave."

Then Jack has to go through and tell everyone good bye again. He stops and starts his story all over again with the next person he sees. "JACK! Let's go man! I wanna get outta here!!"

"Alright man, I'm comin, I'm comin."

Then after all this and ten minutes has gone by there's always the "I was helping you out" speech. Jack's pretty good at that.

"You know man, I was just trying to help you out. People would have stayed all night if I would have been standing up here by the door."

"Yea, you help out a lot.. next time try to help out by standing outside."

"I would have but Chucky said I could finish my drink and I didn't want him to think I was disrespecting him. You know it's all about respect. You know how it is man."

"We've already had this talk a million times Jack. I don't want to disrespect the fact that you need to leave and listen to it again."

"he he he.. yea man.. I should leave."

Jack is the special friend of a few employees. To quote Stewart, "He hooks us up, we hook him up." Funny thing is, Jack doesn't work in the industry.

So the end of the night is the best part of the night. Everyone has had a good time and if they're lucky they're leaving to go somewhere else and have an even better time.

For me it's another day down and a new one on the rise.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Pick Up Lines..

Some of the most interesting things that I get to witness at work are the pick up lines. I've witnessed some pretty strange things guys do to get ladies to go home with them. Some of them are pretty interesting to see that they actually work. The other thing is how I don't understand the type of guys these girls want to go home with.

I see these guys just about every night. They come in from riding their bicycles all day and they stink. I can smell them when they walk up and show me their IDs on a windy day. They usually have the same clothes on for at least half the week and they don't know what deodorant is. Then add on to that a night of drinking in a smoke filled bar but somehow these guys pull in girls every other night. These guys I refer to as Scabs.

One guy stands there and stares at a girl until she looks over at him. Then he points at her, snaps his fingers and points to the ground in front of him. This guy weighs about 120 pounds soaking wet and has on his hoodie and an old pair of torn up jeans. His hair is scruffy and unkept, his hoodie is the only hoodie he has, and by the end of the night there's usually about half a beer spilled on his pants. Yet, the girls either laugh at him, look away, or they come right to him. I'd have to say it works for him about 6 out of 10 times.

I've even seen guys that just won't let the turn downs break their spirit. They get turned down by one girl and they go on to the next.Usually by the end of the night they'll find a girl that they'll be sitting with most the night, buying drinks, and when the ugly lights come on, the girl runs over to the guy snapping his fingers.

I've seen many of the rocker boys with the half open button shirts walk in and walk right out within 10 minutes with a girl or two on their arms. I've seen dirty, little scabs walk out with girls. I've seen girls make out for guys and then leave with the girl.

Which is probably one of my favorites. A couple guys will hone in on a couple of girls sitting at the bar. They walk up, start a conversation and buy some drinks. Next thing you know they buy more drinks, shots, and the guys try to figure out which girl is into which guy. Then it goes a couple different ways.
  • I've seen it before when the girls get up and move to a different group of people.
  • I've seen it where the girls start ignoring the guys and put on their coats and leave.
  • I've also seen it when the girls start making out and the guys buy more shots and drinks. Then when one of the guys walks to the bathroom or somewhere, the girls just leave or they'll grab the guy that's there and leave.
  • Once it happened where the girls came over and told me that the guys were being assholes. I tell them I'd keep an eye on them and all of a sudden one of the guys would do something stupid and it'd be time for the guys to leave.
I've made bets with myself at times. I just get to sit back and watch everything unwind, constantly watching and learning the many different patterns. After enough time it almost becomes second nature to know who's doing what and with who.

Then again, none of it really matters to me but it's a great way to fill up the time.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Gonna get you.

You know, it's funny. My brother found out that I'm planning on moving out west. He was supportive once he found out that I already have a job and a place to stay lined up.

"Man, your gonna go out there and get yourself all fucked up. No matter how straight you are, someone's gonna get you."

My brother has always been proud of me for how straight I've been through life. He was even surprised when he found out that I started smoking cigarettes. Then again, he wasn't since every person in my family smokes except for my mom. Yet, what he's referring to above is the many different drugs that could possibly be thrown at me. Funny thing is, there's just as many drugs in small town USA as there are anywhere out west. (I assume.)

Why don't I use drugs? I've never seen the reason to. I like who I am. Granted, as with anyone, there are some things I'd like to change about myself but if I can't do that on my own then I guess that's just how I'm meant to be.

I wouldn't mind being a little more straight forward when approaching the opposite sex. Then again, any female that would want to be around me just for the drugs that I have in my pocket wouldn't be a woman that I would want on my arm. This tends to go for anything, not only drugs. It's also something that I tend to think alot about since it was a significant happening in my life already that revolved around money.

I also wouldn't mind dropping a few pounds. Again, if I can't do it on my own I'm not going to go on a binge to get rid of it. It's not only unhealthy it's just stupid to rely on a chemical compound with addictive design to keep your weight in check.

Now, what ever anyone does is none of my business. Honestly. I don't really care if you think you must have something in order to fit in with society. I fully understand how fear can control you and make you think that you must have this in order to survive. It happened to me before. I lost a lot of money in a bar when I thought my life had fallen completely apart. Yet, what had happened made me better in some ways and worse in others. It made me cynical and hard. It made me over think actions toward me and has possibly made certain opportunities disappear that before all that I wouldn't have thought so much about.

With most things I write about there's usually a reason behind it. Usually it's because I'm upset, aggravated or confused about something. This time it might just be all three.

When what someone else does interferes with me that's when I get upset. That's not really the case here.

When someone tells me one thing and then never acts on it or they don't do what they're saying that's when I get a little confused. That's not really the case here.

When someone tells me that they're trying to get someone to do things that they don't want to or the plan they have to get that person to start doing something that's when the three come together.

I'm upset because you really think I want to know this. I'm confused because you really think I care what your doing. I'm aggravated because it's someone I know and I'd much rather pull your head off of your neck then let it happen. The aggravation sets in when I realize that I'd go to prison for doing that rather than be commemorated for the action.

Listen.... I get it.... You deal drugs. The only way to keep up your lifestyle, keep your bills paid and stay out of mommy and daddy's hair is to get people hooked on these pointless endevours and keep the money coming in.

Is there some reason that you need to point it out? I brush it off because your "friends" with people I know. I use the term "friend" very loosely because I really don't know how much these people consider you a friend. Myself... I'm beginning to find you annoying. Your like that relative that you see once a year because any more than that you just want to strangle them.

The funny part of this all.... When my brother told me that someone would get me it sounded exactly like what this person said about someone else. Except this person said to me, "Just give me a few weeks, I'll have him asking me to stick around all the time."

As far as I'm concerned you can take your shit and shove it back up your ass. I'm tired of it and done.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Bartender in Chicago gets beaten by an off duty cop??

Ok, this might be a long one.

I will openly say at this time that I'm totally against women opening a bar and working alone. If there's someone there with them that could handle a problem that might happen then by all means go for it. I'm not saying that it's the woman's responsibility to make sure that person is there. If anything, it's the management's.

The biggest excuse that I hear a lot is, "Well, how likely is it that something's gonna happen?" It's about as likely as I'll get shot or knifed in the gut for refusing someone entrance. All it takes is that one time.

Now. Just so I don't look like a sexist pig, let me clarify a few things.

As everyone knows through common sense there are many different types of people. There are those that can handle themselves and those that can not. Out of ten women that I know, maybe two of them could stand up and fight off a 6' tall 250lb man. The other eight wouldn't be able to even put up a fight.

This is not a topic about men being better or women being weak. It's a topic of common sense. I've had this conversation before because certain women want an early shift at a bar because that way they can get off early and still enjoy their night. My argument is that at most bars there isn't a doorman during the early shift hours. So I would prefer a guy working those hours because a guy can usually handle those circumstances better. Plus, let's be honest, a guy getting beat up is totally different than a woman getting beat up.

So here's where the whole topic stems from. In Chicago, a young woman bartender was beaten down by an off duty alcoholic police officer. I'll guarantee the only reason that it's getting a lot of press is because it was a police officer that was involved. I've known a few other people that have been beaten much worse just for their wallet as they walk home and it never hit the news.

Now I don't know what hours the bartender was working but by the video below I would guess that she was working the early shift. What's worse is to watch as the guy in the lower left of the video runs away.

How do you run away when you see a woman getting hit repeatedly by someone?

From an article that I read, the officer had just finished an in-patient substance abuse program on March 5th. Seems like that helped out a lot.

If you want the whole story you can try these links. I'm not sure which one will work for you as most newspapers won't let you see content unless you sign up for them. So here's a few different links you can try.

Chicago Tribune

ABC 7 - Chicago

CBS 2 - Chicago

The officer has been stripped of his police powers and has a huge bail amount set. The department is even looking into firing him now that he did something that got caught on camera.

I'll try to keep current on this issue since I know I haven't been around much.

Monday, December 18, 2006


Some people annoy me. In fact, most people annoy me in some form or another. At this point of the job it's the little things that get to me.

It could be the old guy that just walks in thinking he doesn't need to show an ID. It could be the sweet little innocent girl that doesn't understand why she can't give her ID to the other girl that's standing outside. It could be the regular that doesn't understand why I don't trust him that the other five people that are with him need to be carded.

Some people just don't understand that, in order to be in the bar you must have an ID on you. I really don't care that you come in four days of the week. If you forgot your wallet and you don't have your ID, you can't come in. I didn't make the rules, I just have to enforce them.

And no, you can't bring in the beer you bought down the street. No, you can't leave it with me. I mean, you could but you won't see it again. How can you gaurantee that you won't drink it once you get drunk? I'm not babysitting you or your beer.

Most states have vertical IDs for the underaged drivers these days. Is it really that bad if I ask for a second form of ID if you have a vertical ID? In my mind, your sister just got her new driver's license and gave you her old one. So if you don't have another thing in that 5 gallon purse with your name on it, don't feel bad that I refuse it or even take it away. I've done the same thing to a lot of others.

Do you really see the need in telling me how "fucked up" you are when you walk up to the bar? Other than giving me the best reason in the world to refuse you from entering, what does it accomplish?

When I won't let your drunk and stumbling girlfriend in, why argue? Do you really think I'll change my mind if you tell me that you'll watch her? Or if you tell me that she won't drink anything other than water. It doesn't matter to me. I can't babysit her or you once your inside. She's drunk, can barely stand and if you really cared about her, you'd take her home, hold her hair as she pukes and put her to bed.

When I take your fake or false ID away I'm not giving it back. I've had some interesting offers in the past but nothing has been good enough, as of yet, to give it back. Of course, everyone has a price and if you say the right amount just about anything could happen.

Unless I know you, I really don't care what you've been doing or where you've been all night. If a doorman is going into that much detail with you then he probably thinks your too drunk to come in.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Readers & Subscriptions

I've noticed that a lot of people come back and check the site on a regular basis. I don't update as often as I'd like since I've taken on a couple other projects lately. So I decided to move the Subscription box up higher on the food chain.

On the right side of the page you'll see a box where you can put your email address in to subscribe to this blog. Not to worry, no one else is going to get it and the only mail you'll recieve from me is what you see on here. Basically, it sends you an email saying the site has been updated and you'll get the blog post in the email. Then if you want to respond to the post or leave a comment you just come back to the site. It's like getting a personal chunk of me right in your mail box. Wow, that sounds a little weird... So if you want to subscribe just drop in your email address and as soon as I update you'll be one of the first to know.

I'm working on a back up of stories now and soon enough we'll be back to the stories that most of you started reading this for. Until then, the agitated side of me has been getting a little more sensitive with this whole happy, happy, joy, joy holiday season. It's the one time of year that I really don't shine in.

I've never been a happy type of person. I'm more of the straight, blank faced, non-emotional type, it's all just easier that way. I know how to show emotion, I just prefer to do it at certain times and places with whoever deserves them.

Plus, this time of year is completely controlled by the all mighty dollar. But I'm not going to get into that subject because it's a waste of time and I'm sure a million other people are talking about that right now.

New Year's Eve is quickly approaching and it's bound to be a big night all over. Should be interesting to see how it works out.

Works been pretty slow and Paulie is starting to fit in good. There's been a few problems and a couple meetings. Standards have changed and people are starting to notice. We've had a couple talks and it'll be interesting to see where things are going.

Monday, December 11, 2006


Ahhh... The holidays are here..

Have you ever wondered why people say holidays instead of Christmas? There's just too many different types of Christmas' for there to be just one. I won't try to list them because I'll just annoy someone for not listing theirs.

Works been getting a little busier due to the cold and snow. People are becoming more stupid as the weather gets worse, which never fails.

A few things might be changing soon. I've been thinking of moving out west for a while now and a friend of mine lives out that way. He's doing fairly well and I'm thinking about making the move out that way too.

After you do something for so long you just like to have a change sometimes. I can't sit here and babysit drunks forever. Especially without insurance or some kind of retirement plan. So the planning process is in order and I'm going to have to bring it up to Paulie and see what's what. This way there's plenty of time to train people and get the house in order before I leave. Everything should work out just fine.

Other than that, there hasn't been much excitement around here. A few old friends have came into town for the Holidays. We've hung out and had a few drinks. Nothing worth really writing about though.

Drama free holiday... Just like I like them.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Keep on knocking but you can't come in... II

Almost every night there's a guy in the bar that upsets a woman in some way. Every woman handles it a different way. Either they brush the guy off politely or they ignore him or they come straight to me and tell me about how the guy is wasted, grabbing them, or just won't take the hint and leave them alone.

Most cases I'll keep an eye on the guy and see if the woman can get him to go away. It all depends on the guy and if he's jumping from one woman to the next. Many a night I've been a fake boyfriend for more than one woman in the bar. This usually gets the guy to leave her alone when she tells him that her boyfriend is the doorman. It doesn't all the time but about 70% of the time it works.

Most nights I can be found standing inside the bar, just next to the doorway. From this spot I can see a lot of the bar and it makes for some good people watching at times.

So on this night, one of the regulars came up to me, wrapped her arm around me and leaned into my ear. "This little Mexican guy won't leave me alone..."

"This guy behind you?"

She turned and looked, "Yea, guy won't leave me alone and so I told him your my guy."

"I'll keep an eye on him."

She gave me a little kiss and walked off. The guy stood there for a second and looked at me and then walked over to the bar. After about twenty minutes I see him still there and now talking to a blonde girl at the bar. She seemed to be there hanging out with a couple guys. The little guy taps her on the shoulder and starts talking to her. She didn't seem interested and turns her back to him and starts talking to the guys she's with. Well, I guess he took that as an insult.

He tapped her on the shoulder again and started arguing with her. Then one of the two guys got up from his stool and stepped between them. So I stepped over and got in between the two guys. I grabbed the little guys wrist and told him it was time to go.

"Why? I din't do nothing.."

"It's time man, your annoying the ladies and grabbing people. Let's go."

"No, I'm finishin my beer..."

So I grab his beer and toss it into the garbage, "Your beers done, let's go."

He stood there and stared up at me, "Bullshit.. you owe me a beer.."

"I don't owe you anything... you gotta go."

After this the guy with the lady thought he'd add his two cents and look tough for his girl. "Yea man, it's best you leave... I woulda fucked you up!"

I turned to look at him, "Sit down an shut up or you'll be the next one out."

The little guy tried to push through me and I hooked him around the chest and started walking him out the door. I got him out and told him to take off. He stood there and kept staring at me through the door. He tried to come in again and I stopped him again and explained that he needed to move on to another bar. Again, he stood there and kept staring in at me through the door. This time he started puffing up his chest and fired off a punch into the door.

The door shattered into a giant spider web.

I flung the door open and he took off running. Now, when this type of thing happens I don't really think about what might happen. All I was thinking was, 'this fucker just broke my front door and he's going to pay for it!' By pay, I didn't mean kicking his ass, I meant pay the whatever hundred of dollars it would be for a new door.

So I yelled into the bar for Ramone to grab Paulie to watch the door and I took off after him down the street.

Now, I'm no where near being a fast guy. I'm way too big to be fast and light on my feet. I was about half a block behind this guy and all of a sudden Paulie goes flying past me. I see them go around a corner and down a side street. So when I get down there I turn the corner as well and make it to where the street ends. From there they could have went anywhere.

So I looked around for a little bit and checked both ways down the street. When I didn't hear anything and couldn't find any traces I headed back to the bar. I made it a couple blocks and a police cruiser pulled up to the bar so I hurried back. As I got up there a the officers got out of their car and asked if that was the guy that had punched my door.

I stood there, catching my breath, and looked into the back of the car. I smiled and waved at the man sitting there. "Yep, that's the prick."

As the cops were pulling out the paperwork to fill out, Paulie came walking up. He's in far better shape than I am but he was gasping for air just as much, if not more.

So I signed off on the arrest and Paulie pulled out our licenses for the bar and the night was calming down.

Then Stewart steps out of the bar... "Yea, sorry for the news guys, but while you were out, someone shattered the toilet tank..."

Paulie asked if Stewart knew who it was and Stewart said no, but it looked like someone dropped something in there and tried to get it out... with his foot.

Something just didn't smell right about that, since it was the tank that was broken, not the stool.

Saturday, September 30, 2006


I have a lot of stress lately. Family issues, personal issues and then pile on the idiots at the bar, both certain employees and the people that come in.

I'm a fairly simple person. I don't let things bother me because it's a waste of time. Sometimes it all piles on and there's not much I can do.

The bar has a jukebox. It's got all kinds of different music in it. If you stand there and hit the side of it hard then the cd will skip. If you do that a couple times you get tossed out of the bar.

So this guy was standing there and hitting the jukebox. I saw Chucky start heading over there so I had Ron, one of the cooks, stand by the door and I headed over to the jukebox. I got over there and Chucky was talking to the guy. He saw me come over and pointed at the guy and walked off. I grabbed the beer out of his hand and put my hand on his back. "I need you to head out the door now."

He started walking and never said a word to me. It was a quick and easy extraction. Then his friends came up to the door. Two of them walked out and didn't say a word. The third one stood there with a full rocks glass and decided to talk about how his friend shouldn't have been thrown out.

"You know what? It's total bullshit that you threw my friend out of here. He wasn't doing shit you know."

I just stood there. I didn't respond to him at all. I stared over his shoulder and didn't say a word.

"So what? Now your gonna act stupid or something? Not gonna talk to me? You fuckin moron."

I reached up and grabbed the rocks glass. "Now it's time for you to go."

"What!? I didn't do shit! I'll leave once I'm done with my drink ya asshole!"

"Your done now." I held on to the rocks glass and turned it to it's side and dumped the entire drink onto the guys shoes. Before he could even say, "What the fu--!" I grabbed his shirt by the front collar and started pushing him out the door with one hand.

Once I got him out he let off with the typical banters of how he shouldn't have been thrown out and that he'll never come to this bar again. He stood there with his friends and continued to talk and I walked back into the bar.

As I was standing inside the bar the door opened again. This same scrawny little man was standing there yelling into the doorway. He rattled off a few normal insults and I stood there looking at him waiting for him to leave. Then he rattled off some insults towards my family. Still standing there with the door open.

Then I moved. I didn't even realize that I had moved. I took two steps towards the door and pushed it open with my right arm as my left arm came up and I grabbed him by the throat. Then I turned and slammed him against the wall and stared into his face. "You need to get the fuck out of here. Now." The guy reached up and grabbed my throat and I grabbed his thumb and pulled it back towards his forearm. Next thing I knew I turned and had thrown him to the ground.

His friends stepped towards me and I pushed my sleeves up to my elbows just standing there, staring at them.

Chucky came running out and stood next to me. "Hey man, let's go back inside. These guys aren't worth shit to us, let them go."

The guy on the sidewalk started getting up. His friends started walking off and trying to get him to do the same. I walked back inside and Chucky followed me in a couple minutes.

"Man, what was that all about?" Chucky asked me after everything calmed down.

"I don't know.. One minute he was working his mouth, the next I had him against the wall by his throat."

"Well... how bout you try going to a gym or something... or get rid of the stress you got built up."

"Sounds great Chucky, you gonna pay for it?"

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


We normally have meetings. Usually it's about once a month and a whole lot of nothing is ever resolved about any issues we have. People bitch and moan all month long and when they finally have the possibility to say something, they don't say a word. Our meetings are more like funerals.

This one was kind of fun. It was a meeting just to introduce the new manager and the owner was actually there. Some people recognized him from coming in the past couple weeks, others didn't.

So Paulie said his hellos and put his thoughts out on the table. He wants to change a few things and I think that scares some people. Which is always a good thing.

So the next few days he will be sitting in on some shifts and getting the feel for things. Should be pretty interesting to see how people act now that they know he's the incoming manager. Of course, it's the same old shit for me. I have nothing to worry about since I never worry about much.

The pool is still in effect and Stewart is still on the top of the list.

Then over at the club everything is still the same as ever. Nothings really changed there, the politics are still eating away at me though. Sometimes I just can't understand playing favorites when one person is obviously better than another. Then again, I don't have the same kind of addictions as other people.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Paulie the Lurker...

Recently there's been a new Lurker in the bar, he's a little different than the others. He actually buys drinks and sits at the bar. The bad part is how much he watches the bartenders and what they do.

People who sit back and only watch the bar seem to set off my alarm. Maybe I over think but to me it's almost like the person is looking to see where money is going and how things work back there. Then again, that's why I'm here, to over think and keep it all safe.

So after a couple nights of seeing this guy come in and sit at the bar near the door I decided to talk to him. I caught him outside as he was walking up and figured I'd just get it all out of the way and satisfy my curiosity.

"Can I see your ID?"

"Yea, sure man."

I looked at his ID and held on to it. "How's your night goin tonight?"

"It's goin good man. Yours?"

"Mines fairly the same as usual. You new to the neighborhood?"

"You could say that. I used to bartend up north but now I'm doing something new soon."

"That's good. I do have a question for you though." I stood there with his ID in my hand still, "Any reason why you've been coming here for the past few days and staring down my bartenders?"

"Oh yea, you noticed that huh? Well, I have my reasons." He started to reach for his ID back and I pulled my hand away.

"Well, you might wanna tell me your reasons if you want this back or even if you want to come into the bar."

"Listen man, this really isn't necessary..."

"I'll tell you what's necessary. What's your reasons?"

"Well... your gettin a new manager right?" I just stood there looking at him and shrugged. "Well, I'm that guy. I'm the new guy and I've just been checkin the place out. Phil should have let you know that."

"He hasn't, which is normal. What's your name?"

"I'm Paulie... glad to know someone around here is paying attention."

"It's what I get paid for. So no one else knows about this?"

"Well, they're not supposed to. I'd rather keep it that way."

"No problem. Don't know who you are."

We shook hands and Paulie walked in.

I think the game just got more interesting and the odds have all changed in the pool. I think I'm going to have an unfair advantage in the pool.

It's about time I had the advantage over something.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Times, they are a changin...

So talk of a new manager is starting to become more truth than myth. Phil's moving on and heading off in a new direction and so someone has to take his place. The owner has been coming in periodically and checking up on a few things here and there. When he's here it's like a giant kiss ass party.

Yea, I said kiss ass party. When ever he shows up everyone is on their best behaviour and they do exactly what they're supposed to. It really doesn't matter to me, he walks up, I say hello, and he walks in. Then he's out of my hair. Once in a while we'll make small talk and he'll ask me how things are going inside the bar. I usually just tell him that things are good and I wouldn't know if anything was bad.

The good thing about the little talks we have is when something is bothering me. I can tell him straight out and if it's something that needs to be fixed it gets fixed. Certain things have lasted with me from past jobs such as seniority and he feels the same way.

So there's no word just yet as to what's going to happen. It could be a promotion for anyone here or it could be a completely new person all together. I guess I could ask but then I'd know something that everyone else would want to know. I don't really care to have that burden and it's more fun to see people squirm.

Between Ramone and I, we figure there's going to be a few people fired. Most new managers come in and fire a couple people just to make examples out of them.

We got a little pool going to see who's first.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006


No matter where you work there are always ex-employees. They might not work there anymore for one of a million reasons. Most of them are pretty cool and the others don't really cause any problems or the opposite any time they show up.

Some of them claim to be the reason why the clubs still open due to the many things they've done there. Which isn't too far from the fact considering everyone who works there is a reason why the club is still open. Why do I say that? I've seen what I get paid, and it is a small reason for staying there. So in my opinion we are all helping the club by staying and not making them find new help all the time.

Sometimes the alumni forget how far back they've worked there. For some, it's been at least five years. That was a totally different animal back then. Five years doesn't seem like a long time but when it comes to employee turn over and the status of the club, it is.

One particular alumni, who I'll just call Al, loves to tell the same stories over and over. All about how Al saved this place so much money and he did so many things to set the place right. He wasn't even a manager or a part of the doorstaff but he did so much.

Now, maybe he did and I'm just tired of listening to his same stories over and over. Maybe I'm tired of listening to him put the same people up on pedestals. Maybe I'm tired of him not listening to what I'm saying or interrupting me. What ever it is, he's boring. He's also a little too full of himself.

There is an employee entrance at the club and certain alumni use it to come in. Not all the alumni have this access but certain ones who left on good terms, still work occasionally, or are good friends still use it. This door is also mainly staffed by the new guys. This way they get to know the employees and alumni and all the important people they should be looking out for.

When ever there is a new guy, and he does his job right, alumni will have to walk around to the front door. Then we walk them back to the new guy and introduce them. It might take a couple trips but sooner or later the guy will remember them.

Then you have Al. Al's normally a pretty mellow guy. He talks a lot, is kind of boring, and travels for work. On a normal night he'd introduce himself to the new guy and then walk around to the front and come in. Then walk back and talk to the guy with the same stories he's told everyone a million times. Once in a while you get Drunk Al, the Hyde to his Jekyl.

One night, Al didn't want to walk around to the front door. So when the Pete stopped him Al decided to walk in anyways. Pete tried to stop him by just standing in his way. One thing most people don't think of Al is that, for being a small guy, he can hold his own and some. So Al pulled out one of his moves and tossed Pete to the ground.

I was walking through the club and saw Pete jumping up off the ground and get into a wrestling match with Al. Part of me wanted to stand back and see what would happen but I also knew not to leave anyone with Al in that situation. Even if Al is annoying and never ending.

So I got over there and reached down and grabbed Al and pulled him up off of Pete. I had Al in a full nelson and had his feet about a foot off the ground. "Al, it's ok, it's Mike.. calm down man..."

"Man, tell this douche bag I'm ok!"

"Al, I think tonight might be a good night to just go home."

"What!? If it weren't for me you wouldn't even have a job!"

"Yea, and if it weren't for me you'd be dealing with TD."

"Yea... maybe your right.."

Pete got up and stood there. I could tell he wanted to just fire off a jab into Al's face but he stood his post. I walked Al over to the front door and told him to just go home and come back another day and apologize to Pete. TD was at the door and asked what Al had to apologize for. I told him it was no big deal and Al walked off. After he was a few blocks away I explained to TD what had happened. TD shrugged it off and said he was wondering when Al was going to go off again.

Later that night we had to talk to Pete and got him up to date on Al and explain to him how Al is. Pete didn't take it to well but he did accept Al's apology the next night.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

From inside the door...

When you step inside the bar there's not much there. There isn't a pool table, there isn't a dart board and there isn't one of those annoying Golden Tee golf games.

It's just a bar.

But beyond it being just a bar and nothing much more, there's a family of people that work here. As with any family there's all kinds of bitching and moaning. Since I'm usually not in the mix of bartenders and barbacks I tend to hear a lot of the venting and complaints.

There's a small wave of change happening at the bar inside the network of tenders and backs. The bar is going through a little change and the clientele is changing as well. Specials are being brought out and the neighborhood is changing.

One of the biggest complaints that comes up is Stewart. He's a decent guy but just has bad habits and isn't one of the quickest barbacks we have. He cuts corners a lot, gives away a lot of drinks, has too many 'friends', and his habits are slowly starting to consume him.

Now whatever a persons habits are don't concern me. They do start to concern me when they start to effect me.

Each night I have a certain amount of plugs to give out. By plug I basically mean wooden nickels, these are basically free drink tickets. I give them out to certain people at the door to help them feel a little more welcomed at the bar. Or maybe they tipped me to get in and I feel like I should get them a drink. However they get them really isn't a big deal because they're there to give out.

So this only effects me because Stewart sends people up to me to get a couple plugs. Now, if its a really slow night I'll give them a couple. If it's a busy night I tell them to go to hell. Of course, these certain friends of his are only friends due to need. He needs them for his habits and they use him for free drinks. The nights when it is too busy to give them any I get the dirty looks and later Stewart apologizes for them after I tell him about it. To which I tell him that the next time they do it I'll toss them no matter if they're his friends or not.

So beyond that I get to hear the waitresses and others complain how he doesn't get their drinks or he's hanging over the bar making out with a chic, or he disappears for a half hour or more at a time. As if I can do something to change it. I usually ask them if they've said anything to Phil about it and their normal reply is, "Well, I don't want to seem like I'm being a bitch."

My only reply, "Sometimes being a bitch is how you get things done."

With the changing of the bar there's rumors of a new bar manager coming to town. Maybe once he gets here things will change. Whenever there's a change like that everyone tends to straighten up and fly right. Maybe Stewart will get his head out of his ass or maybe he'll get let go. Only time will tell.

Myself, I'm not worried. I know that a new manager isn't one of my problems. If, by chance, he does want to get rid of me then I'll just move on to another place and start a new timeline, no hair off my back. I know that I can jump into another job within days.

Let the changes begin.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

A Year Gone.....

So it's been a little over a year since I've started this blog. A year is actually a lot longer than you think.

I took a little break from blogging because plainly put... I didn't have anything to rant about.

I started writing this more as a way to combat the stress that I was feeling and was looking for an output for it. In the process I gained a little readership from all over and now I feel I've let some of you down since the blog hasn't been updated as frequently as it was before. It slowly became less and less frequent until now. My last post was over a month ago.

Well, even though a year is a long time, in some eyes a month is just as long. So I figure I'm going to go out on that limb and start updating on a more frequent basis. Maybe a weekly update with a few others here and there. I can't promise a full blown daily update just yet.

I figure that I'll start off by getting a little closer with some of the posts. Since I'm far from being a news hound I doubt I'll start giving my opinions on the subjects that are hitting the newsracks. I'm not a big sports fan either so don't expect anything from the sports section either. In fact, I don't even know what to expect from myself.

Maybe the cynical side of me will come out even more about internet advertising or how fake certain sites are on the net. Maybe I'll just go off about a smoking law or something else that has been bothering me. There's tons of things out there that bother me... anything from co-workers to idiots that sit on their horns because they're not paying attention to the road or numerous other things.

Even though this blog isn't as big as others out there I like to think I still have some people who check it for updates. In fact, there's even a subscription service on the right side of the page in case those of you that do check it would rather just get an email when ever I update. Simple and easy, just enter your email and then confirm it when you get the confirmation email.

Who knows, maybe I'll just start rambling off some wild and crazy shit.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

No really, your too good....

The local festival is all over. It was pretty quiet with a few exceptions here and there. Mostly just drunks trying to come in and then argueing with me outside that they weren't good enough to come in.

That's right...

That they weren't good enough to come in.

Sometimes it's fun to be at the front door. Someone walks up, drunk off their ass, and I refuse them entrance. They start argueing that they're not too drunk, then it changes that I don't think they're good enough to come in. I agree.

I tell them that, yes, you are too good to come into this bar. You should try another bar because you are too good to come into our tiny, ugly bar. That we don't deserve you inside.

And just like I changed from your not good enough to - your too good to come in, they get confused. Then they say that I shouldn't try to get them in the bar and they're going to take their business somewhere else.

I act a little sad but then wish them a good night.

McGee came through again, looking the worse for wear. Drunk every night and eyes glazed over. Sad part is, he shows up early and looks like crap. He did take a short break for a few days though. Then I saw him walking around one night when I was leaving my house.

He had the same clothes on as he did last time I saw him out and he was carrying the ole brown bag special. For those of you that don't know what that is, it's basically a bottle of booze bought from the liquor store wrapped in a brown paper bag. He was already stumbling a little and it was only around 1 in the afternoon.

Some people get wrapped up in the liquor and what ever else they get into. I'm glad I've seen the damage that could happen through past experiences and watching people destroy themselves. Then again, many people have and have followed that road.

There's no real way to tell why people do certain things. I guess I just like to have control of myself. It's a good thing to have and a bad thing to lose.

Sunday, June 18, 2006


With the summer coming full steam there are always festivals all over the city. Each festival is completely different whether it's for a country's liberation, a religious factor, or just about any other reason you could think of (food, beer, etc.).

So with the local festivals going on we always get people in that we never see before and will probably never see again. Usually it's a quiet crowd but once in a while there are a few loud mouths, nothing too major.

The biggest pain is just the car horns blaring and idiots running in the streets. Which makes for doing anything other than sitting at home a pain as well. Traffics backed up, horns blaring everywhere, and people jamming up the streets and walking whenever and where ever they want to.

I was on my way to work and a group of people walked across the street in front of traffic causing traffic to stop and allow them to get by.

Then a simple thought ran through my head. If I was a sick and twisted person I'd probably just run them over. There's no crosswalk, no cops directing traffic and according to law they were in the wrong, even if they got hit by a car. As long as you don't run your not at fault.

Of course, thoughts run through everyones head like that from time to time. It's just a good thing it rarely happens.

The big weekend is coming up in just a couple weeks. Fireworks, gunshots, drunks, and a slew of other things that may or may not turn into problems.

Last year was fairly quiet but if these little festivals are a sign I think it might be a little louder this year. Time will tell.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Keep on knocking but you can't come in...

One night a regular came walking up with three friends while I had a line in front of the bar. When I looked over at her she raised up four fingers to let me know there were four of them total. She walked up and I told her it'd be five or ten minutes but she'd get in faster than if she waited. Then her three friends walked up.

"Is this guy with you? Cause that's a problem."

"Oh yea, he's with me... I work with him and..."

"He's an asshole, he's not coming in."

The tall man that was with the girl walked up. "Is Stewart here? I'm friends with Stewart."

"He's not working tonight and it doesn't matter. Your a pain in my ass, your not coming in."

As the tall man reaches for the door handle, "Stewart said I could walk in any time I wanted."

Now Stewart is a fairly nice guy. He's one of the bartenders and the complete opposite of me. I've helped him out with this tall guy before and then later explained to him how much of an ass he is. To which Stewarts only reply was, "Hey man, if he's annoying you then fuck him, he can wait or he doesn't have to come in."

I grab the tall man by his wrist, "That's nice, as soon as Stewart is my boss and tells me what to do I'll listen. Until then, your still a pain in my ass that's growing and your not coming into this bar."

The tall man looks at the girl and with a roll of his eyes says, "I told you he's an asshole, I don't know why you wanted to come here."

"Well, maybe you should leave. I never have this kind of problem here."

The tall man stood there and glared at me. It was kind of funny. He was about two or three inches taller than me and much smaller weight wise. Then he spun around and grabbed his date and got in a cab.

The girl looked at me and started to apologize when I bluntly cut her off in mid sentence.

"Only two of you?" I asked with a grin.

She smiled back, "Yea, only two."

"Well then, come on in and enjoy yourselves."

Velvet Rope...

We've never had a velvet rope in front of the bar. We've joked about it several times but Phil used to live in an area where the velvet rope was always used at clubs and despises it. I just think it's a funny image to have it in front of the bar.

I don't really have any use of one, I know who comes and goes and who should get in before others. It seems to be a regular thing on here for me to bitch about.

If there's a long line outside most of the regulars don't mind waiting for a few minutes to get in. They know I'll get them in faster than if they were to wait in line. Some nights when we get really busy early I'll have two lines for the bar, one for the regulars and one for everyone else. Basically the same idea as a velet rope. It's rare that two lines happen but it does once in a while.

It's funny when this happens, people in line will notice how the second line is moving faster so they'll jump over to that line. They're thinking that they'll be getting in faster but it rarely works that way.

I jump from one line to the other letting people in. Obviously more from the regulars line until I can make that line disappear. Once in a while I'll run into some nobodies in the regulars line.

"Hey guys, your line's over there."

"Oh, we saw this line moving faster so we jumped over here."

"Thats nice, you need to go back to the end of that line."

"What? No way man, can't we just be next in that line? We've been waiting too."

"Nope. End of that line guys... or just go somewhere else."

"Man... bullshit...."

They usually either walk over to the other line or they decide to argue more and get refused entrance.

One of the biggest things that has made my job easier from the start was one simple rule.
Argue with me and you don't get into the bar.

The way I look at it, if your willing to argue with me than your willing to stiff the bar on drinks, grab the waitresses, or just be a big asshole inside the bar. All things we don't want but they do make for an interesting night sometimes.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Kharma's a bitch...

Sometimes things happen for a reason. Some people believe in Kharma and that's pretty much the way I see it as well even though I'm not much of a religious person. I guess I just haven't found one I fully agree with.

Working in this neighborhood you tend to get to know a lot of the people that work in the neighborhood. It's usually a good idea since people help people. Sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it's a bad thing.

Mcgee stopped in early one night. He's a doorguy at one of the local bars but usually doesn't show up until late but just early enough to get a drink in and leave. He's shifty and I usually keep an eye on him coming and going. He's been told not to come to the bar before and we've asked him to leave a few times before due to his drunkeness and his mouth.

He came walking up, shook my hand and looked at me with his glazed over eyes. "I got fired tonight.... you hiring? I really need a job.... I can do this shit... easy..."

"What happened man?"

"Eh.... you know.... they said I was drunk.... I told them I wasn't drunk... I was just having a few drinks...."

"Well, we're not looking for anyone but you should try next door. I heard they were cleaning house."

"Nah.... they won hire me.... I need a beer...."

Mcgee walked in and got himself a beer. He stumbled through a couple more times running around the neighborhood stopping at places asking if they needed help.

A brilliant thing to do while he was drunk.

Now even if we were looking for help we wouldn't hire him. He's an asshole. He's one of those guys that abuses his position. He's been barred from the bar for "borrowing" bottles of liquor and for running his mouth way too much. Plus he won't get hired due to his other ways of making money.

The guy dug his own hole by his own actions. You treat people bad, you make your quiet actions known, you do the wrong things and it comes back to you. People can see you falling down and no one wants to hold you up because they don't want the hassle from someone that's never done anything for them.

I'm sure Mcgee will find something away from here. If not there might be a new bum on the town.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Walk on...

"No, it doesn't matter to me."

"So, a pair of hot heels says something and that's it? I can't do anything about it?"

"Nope, take a walk."

Reaching into his pocket he pulls out a wad of cash, he starts to flip out $20 bills. "There's nothing I can do to fix this?"

"Man, listen to me. You walk over to a table of ladies and you throw your arm around one and stick your finger in anothers face and call her a bitch. You upset all five of the ladies in less than 5 minutes. I was there watching it all. Number one, 5 ladies outweigh one guy. Number two, any one of those ladies has more pull with me than you do. This is the second time I've had to ask you to leave in a week. I already gave you a second chance now leave."

"This is bullshit you know that. I'll be back."

Five minutes later, I step outside because the douche is still standing on the sidewalk staring into the bar.

"Hey man, walk on."

"Fuck you man, I'm on the sidewalk, city property, I can stay here all night."

"We'll see..."

I stood out there for about 5 minutes when a cop car came rolling by. As I was waving them over I looked at the guy, "Hope you got clean underwear man."

The cops turned around in the street and pulled over by the bar. Before they were done turning the guy was a block away.

"Hey, how's it going Mike?"

"Not too bad guys, can I get you a bottle of water?"

Friday, May 12, 2006

In town...

It's been a while since I've posted. Nothing much is really changing or happening in the neighborhood lately. Seems like a bunch of people are moving out west and the bum population is getting bigger and older.

I've become more accustomed to the things that go on at work so there's a little less to bitch about.

Probably the biggest talk lately is about Conan O'Brien being in town. He's been sighted in the area but I haven't seen him around anywhere. One never knows if people have really been anywhere. Except one friend actually waited on him at the restaurant that she works in. Said him and his group were a blast to have in the restaurant.

The weather has been changing constantly. One day it's sunny and in the 70s and the next day it's raining and in the 40s. Every day is a different surprise or disaster depending on how you look at it. I'm thinking more of a disaster since it's bringing on the sore throat and headaches.

So I've been working a lot more now and I'm hoping to keep ideas stirring up to keep this thing going. I know there's many out there that check in on a daily basis. Let's see if I can keep this going with anything that pops into my head.

As I've heard and said many times, "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one but you don't always want to hear what they say."

Friday, April 14, 2006

Not tonight...

One of the biggest power trips a doorman has is the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason that person wants.

This is one thing that tends to make a lot of people that have this job nothing more than pricks. The power goes to a lot of their heads. It really shouldn't considering that it's more of a priviledge than a power. But it all depends on the situation and how you look at it.

So when a guy comes walking up with, what looks like a toupee saran wrapped to his head and slightly stumbling I decided not to let him in.

The typical excuses of meeting people inside and coming to the bar for years pour out of his mouth. I told him it didn't matter and that maybe he should try to call them and tell them he would be outside.

With this I got a barrage of insults telling me I didn't know who I was talking to and that I should move back to the state I'm from. Which obviously I could never have grown up here.

I asked him to leave and walked him out the door. Again, he starts off with the insults and asks why he can't come in. I told him he was stumbling too much and to try his luck at another bar.

I walked back in and he again pulls the door open yelling insults at me. He then unzips his pants and starts to reach into them, legs spread as if to urinate on the door. I step towards the door and put my weight into the door. It swings open and comes about an inch from hitting him in the nose.

"Yea! That's right.. come out here... I want you to come out here!!"

I step out to the sidewalk with my flashlight in hand. "Ok, I'm out here. Now what?"

He begins to go on about how much of an asshole I am and that his friends are inside waiting for him. As he still goes on and on I notice a squad car driving by. I raise my hand up and start to flash the squad with my light.

The squad pulls over and asks what the problem is. I explain to them that the man had punched the door and attempted to urinate on it as well. I told them that all I wanted was the man to leave the area.

"All I want to know is why. What's the reason I can't go in the bar!?"

At this point I walked back in the bar as I heard the officer tell the man. "Hey buddy, he's got the right to refuse you service for any reason he wants. Try taking it down the street and don't bother him anymore."

I looked out again and the man had started walking off.

Five minutes later the man came back. This time he sat in his car in front of the bar. As people came in I could hear him yelling for me to come outside. Definitely, I'm stupid enough to walk outside where your sitting in your car. Where you could possibly pull a gun up and blast one into my chest. I'm just that stupid, you fuckin dumbass.

I look out at the man and pull out my cell phone. I make sure he sees me on my phone and I make movements like I'm describing him and his car. He then watches me, flips me the finger and takes off.

Hoping this got him to finally leave I go back to a normal night. If only....

A couple hours later, Phil's up by the door with me. The nights going pretty smooth and then Phil notices something. "Is that the douche bag that tried coming in earlier?"

I turned and looked out the door. Across the street, sitting in his car and staring at the bar is the douche bag.

"Stay inside, I'll see if I can grab some cops." Phil walks out and goes around the corner.

I stay inside the doorway and keep an eye on the car. I already had his plate numbers and his description, along with some witnesses.

As I was looking over the man flipped me the finger again. A semi pulled up to the light, blocking my view of the car. As the semi pulled away the man was being pulled out of the car by a couple of the boys in blue.

They pulled him out of the car, searched him and one officer moved his car and the other put him into the back of the car.

I stepped out in front of the bar as they were turning the car around to head out. The man glared at me from the back of the car. I couldn't resist to just wave to him as he was being carted away.

How stupid do you have to be to get that upset about not being able to get into a bar? There's only about 50 or 60 other bars you could go to and he could have gotten into about half of them.

Maybe the saran wrap was on his head because part of his brain fell out.

Friday, March 10, 2006


People change over the years, both physically and otherwise. So if you used to be a 100 pounds heavier wouldn't you get a new ID just to get rid of that old picture?

Whenever I get an ID that looks off or looks like it might be your older sister or brother I ask for a second form of identification. Makes sense to me. In my wallet right now I probably have 3 or 4 different forms of ID.

When I ask someone for a second form of ID and they don't have anything at all with them it's usually a fake. In these times people usually have a credit card or check book or a second ID with them.

"I live right around the block, can I go get my other ID and come back?"

"Sure, I'll just hold on to this one until you come back."

"Why? I'll be right back."

"Well, just to make sure you do."

"Ok, listen. It's my sisters ID and if she found out I took it she'll be really pissed."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess you won't need to come back for this one. Have a good night."

I've been wondering about this for a while.

How many IDs do most people carry? I normally see people carrying at least 2, especially if their ID has been doubted before.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


The weather's changing. The days seem to be getting a little longer and the people are getting stupid again.

When the weathers really nice out or really crappy, you can count on the people being stupid. I don't know why people get that way but they do.

Maybe when it's really crappy out they want to get really drunk to forget their blues. When it's really nice out they want to celebrate. No one really knows except for them. I could sit here and speculate on it all for hours but that'd probly annoy you and it'd waste a lot of time.

This time of year is usually the Changing of the Bums too.

Changing of the Bums is pretty simple. The bums that were around last summer and this past winter that got on everyones nerves head off for a new area. Like clockwork, new ones take their place. It's almost like a giant system of placement. Maybe they have a union or a newsletter that no one knows about. Kinda like the markings hobos used to use to tell if a town was friendly.

Hobos and bums are basically the same. Ones in the city and ones on the road. So I'm sure they have some kind of thing going on.

"Yea man, if you act all crazy up there by Joshua's Dog stand you'll get more cash than if you sing. But if you go downtown an bring along a dog you'll get even more. dem people down there fall for the lost puppy bit..."

I actually grew up in an area where the hobos left signs up on the railroad tracks. I don't think there were ever any around when I was a kid though.

So with new bums comes the ever lasting circle of telling them to take off. Some run off quick, some walk to the edge of the property, some try to talk to you as to why they're there to begin with, and some just act like they're deaf.

The ones that act deaf are kinda funny. When they start to walk off I drop a few coins on the ground to see if they hear it. 90% of the time they do and turn around looking at me. They grab the coins and walk away.

Most of the guys can be easily swayed to stay away. I'll give them a couple smokes or a buck or two and they keep their distance. I don't do that with all of them but there is one or two that I'll help out occasionally. Those are the guys that are in the neighborhood all the time. It's always nice to have an extra set of eyes and ears in the neighborhood.

Some of these guys have a pretty good racket going on. They can find just about anything you might want. Of course, what ever it is it's never up to par. There's usually something wrong with it but they try and you gotta give that to them.

One of the guys even offers to watch peoples cars for a dollar. He'll watch your car and make sure no one messes with it. Most people give him the dollar just because they think he would do something to it if they don't. I think that ones pretty funny. The guys not going to do anything for the simple reason you could finger him if something did happen. That's a good racket.

So with changes come the same old problems. Just new characters.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Comfort Zone...

People tend to get a comfort zone after inhabiting certain locales. They don't understand that some things are a privilege. Cutting the line, discounted drinks here and there, and getting to hang out once in a while after closing to finish up.

Then when there's a problem I usually listen to their side of the story. If they're not the types to cause any problems their side gets more merit than the other.

Some of these people have been pushing their limits lately. One regular came up to the front door and in his hands was another guy. Jake had a hold of this guys arms and was walking him out. He shoved him through the door and told me that he can't come back in.

I stood there looking at him confused. "What's going on?"

"That guy can't come back in!"

"What the hell happened?"

"He kept buggin me an my old lady."


"And.. I told him if he kept doin it he was gonna have to leave."

"Ok, number one... Who the hell are you to throw someone out?"

"Man, I've been coming here for years so if I...."

"Wait, ok? I don't care if you've been coming here since you were born. You don't throw anyone out. Your a customer. That's all you are. If someone's giving you problems then you need to ask someone to have him removed."

"All the bartenders were busy and.."

"Don't care. You think just because you come in here a lot means you can do this shit? Your nothing more than a customer like that guy. How bout if I just start throwing out everyone that annoys me."

"You should man, it's your job to keep the idiots out."

"Ok. Got your coat? Your leaving."

"What! What the fuck did I do?"

"You just threw out a paying customer and your trying to tell me how to do my job. Your annoying me. So by your standards you should leave."

"Man, fuck this. You got some double standards you know."

"Nope, I'm just gonna get rid of the people that annoy me. I'll let the waitress know to tell your "old lady" that you won't be coming back."

"Fuck you man."

Jake stormed out and shot his little glares at me through the door while he waited for his girl outside.

I don't mind regulars coming up and letting me know about certain people. It's nice having that extra set of eyes. The ones that do know that it's an employees call over all that will get someone tossed. They know that it's not their position to try and take someone out.

Then there are the ones that think they can do what ever they want. Over the past couple weeks I've slowly cut them down. I've made them wait in line, I haven't let them hang out to finish their drinks and I've tossed them for being more idiotic than usual. I've slowly taken away that King status that they thought they had and knocked them back down to paupers.

When your at a bar that you frequent that much then you should know who you are there. If you don't work there, or your not a good friend of someone that does, then your only as important as the next person.

I hate to quote a wrestler but....

"Know your role."

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Slow Posting...

Posting has become a slow thing lately. I've been a little busy as of late due in part from schedule changes and picking up some freelance work here and there.

Anyone that is reading this and does know me, knows that I've had many different jobs. At times I can actually do some decent stuff. I repeat... at times.

People change with time. About 10 years ago I already had about 15 different jobs under my belt. Varying from management positions to heavy labor jobs and working with computers to a plain ole shovel. I tend to take things a little more seriously now and that causes the thought process to work over time.

A major occurrence in my life, pertaining to a significant other, has brought me to where I am now. Although that period is over, I'm not disappointed in the outcome. It's given me plenty of new experiences and it has helped me to find a part of me that I either lost or never had to begin with.

Hopefully, with a few things settling down I'll be able to keep the posting going with some what of a regular session. I just don't want to catch myself constantly posting the same things over and over. So I'll try to bring out a few new things here and there and some other off topic wonders that might entertain you.

Saturday, January 28, 2006


"Really, you don't need my ID. I'm 43 years old, you don't need it."

"Miss, I need everyone's ID that looks under 25."

"Oh, don't give me that crap." Her eyes roll and she tries to walk past me into the bar.

"Ok... fine. I won't give you that crap. Show me an ID or get out. Plain and simple."

"Well, is.."

"It doesn't matter who's working. Show me an ID."

"You don't have to be such an ass."

"Neither did you. ID."

"I never get carded anywhere else, and I come here all the time," she says as she starts to go through her purse.

"Really? I have no idea who you are."

The woman looked through her purse and finally found her ID. After looking at the ID I did recognize her from coming in on the weekends. ID pictures never change, women change daily.

"Here ya go."

"Gee, thanks, am I old enough?"

"Actually, your not as old as you said. You won't be 43 for about 4 more months."

With that she walked away.

Don't worry lady, I'll remember you. I'll also remember to card you every time you come to the door.

No ones ever really a pain in my ass, but I can be a pain in yours.

The part that most people don't understand about this is plain to me.

According to Sector whatever, Paragraph who knows, Article ???.....

Every person inside a bar has to have an ID. If they don't the establishment can and will be closed down and fined.

It's not normally something to worry too much about but there was a bar shut down for it about a month ago. That stuff sticks in my head.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Long overdue....

This is just a minimal update.

There's been quite a bit of personal issues going on in the past few weeks that have ranked higher on the scale of importance. Fear not, I'll be coming back to blog land very soon.

Stories of Frat Boys being idiots and stalkers getting tossed are soon to come.

Bear with me as things are changing...

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

New Year's Eve....

One word. Boring.

As much as I would love to come on here and go into detail of someone being trashed and picking a fight or someone getting thrown out, it's not going to happen.

New Year's was just as boring as any other night.

Things are a changin....

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Frat Boys & Sorority Girls....

Ah, it's that time of year again. The time when all the college kids come home and bring their friends with them. Yes, it's a great time of year for Frat Boys and Sorority Girls.

I like using the terms, boys and girls, for these kids. They seem to be right in the middle stage of life. At least, that's what I like to believe. It's when they get all excited over little things like a discounted round, a regular comes in and has his denim Misfits jacket on, or whenever a good looking female walks by.

For the past week and a half it's been a parade of college shirts, backward hats, torn up jeans and drunks. The girls are all dressed in their low cut jeans, small and tight shirts, and trying to look much older than they really are.

A week and a half of bad fake IDs, sleeping drunks, and pub crawls.

Even with all this going on, it's been a pretty uneventful week. It's actually been pretty uneventful since the last time I posted. There are really only so many ways you can describe the same events over and over.

The Christmas holiday was pretty uneventful as well. Both places I work were actually closed those nights so I didn't have to put up with the solitary and depressed people at all. It was nice having the few days off and being able to go out myself.

To everyone else that reads this though, I hope your holidays were very good and you had a great time with family and friends. For most, it's the one time of year that you set everything aside and put up with them.

New Year's Eve tonight. Let's see what kind of fun happens.....

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Rock Star Lines III...

"This has never been a problem before."

"You've never walked up with eight people before."

"Oh come on, you can do it for me."

"Listen, ever since you've became friends with a certain person here you've constantly brought more an more people. Stop it. You walk up with one or two people ok, more than that and your waiting in line like everyone else."

"Well, you know he's waiting for me in there."

"I'm sure he is, but he's not waiting for all these other people. Believe me he'll agree with me. I can do you and one but the rest of your group will wait."

At times certain people need to be reminded that they really aren't that special. The rock star line is for friends and family of employees and the bar. It's not to show off to your friends about how great you are or how special you are.

The little blonde leaned in to my ear, whispering, "Come on, don't make me look bad to my friends."

I don't bother to whisper, "Hun, if these are your friends they won't mind waiting like everyone else because they just wanna hang out with you and don't care about the status quo."

At this she rolled her eyes, spun around, and told her group, "Come on, let's go across the street until this line dies down."

Five minutes later, Marvin comes out to the door.

"Hey man, you wouldn't let Mary in?"

"Actually, I would let Mary in. I just wouldn't let her take the seven people that were with her in and she found that to be an insult."

"Whoa, she had seven people with her?"

"Yea man, I told her I'd let her and one in but the others would have to wait but she didn't think that was very nice."

"That's messed up. Oh well, she just called me saying you were being all rude to her and that you wouldn't let her in. She didn't say anything about having all those people with her. Oh well, screw her, she's not that great. Ha, ha.."

Sunday, December 11, 2005

That's him I swear...

"Listen, I understand you have my friends ID."

"Yes I do."

"Ok, I'm here to get that back. I swear that's him on that ID."

"Where's he at?"

Usually, when you get your ID taken from you at a bar from the door person you put up some kind of an argument. I mean, if you don't then you have to take time out of your day to go and get another one and pay for it. If it's really you then put up a logical argument and show other forms of ID to prove who you are. The worst thing to do is just drop your head and walk out.

"He asked me to come and get it back for him."

"Why isn't he here? Your not getting anything from me because this isn't yours at all. If he wants to come back with other forms of ID to prove who he is, then if it's solid he'll get it back."

"Listen, I'm a lawyer, I know you did this just because he's black. I know that.."

"Really, you think it's a racist thing? That's funny, I see about five or six black guys in here, oh wait, look.. there's some asians... uh, some middle easterners... I really don't think you want to go down that road. Besides, if your a lawyer you must know the repercussions for bringing an underage person into a bar."

"Ok, I just want to get my friends ID back for him. I want to talk to your manager."

"That's fine with me."

I get Phil's attention and the guy rattles off his speil to him. Phil tells him the same thing I did, "Tell your friend to come back with proof and we'll gladly give it back to him."

"Mike, why'd you take the ID?"

"To start off, the guy on the ID has had to have his nose broken a few times. That guy had a straight nose. Second, the ID says he's 6'2", that guy was about 5'6". Then when I told him it wasn't him on the ID he just turned and walked out. No argument."

"Good enough for me." Phil turned back to the older guy, "Tell your friend to come back with proof and we'll give it back. Otherwise, the state's gonna get it in a couple days."

The guy stormed off and I stepped outside to see where he was heading. Looked like the group tried to go into another bar down the street and the same guy got stopped by the door guys there.

There was a cop standing there too. Hopefully, the door guys there didn't let him in and he got caught inside. That'd be a nice big fine and closing.

Friday, December 09, 2005


"You know yer actin pretty childish. In fact, your actin a lot like an asshole."

Usually when drunks talk to me that I've already asked to leave I ignore them. I walk them out the door or carry them if needed and thats that. When Phil says someone needs to go then they go. I don't question, I just do. If your staggering around leaning on tables with your head down then it's a good sign you need to leave.

I'll be cordial with you and I'll give you time to tell your friends and grab your coat. I won't give you a lot of time but I'll give you a little. This way if you have a tab to close you can. If you need your friend to take you home then they'll know your waiting outside for them.

"You can't let me look for my wallet?"

"Your calling me childish and you don't know where your wallet is?"

A lot of times, I've noticed, no matter how nice to people I am I still end up the asshole. Why? Well, because I won't let you back into the bar to get your friend or look for coats or glasses or wallets or phones or just about anything. Honestly, I don't have to. Once your asked to leave a bar it doesn't mean you can come right back in. Come back the next day or if you have a complaint feel free to call.

"Man, talk to me like I'm your friend."

"Why? Your not."

"See, now yer just being childish agin. I jus wanna find my wallet."

"Listen, I'm letting you wait for your friend here instead of outside. Hopefully he finds it and you can leave."

"No, yer jus being an asshole."

Friend comes back - "I found it. Its cool."

"Man, whys this guy being an asshole?"

"I got your wallet, lets just go. He's just doing his job."

"Man, whas yer name? Imma journalist, man. I'll make sure you get a bad review. Ya know you are bein an asshole. You don't need to. Fuckin asshole."

"My name's Mike. Now get out of my bar."

Friend - "Man, you are starting to be an asshole. We are leaving."

"Ok, so why aren't you moving?"

It's not my problem if you forget something. You do become my problem if you keep trying to get back in. Once your out, your out. I'll let your friend look for your stuff but you don't come back in. I don't babysit people or follow you around at your leisure just so you can waste time inside.

It is amazing how quickly the white collar journalist type are so quick to write up a bad review. Well, I should say threaten to write up a bad review. The funny part is that these guys come to this type of bar to either hide out or because they've heard about the reputation it has. They're the guys that I've never seen in the bar before and are probably only there because they were in the neighborhood after some party or show. Nothing loss there. They're not returning customers anyway.

I think I might lose some sleep waiting for that review. Maybe it'll be so bad that we have to close our doors. Just think, I might get a vacation out of it.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

No more smoky treats.....

" - Chicago is now a smoke-free city. Starting in January you won't see anyone lighting up in most public places. The city council approved a smoking ban Wednesday. The ordinance is a compromise hammered out in negotiations that didn't end until early Wednesday morning."

So it finally happened. Chicago has fallen, we probably will soon too, and it's smoky drapery is going to become a little clearer. This just means that my jobs going to get a little harder. Oh well, if it happens here, it'll just be another reason for people to think of me more as an ass. I can see it now...

"Hey man, can I step out to have a smoke?"

"Sure, but you'll have to wait in line to get back in."

"What? That's bullshit!"

"Oh well, take it up with the mayor."

"Man, you wanna fight?"

So many good times ahead. It'll definitely be weird throwing people out for smoking. Good thing I'll be working so I can come and go as I please.

Hmm, maybe we'll open a patio...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Sorry for not posting as regular. Some things are changing around and this crazy weather doesn't help out much either.

Seems around here that as soon as the snow hits everything comes to a stand still. People drive like idiots, act like idiots and as soon as the sun goes down they go home. It makes for some pretty slow nights.

I do get to catch up on some reading here and there though. Once everyone starts getting used to the weather again I'm sure they'll all be back out in force.

We've also had a new bar open up in the neighborhood so some people think that's why we've slowed down. Makes sense, even though I've heard it's not the greatest. Suits and ties behind the bar and the average age inside being in the late 30's to early 40's. Nothing like it was before it re-opened.

The slow nights do make for boredom. Crossword puzzles and phone calls. It does leave me some time to get other stuff done that I'm working on, or want to be doing things with.

So hopefully, within the next few days there will be many more stories coming about all the drunk and disgruntled. After all, it is the holidays and every one gets a little evil during these times.